Bet. The sooner the better, I believe; for if he does not tell it, there's a little tell-tale, I know of, will come and tell it for him. Fan. Fy, Betty! [Blushes. Bet. Ah! you may well blush. But you're not so sick, and so pale, and so wan, and so many qualms Fan. Have done! I shall be quite angry with you. Bet. Angry-Bless the dear puppet! I am sure I shall love it as much as if it was my own.-I meant no harm, Heaven knows. Fan. Well, say no more of this-it makes me uneasy. All I have to ask of you is, to be faithful and secret, and not to reveal this matter till we disclose it to the family ourselves. Bet. Me reveal it!If I say a word, I wish I may be burned. I would not do you any harm for the world-and as for Mr. Lovewell, I am sure I have loved the dear gentleman ever since he got a tide-waiter's place for my brother.-But let me tell you both, you must leave off your soft looks to each other, and your whispers, and your glances, and your always sitting next to one another at dinner, and your long walks together in the evening.For my part, if I had not been in the secret, I should have known you were a pair of lovers at least, if not man and wife, as— Fan. See there now again! Pray be careful. Bet. Well, well-nobody hears me.-Man and wife-I'll say no more.- -What I tell you is very true, for all that Love. [Within.] William! Bet. Hark! I hear your husband- Bet. I say here comes Mr. Lovewell.-Mind the caution I give you-I'll be whipped now if you are not the first person he sees or speaks to in the family. However, if you choose it, it's nothing at all to me as you sow, so you must reap-as you brew, so you must bake.—I'll e'en slip down the back stairs, and leave you together. [Exit. Fan. I see, I see, I shall never have a moment's ease till our marriage is made public. New distresses crowd in upon me every day. The solicitude of my mind sinks my spirits, preys upon my health, and destroys every comfort of my life. It shall be revealed, let what will be the consequence. Fan. End how it will, I am resolved it shall end soon-very soon. I would not live another week in this agony of mind, to be mistress of the universe. Love. Do not be too violent neither. Do not let us disturb the joy of your sister's marriage with the tumult this matter may occasion!-I have brought letters from Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil to Mr. Sterling. They will be here this evening-and I dare say within this hour. Fan. I am sorry for it. Love. Why so? Fan. No matter-only let us disclose our marriage immediately! Love. As soon as possible. Fan. But directly. Love. In a few days, you may depend on it. Fan. Indeed you must-I have the most alarming reasons for it. Love. Alarming, indeed! for they alarm me, even before I am acquainted with them-What are they? Fan. I cannot tell you. Love. Not tell me? Fan. Not at present. When all is settled, you shall be acquainted with every thing. Love. Sorry they are coming!-Must be discovered!--What can this mean? Is it possible you can have any reasons that need be concealed from me? Fan. Do not disturb yourself with conjecturesbut rest assured, that though you are unable to divine the cause, the consequence of a discovery, be it what it will, cannot be attended with half the miseries of the present interval. Love. You put me upon the rack-I would do any thing to make you easy. But you know your father's temper-Money (you will excuse my frankness) is the spring of all his actions, which nothing but the idea of acquiring nobility or magnificence, can ever make him forego--and these he thinks his money will purchase.-You know too, your aunt's, Mrs. Heidelberg's, notions of the splendour of high life; her contempt for every thing that does not relish of what she calls quality; and that from the vast fortune in her hands, by her late husband, she absolutely governs Mr. Sterling and Love. My love!-How's this?-In tears?the whole family. Now if they should come to Indeed this is too much. You promised me to support your spirits, and to wait the determination of our fortune with patience. For my sake, for your own, be comforted! Why will you study to add to our uneasiness and perplexity? Enter LOVEWELL. Fan. Oh, Mr. Lovewell, the indelicacy of a secret marriage grows every day more and more shocking to me. I walk about the house like a guilty wretch: I imagine myself the object of the suspicion of the whole family, and am under the perpetual terrors of a shameful detection. Love. Indeed, indeed, you are to blame. The amiable delicacy of your temper, and your quick sensibility, only serve to make you unhappy.