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I had been swell'd? I should have been a mountain of mummy.
Enter Bardolph. Now, is the fack brew'd ?
Bard. Here's Mrs Quickly, Sir, to speak with you.
Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Tharnes. water ; for my belly's as cold as if I had swallo v'd snow balls, for pills to cool the reins. Call her in.
Bard. Come in, woman.
S C Ε Ν Ε XVI.
Enter Mrs Quickly. Quic. By your leave-I cry your mercy. . Give your worship good morrow.
Fal. Take away these challices: go brew me a pottle of fack finely.
Bard. With eggs, Sir?
Fal. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.- How now?
Quic. Marry, Sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford.
Fal. Mistress Ford ? I have had Ford enough ; I was thrown into the Ford; I have my belly full of Ford.
Quic. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection,
Fal. So did I mine, to build on a foolish woman's promise.
Qiric. Well, she laments, Sir, for it, that it would yern your
heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; the desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine. I must carry her word quickly; she'll make you amends, I war
Fal. Well, I will visit her; tell her so, and bid her think what a man is : let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.
Quic. I will tell her.
Quic. Eight and nine, Sir.
[Exit. Fal. I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word to stay within: I like his money well. Oh, here he comes.
SC EN F. XVII.
Enter Ford. Ford. Bless you, Sir.
Fal. Now, Master Brook, you come to know what hath pass’d between me and Ford's wife.
Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.
Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour she appointed me.
Ford. And you sped, Sir ?
Ford. How, Sir, did the change her determination ?
Fal. No, Master Brook; but the peaking cornuto her husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embrac'd, kiss'd, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and instigated by his distemper, and, forfooth, to search his house for his wife's love.
Ford. What, while you was there?
Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you?
Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one Mistress Page, gives intelligence of Ford's approach, and by her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket.
Ford. A buck-basket ?
Fal. Yea, a buck-basket; ramm'd me in with foul shirts and smocks, focks, foul stockings and greasy napkins; that, Master Brook, there was the VOL. III.
rankest compound of villainous smell, that ever offended nóstril.
Ford. And how long lay you there?
Fal. Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have suffer'd, to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were callid forth by their mistress, to carry me, in the name of foul cloaths, to Datchet-lane; they took me on their shoulders, met the jealous kpave their master in the door, who alk'd them once or twice what they had in their basket; I quak'd for fear, lest the lunatic knave would have search'd it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand.' Well, on went he for a search, and away went I for foul cloaths. But mark the sequel, Master Brook ; I suffer'd the pangs of three egregious deaths : first, an intolerable fright, to be detected by a jealous rotten bellweather ; next to be compass’d, like a good bilbo*, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head; and then to be stopt in, like a strong distillation, with stinking cloaihs that fretted in their own grease: think of that, a man of my kidney; think of that, that am as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw ; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half itew'd in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse shoe; think of that; hilling hot; think of that, Master Brook.
Ford. In good sadness, Sir, I am sorry that for my fake you have suffer'd all this. My suit is then desperate; you'll undertake her no more?
Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a-birding; I have receiv'd from her another embasly of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook.
* A bilbo is a Spanih blade, of which the excellence is flexibleness and elasicity. Johnson.
Ford. 'Tis past eight already, Sir.
Fal. Is it? I will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crown'd with your enjoying her;
adieu ; you shall have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you Mall cuckold Ford.
Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision is this a dream? do I seep? Master Ford, awake; awake, Master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen and buck-baskets !--Well, I will proclaim myself what I am; I will now take the leacher; he is at my house; he cannot ’scape me; 'tis impossible he should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, left the devil that guides him should aid him, I will search impoflible places. Tho' what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame : if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad.
Page's House. Enter Mrs Page, Mrs Quickly, and William.
Mrs Page. S he at Mr Ford's already, think'st thou? but truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water. Mrs Ford desires you to come suddenly.
Mrs Page. I'll be with her by and by ; I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look where his master comes; 'tis playing-day, I fee.
Eva. No; Master Slender is let the boys leave to play.
Quic. Blessing on his heart!
Mrs Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you ask him some questions in his Accidence.
Eva. Come hither, William—hold up your head,
Mrs Page. Come on, firrah, hold up your head. Auswer your master, be not afraid.
Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns? Will. Two
Quic. Truly I thought there had been one number more, because they say, od's nouns.
Eva. Peace your tatlings. What is fair, William? Will. Putcher.
Quic. Poulcats? there are fairer things than poulcats, sure.
Eva. You are a very fimplicity 'oman; I pray you, peace. What is lapis, William ?
Will. A stone.
Eva. No, it is lapis: I pray you, remember in your prain.
Eva. That is a good William: what is he, William, that does lend articles ?
Will. Articles are borrow'd of the pronoun, and he thus declin’d, fingulariter noniiriativo, hic, hæc, hoc.
Eva. Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you., mark: genitivo, hujus : well, what is your accusative case?
Will. Accusative, hinc.
Eva. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; accusative, hung, hang, hog.
Quic. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.
Eva. Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative cafe, William?
Will. O, vocativo, O.