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llE MARKAfcLE ADVERTISEMENTS, &c.
A Certain groat personage having asked another groat perfonrge for his f ermistion to give a masquerade, was answered, il I have ho objection; hut how will you satisfy our bifhwps?" To which he replied, "Sir, I will fend them all tickets." Public Ailvertifer, Sept. 21.
A Woman, who has lately bought a lottery ticket, put up a note at a church in the City on Sunday last, " The prayers of this congregation are desired for a person engaged in an arrair of great consequence." Public Advertiser, Sept. 21.
A Few days ago a school-master of this city (a great enemy to idleness) thinking the old copy, " Laziness will cloath a man with rags," not sufficiently correct, altered it, and gave it to one of his scholars, thus, " Lazi■refs will cloatb a man with nakedness," Gazetteer, Sept. 21.
\KTAnted, by the dtike of Lemster, * grow of the chambers, oneivbo can dress tallies bairf or underflands the business of an uphalf erer, Sec. Such a person to apply to Pecer JBere, &c.
Dublin Journal, October 1 to 4.
*The deplorable Cafe of an unhappy Patient, humbly submitted to the Cons aeration and Care of tie Septennial Physicians in this Kingdom. s TN my youthful davs I had a glorious and molt excellent constitution 5 I was healthful, strong; and vigorous j was a perfect stranger to al! diseases and distempers j was full of blood and spirit?, lively and active, and enjoyed so nervous and robust a Inime, that I fancied myself proof against all the injuries of time, and infirmities of o!d age. But, alas! how changed! How distempered is that constitution which was once the admiration and envy of all mankind! Instead of my former health and beauty, I am now totally distempered ana deformed, and have no part about me undiscaf*d. My head is stupified, my heart vitiated, my lungs ulcerated, my stomach nauseated, my blood extremely poor and corrupted, and mv legs and sect greatly inflamed. * But these grievous disorders did not seize me all at once; they have been creeping upon rrfc-for years: and though I hav* irom time to'fifnc applied to every able physician I heard of,'and though all of them pretene'ed to understand my cafe, and promised me a speedy cure, yet, to my great disappointment and sorrow, I have ton Vol. I.
late found they gave me such hopeS only to keep me in hand, for the sake of their fses; and either could not, or would not, restore my constitution. Nay, indeed, too many of these pretended physicians, whom I found by dearbought experience, to be errant quacks, instead of relieving me for the large fees I gave them, greatly increased my disorders* Every one of them bled me largely, though I have scarce any blood lest in my veins, by which they have emaciated me-to such a degree, that I am become a mere skeleton. And now, tho* oppressed by so many cruel distempers, I have been attacked by a new one, called by some, the St. Ambony'%, by others, the St. Georges Fire, which hath spread all over me, and cannot fail, joined to my other terrible diseases, of putting a final period to my days, if the new and able physicians, who are loon to assemble at Westminster, mail not compassionate my case, and prescribe some remedy that may prevent the diliolution of
Ltndon Evening, Oct. 6.
TT Is not long ago since a publicar, sued a clergyman for not paying 01s h,is alehouse score; but having no written account, and bcinj told he must produce his Voucher, he ran out of court, fetched a clnfet-door off its hinges, produced it, swore to the debt, and obtained a verdict.
Public Advertiser, Oct. 14.
October to. Tis Pawnbrokers, Jervellers, &c. CTOLEN this evening, at the Qpcra-Honse in the Haymarker, the property of his grace the duke of Eediard, a large round papier machie snutf-box, red and gold, and mounted, in gold, without a hinge, and on the top of the lid a miniature picture of the present King Of France, something larger tlir.n a crown-piece, w ith a glass over it, set in two rows of large diamonds; the outside ede-e of the lid is gold, within which is a gold fretwork, and another gold fret round the diamonds.
Public Advertiser, Oct. 17.
To thi Editor os the O X
S r R,
XA7 ILL not you think it bold in a little simple country girl to write to so wife a gentleman as every day convinces me you must be? But I have a story to tell that cannot fail to work upon your good-nature; and tho' you may despise the miserable scribbler, you will pity the poor friendless heart that now beats strong with anxiety and fear.
Ah! happy were tlie days I passed with my dear old grandmother, and many were the worthy leflbns she endeavoured to teach me: but you know, Sir, children will be children, and a bltfled thing it is that the infant mind is so formed as to bid defiance to care; I had its true a tear for every sufferer; yet when once wiped away, the remembrance went along with it j but sorrow seems now determined to six itself in my bosom, and the joys of innocence will be blighted by despair.
I ought to have come to the point long ago: I mall quit: tire you, and then you will not have patience to read the most material part of my letter.
My grandmother, Sir, died when I was only twelve years old, and I was left destitute j until an elderly lady in the neighbourhood, whose benevolence was never exceeded, sent for me, cloatheri me, and cheered my drooping spirits. In this family I might have lived till now, nor ever even suspected the vice and cruelty with which the world abounds ; had not the Ire ward —I blusli and shudder at the very recollectionattempted to take advantage of my youth and simplicity, for the basest purposes. Yes, indeed, Sir, notwithstanding he was treble my age, he would have destroyed the creature he had encouraged to look upon him as a friend, a father, if heaven had not been uncommonly gracious.
But, however virtue may be approved by such gentlemen as you, so far from recommending me to any favour, it absolutely ruined me; he had the art, (it is a fad thing to be artful, is it not ?) to impose upon my noble benefactress, and I was hurried away without once being permitted to speak for myself.
