2 Mob. Hear him; hear Master Heeltap. 1 Mob. A Mug! a Mug!

Heel. Harkee, you fellow, with your mouth full of mug, let me ask you a question: bring him forward. Pray is not this Matthew Mug, a vic

tualler?

3 Mob. I believe he may.

Mrs. B. No!

Sir J. And what's your objection? Bruin. Why, I was never over-fond of your Maygames: besides, corporations are too serious things; they are edge-tools, Sir Jacob.

Sir J. That they are frequently tools, I can readily grant: but I never heard much of their

3 Mob. I believe he may.

Heel. Now answer upon your honour, and as you are a gentleman, what is the present price of a quart of home-brewed at the Adam and Eve ? 3 Mob. I don't know.

Heel. You lie, sirrah: an't it a groat?
3 Mob. I believe it may.

Heel. Oh, may be so. Now, neighbours, here's a pretty rascal; this same Mug, because, d'ye see, state affairs would not jog glibly without laying a farthing a quart upon ale, this scoundrel, not contented to take things in a medium way, has had the impudence to rise it a penny.

Mob. No Mug! no Mug!

Heel. So, I thought I should crack Mr. Mug. Come, proceed to the next, Simon.

Snuffle. The next upon the list is Peter Primmer, the schoolmaster.

Heel. Ay, neighbours, and a sufficient man: let me tell you, Master Primmer is the man for my money; a man of learning, that can lay down the law; why, adzooks, he is wise enough to puzzle the parson: and then, how you have heard him oration at the Adam and Eve, of a Saturday night, about Russia and Prussia. 'Ecod, George Gage the exciseman is nothing at all to un.

4 Mob. A Primmer!

Heel. Ay, if the folks above did but know him. Why, lads, he will make us all statesmen in time. 2 Mob. Indeed!

Heel. Why he swears as how, all the miscarriages are owing to the great people's not learning to read.

3 Mob. Indeed!

Heel. For," says Peter, says he, "if they would but once submit to be learned by me, there is no knowing to what a pitch the nation might rise."

1 Mob. Ay, I wish they would.

it

Mrs. B. Well now, I protest I am pleased with mightily.

Bruin. And who the devil doubts it? You women folks are easily pleased.

Mrs. B. Well, I like it so well, that I hope to see one every year.

Bruin. Do you? Why then you will be damnably bit; you may take your leave, I can tell you: for this is the last you shall see.

Sir J. Fie, Nr. Bruin, how can you be such a bear? Is that a manner of treating your wife.

Bruin. What, I suppose you would have me such a snivelling sot as your son-in-law Sneak, to truckle and cringe, to fetch and to

Re-enter JERRY SNEAK, in a violent hurry.

Sneak. Where's brother Bruin? O Lord! brother, I have such a dismal story to tell you. Bruin. What 's the matter.

Sneak. Why, you know I went into the garden to look for my vife and the major, and there I hunted and hunted as sharp as if it had been for one of my own minikins; but the deuce a major or madam could I see; at last, a thought came into my head to look for them up in the summerhouse.

Bruin. And there you found them?

Sneak. I'll tell you: the door was locked; and then I looked through the key-hole: and there, Lord ha' mercy upon us! [Whispers.] as sure

as a gun.

Bruin. Indeed! Zounds, why did not you break open the door?

Sneak. I durst not. What, would you have me set my wit to a soldier? I warrant the major would have knocked me down with one of his boots.

Bruin. Very well! Pretty doings! you see, Sir Jacob, these are the fruits of indulgence. You may call me a bear, but your daughter shall never [MOB huzzas.

Heel. He is, Master Sneak.

Sneak. Lord, I know him, mun, as well as my mother: why, I used to go to his lectures to Pewterers' hall, 'long with deputy Firkin.

Heel. Like enough.

Sneak. Odds me, brother Bruin, can you tell me what is become of my vife?

Bruin. She is gone off with the major. Sneak. Mayhap to take a walk in the garden. I will go and take a peep at what they are doing. [Exit.

Mob. [Without.] Huzza! Heel. Gad-so! the candidates are coming. [Exeunt MOB, &c. Re-enter SIR JACOB JOLLUP, BRUIN, and MRS. BRUIN, through the garden gate.

Sir J. Well, son Bruin, how d'ye relish the eorporation of Garratt?

Sir J. Hey-dey! What, is the election over already?

Re-enter CRISPIN HEELTAP, &c. Heel. Where is Master Sneak? Sneak. Here, Crispin.

Heel. The ancient corporation of Garratt, in consideration of your great parts and abilities, and out of respect to their landlord, Sir Jacob, have unanimously chosen you mayor.

