The Works of the British Dramatists: Carefully Selected from the Original ...

But ragged entertainment from your grooms here,
I hope from you to receive that noble usage
As may become the true friend of your husband,
And then I shall forget these.

L. All. I am amazed

To see and hear this rudeness. Darest thou think,
Though sworn, that it can ever find belief,
That I, who to the best men of this country
Denied my presence, since my husband's death,
Can fall so low as to change words with thee?
Thou son of infamy! forbear my house,
And know and keep the distance that's be-
tween us;

Or, though it be against my gentle temper,
I shall take order you no more shall be
An eyesore to me.

Well. Scorn me not, good lady;
But, as in form you are angelical,

Imitate the heavenly natures, and vouchsafe
At the least awhile to hear me. You will grant
The blood that runs in this arm is as noble
As that which fills your veins; those costly
jewels,

And those rich clothes you wear, your men's observance,

And women's flattery, are in you no virtues;
Nor these rags, with my poverty, in me vices.
You have a fair fame, and, I know, deserve it;
Yet lady, I must say, in nothing more
Than in the pious sorrow you have shown
For your late noble husband.

Ord. How she starts!

Furn. And hardly can keep finger from the eye, To hear him named.

L. All. Have you aught else to say?

Well. That husband, madam, was once in his fortune

Almost as low as I; want, debts, and quarrels
Lay heavy on him: let it not be thought
A boast in me, though I say, I relieved him.
'Twas I that gave him fashion; mine the sword,
That did on all occasions second his :

I brought him on and off with honour, lady;
And when in all men's judgments he was sunk,
And, in his own hopes, not to be buoy'd up,
I stepp'd unto him, took him by the hand,
And set him upright.

Furn. Are not we base rogues,
That could forget this?

Well. I confess, you made him

Master of your estate; nor could your friends, Though he brought no wealth with him, blame you for it;

For he had a shape, and to that shape a mind
Made up of all parts, either great or noble;
So winning a behaviour, not to be

Resisted, madam.

L. All. 'Tis most true, he had.

Well. For his sake, then, in that I was his friend,

Over. He's gone, I warrant thee; this commission crush'd him.

Mar. Your worships have the way on't, and ne'er miss

To squeeze these unthrifts into air: and yet,
The chapfall'n justice did his part, returning,
For your advantage, the certificate,
Against his conscience, and his knowledge too,
With your good favour,-to the utter ruin
Of the poor farmer.

Over. 'Twas for these good ends

I made him a justice: he that bribes his belly, Is certain to command his soul.

Mar. I wonder,

Still with your licence, why, your worship having The power to put this thin-gut in commission, You are not in't yourself?

Over. Thou art a fool;

In being out of office, I am out of danger;
Where, if I were a justice, besides the trouble,
I might or out of wilfulness, or error,
Run myself finely into a premunire,
And so become a prey to the informer.
No, I'll have none of't; 'tis enough I keep
Greedy at my devotion: so he serve

My purposes, let him hang, or damn, I care not;
Friendship is but a word.

Mar. You are all wisdom.

Over. I would be worldly wise; for the other wisdom,

That does prescribe us a well-govern'd life,
And to do right to others as ourselves,
I value not an atom.

Mar. What course take you,

With your good patience, to hedge in the manor
Of your neighbour, Master Frugal ? as 'tis sald
He will nor sell, nor borrow, nor exchange;
And his land, lying in the midst of your many
Is a foul blemish.
(lordships,

Over. I have thought on't, Marrall,
And it shall take. I must have all men sellers,
And I the only purchaser.

Mar. 'Tis most fit, sir.

Over. I'll therefore buy some cottage near his

manor,

Which done, I'll make my men break ope his fences,

Ride o'er his standing corn, and in the night Set fire on his barns, or break his cattle's legs: These trespasses draw on suits, and suits ex

penses,

Which I can spare, but will soon beggar him.
When I have harried him thus two or three year,
Though he sue in forma pauperis, in spite
Of all his thrift and care, he'll grow behind hand

Mar. The best I ever heard! I could adore y
Over. Then, with the favour of my man of haw
I will pretend some title: want will force him
To put it to arbitrement; then, if he sell
For half the value, he shall have ready inoney,
And I possess his land.

Mar. The more pale-spirited you,

Mar. "Tis above wonder!
Wellborn was apt to sell, and needed not
These fine arts, sir, to hook him in.

Over. Well thought on.

This varlet, Marrall, lives too long, to upbraid me
With my close cheat put upon him. Will nor
Nor hunger kill him?
[cold

Mar. I know not what to think on't.

I have used all means; and the last night I caused
His host, the tapster, to turn him out of doors;
And have been since with all your friends and
tenants,

And on the forfeit of your favour, charged them,
Though a crust of mouldy bread would keep him
from starving,

Yet they should not relieve him. This is done, sir.

Over. That was something, Marrall; but thou must go further,

And suddenly, Marrall.

Mar. Where, and when you please, sir.

That would not be instructed. I swear deeply-
Well. By what?

Mar. By my religion.
Well. Thy religion!