But let me not do injustice where my utmost gratitude is due; I was, it is true, banished the country, yet not utterly abandoned; a bank note was conveyed to the hands of a distant relation of mine, who had a sister in Dublin, with directions to dispose of that and me, as her discretion and humanity should suggest to her.
To Dublin I was immediately dispatched; rnd informt/d, on my arrival, that the good Jariy's donation would be accepted by a little milliner, the sifter above-mentioned, aa an apprentice-fee, auU that 1 should accordingly take
up my sitting the very next morning behini the counter.
Well, of all the situations upon earth, to be sure, Sir, a milliner's shop is the moit unfit for a young, if not totally deformed girl. A swarm of the wickedest and worst designing men instantly gathered around, and talked the oddest stuff you ever heard, about my eyes, and my complexion. I could not for a lowg time conceive what their meaning might be; my ignorance, my shyness, my civility, were continual sources of entertainment for them i but at length I took the alarm, and intreated my mistress to siielter me from such cruel ridicule. She only laughed at my request, and assured me, that a week or two would sufficiently reconcile me to what I then considered as a grievance. O, Sir, how reconcile me? Will then the modesty of my nature forsake me? Will my ears ever become patient under the persecution of flattery, or my heart barter its integrity for immorality, that key to infamy?
But this is not all: an old gentleman (age and profligacy, what an absurd, as well as mocking conjunction !) has lately found me , out, and has so strongly fixed himself in my mistress's good opinion, bv commifilons and recommendations, that I look upon him as the most formidable of all the barbarous multitude.
What can I do in such a cafe ? I have neither friend, money, nor experience, to astirt me. If I fly from apprenticeship, am I not punishable? If I complain, who will believe me? To avoid the snares of infamy, is nevertheless my final resolution; I will, what is" there I will not submit lo? rather than fall a victim to what my soul abhors. Is not there a sufficient number of wretched wanderers? but the charm it seems is, that I am yet uncontaminated, and am running from vice as from the most fearful of spectres.
Could you but fee me, was you but once acquainted with the honesty, the purity of my disposition, you would acknowledge the hardship, that such a poor little inoffensive being may not pass her days unmolested, and preserve htr virtue unassailed.
1 have long laboured to keep time v.'ith my mistress, lest I mould provoke her to ibir.e dreadful step; I am therefore under the disagreeable necessity of suppressing my feelings, ^ whether of indignation or anguish j nor dots her absence in any degree relieve me from the severe lash of dissembling. Another girl in the fame situation with myself, and whom I verjy , believe as free from actual crime, though a much greater friend to admiration, is for ever picking out octaiiCi;s of condemning or misrepresenting
P O E T I C A
^presenting me, because it is my misfortune to engross the most painful and mortifying attentions, of an evil-minded set of wretches.
Was you, Sir, kindly to undertake my cause, was you to paint the iniquity of all parties in a just light, might it not be useful ? They could not avoid tracing their own likeness, in the glowing description; and I, in all probability, should be delivered from misery and danger. Or should so generous an endeavour fail of success, could you not condescend to instruct the ignorant, assist the friendless, and point out a means of escaping, to the unhappily entrapped innocent? I would most literally follow your judicious instructions. I have no ties, no connections to this or that city or country; protection is all I ask, and a life os industry the thought of my ambition. If you are a father, Reed I enforce the plea, who shall say what the next hour may produce ? Your advice alone will render you a father to the fatherless, and secure the same blessing to your own offspring
L E S S A Y S. 151
If my mistress should prove one of thoie easy, mercenary, wicked creatures, I have heard of: if her own interest stiould be dearer to her, than every consideration for my reputation here, and peace hereafter, ^ught I to continue under her roof? Born an0" bred as I have been, what can be too mean or laborious for me to engage in? Do not hesitate to point out an asylum for opprefled innocence; and if you ever find me ungrateful, presuming, or untoward, at that instant render me back to the satyie danger, and wretchedness, to which I am now exposed j a greater punishment than which, the greatest criminal need not incur.
When I set down to write, how hard and difficult the task appeared to me; but my heart is agitated by apprehension, and my imagination warmed by resentment; and I have, as it were, poured out my whole foul in solicitation of your friendship, and will only add, that I am, &c.
P O E T I C A
For the Oxford Magazine. If the following lines are deemed worthy a place in'your Magazine, they arc entirely at your service: they have the merit of having never appeared in public.
SHAKEPEARUS. T TNDE tuas, vates fanctislime, dicere laudes y* Aggrediar? Quæ prima hie, qua?q; ultima laudem
Carminis ? Haud unum tua musa meretur honorem.
Sive etenim tragico desævra carmine, regum Fata ducumq; canens, queis regni immenfa libido
Sua sit, ut in patriam crudelia.bella cierent;
Qois Deus humanum pectus, mentifqi re-
Occultos tibi reclusit, docuitqj quid intus Esses., & undeanimi motus oriantur &omncs Quid poflint amor, ira, metus, yesana cupido Laudis, opum, Sc quicquid mortalia pectoratorquet?
Quam saevp vcxat .cruciaÆu pectus amantum Sufpicio, doceat Furiis agitatus Othello; Incertam nunc ilia rapit sententia rneniem, Qua rat i one parl nunc incontiaiia fertur j Nunc inf^liciis miseretur conjugis, et fe Deplorat, mæsloqj gravis dat ab ore querelase None ir;e faciles iterum permittit habenas Ai.^j animuni malelanaagitx violeotia ciecunL