Sneak. Me! huzza! Good Lord, who would have though it? But how came Master Primmer to lose it?

Heel. Why, Phil Fleam had told the electors, that Master Primmer was an Irishman; and so they would none of them give their vote for a foreigner.

at all.

lock and domineer over me.

Mrs. S. [Without.] Jerry! Jerry!

Bruin. Now for it, Sneak; the enemy's at hand.

Sneak. You promise to stand by me, brother Bruin ?

Bruin. Tooth and nail.

Sneak. Then now for it; I am ready, let her come when she will.

Re-enter MRS. SNEAK.

-Is

Mrs. S. Where is the puppy? Sneak. Yes, yes, she is axing for me. Mrs. S. So, sot; what, is this true that I hear? Sneak. May be 'tis, may be tan't; I don't choose to trust my affairs with a voman.that right, brother Bruin? [Apart. Bruin. Fine! don't bate her an inch. Apart. Sneak. Stand by me. Apart. Mrs. S. Hey-day! I am amazed! Why, what is the meaning of this?

Sneak. The meaning is plain; that I am grown a man, and vil do what I please, without being accountable to nobody.

Mrs. S. Why, the fellow is surely bewitched. Sneak. No, I am unwitched, and that you shall know to your cost; and since you provoke me, will tell you a bit of my mind; what, I am the husband, I hope?

Bruin. That's right; at her again. [Apart. Sneak. Yes, and you sha'nt think to hector and domineer over me as you have done; for I'll go to the club when I please, and stay out as late as I list, and row in a boat to Putney on Sundays, and wisit my friends at Vitsontide, and keep the key of the till, and help myself at table to vhat wittles I like; and I'll have a bit of the brown.

own.

Bruin. Bravo, brother Sneak, the day's your [Apart. Sneak. An't it? Vhy, I did not think it vas in me. Shall I tell her all I know? [Apart. Bruin. Every thing. You see she is struck dumb. [Apart. Sneak. As an oyster. [Apart.] Besides, Madam, I have something furder to tell you: 'ecod, if some folks go into gardens with majors, mayhap other people may go into garrets with maids.There, I gave it her home, brother Bruin. [Apart. Mrs. S. Why, noodle! jackanapes! harkye, who am I?

Sneak. Come, don't go to call names. vhy, my vife, and I am your master.

Am I?

Mrs. S. My master! you paltry, puddling puppy! you sneaking, shabby, scrubby, snivelling whelp!

me.

Sneak. Brother Bruin, don't let her come near [Apart. Mrs. S. Have I, sirrah, demeaned myself to wed such a thing, such a reptile as thee? Have I not made myself a by-word to all my acquaintance? Don't all the world cry, Lord, who would have thought it? Miss Molly Jollup to be married to Sneak; to take up at last with such a noodle as he? Sneak. Ay, and glad enough you could catch me; you know you was pretty near your last legs. Mrs. S. Was there ever such a confident cur? My last legs! Why, all the country knows I could have picked and choosed where I would. Did not I refuse 'Squire Ap-Griffith from Wales? Did not Counsellor Crab come a courting a twelvemonth? Did not Mr. Wort, the great brewer of Brentford, make an offer that I should keep my post-chay?

Sneak. Nay, brother Bruin, she has had werry good proffers, that is certain. [Apart.

Mrs. S. My last legs!-but I can rein my pas sion no longer; let me get at the villain. Bruin. O fie, sister Sneak.

Sneak. Hold her fast.

[Apart

Mrs. S. Mr. Bruin, unhand me; what, is it you that have stirred up these coals then? He is set on by you to abuse me.

Bruin. Not I; I would only have a man behave like a man.

Mrs. S. What, and you are to teach him, I warrant. But here comes the major.

Re-enter MAJOR STURGEON.

Oh, major! such a riot and rumpus! Like a man, indeed! I wish people would mind their own affairs, and not meddle with matters that does not concern them:-but all in good time; I shall one day catch him alone, when he has not his bullies to back him.

Sneak. Adod, that's true, brother Bruin: what shall I do when she has me at home, and nobody by but ourselves? [Apart. Bruin. If you get her once under, you may do with her whatever you will.

Maj. S. Lookye, Master Bruin, I don't know how this behaviour may suit with a citizen; but were you an officer, and Major Sturgeon upon your court-martial

Bruin. What then?

Maj. S. Then? why then you would be broke.
Bruin. Broke! and for what?

Maj. S. What! read the articles of war. But these things are out of your spear; points of honour are for the sons of the sword.

Sneak. Honour! if you come to that, where was your honour when you got my vife in the garden?

Maj. S. Now, Sir Jacob, this is the curse of our cloth: all suspected for the faults of a few.