-To clear up this affair properly to Mr. Sterling, is the continual employment of my thoughts. Every thing now is in a fair train. It begins to grow ripe for a discovery; and I have no doubt of its concluding to the satisfaction of ourselves, of your father, and the whole family. the knowledge of this affair too abruptly, they might perhaps be incensed beyond all hopes of reconciliation. Fan. Manage it your own way. I am persuaded. Enter STERLING, as she is going. [Exit. Ster. Ah, Lovewell! What! always getting my foolish girl yonder into a corner?-Wellwell-let us but once see her eldest sister fast married to Sir John Melvil, we'll soon provide a good husband for Fanny, I warrant you. Love. Would to Heaven, Sir, you would provide her one of my recommendation! Ster. Yourself! eh, Lovewell? Love. And I flatter myself, that such a proposal would not be very disagreeable to Miss Fanny. Ster. Better and better! Love. And if I could but obtain your consent, Sir Ster. What! you marry Fanny !-no-nothat will never do, Lovewell-You're a good boy, to be sure I have a great value for you-but can't think of you for a son-in-law.-There's no stuff in the case; no money, Lovewell! Love. My pretensions to fortune, indeed, are but moderate; but though not equal to splendour, sufficient to keep us above distress.-Add to which, that I hope by diligence to increase it-and have love, honour Ster. But not the stuff, Lovewell !—Add one little round 0 to the sum total of your fortune, and that will be the finest thing you can say to me.You know I've a regard for you-would do any thing to serve you-any thing on the footing of friendship-but Love. If you think me worthy of your friendship, Sir, be assured that there is no instance in which I should rate your friendship so highly. Ster. Pshaw! pshaw! that's another thing, you know. Where money or interest is concerned, friendship is quite out of the question. Love. But where the happiness of a daughter is at stake, you would not scruple, sure, to sacrifice a little to her inclinations. Ster. Inclinations! why you would not persuade me that the girl is in love with you-eh, Lovewell? Lov. I cannot absolutely answer for Miss Fanny, Sir; but am sure that the chief happiness or misery of my life depends entirely upon her. Ster. Why, indeed, now if your kinsman, Lord Ogleby, would come down handsomely for youbut that's impossible-No, no,-'twill never do I must hear no more of this-Come, Lovewell, promise me that I shall hear no more of this. Love. [Hesitating.] I am afraid, Sir, I should not be able to keep my word with you, if I did promise you. Ster. Have you seen the currants, the soap, and madeira, safe in the warehouse? Have you compared the goods with the invoice and bills of lading, and are they all right? Love. They are, Sir. Ster. And how are stocks? Love. Fell one and a half this morning. Ster. Well, well-some good news from America, and they'll be up again.-But how are Lord Oleby, and Sir John Melvil ?—when are we to expect them? Love. Very soon, Sir. I came on purpose to bring you their commands. Here are letters from both of them. [Giving letters Ster. Let me see-let me see Slife, how his lordship's letter is perfumed!-It takes my breath away. [Opening it.] And French paper too!-— with a slippery gloss on it that dazzles one's eyes. -My dear Mr. Sterling-[Reading ]—Mercy on me! his lordship writes a worse hand than a hoy at his exercise. But how's this?-Eh!With you to-night-Lawyers to-morrow morning -To-night!--that's sudden, indeed-Where's my sister Heidelberg? She should know of this immediately. Here, John! Harry! Thornas! [Calling the Servants.] Harkye, Lovewell! Love. Sir. Ster. Mind now, how I'll entertain his lordship and Sir John-We'll show your fellows at the other end of the town how we live in the cityThey shall eat gold-and drink gold-and lie in gold. Here, cook! butler! [Calling] What signifies your birth, and education, and titles!Money, money!—that's the stuff that makes the great man in this country. Love. Very true, Sir. Ster. True, Sir!-Why then have done with your nonsense of love and matrimony. You're not rich enough to think of a wife yet. A man of business should mind nothing but his business-Where are these fellows? John! Thomas!