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SCENE I-Windsor. Before Page's house.
Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh


SIR Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Starchamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

Slen. In the county of Gloster, justice of peace, and coram.

Eva. It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear

a riot; take your vizaments' in that.

Shal. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.

Eva. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my with it: there is Anne Page, which is daughter to prain, which, peradventure, prings goot discretions master George Page, which is pretty virginity.

Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman.

Eva. It is that fery person for all the 'orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds Shal. Ay, cousin Slender, and cust-alorum.2 Slen. Ay, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman upon his death's-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurof monies, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, born, master parson; who writes himself armigero; rections!) give, when she is able to overtake sevenin any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ar-teen years old: it were a goot motion, if we leave migero. between master Abraham, and mistress Anne our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage Page.

Shal. Ay, that we do; and have done any time these three hundred years.

Slen. All his successors, gone before him, have done't; and all his ancestors, that come after him, may: they may give the dozen white luces in their


Shal. It is an old coat.

Eva. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant: it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies-love. Shal. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.

Slen. I may quarter, coz?

Shal. You may, by marrying.

Eva. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
Shal. Not a whit.

Eva. Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one: if Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to make atonements and compromises between you.

Shal. The council shall hear it; it is a riot.

A title formerly appropriated to chaplains.
Custos rotulorum.

Shal. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred


Eva. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. Shal. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

Eva. Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts.

Falstaff there?
Shal. Well, let us see honest master Page: is

Eva. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar,
as I do despise one that is false; or, as I despise
one that is not true. The knight, sir John, is there;
and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers.
What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
will peat the door [knocks] for master Page.


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der; that, peradventures, shall tell you another tale, understand: that is, master Page, fidelicet, master if matters grow to your likings. Page; and there is myself, fidelicet, myself; and Ithe three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

Page. I am glad to see your worships well: thank you for my venison, master Shallow.

Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you; much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed:-how doth good mistress Page?-and I love you always with my heart, la ; with my heart.

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Page. A cur, sir.

Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good, and fair.-Is sir John Falstaff here?

Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.

Eva. It is spoke as a christians ought to speak.
Shal. He hath wrong'd me, master Page.
Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Shal. If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not
that so, master Page? he hath wrong'd me; in-I
deed, he hath ;-at a word, he hath;-believe me
Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wrong'd.
Page. Here comes Sir John.

Page. We three, to hear it, and end it between them.

Eva. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistol,

Pist. He hears with ears.

Eva. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectatious.

Fal. Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else,) of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards," that cost me two shilling and two pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.


Fal. Is this true, Pistol?

Eva. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
Pist. Ha, thou mountain-foreigner!-Sir John,
and master mine,

combat challenge of this latten bilbo :
Word of denial in thy labras9 here;
Word of denial; froth and scum, thou liest.
Slen. By these gloves, then 'twas he.

Nym. Be advised, sir, and pass good humours: will say, marry trap, with you, if you run the ;-nuthook's 10 humour on me; that is the very note of it.

Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.

Fal. Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king?

Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.

Fal. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter. Shal. Tut, a pin! this shall be answer'd. Fal. I will answer it straight;-I have done all this-that is now answer'd.

Shal. The council shall know this. Fal. Twere better for you, if it were known in counsel: you'll be laugh'd at.

Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts. Fal. Good worts !2 good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against me?

Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your coney-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket.

Bar. You Banbury cheese!^

Slen. Ay, it is no matter.

Pist. How now, Mephostophilus ?5

Slen. Ay, it is no matter.

Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John? Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Eva. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is?

Bard. And being fap sir, was as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires. 12

Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

Eva. So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

Enter Mistress Anne Page with wine; Mistress Ford and Mistress Page following.

Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. [Exit Anne Page. Slen. O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, mistress Ford? Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress.

[kissing her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome :

Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! that's Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come,

my humour.

gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkind

Slen. Where's Simple, my man?-can you tell, ness.


[Exeunt all but Shal. Slend. and Evans. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my

Eva. Peace, I pray you! Now let us under- Slen. stand: there is three umpires in this matter, as I book of songs and sonnets here:

(1) Cotswold in Gloucestershire.

Worts was the ancient name of all the cab-of shuffle-board. bage kind.

(3) Sharpers.

(4) Nothing but paring.

(5) The name of an ugly spirit. (6) Few words.

(7) King Edward's shillings, used in the game

(8) Blade as thin as a lath.