Sneak. Ay, and not without reason. I heard of your tricks at the King of Bohemy, when you was campaigning about, I did. Father Sir Jacob, he is as wicious as an old ram.

Maj. S. Stop whilst you are safe, Master Sneak; for the sake of your amiable lady, I pardon what is past-but for you[To BRUIN. Bruin. Well.

Maj. S. Dread the whole force of my fury.

Bruin. Why, lookye, Major Sturgeon, I don't much care for your poppers and sharps, because why, they are out of my way; but if you will doff with your boots, and box a couple of bouts

Maj. S. Box! box!-Blades! bullets! bag-shot! Mrs. S. Not for the world, my dear major; oh, risk not so precious a life. Ungrateful wretches! and is this the reward for all the great feats he has done? After all his marchings, his sousings, his sweatings, his swimmings, must his dear blood be spilt by a broker?

Maj. S. Be satisfied, sweet Mrs. Sneak; these little fracasas we soldiers are subject to; trifles, bagatailes, Mrs. Sneak. But, that matters may be conducted in a military manner, I will get our chaplain to pen me a challenge. Expect to hear from my adjutant. [To BRUIN.

Mrs. S. Major! Sir Jacob! what, are you all leagued against his dear life? A man! yes, a very manly action indeed, to set married people a quarrelling, and ferment a difference between hus

band and wife if you were a man, you would not stand by and see a poor woman beat and abused by a brute, you would not.

Sneak. O Lord, I can hold out no longer, why, brother Bruin, you have set her a veeping. My life, my lovy, don't veep: did I ever think I should have made my Molly to veep?

Mrs. S. Last legs! you lubberly

Sir J. Oh, fie, Molly!

[Strikes him.

Mrs. S. What, are you leagued against me, Sir Jacob?

Sir J. Pr'ythee, don't expose yourself before the whole parish. But what has been the occasion of this?

Mrs. S. Why, has not he gone and made himself the fool of the fair? Mayor of Garratt, indeed! ecod, I could trample him under my feet. Sneak. Nay, why should you grudge me my purfarment?

Mrs. S. Did you ever hear such an oaf? Why thee wilt be pointed at wherever thee goest. Lookye, Jerry, mind what I say; go get 'em to choose somebody else, or never come near me again.

Sneak. What shall I do, father Sir Jacob?

Sir J. Nay, daughter, you take this thing in too serious a light; my honest neighbours thought to compliment me: but come, we'll settle the business at once. Neighbours, my son Sneak being seldom amongst us, the duty will never be done; so we will get our honest friend, Heeltap, to execute the office: he is, I think, every way qualified.

Mob. A Heeltap!

Heel. What, do you mean as Master Jeremy's deputy?

Sir J. Ay, ay, his locum tenens.

Sneak. Do, Crispin, do be my locum tenens. Heel. Give me your hand, Master Sneak, and to oblige you I will be the locum tenens.

Sir J. So, that is settled: but now to heal the other breach: come, major, the gentlemen of your cloth seldom bear malice; let me interpose between you and my son.

Maj. S. Your son-in-law, Sir Jacob, does deserve a castigation; but on recollection, a cit would but sully my arms. I forgive him.

Sir J. That's right. As a token of amity, and to celebrate our feast, let us call in the fiddles. Now if the major had but his shoes, he might join in a country dance.

Maj. S. Sir Jacob, no shoes, a major must be never out of his boots; always ready for action. Mrs. Sneak will find me lightsome enough.

Sneak. What, are all the vomen engaged? why then my locum tenens and I will jig together. Forget and forgive, major.

Maj. S. Freely.

Nor be it said, that after all my toil, I stain'd my regimentals by a broil. To you I dedicate boots, sword, and shield, Sir J. As harmless in the chamber as the field.

[Exeunt.

In the character of Jerry Sneak, it has been usual to introduce the following comic song, of

ROBINSON CRUSOE.

When I was a lad, my fortune was bad,
My grandfather I did lose, O;
I'll bet you a can, you have heard of the man,
His name it was Robinson Crusoe.

Oh! poor Robinson Crusoe,
Tinky ting tang, tinky ting tang,
Oh! poor Robinson Crusoe.

You've read in a book of a voyage he took,
While the raging whirlwinds blew so;
That the ship with a shock fell plump on a rock,
Near drowning poor Robinson Crusoe.
Oh! poor, &c.

Poor soul! none but he escap'd on the sea,
Ah! Fate, Fate! how could you do so;
'Till at length he was thrown on an island unknown
Which received poor Robinson Crusoe.

Oh! poor, &c.

But he sav'd from on board a gun and a sword,
And another old matter or two, so;
That by dint of his thrift he manag'd to shift
Prelly well, for poor Robinson Crusoe.
Oh! poor, &c.

