We have pored on the sea till we're weary, And taking our pleasure a bore. For it's O! what will become of us? SAINT PETER AND THE BLACKSMITH. doubt she took another cup on the strength of this assurance. But our Lord was desirous to testify his thanks to the man also, and promised to grant him four wishes. "Well," said the smith, "I am heartily obliged to you, and wish, that if any one climbs up the pear-tree behind my house, he may not be able to get down again without my leave." This grieved St. Peter not a little, for he thought that the smith ought rather to have wished for the kingdom of heaven. But our Lord, with his wonted kindness, granted his petition. The smith's next wish was that if any one sat down upon his anvil, he might not be able to rise without his permission: and the third, that if any one crept into his old flue, he might not get out without his consent. In Roman Catholic countries it was a very ancient St. Peter said, "Friend smith, beware what thou custom for the preacher to divert his congregation dost. These are all wishes that can bring thee no adin due season with what is termed an Eastern tale, vantage. Be wise, and let the remaining one be for which was received by the auditors with peals of everlasting life with the blest in heaven." The smith Eastern laughter. During Lent the good people had was not to be put out of his way, and thus proceeded; mortified themselves and prayed so much, that they" My fourth wish is, that my green cap may belong began to be discontented and ill tempered; so that the clergy deemed it necessary to make a little fun from the pulpit for them, and thus give as it were the first impulse towards the revival of mirth and cheerfulness. This practice lasted till the seventeenth century. The following is by the Rev. Father Attansy. Our Lord was journeying with St. Peter and had passed through many countries. One day he came to a place where there was no inn, and entered the house of a blacksmith. This man had a wife who paid the utmost respect to the strangers, and treated them with the best that her house would afford. When they were about to depart, our Lord and St. Peter wished her all that was good, and heaven beside. Said the woman: "Ah! if I do but go to heaven, I care for nothing else." "Doubt not," said St. Peter," for it would be contrary to scripture if thou shouldst not go. Open thy mouth. Did I not say so? Why, thou canst not be sent to hell, where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth-for thou hast not a tooth left in thy head. Thou art safe enough; be of good cheer." Who was so overjoyed as the good woman? Without to me for ever; and that whenever I sit down upon it no power or force may be able to drive me away.' Thereupon our Lord went his way with St. Peter, and the smith lived some years longer with his old woman. At the end of this time, grim death appeared, and summoned him to the other world. "Stop a moment," said the smith; "let me just put on a clean shirt, meanwhile you may pick some of the pears on yonder tree." Death climbed up the tree, but he could not get down again; he was forced to submit to the smith's terms, a respite for twenty years, before he returned. When the twenty years were expired, he again appeared and commanded him, in the name of the Lord and St. Peter, to go along with him. "I know St. Peter too," said the smith; "sit down a little on my anvil, for thou must be tired; I will just drink a cup to cheer me, and take leave of my old woman, and be with thee presently." But death could not rise again from his seat, and was obliged to promise the smith another delay of twenty years. When these had elapsed, old Satan came, and would fain have dragged the smith away by force. Halloo, fellow!" said the latter, "that won't do. I have other letters and whiter than thou with thy black carta bianca. But if thou art such a conjurer as to imagine that thou hast any power over me, let me see if thou canst get into this old rusty flue." No sooner said than the old one slipped into the flue. The smith and his men put the flue into the fire, then carried it to the anvil, and hammered away at the old one most unmercifully. He howled, and begged, and prayed; and at last promised that he would have nothing to do with the smith if he would but let him depart. At length the smith's guardian-angel made his appearance. The business was now serious. He was obliged to go. The angel conducted him to torment. Satan, whom he had so terribly belaboured, was just then attending the gate; he looked out at the little window, but quickly shut it again, and would have nothing to do with the smith. The angel then conducted him to the gate of heaven. St. Peter refused to admit him. Let me just peep in," said the smith, "that I may see how it looks there." No sooner was the wicket opened than the smith threw in his cap and said: "Thou knowest it is my property, I must go and fetch it."