Enter BRAINWORM, disguised as a City Serjeant.

Brai. Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself, being in this serjeant's gown. A man of my present profession never counterfeits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, he rests him; for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a young artichoke, that always carries pepper and salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I undergo by this exploit; pray Heaven I come

well off!

Enter MATHEW and BOBADILL.

Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his gown.

Bob. Let's go in quest of him. Mat. 'Save you, friend! are not you here by appointment of Justice Clement's man?

Brai. Yes, an't please you, sir; he told me, two gentlemen had will'd him to procure a warrant from his master, which I have about me, to be served on one Downright.

Mat. It is honestly done of you both; and see where the party comes you must arrest; serve it upon him quickly, afore he be aware. Bob. Bear back, Master Mathew.

Enter STEPHEN in DOWNRIGHT'S cloak.

Brai. Master Downright, I arrest you in the queen's name, and must carry you afore a justice by virtue of this warrant.

Step. Me, friend! I am no Downright, I; I am Master Stephen. You do not well to arrest me, I tell you truly; I am in nobody's bonds nor books, I would you should know it. A plague on you heartily, for making me thus afraid afore my time!

Brai. Why, now you are deceived, gentlemen. Bob. He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us. But see, here acomes indeed; this is he, officer.

Enter DOWNRIGHT.

Down. Why, how now, signior gull! are you turn'd filcher of late? Come, deliver my cloak. Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now, in open market.

Brai. Master Downright, I have a warrant I must serve upon you, procured by these two gentlemen.

Down. These gentlemen? these rascals!

[Offers to beat them.

Brai. Keep the peace, I charge you in her majesty's name.

Down. I obey thee. What must I do, officer? Brai. Go before Master Justice Clement, to answer that they can object against you, sir. I will use you kindly, sir.

Mat. Come, let's before, and make the justice,1 captain. Bob. The varlet's a tall man, afore heaven! [Exeunt Bob. and MAT.

Down. Gull, you'll give me my cloak.
Step. Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it.
Down. You will?

Step. Ay, that I will.

Down. Officer, there's thy fee, arrest him.
Brai. Master Stephen, I must arrest you.

Step. Arrest me! I scorn it. There, take your

cloak, I'll none on't.

Down. Nay, that shall not serve your turn now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the justice's; bring him along.

Step. Why, is not here your cloak? what would you have?

Down. I'll have you answer it, sir.

Brai. Sir, I'll take your word, and this gentleman's too, for his appearance.

Down. I'll have no words taken: bring him along.

Brai. Sir, I may choose to do that, I may take bail.

Down. 'Tis true, you may take bail, and choose at another time; but you shall not now, varlet: bring him along, or I'll swinge you.

Brai. Sir, I pity the gentleman's case; here's your money again.

Down. 'Sdeins, tell not me of my money; bring him away, I say. Brai. I warrant you he will go with you of himself, sir.

Down. Yet more ado?

Brai. I have made a fair mash on't.

[Aside.

Step. Must I go?

Brai. I know no remedy, Master Stephen. Down. Come along afore me here; I do not

love your hanging look behind.

Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me for it: can he, fellow?

Brai. I think not, sir; it is but a whipping

matter, sure.

Step. Why, then, let him do his worst, I am resolute. [Exeunt.

Clem. So it appears, methinks; but on. Dame K. And that my husband used thither daily.

Clem. No matter, so he used himself well, mistress.

Dame K. True, sir; but you know what grows by such haunts oftentimes.

Clem. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, Mistress Kitely: but did you find your husband there, in that case as you suspected?

Kit. I found her there, sir.

Clem. Did you so! that alters the case. Who gave you knowledge of your wife's being there? Kit. Marry, that did my brother Wellbred.

Clem. How, Wellbred first tell her; then tell you after! Where is Wellbred?

Kit. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not whither.

Clem. Why, this is a mere trick, a device; you are gull'd in this most grossly all. Alas, poor wench! wert thou beaten for this?

Tib. Yes, most pitifully, an't please you. Cob. And worthily, I hope, if it shall prove so. Clem. Ay, that's like, and a piece of a sentence.

Enter a Servant.

How now, sir! what's the matter?

Serv. Sir, there's a gentleman in the court without, desires to speak with your worship. Clem. A gentleman! what is he?

Serv. A soldier, sir, he says.

Clem. A soldier! Take down my armour, my sword quickly. A soldier speak with me! Why, when, knaves? Come on, come on [arms himself]. Hold my cap there, so; give me my gorget, my sword. Stand by, I will end your matters anon. - Let the soldier enter. [Exit Servant.

Enter BOBADILL, followed by MATHEW.

Now, sir, what have you to say to me?
Bob. By your worship's favour-

Clem. Nay, keep out, sir; I know not your pretence. You send me word, sir, you are a soldier: why, sir, you shall be answer'd here: here be them have been amongst soldiers. Sir, your pleasure.

Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and myself have been most uncivilly wrong'd and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow, about the town here; and for mine own part, I protest, being a man in no sort given to this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me in the way of my peace, despoiled me of mine honour, disarmed me of my weapons, and rudely laid me along in the open streets, when I not so much as once offered to resist him.