He wanted something to eat, and couldn't get meat,
The cattle away from him flew so ;
That but for his gun he'd been sorely undone,
And starv'd, would poor Robinson Crusoe.

Oh! poor, &c.

And he happen'd to save from the merciless wave
A poor parrot, I assure you 'tis true, so;
That, when he came home from a wearisome roam,
Us'd to cry out, poor Robinson Crusoe.
Oh! poor, &c.

Then he got all the wood that ever he could,
And he stuck it together with glue, so;
That he made him a hut in which he might put
The carcass of Robinson Crusoe.
Oh! poor, &c.

While his man Friday kept the house snug and tray,
To be sure 'twas his business to do so,

They liv'd friendly together, less like servant than neighbour,

Liv'd Friday and Robinson Crusoe.
Oh! poor, &c.

Then he wore a large cap, and a coat without nap,
And a beard as long as a Jew, so,
That, by all that's civil, he look'd like a devil
More than poor Robinson Crusoe.
Oh! poor, &c.

At length, within hail, he saw a stout sail,
And he took to his little canoe, so;
When he reach'd the ship, they gave him a trip,
Back to England brought Robinson Crusoe.

Oh' poor, &c.

With fair pretence of faith and firm alliance?
Did not our grateful king, with open arms,
Receive him as his guest? O fatal hour!
Did he not then with hot, adult'rous eye,
Gaze on the Queen Zaphira? Yes, 'twas lust,
Lust gave th' infernal whisper to his soul,
And bade him murder, if he would enjoy!
Yet thou, pernicious traitor, unabash'd
Canst wear the murderer's badge.

Oth. Mistaken man!

Yet still I love thee:

Still unprovok'd by thy intemperate zeal,
Could passion prompt me to licentious speech,
Bethink thee-might I not reproach thy flight
With the foul names of fear and perfidy?
Didst thou not fly, when Barbarossa's sword
Reek'd with the blood of thy brave countrymen?
What then did I?-Beneath this hated roof,
In pity to thy widow'd queen-
Sadi. In pity?

Oth. Yes, Sadi! Heaven is witness, pity sway'd

me.

With honest guile I did enrol my name
In the black list of Barbarossa's friends:
In hope, that some propitious hour might rise,
When heaven would dash the murderer from his
throne,

And give young Selim to his orphan'd people.
Sadi. Indeed! canst thou be true?
Oth. By heaven, I am.

Sadi. Why then dissemble thus ?
Oth. Have I not told thee?

I held it vain, to stem the tyrant's power,
By the weak efforts of an ill-tim'd rage.

Sadi. I find thee honest; and with pride

Will join thy counsels.

Can aught, my friend, be done?
Can aught be dar'd?

Oth. We groan beneath the scourge.

This very morn, on false pretence of vengeance
For the foul murder of our honour'd king,
Five guiltless wretches perish'd on the rack.
Sadi. O my devoted country!

But say, the widow'd queen-my heart bleeds for her.

Oth. Hemm'd round by terrors,
Within this cruel palace, once the seat
Of every joy, through seven long tedious years,
She mourns her murder'd lord, her exil'd son,
Her people fallen: the murderer of her lord,
Returning now from conquest o'er the Moors,
Tempts her to marriage; but with noble firmness,
Surpassing female, she rejects his vows,
Scorning the horrid union. Meantime he,
With ceaseless hate, pursues her exil'd son,
The virtuous youth, even into foreign climes.
Ere this, perhaps, he bleeds. A murd'ring ruffian
Is sent to watch his steps, and plunge the dagger
Into his guiltless breast.

Sadi. Is this thy faith!
Tamely to witness to such deeds of horror!
Give me thy poignard? lead me to the tyrant.
What though surrounding guards-

Oth. Repress thy rage.

Thou wilt alarm the palace, wilt involve
Thyself, thy friend, in ruin. Haste thee hence;
Haste to the remnant of our loyal friends.
And let maturer councils rule thy zeal.

Sadi. Yet let us ne'er forget our prince's wrongs: Remember, Othman, (and let vengeance rise) How in the pangs of death, and in his gore Welt'ting, we found our prince!

His royal blood,

The life-blood of his people, o'er the bath
Ran purple! Oh, remember! and revenge!
Oth. Doubt not my zeal. But haste, and seek
our friends.

Near to the western port Almanzor dwells,
Yet unseduc'd by Barbarossa's power.
He will disclose to thee, if aught be heard
Of Selim's safety, or (what more I dread)
Of Selim's death. Thence best may our resolves
Be drawn hereafter. But let caution guide thee.
Sadi. I obey thee.

Near to the western port, thou say'st?