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Wel. This is perfectly rare, Brainworm (takes Brid. That touches not me, brother. him aside]; but how got'st thou this apparel of Wel. That's true; that's even the fault of it; the justice's man?
for, indeed, beauty stands a woman in no stead, Brai. Marry, sir, my proper fine perman would unless it procure her touching.-But, sister, needs bestow the grist on me, at the Windmill, to whether it touch you or no, it touches your hear some martial discourse ; where I so mar beauties; and I am sure they will abide the shall’d him, that I made him drunk with admi touch; an they do not, a plague of all ceruse, ration: and, because too much heat was the cause says I! and it touches me too in part, though of his distemper, I stript him stark naked as he not in the- Well, there's a dear and respected lay long asleep, and borrowed his suit to deliver friend of mine, sister, stands very strongly and this counterfeit message in, leaving a rusty worthily affected toward you, and hath vowed armonr, and an old brown bill to watch him till to inflame whole bonfires of zeal at his heart, in my return; which shall be, when I have pawn'd honour of your perfections. I have already enhis apparel, and spent the better part o' the money, gaged my promise to bring you where you shall perhaps.
hear him confirm much more. Ned Knowell is Wel. Well, thou art a successful, merry knave, the man, sister: there's no exception against the Brainworm: his absence will be a good subject party. You are ripe for a husband; and a for more mirth. I pray thee return to thy young minute's loss to such an occasion is a great tresmaster, and will him to meet me and my sister pass in a wise beauty. What say you, sister? Bridget at the Tower instantly; for, here, tell On my soul he loves you; will you give him the him, the house is so stored with jealousy, there meeting? is no room for love to stand upright in. We Brid. Faith I had very little confidence in mine must get our fortunes committed to some larger own constancy, brother, if I durst not meet a prison, say; and than the Tower 1 I know no man: but this motion of yours savours of an old better air, nor where the liberty of the house may knight adventurer's servant a little too much, do us more present service. Away.
Brid. Marry, of the squire.
Wel. No matter if it did, I would be such an Kit. Come hither, Thomas. Now my secret's one for my friend. But see, who is return'd to ripe,
hinder us! And thou shalt have it: lay to both mine ears. Park what I say to thee. I must go forth,
Re-enter KITELY. Thomas;
Kit. What villany is this ? call'd out on a false Be careful of thy promise, keep good watch,
message! Note every gallant, and observe him well, This was some plot; I was not sent for.—Bridget, That enters in my absence to thy mistress : Where is your sister ? If she would show him rooms, the jest is stale, Brid. I think she be gone forth, sir. Follow them, Thomas, or else hang on him, Kit. How! is my wife gone forth? Whither, And let him not go after; mark their looks;
for God's sake? Note if she offer but to see his band,
Brid. She's gone abroad with Thomas. Or any other amorous toy about him;
Kit. Abroad with Thomas! Oh, that villain But praise his leg, or foot; or if she say
dors me: The day is hot, and bid him feel her hand, He hath discovered all unto my wife. How hot it is; oh, that's a monstrous thing! Beast that I was, to trust him!-Whither, I pray Note me all this, good Thomas; mark their sighs, Went she ?
(you, And if they do but whisper, break 'em off :
Brid. I know not, sir. I'll bear thee out in it. Wilt thou do this?
Wel. I'll tell your brother, Wilt thou be true, my Thomas?
Whither I suspect she's gone. Cash. As truth's self, sir.
Kit. Whither, good brother? Kit. Why, I believe thee. Where is Cob, now? Wel. To Cob's house, I believe: but, keep my Cob!
[Exit. counsel. Dame K. He's ever calling for Cob. I wonder Kit. I will, I will. To Cob's house! doth she how he employs Cob so.
haunt Cob's ?
[Exit. Wel. Indeed, sister, to ask how he employs Wel. Come, he is once more gone, Cob, is a necessary question for you that are his Sister, let's lose no time; the affair is worth it. wife, and a thing not very easy for you to bo
[Exeunt. satisfied in; but this I'll assure you, Cob's wife is an excellent bawd, sister, and oftentimes your husband haunts her house; marry, to what end?
ACT IV.-SCENE VII. I cannot altogether accuse him; imagine you what you think convenient: but I have known
A Street. sair hides have foul hearts ere now, sister. Dame K. Never said you truer than that,
Enter MATHEW and BOBADILL. brother, so much I can tell you for your learn
Mat. I wonder, captain, what they will say of ing. Thomas, fetch your cloak and go with me.
my going away, ha ? [Exit Cash] I'll after him presently: I would
Bob. Why, what should they say, but as of a to fortune I could take him there, i'faith, I'd re
[Exit. turn him his own, I warrant him!
discreet gentleman; quick, wary, respectful of
nature's fair lineaments? and that's all. Wel. So, let 'em go; this may make sport
Mat. Why so! but what can they say of your Now, my fair sister-in-law,
beating? knew but how happy a thing it were to be fair and beautiful
Bob. A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a
1 the Tower. As the Tower was extra-parochial, it probably afforded some facility to private marriages. -GIFFORD.
