Mar. Ha! then there's something a-foot that I know nothing of. I'll wait on you, sir George.

Sir Geo. A third person may not be proper, perhaps. As soon as I have dispatched my own affairs I am at his service. I'll send my servant to tell him I'll wait on him in half an hour.

Miran. How came you employ'd in this message, Mrs. Patch?

Patch. Want of business, madam; I am discharg'd by my master, but hope to serve my lady still.

Miran. How! discharg'd! you must tell me the whole story within.

Patch. With all my heart, madam.

Mar. Tell it here, Mrs. Patch. Pish, Pox! I wish I were fairly out of the house. I find marriage is the end of this secret; and now I am half mad to know what Charles wants him for.

[Aside. Sir Geo. Madam, I'm doubly press'd by love and friendship. This exigence admits of no delay. Shall we make Marplot of the party?

Miran. If you'll run the hazard, sir George; I believe he means well.

Mar. Nay, nay, for my part I desire to be let into nothing; I'll be gone, therefore pray don't mistrust [Going.

me.

Sir Geo. So, now he has a mind to be gone to Charles: "but not knowing what affairs he may "have upon his hands at present"—I'm resolv'd he sha'n't stir. No, Mr. Marplot, you must not leave us; we want a third person. [Takes hold of him.

Mar. I never had more mind to be gone in my life. Miran. Come along then; if we fail in the voyage, thank yourself for taking this ill-starr'd gentleman on board.

Sir Geo. That vessel ne'er can unsuccessful prove,
Whose freight is beauty, and whose pilot's love.

[Exit Sir George and Miranda.

Mar. Tyty ti, tyty ti.

[Steals off the other way.

Re-enter Sir GEORGE.

Sir Geo. Marplot! Marplot!

Mar. entering.] Here! I was coming,

Lord, cann't you let one tie up one's garter.

Sir George.

[Exeunt.

ACT V. SCENE 1.

Enter MIRANDA, PATCH, and SCENTWELL.

Miranda.

WELL, Patch, I have done a strange bold thing; my fate is determin'd, and expectation is no more. Now to avoid the impertinence and roguery of an old man, I have thrown myself into the extravagance of a young one; if he should despise, slight, or use me ill, there's no remedy from a husband but the grave, and that's a terrible sanctuary to one of my age and constitution.

Patch. O fear not, madam; you'll find your ac

count in sir George Airy; it is impossible a man of sense should use a woman ill endued with beauty, wit, and fortune. It must be the lady's fault if she does not wear the unfashionable name of wife easy, when nothing but complaisance and good humour is requisite on either side to make them happy.

Miran. I long till I am out of this house, lest any accident should bring my guardian back. Scentwell, put my best jewels into the little casket, slip them into thy pocket, and let us march off to sir Jealous's. Scent. It shall be done, madam. [Exit Scent. Patch. Sir George will be impatient, madam. If their plot succeeds we shall be well receiv'd; if not, he will be able to protect us. Besides, I long to

know how my young lady fares.

Miran. Farewell old Mammon, and thy detested walls! 'Twill be no more sweet sir Francis! I shall be compell'd the odious task of dissembling no longer to get my own, and coax him with the wheedling names of my precious, my dear, dear gardy! O Heav'ns!

Enter Sir FRANCIS behind.

Sir Fran. Ah, my sweet chargy! don't be frighted: [She starts] but thy poor Gardy has been abus'd, cheated, fool'd, betray'd; but nobody knows by whom.

[Aside.

Miran. Undone, past redemption !
Sir Fran. What! won't you speak to
Chargy?

me,

T

F

Miran. I am so surpriz'd with joy to see you I know not what to say.

Sir Fran. Poor dear girl! But do you know that my son, or some such rogue, to rob or murder me, or both, contrived this journey? for upon the road I met my neighbour Squeezum well, and coming to Town.

Miran. Good lack! good lack! what tricks are there in this world!

Enter SCENTWELL with a diamond necklace in her hand, not seeing Sir FRANCIS.

Scent. Madam, be pleas'd to tie this necklace on, for I cann't get into the[Seeing sir Fran.

Miran. The wench is a fool I think! cou'd you not have carried it to be mended without putting it in the box?

Sir Fran. What's the matter?

Miran. Only, dearee! I bid her, I bid her-Your ill-usage has put every thing out of my head. But won't you go, Gardy, and find out these fellows, and have them punished? and, and

Sir Fran. Where should I look for them, child? no, I'll sit me down contented with my safety, nor stir out of my own doors till I go with thee to a parson.

Miran. aside.] If he goes into his closet I am ruin'd. Oh bless me in this fright I had forgot Mrs. Patch. Patch. Ay, madam, and I stay for your speedy

answer.

Miran. aside.] I must get him out of the house. Now assist me, Fortune!

Sir Fran. Mrs. Patch! I profess I did not see you: how dost thou do, Mrs. Patch? Well, don't you repent leaving my Chargy?

Patch. Yes, every body must love her-but I come now- -Madam, what did I come for? my invention is at the last ebb. [Aside to Miranda. Sir Fran. Nay, never whisper, tell me.

Miran. She came, dear Gardy! to invite me to her lady's wedding, and you shall go with me, Gardy; 'tis to be done this moment, to a Spanish merchant. Old sir Jealous keeps on his humour; the first minute he sees her the next he marries her.

Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha, ha! I'd go if I thought the sight of matrimony wou'd tempt Chargy to perform her promise. There was a smile, there was a consenting look, with those pretty twinklers, worth a million! 'Ods-precious! I am happier than the Great Mogul, the Emperor of China, or all the potentates that are not in wars. Speak, confirm it, make me leap out of my skin.

Miran. When one has resolved, 'tis in vain to stand shilly-shally. If ever I marry, positively this is my wedding day.

Sir Fran. Oh! happy, happy man-Verily I will beget a son the first night shall disinherit that dog Charles. I have estate enough to purchase a barony, and be the immortalizing the whole family of the Gripes.