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. And that no woman has; nor never none
Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
SCENE II. A Room in Olivia's House.
Enter Sir Toby BELCH, SIR ANDREW AGUE
CHEEK, and FABIAN.
Fab. You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
Sir And, Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the count's serving man, than ever she bestowed upon me; I saw't i’the orchard.
Sir To. Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that.
Sir And. As plain as I see you now.
Fab. This was a great argument of love in her toward you.
Sir And. 'Slight! will you make an ass o’me?
Fab. I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of judgment and reason.
Sir To. And they have been grand jury-men, since before Noah was a sailor.
Fab. She did show favour to the youth in your sight, only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to put fire in your heart, and brimstone in your liver: You should then have accosted her; and with some excellent jests, fire-new from
the mint, you should have banged the youth into dumbness. This was looked for at your hand, and this was baulked: the double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash off, and you are now sailed into the north of my lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem it by some laudable attempt, either of valour, or policy.
Sir And. And't be any way, it must be with valour; for policy I hate: I had as lief be a Brownist1 as a politician.
Sir To. Why then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him; hurt him in eleven places; my niece shall take note of it: and assure thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's commendation with woman, than report of valour.
Fab. There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
Sir And. Will either of you bear me a challenge to him ?
Sir To. Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst 2 and brief; it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent, and full of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough
1 The Brownists were so called from Mr. Robert Browne, a noted separatist, in Queen Elizabeth's reign. They seem to bave been the constant objects of popular satire.
2 • Be curst and brief. Curst is cross, froward, petulant.
3 Shakspeare is thought to have had Lord Coke in his mind, whose virulent abuse of Sir Walter Raleigh on his trial was conveyed in a series of thou's. His resentment against the flagrant conduct of the attorney general on this occasion was probably heightened by the contemptuous manner in which he spoke of players in his charge at Norwich, and the severity be was always willing to exert against them.
for the bed of Ware 4 in England, set 'em down; go, about it. Let there be gall enough in thy ink; though thou write with a goose-pen, no matter : About it.
Sir And. Where shall I find you?
[Exit SIR ANDREW. Fab. This is a dear manakin to you, Sir Toby.
Sir To. I have been dear to him, lad; some two thousand strong, or so.
Fab. We shall have a rare letter from him: but you'll not deliver it.
Sir To. Never trust me then ! and by all means stir on the youth to an answer. I think, oxen and wainropes 6 cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of the anatomy.
Fab. And his opposite?, the youth, bears in his visage no great presage of cruelty.
Enter MARIA. Sir To. Look, where the youngest wren of nine 8 comes.
Mar. If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves into stitches, follow me: yon' gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no Christian, that means to be saved by believing rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness. He's in yellow stockings.
4 This curious piece of furniture was a few years since still in being at one of the inns in that town. It was reported to be twelve feet square, and capable of holding twenty-four persons.
5 Chamber. 6 Waggon ropes. 7 i. e. adversary.
8 The wren generally lays nine or ten eggs, and the last hatched birds are usually the smallest of the brood. The boy who played Maria's part was probably of diminutive size.
Sir To. And cross-gartered ?
Mar. Most villanously; like a pedant that keeps a. school i'the church.—I have dogged him, like his murderer: He does obey every point of the letter that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face into more lines, than are in the new map, with the augmentation of the Indies 9: you have not seen such a thing as ’tis; I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. I know, my lady will strike him; if she do, he'll smile, and take't for a great favour. Sir. To. Come, bring us, bring us where he is.
[Exeunt. SCENE III. A Street.
Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN. Seb. I would not, by my will, have troubled you; But, since you make your pleasure of your pains, I will no further chide you.
Ant. I could not stay behind you; my desire, More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth; And not all love to see you (though so much As might have drawn one to a longer voyage), But jealousy what might befall your travel, Being skilless in these parts; which, to a stranger, Unguided and unfriended, often prove Rough and unhospitable: My willing love, The rather by these arguments of fear, Set forth in your pursuit.
My kind Antonio, I can no other answer make, but, thanks, And thanks, and ever thanks : Often good turns
9 Alluding to a Map engraved for the English translation of Linschoten's Voyage, published in 1598. This map is multilineal in the extreme, and is the first in which the Eastern Islands are included.
Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay:
Would you'd pardon me;
Seb. Belike, you slew great number of his people.
Ant. The offence is not of such a bloody nature;
Do not then walk too open.
ledge, With viewing of the town; there shall you have me.
Seb. Why I your purse?
1 Wealth, or fortune.
? Lapsed, for lapsing or transgressing. See note on Hamlet, Act iii. Sc. 4.