Drom. Nay, my master, old Memphio, hath a fool to his son. Ris. I must convey a contract. Drom. And I must convey a contract. Ris. Between her and Memphio's son, without speaking one to another. Drom. Between him and Stellio's daughter, Ris. Not I, for all that is true. Ris. Then we are both driven to our wits-ends; for if either of them had been wise, we might have tempered, if no marriage, yet a close marriage. Drom. Well, let us sharpen our accounts: there's no better grindstone for a young man's head, than to have it whet upon an old man's purse. Oh, thou shalt see my knavery shave like a razor! Ris. Thou for the edge, and I the point, will make the fool bestride our mistress' backs, and then have at the bag with the dudgeon haft; that is, at the dudgeon dagger, by which hangs his tantony pouch. Drom. These old huddles have such strong purses with locks, when they shut them they go off like a snaphance *. Ris. The old fashion is best; a purse with a ring round about it, is a circle to course a knave's hand from it: but, Dromio, two they say may $ 66 Snaphance," the ancient name for a firelock. keep counsel, if one be away; but to convey knavery, two are too few and four to many. Drom. And in good time look where Halfpenny, Sperantus' boy, cometh; though bound up in decimo sexto for carriage, yet a wit in folio for cozenage. Single Halfpenny, what news are now current? Enter HALFpenny. Half. Nothing but that such double coystrels* as you be are counterfeit. Ris. Are you so dapper, we'll send you for a halfpenny loaf. Half. I shall go for silver though, when you shall be nailed up for slips. Drom. Thou art a slipstring, I'll warrant. Half. I hope you shall never slip string, but hang steady. Ris. Dromio, look here, now is my hand on my halfpenny. Half. Thou liest; thou hast not a farthing to lay thy hands on; I am none of thine; but let me be wagging, my head is full of hammers, and they have so malletted my wit, that I am almost a malcontent. Drom. Why, what's the matter? Half. My master hath a fine scholar to his son, Prisius a fair lass to his daughter. * "Coystrel," a mean, or drunken fellow; it is properly a wine-vessel." MALONE. "This word seems to be corrupted from kestrel, a bastard kind of hawk." STEVENS. To judge from the context, I should think some bad coin was then quaintly called coystrel. Drom. Well. Half. They two love one another deadly. Half. The fathers have put them up, utterly disliking the match; and have appointed the one shall have Memphio's son, the other Stellio's daughter; this works like wax; but how it will fadge in the end, the hen that sits next the cock cannot tell. Ris. If thou have but any spice of knavery we'll make thee happy. Half. Tush, doubt not of mine; I am as full for my pitch as you are for yours; a wren's egg is as full of meat as a goose's egg, though there be not so much in it; you shall find this head well stuft though there went little stuff to it. Drom. Lando ingenium, I like thy sconce; then hearken: Memphio's made me of his council about marriage of his son to Stellio's daughter; Stellio made Risio acquainted to plot a match with Memphio's son; to be short, they be both fools. Half. But they are not fools that be short; if I thought thou mean'st so, senties qui vir sim, thou shouldst have a crow to pull. Ris. Be not angry, Halfpenny; for fellowship we will be all fools, and for gain all knaves. But why dost thou laugh? Half. At mine own conceit and quick cen sure. Ris. What's the matter? Half. Suddenly methought you two were asses, and that the least ass was the more ass. Ris. Thou art a fool; that cannot be. Half. Yea, my young master taught me to prove it by learning, and so I can, out of Ovid, by a verse. Ris. Prithee how? Half. You must first, for fashion sake, confess yourselves to be asses. Drom. Well. Half. Then stand you here, and you there. Half. Then this is the verse as I point it: Cum mala per longas invaluére moras, so you see the least ass is the more ass *. Ris. We'll bite for an ape, if thou bob us like asses. But to end all, if thou wilt join with us, we will make a match between the two fools, for that must be our tasks, and thou shalt devise to couple Candius and Livia by overreaching their fathers. Half. Let me alone, non enim mea pigra inventio, there's matter in this noddle. Enter LUCIO. But look where Prisius' boy comes, as fit as a pudding for a dog's mouth. Luc. Pop three knaves in a sheath, I'll make it a right Tunbridge case and be the bodkin. Ris. Nay, the bodkin is here already; you must be the knife. Half. I am the bodkin, look well to your ears; I must bore them. * Halfpenny's wit is somewhat obscure: a pun seems to be intended between longas and long-ass, and between moras and more-ass. Drom. Mew✶ thy tongue or we'll cut it out: this I speak representing the person of a knife, as thou didst that in shadow of a bodkin. Luc. I must be gone; tædet, it irketh; oportet, it behoveth my wits to work like barme, alias yeast, alias sizing, alias rising, alias God's good. Half. The new wine is in thine head, yet was he fain to take this metaphor from ale; and now you talk of ale, let us all to the wine. Drom. Four makes a mess, and we have a mess of master that must be cozened; let us lay our heads together, they are married and cannot. Half. Let us consult at the tavern; where, after to the health of Memphio, drink we to the life of Stellio; I carouse to Prisius, and brinch you mas Sperantus; we shall cast up our accounts and discharge our stomachs, like men that can digest any thing. Luc. I see not yet what you go about. Drom. Lucio, that can pierce a mud-wall of twenty feet thick, would make us believe he cannot see a candle through a paper lantern; his knavery is beyond ela, and yet he says he knows not gamut. Luc. I am ready, if any cozenage be ripe, I'll shake the tree. * "Mew thy tongue." The mew was the place where hawks were confined during winter, or when moulting: it was thence used in the sense of confine, secure, shut up. + The meaning is, "I drink to your master, and you to mine." I have, however, never seen the word brinch and suspect the passage to be corrupt. Mas is still used in Scotland for master, may be here a contraction of it. it |