-[Calling] Get an estate, and a wife will follow of course-Ah! Lovewell! an English merchant is the most respectable character in the universe.-'Slife, man, a rich English merchant may make himself a match for the daughter of a nabob.-Where are all my rascals?-Here, William!-[Erit, calling. Ster. Why, you would not offer to marry her without my consent! would you, Lovewell? Love. So as I suspected.—Quite averse to the Love. Marry her, Sir! [Confused. match, and likely to receive the news of it with Ster. Ay, marry her, Sir!-I know very well, great displeasure.-What's best to be done?that a warm speech or two from such a dangerous Let me see-Suppose I get Sir John Melvil to young spark as you are, would go much further interest himself in this affair. He may mention it towards persuading a silly girl to do what she has to Lord Ogleby with a better grace than I can, more than a month's mind to do, than twenty and more probably prevail on him to interfere in grave lectures from fathers, or mothers, or uncles, it. I can open my mind also more freely to Sir or aunts, to prevent her. But you would not, sure, John. He told me, when I left him in town, that be such a base fellow, such a treacherous young he had something of consequence to communicate, rogue, as to seduce my daughter's affections, and and that I could be of use to him. I am glad of destroy the peace of my family in that manner.it: for the confidence he reposes in me, and the I must insist on it, that you give me your word not to marry her without my consent. Love. Sir-I-I-as to that-I-I-beg, SirPray, Sir, excuse me on this subject at present. Ster. Promise then, that you will carry this matter no further without my approbation. Love. You may depend on it, Sir, that it shall go no further. Ster. Well-well--that's enough-I'll take care of the rest, I warrant you.-Come, come, ret's have done with this nonsense!-What's doing in town?-Any news upon 'Change? Love. Nothing material. service I may do him, will ensure me his good offices. Poor Fanny! it hurts me to see her so uneasy, and her making a mystery of the cause adds to my anxiety.-Something must be done upon her account; for, at all events, her solicitude shall be removed. [Erit. SCENE II-MISS STERLING'S Dressing Room, MISS STERLING and FANNY, discovered. Miss S. O, my dear sister, say no more!—This is downright hypocrisy.-You shall never convince me that you don't envy me beyond measure. -Well, after all, it is extremely natural-It is | bye-word in the city-You must never venture on Fan Indeed, sister, you have no cause. me? Fan. Not in the least. Miss S. And you don't in the least wish that you was just in my situation? Miss S. Never do I desire it-never, my dear Fanny, I promise you. Oh, how I long to be transported to the dear regions of Grosvenorsquare-far-far-from the dull districts of Aldersgate, Cheap, Candle-wick, and Farringdon Without and Within!-my heart goes pit-a-pat Fan. No, indeed, I don't. Why should I? at the very idea of being introduced at court!Miss S. Why should you? What! on the gilt chariot !-piebald horses!-laced liveries!brink of marriage, fortune, title-But I had for- and then the whispers buzzing round the circlegot-There's that dear, sweet creature, Mr. Love-"Who is that young lady? Who is she?" "Lady well, in the case.-You would not break your faith with your true-love now for the world, I warrant you. Fan. Mr. Lovewell!-always Mr. Lovewell! -Lord, what signifies Mr. Lovewell, sister? Miss S Pretty peevish soul!-O, my dear, grave, romantic_sister!—a perfect philosopher in petticoats! Love and a cottage!-eh, Fanny-Ah, give me indifference and a coach and six! Fan. And why not a coach and six without the indifference?-But pray when is this happy marriage of yours to be celebrated? I long to give you joy. Miss S. In a day or two-I cannot tell exactlyOh, my dear sister!-I must mortify her a little : [Aside.] I know you have a pretty taste. Pray give me your opinion of my jewels. How do you like the style of this esclavage? [Showing jewels. Fan. Extremely handsome indeed, and well fancied. Melvil, Ma'am!"-Lady Melvil!-My ears tingle at the sound.-And then at dinner, instead of my father perpetually asking-" Any news upon 'Change?"-to cry, "Well, Sir John! any thing new from Arthur's?"-or to say to some other woman of quality, "Was your ladyship at the Duchess of Rubber's last night ?—Did you call in at Lady Thunder's ?