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GEORGE THE THIRD'S FATHER. One of Sir Boyle Roche's children asked him one day," papa, who was the father of George the Third ?""My darling," he answered, "it was Frederick, Prince of Wales, who would have been George the Third if he had lived."

AN AMBIGUITY.

CHANGE OF CONDUCT..

A nobleman of the court of France, on taking leave of Louis XIV., who was sending him to the quality of his ambassador to the court of another sovereign, “The principal instruction which i " said the king to him," st have to give you, pursue a conduct diametrically opposite to that si your predecessor."—"Sire," replied the pev ambassador,“ I will act in such a manner that y majesty will not have to give similar instructions him who will succeed me."

SELF-RESPECT.

An ambassador of Charles V. at the court of S

liman, emperor of the Turks, was called to the audience of that prince. As he perceived, on entering into the hall of audience, that there was no seat for him, and that it did not arise from forAn Irish attorney, not proverbial for his pro-getfulness, but pride, that he was left to rema bity, was robbed one night in going from Wick-standing, he took off his cloak, and seated himse low to Dublin. His father, next day, meeting upon it, with as much freedom as if this was a c Baron O'Grady, said, "My lord, have you heard tom which had been long established. He declar of my son's robbery ?"-" No," replied the baron, "whom did he rob ?"

GUARDING AGAINST A LEAP.

ed the object of his mission with a confidence a.. presence of mind which Soliman himself c not help admiring. When the audience was end the ambassador went out without taking his clo.. A prince, whose sallies never succeeded, because It was thought, at first, that this was owing to for they contained more bitterness than wit, standing getfulness, and he was therefore apprized of one day in a balcony, with a foreign minister, He answered, with equal gravity and mode whom he wished to humiliate, said to him, "It The ambassadors of the king, my master, 2 was from this balcony that one of my ancestors not in the habit of carrying their seats with the. once made an ambassador leap."-" It would CONSISTENCY. "" that appear, then," replied the minister drily, ambassadors did not in those times wear swords."

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The Marshal Villeroy was wont to say, " a man is appointed minister, were he mar straw, he would be my friend; but, if it happ that he be disgraced, I am then ready to th

nameless utensil at his head."

NEAR THIRTY.

A lady complained how rapidly time stole and said, "Alas, I am near thirty." who was present, and knew her age, sa 4. not fret at it, madam, for you will get further that frightful epoch every day."

LUNATIC ASYLUM.

A Turkish ambassador asked Lorenzo de Medicis, why there were not so many mad men to be seen at Florence as at Grand Cairo ? "Behold the place," said Lorenzo, pointing to a monastery, where we inclose them."

FRATERNAL Love.

During the period of the persecution of the Protestants in France, an English ambassador demanded of Louis XIV., the liberty of those who had been sent to the galleys for the cause of religion. The monarch replied to him, "What would the King of England say, if I demanded of him the prisoners of Newgate ?"-"Sire," answered the ambassador," the king, my master, would grant them to your majesty, if your majesty claimed them as brethren."

ANAGRAM.

GREEK ALPHABET.

A great scholar having just married a young lady, in whose virtue he had the most implicit relìance, "How does it happen," said a wag, that a man who is so well acquainted with Greek, has taken an omega for an omicron ?"

NEEDLESS PRECAUTION.

A man had been so often robbed in the streets of Paris, that be declared he dared not go out for fear of being robbed. "Why do not you carry pistols ?" said a friend; "What use would that be, they would be sure to steal them from me."

MORTAL DISEASES.

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The Paris fish women met the abbé Maury one day as he was going to the assembly. "You talk like an angel, abbé," said one of them, but, in spite of all that, you are a fool."-" As for that, ladies," One of the happiest anagrams known, is that replied the abbé, you know very well that is which forms an answer to the question which Pi-not a mortal disorder." One day the abbé met a Tate pot to Christ. "Quid est veritas ?" These man in the street, crying about the death of Maury, three words are rendered letter for letter by the the abbé gave him a tremendous box on the ear, anagram est vir qui adest. "take that," said he, "if I am dead, you will at least believe in ghosts."

PRODIGALITY.

A petty journalist was boasting in company, that he was a dispenser of fame to those on whom be wrote. "Yes, sir," replied an individual preseat," you dispense it so liberally, that you leave none for yourself."

PRUDENT RESERVE.

OCULISTS AND POLITICIANS.

The present Sir William Adams one day observing to a gentleman, that he sometimes treated on political subjects, and that it would perhaps be thought odd that an eye-doctor should be a politician," Pardon me, Sir William," said his friend, In the presence of a sarcastic woman, an indi-"I think the very reverse; for you must naturally vidual was praising the wit of a man who had a very limited intellect. "Oh, yes," said the lady, "he must possess a rich fund of it, for he never spends any."

POWER OF HABIT.