-Then slipping past, he clapped himself down upon it and said: "Now I am sitting on my own property; I should like to see who dares drive me away from it." Thus the smith got into heaven at last. TRAGEDY AND COMEDY. ON THE LATE LORD ELLENBOROUGH TERMING When Mrs. Pot behav'd amiss, He held his passions in command, Said he (which some will think but odd) My conscience, and my friend." Which truth must still commend. Who made such kind advances : BEQUEATHING THE AGUE. A farmer, in a parish not far from Liverpool, had been sorely afflicted with the ague for between two and three years; it was sometimes quotidian, sometimes tertian, and for a long time together quartan. This lingering strange disorder had, in short, reduced this poor man to a perfect skeleton; his spirits were exhausted, and nature seemed to be quite worn out; Rousseau makes this distinction between tragedy he expected nothing but death; yet as he was, when and comedy. In comedy, the plot turns on marriage; in health, a jocose merry man, he thought he would in tragedy, it turns on murder. The whole intrigue, appear jocular in his will, which his friends advised in the one and the other, turns on this grand event; him to make. After bequeathing some small lewill they marry? will they not marry? will they gacies, he says, "Item, I give and bequeath these murder will they not murder? There will be a mar-plaguy ague fits to Mr. the parson of the riage; there will be murder; and this forms act the parish." Whether it was by making this bequest first. There will be no marriage; there will be no that the fits left him, our readers are at liberty to murder; and this gives birth to act the second. A guess; but leave him they did, and the next day new mode of marrying and of murdering is prepared seized upon the poor parson, and handled him sefor the third act. A new difficulty impedes the mar-verely. The parson, on being told that his neighbour riage or the murder, which the fourth act discusses. J had bequeathed them to him in his will, was so At last, the marriage and the murder are effected much exasperated that he would not speak to the for the benefit of the last act. poor man for some years after. THE WIFE. Does fortune smile, how grateful must it prove, WYCHERLEY'S PLAIN DEALING. 'Plain "since We all know very families do live exceedingly well out of the congregation of social souls, who meet together, from time to time, at noon and at even, to celebrate the orgies of Bacchus, in companies, perhaps to keep one another in countenance; and when we consider what sums are annually expended in the metropolis, Wycherley being at Tunbridge for the benefit of his whereby the cares of life are temporarily drowned by health, was walking one day on the Wells Walk with deep potations, it becomes a question whether the his friend, Mr. Fairbeard, of Gray's Inn, and just as he system of going to clubs, among people of mediocrity came up to a bookseller's shop, the Countess of Dro-well that the revenues flourish wonderfully through is not worthy of some attention. gheda, a young widow, rich, noble, and beautiful, this good fellowship of malt-and-spirit-drinking came to a bookseller's, and inquired for the citizens, and that they have friendly societies to boot, Dealer." "Madam," said Mr. Fairbeard, where, under the pretence of laying by a shilling you are for the Plain Dealer,' there he is for you, a week, to help them to be buried comfortably, pushing Wycherley towards her. "Yes," says Wycherley, "this lady can bear plain dealing; for she they spend another shilling on the back of it. appears to be so accomplished, that what would be compliment said to others, would be plain dealing spoken to her." "No, truly, sir," said the countess, "I am not without my faults, any more than the rest of my sex; and yet I love plain dealing, and am never more fond of it, than when it tells me of them." “Then, Madam,” says Mr. Fairbeard, "you and the Plain Dealer seem designed by Heaven for each other." In short, Wycherley walked with the countess, waited upon her home, visited her daily while she was at Tunbridge, and afterwards, in London; where, in a little time, a marriage was concluded between them. In the year 1745, was published "Ned Ward's complete and humorous Account of all the remarkable Clubs and Societies in the Cities of London and Westminster, from the Royal Society down to the Lumber Troop, &c." It is dedicated "To that luciferous and sublime Lunatic, the Emperor of the Moon; Governor of the Tides; Corrector of Female Constitutions; Cornuted Metropolitan of all revolv ing Cities, and Principal Director of those Churches most subject to Mutation." He then, after giving a dissertation on Clubs in general, describes the Clubs of his day; viz.