-In the immensity of crowd, I swear I did not see you-Scarce a soul at the opera last Saturday-Shall I see you at Carlislehouse next Thursday?"-Oh, the beau monde ! I was born to move in the sphere of the great world. Fan. And so, in the midst of all this happiness, you have no compassion for me--no pity for us poor mortals in common life. Miss S. [Affectedly.] You?-You're above pity. You would not change conditions with me. You're over head and ears in love, you know ;Nay, for that matter, if Mr. Lovewell and you come together, as I doubt not you will, you will Miss S. What d'ye think of these bracelets? I live very comfortably, I dare say.-He will mind shall have a miniature of my father set round with his business-you'll employ yourself in the delightdiamonds to one, and Sir John's to the other. ful care of your family-and once in a season, And this pair of ear-rings, set transparent!- perhaps, you'll sit together in a front box at a Here, the tops, you see, will take off, to wear in benefit play, as we used to do at our dancing masa morning, or in an undress-how d'ye like them? ter's, you know-and perhaps I may meet you in [Shows jewels. the summer, with some other citizens, at TunFan. Very much, I assure you-Bless me, sis- bridge. For my part, I shall always entertain a ter, you have a prodigious quantity of jewels-proper regard for my relations.-You sha'n't want you'll be the very queen of diamonds. my countenance, I assure you. Fan. Oh, you're too kind, sister! Enter MRS. HEidelberg. Miss S. Ha, ha, ha! very well, my dear!-I Fan. But what are your wedding-clothes, sister? Fan. Fy, sister! how could you be so abominably provoking? Miss S. Oh, I have no patience with the pride Fan. Indeed, indeed, sister, this is too much Mrs. H. [At entering.] Here this evening!— I vow and pertest we shall scarce have time to provide for them-Oh, my dear! [To Miss STERLING.] I am glad to see you are not quite in a dishabille. Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil will be Miss S. To-night, Ma'am? Mrs. H. Yes, my dear, to-night.-Oh, put on a smarter cap, and change these ordinary ruffles!Lord, I have such a deal to do, I shall scarce have time to slip on my Italian lutestring.- Where is this dawdle of a housekeeper? Enter TRUSTY. Oh, here, Trusty! do you know that people of qualaty are expected this evening? Trus. Yes, Ma'am. Mrs. H. Well-Do you be sure now that every thing is done in the most genteelest manner-and to the honour of the family. Trus. Yes, Ma'am. Mrs. H. Well-but mind what I say to you. Mrs. H. His lordship is to lie in the chintz bed. chamber-d'ye hear?-and Sir John in the blue damask room-his lordship's valet-de-chamb in the opposite Trus. But Mr. Lovewell is come down-and | John. He is full of attentions to the ladies, and you know that's his room, Ma'am. smiles, and grins, and leers, and ogles, and fi every wrinkle of his old wizen face with conce expressions of tenderness. Ithink he would mak an admirable sweetheart. Enter STERLING. Ster. No fish? Why the pond was dragged but yesterday morning-There's carp and teach in the boat.-Plague on't, if that dog Lovenel had any thought, he would have brought down a turbot, or some of the land-carriage mackarel. Mrs. H. Lord, brother, I am afraid his lordship and Sir John will not arrive while it is light. Ster. I warrant you.-But pray, sister Heidel Mrs. H. Begone, then! fly, this instant!-berg, let the turtle be dressed to-morrow, and some Where's my brother Sterling? Trus. Talking to the butler, Ma'am. Mrs. H. Very well. [Exit TRUSTY.] Miss Fanny, I pertest I did not see you before-Lord, child, what 's the matter with you? Fan. With me! nothing, Ma'am. Mrs. H. Bless me! Why your face is as pale, and black, and yellow-of fifty colours, I vow and pertest. And then you have drest yourself as loose and as big-I declare there is not such a thing to be seen now, as a young woman with a fine waist-You all make yourselves as round as Mrs. Deputy Barter. Go, child! You know the qualaty will be here by and by. Go, and make yourself a little more fit to be seen. [Exit FANNY.] She is gone away in tears-absolutely crying, I vow and pertest.-This ridicalous love! we must put a stop to it. It makes a perfect nataral of the girl. Miss S. Poor soul! she can't help it. [Affectedly. Mrs. H. Well, my dear! Now I shall have an opportunity of convincing you of the absurdity of what you was telling me concerning Sir John Melvil's behaviour to you. Miss S. Oh, it gives me no manner of uneasiness.