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219 This happen'd op a day most dear
But Bonniface, who dearly lov'd a jest, To epicures, when general use
(Although sometimes he dearly paid for it,) p. Sanctions the roasting of tbe sav'ry goose ! And finding nothing could be done-you know, Towards night, one Frenchman, at a'tavern near,](For when a man has got no money, Scoppid, and beheld the glorious cheer ;
To make him pay some wonld be rather funny!) While greedily he snifd the luscious gale in, Of a bad bargaiu made the best, That from the kitchen windows was exhaling, Acknowledg'd much was to be said for it; And instant set 10 work his busy brain,
Took pity on the Frenchiman's meagre face,
Laugh'd heartily, and let bim go!
When, turning round the corner of a street,
Who but bis countryman chanc'd he to meet, "Sir, will you favour me with your commands ? To him, with many a shrug aod many a grin, "We've roast and boil'd, sir, choose you those or He told how he bad taken Jean Bull in! these.'
Fir'd with the tale, the other licks his chops, "Sare! you are very good, sare! - VAT YOU Makes bis congee, and seeks this shop of shops. PLEASE,"
Ent'ring, he seats himself, just at his ease,
" What will you take, sir?"_"VAT YOU PLEASE." Quick at the word,
The waiter look'd as pale as Paris plaster, Upou the table smokes the wish'd for bird !
And, up stairs raaning, tbus address'd his master No time in talking did he waste,
“ These d-d Monseers, come over sure ip pairs ; Bot pounc'd peil-mell apon it;
" Sir, there's another “VAT YOU PLEASE!” down Druzstick and merry-tirought he pick'd in haste, stairs !"
Exulting in the metry thought that wop it! This made the landlord rather crusty, Pic follows goose, and after pie comes cheese ;- Too much of one thing--the proverb's somewhat ** Stilton or Cheshire, siri" AI, VAT
YOU musty ; PLEASE !”
Once to be done, his anger didn't touch,
But when a second tiine they tried the treason, And now our Prenchman having ta'en his fill,
It made him crusty, sir, and with good reason ; Prepares to go, when—"sir, your little bill!” * Abi vat you're BILL! velí, Mr. Bill, good There is a kind of instrument
You would be crusty, were you done so much I day!
Which greatly helps a serious argument, Bor jour, good Villiam!"-"No, sir, stay;
Avd which, when properly applied, occasions My name is Tom, sir-you've this bill to pay."
Some most unpleasant tickling sensations ! * Pöy, pay, xa For!
"Twould make more clumsy folks than Frenchmen "I call for nothing, sare-PARDONNEZ MOI!
skip; Yeu bring me vat you call your goose, your cheese, 'Twould strike you presently, a stout horsewhip! Yaa ak-a me to eat - I tell you, vat YOU PLEASE.'
This iostrument our MAITRE D'HOTE
Most carefully conceal'd beneath his coat, Dear came the master, each explained the case, And, seeking instantly the Frenchman's station, The one with cursiog, i'other with grimace; Address'd bin with the usual salutation.
Our Frenchman, bowing to his thread-bare lamples," repeated Yorick, smiling at the same Determin'd whilst the iron's hot to strike it, (knees, time at the non-chalaoce of my father, who had Pát with his lesson answers"VAT YOU PLEASE!” now placed his left leg on the top bar of te But scarcely had he let the sentence slip,
grate, a posture which betrayed a most upseealy Thay round his shoulders twines the pliant whip! fissure in his lower vestment, “are a disgrace “ Sare! sare! ah, misericorde ! parbleu ! the religion we profess."'~" In your church, Got d-m, monsieur, vat make you use me so ?