(10) If you say I am a thief.

(9) Lips. (11) Drunk.

(12) The bounds of good behaviour.


Enter Simple.

How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you?

Sim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake, upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?1

Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you.
A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; there is,
as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off
by sir Hugh here ;-do you understand me?
Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if
it be so, I shall do that that is reason.

Shal. Nay, but understand me.
Slen. So I'do, sir.

Eva. Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, sir?
Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am
very well.
Anne. The dinner attends you, sir.

Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon
Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth:
my cousin Shallow: [Exit Simple. A justice of
a man:-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till
peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for
my mother be dead: but what though? yet I live
like a poor gentleman born.

they will not sit, till you come.
Anne. I may not go in without your worship:

Slen. I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did.

Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in.

Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruised my shin the other day with playing at Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: veneys' for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my sword and dagger with a master of fence, three I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. his country, simple though I stand here. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the

Eva. But that is not the question; the question town? is concerning your marriage.

Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir.

Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page.

Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands.

Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it, as any man in England:-you are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir.

Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us Slen. That's meat and drink to me now: I have command to know that of your mouth, or of your seen Sackerson loose, twenty times; and have lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you, the parcel of the mouth;-therefore, precisely, can you women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it carry your good will to the maid? they are very ill-favoured rough things. pass'd:4-but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em ;

Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason.

Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

Shal. That you must: will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.

Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz; Can you love the maid?

Re-enter Page.

Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come; we stay for you.

Slen. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, sir. Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir: come, come.

Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way.

Page. Come on, sir.

Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first,
Anne. Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.

Slen. Truly, I will not go first; truly, la: I will not do you that wrong,

Anne. I pray you, sir.

Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to Slen. I'll rather be unmannerly than troubleknow one another: I hope, upon familiarity will some: you do yourself wrong, indeed, la. grow more contempt; but if you say,


will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely;-his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Slen. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la.

Re-enter Anne Page.

Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:-Would
I were young, for your sake, mistress Anne!
Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father
desires your worships' company.

Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.

Exeunt Shal, and Sir H. Evans.

An intended blunder.

(3) Three set to's, bouts or hits.


SCENE II.-The same. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple.

Eva. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house, which is the way: and there dwells one mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer.

Sim. Well, sir.

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SCENE III-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly.
Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, and

Fal. Mine host of the Garter,

Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely.

Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers.

Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.

Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week.

Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Casar, Keisar, and
Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall
draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector?
Fal. Do so, good mine host.

Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Nym. I thank thee for that humour. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too: she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer, take all! the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reNym. I will run no base humour; here, take putation. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a wither-Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.ed serving-man, a fresh tapster: go; adieu. Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hail-stones, go; Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will Trudge, plod, away, o' the hoof; seek shelter, [Exit Bard. Pist. O base Gongarian' wight! wilt thou the Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, pack! spigot wield? French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. [Exeunt Falstaff and Robin. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,

Host. I have spoke; let him follow: let me see thee froth, and lime: I am at a word; follow.


Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it.

Fal. I am glad, I am so acquit of this tinderhox; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time.

Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's


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Pist. Two yards, and more.

Fal. Hold, sirrah, [to Rob.] bear you these letters tightly;

And high and low beguile the rich and poor:
Tester I'll have in pouch," when thou shalt lack,
Base Phrygian Turk!

Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge.

Pist. Wilt thou revenge?

By welkin, and her star!

Pist. With wit, or steel?

With both the humours, I;

I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.
Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold,

How Falstaff, varlet vile,

His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.

Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense* Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour.



Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed, I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Bricily, I do mean to Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I semake love to Ford's wife; i spy entertainment in cond thee; troop on. her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be English'd rigidly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's.

Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?

Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels.

Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I.

Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.

Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view

(1) For Hungarian. (2) Fig. (3) Gold coin.
(4) Escheatour, an officer in the Exchequer.
(6) False dice

SCENE IV.-A room in Dr. Caius' house. Enter
Mrs. Quickly, Simple, and Rugby.

Quick. What: John Rugby!-I pray thee, go
to the casement, and see if you can see my master,
master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i'faith, and
find any body in the house, here will be an old
abusing of God's patience, and the king's English.
Rug. I'll go watch.
[Exit Rugby.

Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate: 10 his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevishi that way; but nobody but has his fault ;-but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better.

Quick. And master Slender's your master?

(7) Sixpence I'll have in pocket.
(8) Instigate. (9) Jealousy.
(11) Foolish.

(10) Strife.

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