-But indeed, Ma'am, I cannot be persuaded but that Sir John is an extremely cold lover. Such distant civility, grave looks, and lukewarm professions of esteem for me and the whole family! 1 have heard of flames and darts, but Sir John's is a passion of mere ice and snow. Mrs. H. Oh fy, my dear! I am perfectly ashamed of you. That's so like the notions of your poor sister! What you complain of as coldness and indifference, is nothing but the extreme gentilaty of his address, an exact pictur of the manners of qualaty. Miss S. O, he is the very mirror of complaisance; full of formal bows and set speeches! I declare, if there was any violent passion on my side, I should be quite jealous of him. Mrs. H. Jealous! I say, jealous indeed-Jealous of who, pray? Miss S. My sister Fanny. She seems a much greater favourite than I am; and he pays her infinitely more attention, I assure you. Mrs. H. Lord! d'ye think a man of fashion, as he is, cannot distinguish between the genteel and the vulgar part of the family? Between you and your sister, for instance-or me and my brother? Be advised by me, child; it is all politeness and good breeding. Nobody knows the qualaty better than I do. Miss S. In my mind, the old lord, his uncle, nas ten times more gallantry about him than Sir venison-and let the gardener cut some pineapples and get out some ice.-I'll answer fon wine, I warrant you-I'll give them such a glas of champaign as they never drank in their lives— no, not at a duke's table. Mrs. H. Pray, now, brother, mind how you hehave. I am always in a fright about you with people of qualaty. Take care that you don't fall asleep directly after supper, as you commonly de Take a good deal of snuff: and that will keep you awake And don't burst out with your horrible loud horse-laughs. It is monstrous wulgar Ster. Never fear, sister!-Who have we here? Mrs. H. It is Mounseer Cantoon, the Swish gentleman that lives with his lordship, I vow and pertest. Enter CANTON. Ster. Ah, Mounseer! your servant.-I an very glad to see you, Mounseer. Can. Mosh oblige to Mons. Sterling-Ma'am, I am yours-Matemoiselle, I am your. [Bowing round. Mrs. H. Your humble servant, Mr. Cantoon! Ster. Well, Mounseer!-and what news of your good family?-when are we to see his lordship and Sir John? Can. Mons. Sterling! milor Ogleby and Sir Jean Melvil will be here in one quarter hour. Ster. I am glad to hear it. Mrs. H. O, I am perdigious glad to hear it. Being so late, I was afeard of some accidentWill you please to have any thing, Mr. Cantoon, after your journey? Can. No, tank you, Ma'am. Mrs. H. Shall I go and show you the apart ments, Sir? Can. You do me great honour, Ma'am. SCENE 1-Anti-Room to LORD OGLEBY'S BRUSH and CHAMBERMAID discovered. Brush. You shall stay, my dear, I insist upon it Cham. Nay pray, Sir, don't be so positive; 1 cannot stay, indeed. Brush. You shall drink one cup to our better acquaintance. Cham. I seldom drinks chocolate; and, if I did, one has no satisfaction with such apprehensions about one-if my lord should wake, or the Swish gentleman should see one, or Madam Heidelberg should know of it, I should be frightened to death | --besides, I have had my tea already this morning -I'm sure I hear my lord. [In a fright. Brush. No, no, Madam, don't flutter yourself -the moment my lord wakes he rings his bell, which I answer sooner or later, as it suits my convenience. Cham. But should he come upon us without ringing Brush. I'll forgive him if he does-this key[Takes a vial out of the case.] locks him up till please to let him out. Cham. Law! Sir, that 's potecary's stuff. Brush. It is so-but without this he can no more get out of bed-than he can read without spectacles [Sips.] What with qualms, age, rheumatism, and a few surfeits in his youth, he must have a great deal of brushing, oiling, screwing, and winding-up to set him a-going for the day. Cham. [Sips.] That's prodigious indeed [Sips.] My lord seems quite in a decay. Brush. Yes, he's quite a spectacle. [Sips.] A mere corpse till he is revived and refreshed from our little magazine here-When the restorative pills and cordial waters warm his stomach, and get into his head, vanity frisks in his heart, and then he sets up for the lover, the rake, and the fine gentleman. Cham. [Sips.] Poor gentleman! but should the Swish gentleman come upon us! [Frightened. Brush. Why then the English gentleman would be very angry.