Yorick," said Dr. Slop, sitting opright in Vai call you dis ?"-“ Lord, don't you know? chair, and in a very professional voice," mar That's what I please,” says Bouny “how d'ye riage is not one of the communious, and therders like it?
the immorality of the breach of the vow, cos Your friend, although I paid dear for his funning, inued Dr. Slop, with somewhat less tycocy i Deserv'd the goose he gain'd, sir, for his cunning; before “is not so great, as with you marriage But you, monsieur, or else iny time I'm wasting,
bas more of a civil nature."-" The parties," + Are goose enough--and only wanted basting!"
plied Yorick, “ in our church, approach the
altar, and, in the sight of God and man, 1 ADULTERY.
eternal fidelity to each other, and therefore A Shandean Fragment.
conceive the adulterer of either side forfeits all - “ It is a shame—it is a disgrace to our laws-claim”—“To a separate maintenance," observed to
our manners—to our religion,” exclaimed my father very quickly, who had for some tisk Yorick, with more than his usual- elevation of resumed the perusal of his marriage articles
My father waked him from his reverie, ". And the children, you know, Mr. Yorick," *** and expected, from the earnestness of Yorick, an tinued my father very scieatifically, elaborate disquisition on the laws, manners, or dear little things, and they are iocluded in de religion. Ile drew, with great complacency of guilt of cither singer?" asked my uncle Tubing look, and much inquisitiveness of aspect, his chair whilst a big tear stood in his eye, and his based towards that of Yorick, wlio poiated with his heaved with convulsire pity, Mrs. Wadmatte finger to several paragraphs in the paper, which bewitching looks came across my uncle Toby'll he had been reading, dated from Doctors' Com- imagination. Her age, which had not passed the mons. My father surveyed them with calmness, probability of being a mother, and ber vivacy or rather indifference. My father had been long which had created certain doubts and approasa married, and the subject of adultery was one of sions in the bosom of an old bachelor with those few speculations which had never agitated woond in his groin, all rushed at the same time his pericranium, or produced one eloqucnt speech, upon his reservoir of ideas, and the tone of dit or one pointed observation. My father, besides voice was so elegiac, and the mode of putting the the inconvenience of the hip-gont, was never, as question so very energetic, that iny father's op my mother used to relate, a very fond lover. He live fancy was immediately on tiptoc; he subbel had never written sonnets to praise ber charms, the right side of his nose with great rapidity, aná, or elogies to deplore her cruelty. My father had stilling a smile, he approached ny uncle Toby' only written-his name to the marriage articles. chair, and looking at him with great earnesto.com These valuable MSS. be had all tlie moroing been -" My dear brother, has then the late Mrs. Wali employed in perusing, or candling on his knee man done is the honour?"_" The late !'' repeated before the fire-side.On Yorick's exclaination, my uncle with great surprise. My father dry my father, in hopes of some fresh subject, put his inference, and resumed his chair and studia them hastily into his pocket. " The many exilio perfect composerr.
IB READY-MADE SPEECH,
and in whom also I place the most perfect con
fidence; I say, sir, I trust they will preserve the herd Adapted to all Occasions.