-the Virtuoso's Club-the Knights of the Order of the Golden Fleece-the No-nose Club-the Man-killing or (Duelling) Club-of the Surly Club-the Atheistical Club-Club of Ugly Faces-the Split-farthing Club-the Club of Broken Shopkeepers-the Man Hunter's Club-the Yorkshire Club-the Beau's Club-the Wrangling or Hustlefarthing Club-the Quack's Club, or the Physical Society the Weekly Dancing Club-the Bird Fancier's Club-the Lying Club--the Beggar's Clubthe Chatterwit Club-the Florist's Club-Bob Weden's Cellar Club-the Molly's Club-Sam Soot's Smoking Club-the Market Women's Club-the Thieves' Club-the Small Coal Man's Music Clubthe Kit-kat Club-the Beef Steak Club, &c. &c. The Virtuoso's Club.-Part of the notable inven The Surly Club was established near Billingsgate to keep up the genuine vernacular-the vulgar tongue. Coachmen, watchmen, carmen, and such like, met like gentlemen once a week, to exercise in the art or mystery of fine language, that they might not be at a loss to abuse those whom they drove, &c. If any of these members had by mistake uttered a civil expression, or was suspected to be corrupted with good manners, he was looked upon as an effeminate coxcomb, who had sucked in too much of his mother's milk, and was most likely expelled. By this society was erected the bumping post at Billingsgate, to harden the latter ends of the members once a year, in order to prevent a cowardly fear of being kicked, by being thus used to it. tions of this club were the conveying of Hampstead drawn blood. This club, consisting only of men of air into the city of London, by subterraneous pipes, honour however, did not continue long; most of the for the benefit of all sickly families. To make sea-members of it being put to the sword, or hanged, a water fresh-to bring fowls to be cheaper than little after its institution." butcher's meat-a nuptial calendar exactly calculated for the meridian of London, wherein a married man may look at any time, and see how often he has been cornuted; to which is added a very useful table, by which he may discover the who, how, where, and the when. The new art of cookery, by that excellent contrivance of a potato kitchen, called by some a digester, and by others a dogstarver; by the use of which a man may stew a leg of beef at a half-penny charge, till the flesh is dissolved into strong broth, and the bones became as soft as butter'd apple pie. This society were so philosophical, that if a member who smoked a pipe could not give a reason for the blueness of the smoke, he would undoubtedly be expelled. The No-Nose Club.-This club was established by a merry gentleman, who, having steered an improper course in the straits of pleasure, and having observed in his walks that several others had unluckily fallen into the Egyptian fashion of flat faces, pleased him self by collecting together all these imperfect vizards into one noseless and snuffling society. It was rather aptly observed by one of the society, that if by chance they should fall together by the ears, they would fight long enough before they'd have bloody noses; and when they had a young pig for dinner, the snout was always cut off, by way of compliment, by the cook. The Club of Ugly Faces.-This society consisted of those to whom nature had been exceedingly unkind. The first member had a nose of immense magnitude; the second a chin like and as long as a shoe-horn the third, disfigured with a mouth like a gallon pot, when both the sides are nearly squeezed together; a fourth, with eyes like a tumbler, and one bigger than the other; a fifth, with a pair of convex cheeks, as if like Eolus, the god of the winds, he had stopped his breath for a time, to be the better able to discharge a hurricane; a sixth with as many wens and warts as there are knots and prickles upon an old thornThe Man-killing Club.