Titus the brave and valorous young gallant,
Three years together in this town had been,
Yet my Lord Chancellor's tomb he hath not seen,
Nor the new water-work, nor the elephant:
I cannot tell the cause without a smile,
He hath been in the Counter all this while.
Faustus not lord, nor knight, nor wise, nor old,
To every place about the town doth ride,
He rides into the fields, plays to behold,
He rides to take boat at the water-side;
He rides to Pauls, he rides to th' ordinary,
He rides unto the house of bawdry too:
Thither his horse so often doth him carry,
That shortly he will quite forget to go.
Kate being pleased, wish'd that her pleasure could
Endure as long as a buff jerkin would :
Content thee Kate, although thy pleasure wasteth,
Thy pleasure's place like a buff jerkin lasteth :
For no buff jerkin hath been oftener worn,
Nor hath more scrapings or more dressings borne.
Liber doth vaunt how chastely he hath liv'd,
Since he hath been in town seven years and more,
For that he swears he hath four only swiv'd,
A maid, a wife, a widow and a whore :
Then Liber thou hast swiv'd all womenkind,
For a fifth sort I know thou canst not find.
Great Captain Medon wears a chain of gold,
Which at five hundred crowns is valued,
For that it was his grandsire's chain of old,
When great king Henry Bullogne conquered.
And wear it Medon, for it may ensue,
That thou by virtue of this massy chain,
A stronger town than Bullogne may'st subdue,
If wise men's saws be not reputed vain.
For what said Philip king of Macedon?
There is no castle so well fortified,
But if an ass laden with gold come on,
The guard will stoop, and gates fly open wide.
Gella, if thou dost love thyself, take heed,
Lest thou my rhymes, unto thy lover read,
For straight thou grinn'st, and then thy lover seeth,
Thy canker-eaten gums and rotten teeth.
Quintus his wit infused into his brain,
Misliked the place, and fled into his feet,
And there it wanders up and down the streets,
Dabbled in the dirt, and soaked in the rain.
Doubtless his wit intends not to aspire,
Which leaves his head to travel in the mire.
IN SEVERUM. 13.
The puritan Severus oft doth read,
This text that doth pronounce vain speech a sin,
That thing defiles a man that doth proceed
From out the mouth, not that which enters in.
Hence is it, that we seldom hear him swear,
And thereof like a Pharisee he vaunts,
But he devours more capons in a year,
Than would suffice a hundred protestants.
And sooth those sectaries are gluttons all,
As well the thread-bare cobbler as the knight,
For those poor slaves which have not wherewithal,
Feed on the rich, till they devour them quite.
And so like Pharaoh's kine, they eat up clean,
Those that be fat, yet still themselves be lean.
Leuca in presence once a fart did let,
Some laughed a little, she forsook the place;
And mad with shame, did eke her glove forget,
Which she return'd to fetch with bashful grace:
And when she would have said my glove,
My fart (quod she) which did more laughter move.
Thou canst not speak yet Macer, for to speak,
Is to distinguish sounds significant;
Thou with harsh noise, the air dost rudely break,
But what thou utterest common sense doth want:
Half English words, with fustian terms among, Much like the burthen of a northern song.
That youth saith Faustus hath a lion seen,
Who from a dicing house comes moneyless,
But when he lost his hair, where had he been,
I doubt me he had seen a lioness.
Cosmus hath more discoursing in his head,
Than Jove, when Pallas issued from his brain,
And still he strives to be delivered,
Of all his thoughts at once, but all in vain :
For as we see at all the playhouse doors,
When ended is the play, the dance and song,
A thousand townsmen, gentlemen, and whores,
Porters and serving-men together throng:
So thoughts of drinking, thriving, wenching, war,
And borrowing money, raging in his mind,
To issue all at once so forward are,
As none at all can perfect passage find.
The false knave Flaccus once a bribe I gave,
The more fool I to bribe so false a knave,
But he gave back my bribe, the more fool he,
That for my folly, did not cozen me.
Thou dogged Cineas hated like a dog,
For still thou grumblest like a mastiff dog,
Compar'st thyself to nothing but a dog,
Thou say'st thou art as weary as a dog,
As angry, sick, and hungry as a dog,
As dull and melancholy as a dog,
As lazy, sleepy, and as idle as a dog;
But why dost thou compare thee to a dog?
In that, for which all men despise a dog?
I will compare thee better to a dog.
Thou art as fair and comely as a dog,
Thou art as true and honest as a dog,
Thou art as kind and liberal as a dog,
Thou art as wise and valiant as a dog:
But Cineas I have oft heard thee tell,
Thou art as like thy father as may be,
'Tis like enough, and 'faith I like it well,
But I am glad thou art not like to me.
IN GERONTEM. 20.
Geron's mouldy memory corrects,
Old Holinshed our famous chronicler,
With moral rules, and policy collects,
Out of all actions done these fourscore year.
Accounts the time of every old event,
Not from Christ's birth, nor from the Prince's reign,
But from some other famous accident,
Which in men's general notice doth remain.
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