privileges of this assembly from the lawless banSit -Unused, unacquainted, unhabituated, un- ditti of acquilted felons, who, not having been trenatomed to public speaking, I rise, sir, in con- killed off, insult us daily by their negative sucsequence of having canghe your eye, sir, to ex- cesses, and circulate their seditious principles, to press, with the utmost diffidence, my humble ideas the danger of every respectable man in the com on the importaut sabject now before the house. munity, who may, by possessing property, become I will, therefore, sir, be bold to affirm, and I am an object of their diabolical depredations. Not, ako free to declare, that I by no means meet the however, to trespass any longer upon the patience ideas of the nubble Lud. I will not, however, go of the house, I shall conclude by observing, with erer the same grounds or commit myself, by taking the great Latin poet of antiquity, op a principle without the inost perfect consider
Quid sit futurum cras, fuge quærere: ation. But as I am now upon iny legs, I cer. Carpe diem. laly shall cot blink the question ; nor am I at all
LAUGHING PROHIBITED. faclined to meet him half way, because, on the To prove pleasure but pain, some have hit on a first blask of the business, I was determined to scout project, The idea in foto; for if, sir, the well-being of civi. We're duller the merrier we grow, lized society, and the establishment of order and Exactly the same unaccountable logic, tranquillity, is the grand object of our investi That talks of cold fire and warm snow gation, I cannot hesitate to pronounce-Sir! I
For me boro by nature, annot hesitate to pronounce, that I want words to
For humour and satire, Express my indignation at the general tenour of I sing, and I roar, and I quafo; . the arguments so ably agitated by the honourable Each ouscle I twist it, member on my left band. But, sir, the idea does
I canuot resist it, sof attach; and when my learned friend professed A fiager held up makes me laugh ; to lay down his principles with so much method, he For since pleasure's joy's parent, and joy begets. saly proved his weakness by undertaking to mirth, cleanse the Augean stable, and to perform the Should the subtitest casuist, or soph upoo earth, Mbears of Hercules himself. No, sir, I am again Contradict me, I'd call him an ass and a calf, inte ta ausert, and, sir, I am by no means disin And boldly insist once for all ; slined to prove, 'that if gentlemen, under the That the only criterion of pleasure's to laugh, Ersting circumstances, do not act with vigour And sing toll de roll loll de loll, med unanimity against the iotroduction of French Vainly bountiful Nature shall fill up life's measure, Wiseiples, our glorious constitution, produced by If we're not to enjoyment awake; the wisdom of our ancestors, may fall to the Churls that cautiously filtrate and analyze pleasure pound, slr ! yes, fall to the grouod, by the im Deserve bot that little they take. Ide of a Jacobin innovation. But on this head,
For me who am jiggish, We are ripe to deliberate; and I trust the gentle
And funny, and giggish, a with whom I have the honour to art, and Such joys are too formal by half: tie cantitate the decided majority of this ho I roar, and I revel, orable bobsefor whose worth, integrity, Drive care to the devil, hosses, perspicuity, ingenuity, perseverance, And hold bolli my sides while I laugh. od patriotism I have the most dignified respect,
For since pleasure, &c
I hale all those pleasures we're angling and squar. to engross the conversation, he was appointed
And fitting and cutting by rules ; (ing, orator of the republic; if he spoke impro
They may say what they list on't, stance, he talked about doge, he was made master
of the buck-bounds; if he boasted of his couragt, That pleasure's the prop and the staff, he was made a knight, or perhaps a field-marsbal; That sets every muscle,
and if he expressed a bigotted zeal for any spe To a comical bustle,
culative opinion in religion, he was made su And tickles one into a laugh.
inquisitor, The offenders being thus distinguished For since pleasure, &c. for their follies, and not their wisdom, gave occa THE MERIT OF BLOOD,
sion to the Germans to call the repablic "The
Society of Fools.” The King of Poland, om When Sheriff Phillips told Sir John Silvester, day, asked Psamka, if they had chosen a king in the Recorder of London, that his court in the Old their republic? To which he replied, Bailey smelt of blood.-“ I'm glad of it,” replied forbid that we should think of electing a try Black Jack, in his stern way, " for it will thereby while your majesty lives; your majesty will a.. keep away the rogues aud thieves."
ways be King of Babine, as well as Poland." IN HENDON CHURCH-YARD.
The king inquired farther, to what extent tbeit
republic reached ? " Over the whole world," T. Crosfield,
says Psamka; "for we are told, by David, tant Died November 8th, 1808.
all men are liars.” This society soon increased Beneath this stone Tom Crosfield lies, so much, that there was scarce any person al court Who cares not now who laughs or cries; who was not honoured with some post in it; 2. He laughed when sober, and when mellow, its chiefs were also in high favour with the king, Was a harum-scarum harınless fellow; He gave to none design'd offence,
TOWN AND COUNTRY.
