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Scand. Humph!-An admirable composition, faith, this same womankind!

Enter JEREMY.

Jer. What, is she gone, sir?

Scand. Gone? why she was never here, nor any where else; nor I don't know her if I see her, nor you neither.

Jer. Good lack! what's the matter now? are any more of us to be mad? Why, sir, my master longs to see her; and is almost mad in good earnest with the joyful news of her being here.

Scand. We are all under a mistake.—Ask no questions, for I can't resolve you; but I'll inform your master. In the mean time, if our project succeed no better with his father than it does with his mistress, he may descend from his exaltation of madness into the road of common sense, and be content only to be made a fool with other reasonable people. I hear Sir Samp son. You know your cue? I'll to your master. [Exit.

Enter Sir SAMPSON and BUCKRAM.

Sir S. D'ye see, Mr. Buckram, here's the paper signed with his own hand.

Buck. Good, sir. And the conveyance is ready drawn in this box, if he be ready to sign and seal.

Sir S. Ready! body o'me, he must be ready: his sham sickness sha'nt excuse him.-O, here's his Scoundrel.-Sirrah, where's your master?

Jer. Ah, sir, he's quite gone!

Sir S. Gone! what, he's not dead?

Jer. No, sir, not dead.

Sir S. What, is he gone out of town? run away? ha! has he trick'd me? Speak, varlet.

Jer. No, no, sir, he's safe enough, sir, an he were but as sound, poor gentleman? He is indeed here, sir, and not here, sir.

Sir S. Hey-day, rascal, do you banter me? sirrah, d'ye banter me?—Speak, sirrah; where is he? for I will find him.

Jer. Would you could, sir; for he has lost himself. Indeed, sir, I have almost broke my heart about him-I can't refrain tears when I think on him, sir: I'm as melancholy for him as a passing-bell, sir; or a horse in a pond.

Sir S. A pox confound your similitudes, sir:Speak to be understood; and tell me in plain terms what the matter is with him, or I'll crack your fool's scull.

Jer. Ah, you've hit it, sir; that's the matter with him, sir; his scull's crack'd poor gentleman! he's stark mad, sir.

Sir S. Mad!

Buck. What, is he non compos?

Jer. Quite non compos, sir.

Buck. Why then, all's obliterated, Sir Sampson. If he be non compos mentis, his act and deed will be of no effect; it is not good in law.

Sir S. Oons, I won't believe it; let me see him, sir.-Mad! I'll make him find his senses.

Jer. Mr. Scandal is with him, sir; I'll knock at

the door.

[Goes to the scene, which opens and discovers Valentine and Scandal. Valentine upon a couch disorderly dressed.]

Sir S. How now? what's here to do?

Val. Ha! who's that?

[Starting.

Scand. For Heaven's sake, softly, sir, and gently: don't provoke him.

Val. Answer me, who's that? and that?

Sir S. Gads bobs, does he not know? is he mischievous? I'll speak gently.-Val, Val, dost thou not know me, boy? not know thy own father, Val? I am thy own father; and this, honest Brief Buckram, the lawyer.

Val. It may be so-I did not know you-the world is full.-There are people that we do know, and people that we do not know; and yet the sun shines upon all alike.-There are fathers that have many children; and there are children that have many fathers 'tis strange! But I am Honesty, and come to give the world the lie.

Sir S. Body o'me, I know not what to say to him. Val. Why does that lawyer wear black?- -does he carry his conscience without-side? Lawyer, what art thou dost thou know me ?

Buch. O Lord, what must I say?—Yes, sir.

Val. Thou liest; for I am Honesty. 'Tis hard I cannot get a livelihood amongst you. I have been sworn out of Westminster-Hall the first day of every

term-Let me see no matter how long-But I'll tell you one thing; it is a question that would puzzle an arithmetician, if I should ask him, whether the Bible saves more souls in Westminster Abbey, or damns more in Westminster Hall?-For my part, I am Honesty, and can't tell; I have very few acquaintance. Sir S. Body o' me, he talks sensibly in his madness -Has he no intervals ?

Jer. Very short, sir.

-The conveyance is ready,

[Exit.

Buck. Sir, I can do you no service while he's in this condition. Here's your paper, sir.—He may do me a mischief if I stay.sir, if he recover his senses. Sir S. Hold, hold, don't you go yet. Scand. You'd better let him go, sir; him if there be occasion: for I fancy provokes him more.

and send for

his presence

Val. Is the lawyer gone? 'Tis well; then we may drink about without going together by the ears.Heigh ho! what o'clock is it! My father here! your blessing, sir.

Sir S. He recovers!-Bless thee, Val!-How dost thou do, boy?

Val. Thank you, sir, pretty well.-I have been a little out of order. Won't you please to sit, sir? Sir S. Ay, boy.-Come, thou shalt sit down by me. Val. Sir, 'tis my duty to wait.

Sir S. No, no: come, come, sit thee down, honest Val. How dost thou do? let me feel thy pulse-Oh, pretty well now, Val. Body o'me, I was sorry to see

thee indisposed: but I am glad thou art better, honest Val.

Val. I thank you, sir.

Scand. Miracle! The monster grows loving.

[Aside.

Sir S. Let me feel thy hand again, Val. It does not shake-I believe thou canst write, Val. Ha, boy? thou canst write thy name, Val?—Jeremy, step and overtake Mr. Buckram? bid him make haste back with the conveyance,~quick!

[Exit Jeremy. Scand. That ever I should suspect such a heathen of any remorse. [Aside. Sir S. Dost thou know this paper, Val? I know thou'rt honest, and will perform articles.

[Shews him the paper, but holds it out of his reach. Val. Pray let me see it, sir; you hold it so far off, that I can't tell whether I know it or no.

Sir S. See it, boy? Ay, ay, why thou dost see it -'tis thy own hand, Vally. Why, let me see, I can read it as plain as can be: look you here—[Reads.] The condition of this obligation-Look you, as plain as can be, so it begins—And then at the bottom-As witness my hand, VALENTINE LEGEND, in great letters. Why, 'tis as plain as the nose on one's face. What, are my eyes better than thine? I believe I can read it farther off yet-let me see.

[Stretches his arm as far as he can. Val. Will you please to let me hold it, sir? Sir S. Let thee hold it, say'st thou ?-Ay, with all

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