A merchant, who was ordered to sign the bapfismal register of one of his children, subscribed "Peter and Company," so great was the force of habit. He only perceived his mistake by the geteral laugh which was oxcited.

be expected to see more clearly than other men."

EARLY PROFLIGACY.

Sir Boyle Roche, the blunderer, rose one day in the Irish House of Commons, and said, with a more serious and grave air than usual," Mr. Speaker, the profligacy of the times is such, Mr. Speaker, that little children, who can neither walk nor talk, may be seen running about the streets cursing their maker."

AT ST, BENNET'S, PAUL'S WHARF, LONDON.

Here lies one More, and no More than he;
One More and no More; how can that be?
Why one More and no More may well lie here
alone,

But here lies one More, and that's More than one.

* LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLEMEN.

Who has e'er been in London, that overgrown place,

Has seen "Lodgings to Let" stare him full the face;

in

Some are good, and let dearly; while some, 'tis well known,

Are so dear and so bad, they are best let alone. Will Waddle, whose temper was studious and lonely,

Hir'd lodgings that took single gentlemen only;
But Will was so fat, he appeared like a ton,
Or like two single gentlemen roll'd into one.
He enter'd his rooms, and to bed he retreated
But, all the night long he felt fever'd and heated;
And, though heavy tó weigh as a score of fat
sheep,

He was not, by any means, heavy to sleep.

Next night 'twas the same!-and the next-and the next;

He perspir'd like an ox; he was nervous and vex'd:

"Sudorifics in bed," exclaim'd Will, “are hum- bugs!

I've enough of them there, without paying for drugs."

Will kick'd out the doctor; but, when ill indeed, F'en dismissing the doctor don't always succeed; So, calling his host, he said, “sir, do you know I'm the fat single gentleman, six months ago?" 66 Look'e, landlord, I think," argued Will with grin,

"That with honest intentions you first took me in But from the first night-and to say it I'm bold. I have been so damn'd hot, that I'm sure I caught

cold."

Quoth the landlord-“ Till now I ne'er had a dispute;

I've let lodgings ten years-I'm a baker to boot:

In airing your sheets, sir, my wife is no sloven, And your bed is immediately-over my oven.” "The oven!!!" says Will.-Says the host, "why this passion?

In that excellent bed died three people of fashion. Why so crusty, good sir?"—" Zounds?” cries Will, in a taking,

"Who wouldn't be crusty with half a year's baking!"

Will paid for his room-Cried the host with a

Week pass'd after week, till hy weekly succession,"
His weakly condition was past all expression.

In six months his acquaintance began much to
doubt him;

For his skin," like a lady's loose gown," hung about him:

sneer,

Well, I see you've been going away half a year."

"Friend, we can't well agree-yet no quarrel," Will said:

"I see one may die where another makes bread.” NEW YORK ASSEMBLY.

He sent for a doctor, and ery'd, like a niuny, The assemblies this year have gained a great ac "I have lost many pounds-make me well-cession of beauty. Several brilliant stars have arisen from the east and from the north, to bright

there's a guinea.”

The doctor look'd wise.-" A slow fever," he en the firmament of fashion; among the number 1 said;

Prescrib'd sudorifics, and going to bed;

have discovered another planet, which rivals even Venus in lustre, and I claim equal honour wit

rachell for my discovery. I shall take some The gentlemen were considerably numèrous, Tre opportunity to describe this planet, and the and being, as usual, equipt in their appropriate nerous satellites which revolve around it. black uniforms, constituted a sable regiment, if the last assembly the company began to which contributed not a little to the brilliant te some show about eight, but the most fa-gaiety of the ball-room. I must confess I am innable delayed their appearance until about debted for this remark to our friend, the cockney, -nine being the number of the muses, and Mr. 'Sbidlikensflash, or 'Sbidlikens, as he is called efore the best possible hour for beginning to for shortness. He is a fellow of infinite verbosity ibit the graces. stands in high favour-with himself-and, like oor Will Honeycomb, whose memory I hold Caleb Quotem, is up to every thing." I repecial consideration, even with his half cen- member when a comfortable plump-looking citiof experience, would have been puzzled to zen led into the room a fair damsel, who looked it out the humours of a lady by her prevailing for all the world like the personification of a ars for the "rival queens" of fashion, Mrs. rainbow, 'Sbidlikens observed, that it reminded le and Madame Bouchard, appeared to have him of a fable, which he had read somewhere, of Busted their wonderful inventions in the dif- the marriage of an honest painstaking snail-who at disposition, variation, and combination of had once walked six feet in an hour, for a wager, and shades. The philosopher who maintain-to a butterfly whom he used to gallant by the bat black was white, and that, of course, there elbow, with the aid of much puffing and exertion. no such colour as white, might have given On being called upon to tell where he had come e colour to his theory on this occasion, by the aeross this story, 'Sbidlikens absolutely refused to pce of poor forsaken white muslin. I was, ever, much pleased to see that red maintains round against all other colours, because red colour of Mr. Jefferson's Tom nose, and my slippers."

answer.