The devil's creed:-but what would you have done?

Mar. Had there been but one tree in all the
shire,

Nor any hope to compass a penny halter,
Before, like you, I had outlived my fortunes,
A withe had served my turn to hang myself.
I am zealous in your cause; pray you hang your-
And presently, as you love your credit. [self,
Well. I thank you.

Mar. Will you stay till you die in a ditch, or
lice devour you?-

Or, if you dare not do the feat yourself,
But that you'll put the state to charge and trouble,
Is there no purse to be cut, house to be broken,
Or market-woman with eggs, that you may
[murder,

Over. I would have thee seek him out, and, if And so despatch the business?
thou canst,

Persuade him that 'tis better steal than beg;
Then, if I prove he has but robb'd a henroost,
Not all the world shall save him from the gallows.
Do anything to work him to despair;

And 'tis thy masterpiece.

Mar. I will do my best, sir.

Over. I am now on my main work with the
Lord Lovell,

The gallant-minded, popular Lord Lovell,
The minion of the people's love. I hear
He's come into the country, and my aims are
To insinuate myself into his knowledge,
And then invite him to my house.

Mar. I have you:

This points at my young mistress.

Over. She must part with

That humble title, and write honourable,

Right honourable, Marrall, my right honourable
daughter;

If all I have, or e'er shall get, will do it.
I'll have her well attended; there are ladies
Of errant knights decay'd, and brought so low,
That for cast clothes and meat will gladly serve
her.

And 'tis my glory, though I come from the city,
To have their issue whom I have undone
To kneel to mine as bondslaves.

Mar. "Tis fit state, sir.

Well. Here's variety,

I must confess; but I'll accept of none
Of all your gentle offers, I assure you.

Mar. Why, have you hope ever to eat again,
Or drink? or be the master of three farthings?
If you like not hanging, drown yourself; take
For your reputation.
[some course

Well. "Twill not do, dear tempter,
With all the rhetoric the fiend hath taught you.
I am as far as thou art from despair;
Nay, I have confidence, which is more than hope,
To live, and suddenly, better than ever.
Mar. Ha! ha! these castles you build in the
Will not persuade me or to give, or lond,
A token to you.

Well. I'll be more kind to thee:
Come, thou shalt dine with me.
Mar. With you!

Well. Nay more, dine gratis.

[air,

Mar. Under what hedge, I pray you? or at whose cost?

Are they padders or abram-men1 that are your consorts?

Well. Thou art incredulous: but thou shalt
dine,

Not alone at her house, but with a gallant lady;
With me, and with a lady.

Mar. Lady! what lady?

With the lady of the lake, or queen of fairies?
For I know it must be an enchanted dinner.

Well. With the Lady Allworth, knave.

Mar. Nay, now there's hope

Thy brain is crack'd.

Well. Mark there, with what respect

ACT II-SCENE II.

A Room in LADY ALLWORTH's House.

Enter ALLWORTH, Waiting-woman, Chambermaid, ORDER, AMBLE, FURNACE, and WATCHALL, Woman. Could you not command your leisure one hour longer?

Cham. Or half an hour?

All. I have told you what my haste is: Besides, being now another's, not mine own, Howe'er I much desire to enjoy you longer, My duty suffers, if, to please myself,

I should neglect my lord.

Woman. Pray you do me the favour

To put these few quince-cakes into your pocket;
They are of mine own preserving.

Cham. And this marmalade;

'Tis comfortable for your stomach. Woman. And, at parting,

Excuse me if I beg a farewell from you.

Cham. You are still before me. I move the same suit, sir.

[ALLWORTH kisses them severally.

Furn. How greedy these chamberers are of a beardless chin!

I think the tits will ravish him.

Woman. We can bear, I warrant you.
[Exeunt Waiting-woman and Chambermaid.
Furn. Here, drink it off; the ingredients are
cordial,

And this the true elixir; it hath boil'd
Since midnight for you. 'Tis the quintessence
Of five cocks of the game, ten dozen of sparrows,
Knuckles of veal, potato-roots, and marrow,

Furn. Marry, sir, I have some grouse, and turkey chicken,

Some rails and quails, and my lady will'd me ask
you

What kind of sauces best affect your palate,
That I may use my utmost skill to please it.

Mar. The devil's enter'd this cook: sauce for
his palate!

That, on my knowledge, for almost this twelvemonth,

Durst wish but cheeseparings and brown bread

on Sundays.

[Aside.

Well. That way I like them best.

Furn. It shall be done, sir.

[Exit.

Well. What think you of the hedge we shall dine Shall we feed gratis?

[under!

Mar. I know not what to think;

Coral and ambergris: were you two years older, Pray you make me not mad.
And I had a wife, or gamesome mistress,

I durst trust you with neither: you need not bait
After this, I warrant you, though your journey's
long;

You may ride on the strength of this till tomorrow morning.

All. Your courtesies overwhelm me: I much grieve

To part from such true friends; and yet find
comfort.

My attendance on my honourable lord,
Whose resolution holds to visit my lady,
Will speedily bring me back.