Clem. Oh, God's precious! is this the soldier? Here, take my armour off quickly, 'twill make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up a blow.

Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound to the peace.

Clem. Why, an he were, sir, his hands were not bound, were they?

Form. I beseech your worship to pardon me. I happened into ill company by chance, that cast me into a sleep, and stript me of all my clothes.

Clem. Well, tell him I am Justice Clement, and do pardon him: but what is this to your armour? what may that signify?

Form. An't please you, sir, it hung up in the room where I was stript: and I borrow'd it of one of the drawers to come home in, because I was loth to do penance through the street in my shirt.

Clem. Well, stand by a while.

Enter E. KNOWELL, WELLBRED, and BRIDGET. Who be these? Oh, the young company; welcome, welcome! Give you joy. Nay, Mistress Bridget, blush not; you are not so fresh a bride, but the news of it is come hither afore you. Master Bridegroom, I have made your peace, give me your hand: so will I for all the rest ere you forsake my roof.

E. Know. We are the more bound to your humanity, sir.

Clem. Only these two have so little of man in them, they are no part of my care.

Wel. Yes, sir, let me pray you for this gentleman, he belongs to my sister the bride.

Clem. In what place, sir?

Wel. Of her delight, sir, below the stairs, and in public: her poet, sir.

Clem. A poet! I will challenge him myself presently at extempore.

Mount up thy Phlegon, Muse, and testify,
How Saturn, sitting in an ebon cloud,
Disrobed his podex, white as ivory,

And through the welkin thunder'd all aloud. Wel. He is not for extempore, sir: he is all for the pocket muse; please you command a sight of it.

Clem. Yes, yes, search him for a taste of his vein. [They search MATHEW'S pockets.

Wel. You must not deny the queen's justice, sir, under a writ of rebellion.

Clem. What! all this verse? Body o' me, he carries a whole realm, a commonwealth of paper in his hose: let us see some of his subjects.

[Reads.

Unto the boundless ocean of thy face, [eyes. Runs this poor river, charg'd with streams of How! this is stolen.

E. Know. A parody! a parody! with a kind of miraculous gift, to make it absurder than it

was.

Clem. Is all the rest of this batch? bring me a torch; lay it together, and give fire. Cleanse the air. [Sets the papers on fire.] Here was enough to have infected the whole city, if it had not been taken in time. See, see, how our poet's glory shines! brighter and brighter! still it increases! Oh, now it is at the highest; and now it declines as fast. You may see, sic transit gloria mundi!! Know. There's an emblem for you, son, and your studies.

1 'so vanishes the glory of the world.'

Clem. Nay, no speech or act of mine be drawn against such as profess it worthily. They are not born every year, as an alderman. There goes more to the making of a good poet, than a sheriff. Master Kitely, you look upon me!though I live in the city here amongst you, I will do more reverence to him, when I meet him, than I will to the mayor out of his year. But these paper-pedlars! these ink-dabblers! they cannot expect reprehension or reproach; they have it with the fact.

E. Know. Sir, you have saved me the labour of a defence.

Clem. It shall be discourse for supper between your father and me, if he dare undertake me. But to despatch away these, you sign o' the soldier, and picture of the poet (but both so false, I will not have you hanged out at my door till midnight), while we are at supper, you two shall penitently fast it out in my court without; and, if you will, you may pray there that we may be so merry within as to forgive or forget you when we come out. Here's a third, because we tender your safety, shall watch you, he is provided for the purpose. Look to your charge, sir.

Step. And what shall I do?

Clem. Oh! I had lost a sheep an' he had not bleated. Why, sir, you shall give Master Downright his cloak; and I will entreat him to take it. A trencher and a napkin you shall have in the buttery, and keep Cob and his wife company here; whom I will entreat first to be reconciled; and you to endeavour with your wit to keep them so.

Step. I'll do my best. Cob. Why, now I see thou art honest, Tib, I receive thee as my dear and mortal wife again. Tib. And I you, as my loving and obedient husband.

Clem. Good compliment! It will be their bridal night too. They are married anew. Come, I conjure the rest to put off all discontent. You, Master Downright, your anger; you, Master Knowell, your cares; Master Kitely and his wife, their jealousy.

For, I must tell you both, while that is fed, Horns in the mind are worse than on the head.

Kit. Sir, thus they go from me; kiss me, sweetheart. See what a drove of horns fly in the air, Wing'd with my cleansed and my credulous breath! Watch 'em suspicious eyes, watch where they fall, See, see! on heads that think they have none at all! Oh, what a plenteous world of this will come! When air rains horns, all may be sure of some. I have learn'd so much verse out of a jealous man's part in a play.

Clem. 'Tis well, 'tis well! This night we'll dedicate to friendship, love, and laughter. Master Bridegroom, take your bride and lead; every one a fellow. Here is my mistress, Brainworm! to whom all my addresses of courtship shall have their reference: whose adventures this day, when our grandchildren shall hear to be made a fable, I doubt not but it shall find both spectators and applause. [Exeunt.