-No foreigner must break m upon my privacy. [Sips.] But I can assure you Monsieur Canton is otherwise employedHe is obliged to skim the cream of half a score newspapers for my lord's breakfast-ha, ha, ha! Pray, Madam, drink your cup peaceably-My ord's chocolate is remarkably good; he wont touch a drop but what comes from Italy. Cham. [Sipping] 'Tis very fine indeed! [Sips.] and charmingly perfumed-it smells for all the world like our young ladies' dressing-boxes. Brush. You have an excellent taste, Madam; and I must beg of you to accept of a few cakes for your own drinking; [Takes them out of a drawer in the table.] and in return I desire nothing but to taste the perfume of your lips. [Kisses her.] -A small return of favours, Madam, will make, I hope, this country and retirement agreeable to us both. [He bows, she courtesies.]-Come, pray sit down-Your young ladies are fine girls, faith; [Sips.] though, upon my soul, I am quite of my odd lord's mind about them; and were I inclined to matrimony, I should take the youngest. [Sips. Cham. Miss Fanny! The most affablest, and the most best-natured creter !— Brush. And the eldest a little haughty or soCham. More haughtier and prouder than Saturn himself-but this I say quite confidential to you; for one would not hurt a young lady's marriage, you know. [Sips. Brush. By no means; but you cannot hurt it with us-we don't consider tempers-we want money, Mrs. Nancy. Give us plenty of that, we'll abate you a great deal in other particulars, ha, ha, ha! Cham. Bless me, here's somebody! [Bell rings.]-Oh, 'tis my lord !-Well, your servant, Mr. Brush--I'll clean the cups in the next room. Brush. Do so-but never mind the bell-I sha'n't go this half hour.-Will you drink tea with me in the afternoon? Cham. Not for the world, Mr. Brush-I'll be here to set all things to rights-But I must not drink tea indeed-and so your servant. [Exit with tea-board. Bell rings again. Brush. Yes, yes, I hear you.-It is impossible to stupify one's self in the country for a week, without some little flirting with the abigails;this is much the handsomest wench in the house, except the old citizen's youngest daughter, and I have not time enough to lay a plan for her.-[Bell rings.] O, my lord [Going. Enter CANTON with newspapers in his hand. Can. Monsieur Brush!-Maitre Brush! my lor stirra yet? Brush. He has just rung his bell-I am going to him. [Exit. Can. Depechez-vous donc. [Puts on his spectacles.]-I wish de deveil had all dese papiersI forget as fast as I read-de Advertise put out of my head de Gazette, de Chronique, and so dey all go l'un apres l'autre-I must get some nouvelle for my lor, or he'll be enrage contre moi.- Voyons! [Reads the paper.] Here is nothing but AntiSejanus and advertise Enter MAID with chocolate things. Vat you want, chil? Maid. Only the chocolate things, Sir. Can. O, ver well-dat is good girl-and ver prit too. [Exit MAID. Lord O. [Within.] Canton! he, he-[Coughs.] Canton! Can. I come, my!-vat shall I do?-I have no news-he will make great tintamarre !Lord O. [Within.] Canton! I say, Canton ! Where are you? Enter LORD OGLEBY, leaning on Brush. Can. Here, my lor!-I ask pardon, my lor, I have not finish de papiers.— Lord O. Damn your pardon and your papiers -I want you here, Canton. Can. Den I run, dat is all. [Shuffles along. LORD OGLEBY leans upon CANTON too, and comes forward. Lord O. You Swiss are the most unaccountable mixture-you have the language and the impertinence of the French, with the laziness of Dutchmen. Can. 'Tis very true, my lor-I can't help— Can. You are not in pain, I hope, my lor? Lord O. Indeed but I am, my lor.-That vulgar fellow, Sterling, with his city politeness, would force me down his slope last night to see a claycoloured ditch, which he calls a canal; and what with the dew and the east wind, my hips and shoulders are absolutely screwed to my body. Can. A littel veritable eau d'arquibusade vil set all to right [LORD OGLEBY sits down, and BRUSH gives chocolate. Lord O. Where are the palsy drops, Brush? Brush. Here, my lord. [Pours out. Lord O. Quelle nouvelle avez-vous, Canton ? Can. A great deal of papier, but no news at all. Lord O. What! nothing at all, you stupid fellow! Can. Oui, my lor, I have little advertise, here, vil give you more plaisir den all de lies about noting at all. La voila! [Puts on his spectacles, |