-This was a club of duel-back; a seventh, with a pair of skinny jaws that lists and bravoes, and none were admitted that had wrapped over in folds like the hide of a rhinoceros, not killed their man, It is needless to say they were and that with a tusk strutting beyond his lips, as if all men of honour, and to prove it, their limbs and he had been begot by a man-tiger; a ninth, with a features were so lopped and scratched, that they hare-lip that had drawn his mouth into several corlooked like the Elgin marbles. Blood, wounds, bul-ners; the tenth, with a huge "Lauderdale" head, as lets, and slaughter were the topics of their conversation. The Spectator says, “The president of this club was said to have killed half a dozen men in single combat; and as for the other members, they took their seats according to the number of their slain. There was likewise a side table for such as had only big in circumference as the golden ball under St. Paul's cross, and a face so fiery, that the ruddy front of the orbicular lump which stood so elevated upon his lofty shoulders made it look like the flaming urn on the top of the monument, &c. &c. and such like, who might resemble barbers' blocks in expression. 6 These gentlemen seldom distinguished one another friendship, while we live; and never directly nor indirectly reveal or make known, without consent of the whole club asked, and given, the names of the members or nature of the club. The firth: that none shall be invited or admitted into our club before she be fifteen years of age nor after her twentieth year is expired. Six o' Clock Club.-There was a club existing about sixty years since, with the name of Number Six. Dr. Brooks and Professor Porson were members. It consisted of six members, who met at six in the evening, and who never parted till six in the morning! The Kit-Cat Club.-"This club," says Walpole, " generally mentioned as a set of wits, were in reality the patriots that saved Britain." Under the mask of conviviality, and the encouragement of the belles lettres, the place of rendezvous was at a pastry-cook's in Shire-lane, Temple Bar; afterwards as Kit (Christopher) Cat got up in the world, at a tavern, in the The Split-farthing Club was an assemblage of mi- Strand; for a young lady to be toasted as the reignsers who met to consult how they might improve their ing beauty of the day at this club, was to set her up riches, by punishing their bellies, and pinching others for life. Jacob Tonson the bookseller, who had a by usury. One would applaud the frugality of the principal share in the formation of it, was presented former, who never wore any other clothes, than what with all the portraits, and all painted by Sir Godfrey was made of the wool that he picked off the hedges. Kneller. Ned Ward describes it thus: "This ingeAnother would extol the prudence of the citizen who nious society of Apollo's sons, who for many years kept a load of faggots in his house, to warm his ser-have been the grand monopolizers of those scandalous vants in cold weather, by handing them up stairs and commodities in this flighty age, viz. Wit and Poetry, down between the garret and the cellar. Thus went had the first honour to be forwarded by an amphibitheir conversation. Their dresses seemed to be made ous mortal, chief merchant to the Muses, and, in these in the days of Robin Hood, and their stockings times of piracy, both bookseller and printer; who almost darned as much as the good housewife's hose having, many years since, conceived a wonderful in the library at Oxford, which has not enough left kindness for one of the brethren of the greasy fraterof the first knitting to show its original contexture. nity, then living at the end of Bell Court, in Gray's This society had such a starved appearance, that it Inn Lane, where, finding out the knack of humourwas suspected there was not an ounce of fat among ing his neighbour Bocai's (Jacob Tonson the bookthe whole. seller) palate, had by his culinary qualifications so highly advanced himself in the favours of his good friend, that through his advice and assistance he removed out of Gray's Inn Lane, to keep a puddingpie-shop near the Fountain tavern in the Strand, encouraged by an assurance that Bocai and his friends would come every week, to storm the crusty walls of his mutton-pies, and make a consumption of his cus The Female Intellectual Club.-In the year 1720 was published in 4to, An Account of the Fair Intellectual Club in Edinburgh, in a Letter to an honourable Member of an Athenian Society there, by a young Lady, the Secretary of the Club!" There were sixteen rules and constitutions: the first ran thus: That we shall maintain a sincere and constant mutual |