[Knocking within. Exit WATCHALL.
Mar. [within.] Dar'st thou venture further?
Well. within.] Yes, yes, and knock again.
Ord. 'Tis he; disperse!

Amb. Perform it bravely.

Furn. I know my cue, ne'er doubt me.
[Exeunt all but ALLWORTH.

Re-enter WATCHALL, ceremoniously introducing
WELLBORN and MARRALL.

Watch. Beast that I was, to make you stay!

most welcome;

You were long since expected.

Well. Say so much

To my friend, I pray you.

Watch. For your sake, I will, sir.

Mar. For his sake!

Well. Mum; this is nothing.

Mar. More than ever

I would have believed, though I had found it in

my primer.

Re-enter ORDER.

Re-enter Waiting-woman and Chambermaid.
Woman. Oh! sir, you are wish'd for.
Cham. My lady dreamt, sir, of you.
Woman. And the first command she gave,
after she rose,

Was (her devotions done) to give her notice
When you approach'd here.

Cham. Which is done, on my virtue.
Mar. I shall be converted; I begin to grow
Into a new belief, which saints, nor angels,
Could have won me to have faith in.
Woman. Sir, my lady!

Enter LADY ALLWORTH.

L. All. I come to meet you, and languish'd till
I saw you.

This first kiss is for form; I allow a second
To such a friend.
[Kisses WELLBORN.
Mar. To such a friend! Heaven bless me !
Well. I am wholly yours: yet, madam, if you

Furn. What of him, man?

443

Furn. My lady frowns.

L. All. You wait well!

[To AMBLE. Let me have no more of this; I observed your jeering:

Sirrah, I'll have you know, whom I think worthy
To sit at my table, be he ne'er so mean,
When I am present, is not your companion.

Ord. Nay, she'll preserve what's due to her.
Furn. This refreshing

Follows your flux of laughter.

L. All. [To WELLBORN.] You are master
Of your own will. I know so much of manners,
As not to enquire your purposes; in a word,
To me you are ever welcome, as to a house
That is your own.

Well. Mark that.
Mar. With reverence, sir,
An it like your worship.

[Aside to MARRALL.

Well. Trouble yourself no further,

Dear madam; my heart's full of zeal and service, However in my language I am sparing.

Come, Master Marrall.

Mar. I attend your worship.

[Exeunt WELLBORN and MARRALL. L. All. I see in your looks you are sorry, and you know me

An easy mistress: be merry; I have forgot all. Order and Furnace, come with me; I must give you

Further directions.

Ord. What you please.
Furn. We are ready.

ACT II.-SCENE III.

[Exeunt.

Mar. This your batoon hath got a touch of it.

[Kisses the end of his cudgel. Yet, if you please, for change, I have twenty pounds here,

Which, out of my true love, I'll presently

Enter OVERREACH, speaking to a Servant vidhis.
Over. Sirrah, take my horse.

I'll walk to get me an appetite; 'tis but a mile,
And exercise will keep me from being parsey.
Ha! Marrall! is he conjuring? Forhaps
The knave has wrought the prodigal to do
Some outrage on himself, and now be feels
Compunction in his conscience fort: no matter,
So it be done. Marrall!

Mar. Sir.

Orer. How succeed we In our plot on Wellborn?

Mar. Never better, sir.

Over. Has he hang'd or drown'd himself?
Mar. No, sir, he lives:

Lives once more to be made a prey to you,
A greater prey than ever.

Over. Art thou in thy wits?

If thou art, reveal this miracle, and briefly.
Mar. A lady, sir, is fall'n in love with him.
Over. With him! what lady?

Mar. The rich Lady Allworth.

Over. Thou dolt! how dar'st thou speak this? Mar. I speak truth.

And I do so but once a year, unless

It be to you, sir: we dined with her ladyship, I thank his worship.

Over. His worship!

Mar. As I live, sir,

I dined with him, at the great lady's table,

Lay down at your worship's feet; 'twill serve to Simple as I stand here; and saw when she kiss'd

him,

And would, at his request, have kiss'd me too;
But I was not so audacious as some youths are,
That dare do anything, be it ne'er so absurd,
And sad after performance.

Over. Why, thou rascal!
To tell me these impossibilities.

Dine at her table! and kiss him! or thee!-
Impudent varlet, have not I myself,

To whom great countesses' doors have oft flow open,

Ten times attempted, since her husband's death, In vain to see her, though I came-a suitor? And yet your good solicitorship, and rogue Wellborn,

Well. Dost thou think, though I want clothes, Were brought into her presence, feasted with

I could not have them,

For one word to my lady?

Mar. As I know not that!

Well. Come, I will tell thee a secret, and so leave thee.

I'll not give her the advantage, though she be
A gallant-minded lady, after we are married
(There being no woman, but is sometimes
froward),

To hit me in the teeth, and say, she was forced
To buy my wedding-clothes, and took me on,
With a plain riding-suit, and an ambling nag.
No, I'll be furnish'd something like myself,
And so farewell: for thy suit touching Knave's-

her!

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