In London I dever know what to be at,
Enraptured with this, and transporled with that,
I'm wild with the sweets of variety's plan, There was, at the court of Sigismund Augustus, And life seems a blessing loo happy for man. a gentleman of the family of Psamka, who, in But the country, Lord bless as, sets all matters concert with Peter Cassovius, bailiff of Lublin,
right, formed a society which the Polish writers call so calm and composing from morning till nigbi; " The Republic of Babine;" and which the Ger-Oh! it settles the stomach when nothing is sees mans denominate “The Society of Fools.” This But an ass on a common, a goose on a greca. society bad its king, its chancellor, its counsellors, its archbishops, bishops, judges, and other In London how easy we visit and neet, officers. When any of the members did or said Gay pleasure's the theme, and sweet saila 2 any thing at their meetings, which was upbecom
our treat, ing or ill-timed, they immediately gave him a
Our mornings, a round of good-humour'd det por place, of which he was required to perform the And we raule in comfort and pleasure oi) digat. duties, till another was appointed in his stead ; In the country how pleasant our visits ta anke, for example, if any one spoke too much, so us| Thsough tea miles of mud for formality's sake,
Tith the coachman in drink, and the moon in a Yet it's charming to hear, just from baardinge tog,
school come, And no thought in our heads but a ditch or a bog. A boyden tune up an old family strum;
She'll play “God save the King,” with an excel. In London, if folks ill together be put,
lent tone, A bore may be roasted, a quiz may be cut.
With the sweet variation of “Old Bobbing Joan.” la de country, your friends wouid feel sore,
But what though your appetite's in a weak státei Call an old maid a quiz, or a parson a bore, A pound at a time they will put on your plate,
It's true as to health you've vo cause to complain, In the country, you're nail'd like a pale in your For they'll drink ii, God bless'ein, again and park,
again. To some stick of a neighbour cramm'd into the ark: Or if you are sick, or in fits lutzble down, Then in town let me live, and in town let me die, You reach deatb ere the doctor can reach you
For in truth I can't relish the country, not I; from town.
If I must have a villa in London to dwell,
Oh! give me the sweet shady side of Pall-Mall. I've heard that how love in a cottage is sweet, When two hearts in one link of soft sympathy
THE IRISH EATING-HOUSE, mect:
This is to acquaint the whole world, and all my I know nothing of that, for, alas ! I'm a swain good friends in Kilkenny into the bargain, that I, Wbe require and lown it) more links to my chais. Bryan Mullorony, late of Bread-street, and forYour jays and your magpies may chatter on trees, merly of Pudding-lane, do intend to open an
And whereas it And whispersoft nonsense in groves if they please; Eating-house in Swallow-street. But a house is much more to my mind than a tree, has no ears, and, therefore, it is mere waste of
is well-known that the belly is a monster, that Ind for groves-On! a fine grove of chimneys windpipe to be talking to it, and if the guts once
begin to grumble, if you should even swallow the In the evening vou're screw'd to your chairs fist whole riot-act, it wont settle them half so soon as to ist,
a clumsy piece of boiled beef, or a slice of plum 80 stupidly sawning at sixpenny whist, pudding, he has, therefore, prepared dishes for And though wio or lose, it's as tree as it's strange, all appetites and for all nations. He knows very You're nothing to pay-the good folks have no well that a large troop of his own countrymen change.
are annually imported every year, duty free, like But for singing and piping, your time to engage,
their own Irish linen, as well to keep up the breed Fors have cock and hen buliboches coop'd it à as to reap down the harvest; and, as they are
Jads of keen appetite, he has prepared a dainty
dish for all such maws. This dish he calls the And what music in nature can make you so feel
General Post-office, because there are letters of Aia pig in a gale stuck, or knife-grinder's wheel?
all description Ibrown into it, viz. shins of bref, praat, if in fishing you take much delight, clous, marrow, bogs-pudding, chitterlings, with a La pant you may shiver from morning to night, train of et carteras as long as the tail of a papec Add though bleat with the patience that Job bad kite. For those that can afford to send pice bits
down Red-Lion-passage, he has prepared a table The devil a thing will you catch but a á cold.
as long as the board of longitude, that will always