It would but be repeating an old story to say, that the ladies of New York dance well; and well may they, since they learn it scientifically. and begin their lessons before they have quitted et the grumbling smellfungi of this world, whoheir swaddling clothes. The immortal Duport afe taste among books, cobwebs, and spiders, has usurped despotic sway over all the female at the extravagance of the age; for my part, heads and heels in this city; hornbooks, primers, delighted with the magic of the scene, aud and pianos, are neglected to attend to his positions, ladies tripped through the mazes of the and poor Chilton, with his pots and kettles and sparkling, and glowing, and dazzling, I, chemical crockery, finds him a more potent enemy The honest Chinese, thanked them heartily for than the whole collective force of the North-river rets and finery with which they loaded them-Society. 'Sbidlikens insists that this dancing merely for the entertainment of bystanders, essed my stars that I was a bachelor.

mania will inevitably continue as long as a dancing-master will charge the fashionable price of five-and-twenty dollars a quarter, and all the other this instance, as well as on several other accomplishments are so vulgar as to be attainable as a little innocent pleasantry is indulged at half the money"-but I put no faith in Jefferson's expense. The allusion made 'Sbidlikens' candour in this particular. Among the red velvet small-clothes with which his infinitude of endowinents he is but a poor proresident, in defiance of good taste, used toficient in dancing; and though he often flounders kimelt on levee-days and other public oc- through a cotillion, yet he never cut a pigeon-wing t in his life.

In my mind there's no position more positive where lilies too much predominate. As Iris and unexceptionable than that most Frenchmen, well to every sweet face under heaven, I sincere dead or alive, are born dancers. I came pounce hope her roses may survive the frosts and dissip upon this discovery at the assembly, and I imme- tions of winter, and lose nothing by a compan diately noted it down in my register of indisput-with the loveliest offerings of the spring. Shie able facts-The public shall know all about it. kens, to whom I made similar remarks, assu As I never dance cotillions, holding them to be me that they were very just, and very prettily monstrous, distorters of the human frame, and tan- pressed; and that the lady in question was a tamount in their operations to being broken and digious fine piece of flesh and blood. Now co dislocated on the wheel, I generally take occa- I find it in my heart to baste these cockneys) sion, while they are going on, to make my remarks their own roast-beef-they can make no distinct on the company. In the course of these obser- between a fine woman and a fine horse. vations I was struck with the energy and eloquence I would praise the sylph-like grace with wh of sundry limbs, which seemed to be flourishing another young lady acquitted herself in the das about without appertaining to any body. After but that she excels in far more valuable ac.. much investigation and difficulty, I, at length, plishments. Who praises the rose for its beas traced them to their respective owners, whom I even though it is most beautiful ? found to be all Frenchmen to a man. Art may The company retired at the customary hou have meddled somewhat in these affairs, but nature the supper-room, where the tables were laid certainly did more. I have since been consider- with their usual splendour and profusion. ably employed in calculations on this subject; friend, 'Sbidlikens, with the native forethough and, by the most accurate computation I have de-a cockney, had carefully stowed his pocket termined, that a Frenchman passes at least three cheese and crackers, that he might not be tem; fifths of his time between the heavens and the again to venture his limbs in the crowd of bui earth, and partakes eminently of the nature of a fair ones who throng the supper-room dost gossamer or soap-bubble. One of these jack-o- précaution was unnecessary, for the company Jantern heroes, in taking a figure, which neither tered the room with surprising order and deco Euclid nor Pythagoras himself could demonstrate, No gowns were torn--no ladies fainted-po unfortunately wound himself-I mean his foot-bled-nor was there any need of the intest -his better part-into a lady's cobweb muslin of either managers or peace-officers.

robe; but perceiving it at the instant, he set himself a spinning the other way, like a top, unravelled his step, without omitting one angle or curve, and extricated himself without breaking a thread of the lady's dress! he then sprung up, like a sturgeon, crossed his feet four times, and finished this wonderful evolution by quivering his left leg, as a cat does her paw when she has accidentally dipped it in water. No man" of woman born," who was not a Frenchman, or a mountebank, could have done the like.

Among the new faces, I remarked a blooming nymph, who has brought a fresh supply of roses from the country to adorn the wreath of beauty,

SCOTCH NATIONALITY.

Dialogue between an American and a Scoteks
American.-Thou seem'st of Scotland,<«
hair!

Say, is it as thy locks declare?
Art thou descended from Mac Prog,
Whose ancestor was fam'd Mac bug?
Mac Whisky-I am allied to names da
4.-But, fallen from thy high estate;
An exile from thy home and elav,
Thou travel'st, like a gentleman, i
Though-

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