I ceruse-a wash for the face and neck.
2 dors-befvols. See note 1, p. 186, col. 2. Buzz and hum were used in the same sense last century.
kind of gross battery used, laid on strongly, Brai. Well, gentlemen, I'll procure you this borne most patiently; and that's all.
warrant presently; but who will you have to Mat. Ay, but would any man have offered it
serve it? in Venice, as you say?
Mat. That's true, captain; that must be conBob. Tut! I assure you, no. You shall have sidered. there your nobilis, your gentilezza, come in Bob. Body ome, I know not; 'tis service of bravely upon your reverse, stand you close, danger. stand you firm, stand you fair, save your retri Brai. Why, you were best get one o'the varlets cato with his left leg, come to the asaulto with of the city,' a serjeant. I'll appoint you one, if the right, thrust with brave steel, defy your base you please. wood! But wherefore do I awake this remem Mat. Will you, sir? why, we can wish 10 brance? I was fascinated, by Jupiter, -fasci- better. nated; but I will be unwitch'd, and revenged Bob. We'll leave it to you, sir. by law.
[Exeunt BoB. and Mat. Mat. Do you hear? is it not best to get a war Brai. This is rare! Now will I go pawn this rant, and have him arrested and brought before cloak of the justice's man's at the broker's for a Justice Clement?
varlet's suit, and be the varlet myself; and get Bob. It were not amiss; would we had it! either more pawns, or more money of Downright
for the arrest.
[Exit. Enter BRAINWORM disguised as FORMAL. Mat. Why, here comes his man; let's speak to him.
ACT IV.-SCENE VIIL
The Lane before CoB's House.
Enter KNOWELL Mat. Sir, there is one Downright hath abused this gentleman and myself, and we determine to Know. Oh, here it is; I am glad I have found make our amends by law. Now, if you would do
it now.us the favour to procure a warrant, to bring him Ho! who is within here ? afore your master, you shall be well considered, Tib. [within.] I am within, sir; what's your I assure you, sir.
pleasure ? Brai. Šir, you know my service is my living; know. To know who is within beside yourself. such favours as these gotten of my master is his Tib. Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope ? only preferment, and therefore you must con know. Oh, fear you the constable ? then I sider me as I may make benefit of my place.
doubt not Mat. How is that, sir?
You have some guests within deserve that fear: Brai. Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, I'll fetch him straight. and the gentleman may be of great account; yet,
Enter TIB. be he what he will, if you will lay me down a brace of angels in my hand you shall have it, Tib. O' God's name, sir! otherwise not.
Know. Go to. Come, tell me, is not young Mat. How shall we do, captain ? He asks a knowell here? brace of angels; you have no money?
Tib. Young Knowell! I know none such, sir, Bub. Not a cross,' by fortune.
o'mine honesty: Mat. Nor I, as I am a gentleman, but twopence know. Your honesty, dame! it flies too lightly left of my two shillings in the morning for wine and radišh: let's find him some pawn.
There is no way but fetch the constable. Bob. Pawn! we have none to the value of his Tib. The constable! the man is mad, I think. demand.
[Exit, and claps to the door. Mat. Oh, yes; I'll pawn this jewel in my ear, and you may pawn your silk stockings, and puli
Enter DAME KITELY and Casu. up your boots, they will ne'er be missed: it must Cash. Ho! who keeps house here? be done now.
Krou. Oh, this is the female copesmate of my Bob. Well, an there be no remedy, I'll step aside and pull them off.
(Withdraws. Now shall I meet him straight. Mat. Do you hear, sir? we have no store of Dame K. Knock, Thomas, hard. money at this time, but you shall have good Cash. Ho, goodwife! pawns; look you, sir, this jewel, and that gentleman's silk stockings; because we would have it
Re-enter TIB. despatch'd ere we went to our chambers.
Tib. Why, what's the matter with you? Brai. I am content, sir; I will get you the Dame K. Why, woman, grieves it you to opo warrant presently. What's his name, say you?
your door? Downrigut?
Pelike you get something to keep it shut. Mat. Ay, ay, George Downright.
Tib. What mean these questions, pray ye? Brai. What manner of man is he?
Dame K. So strange you make it! is not my Mat. A tall big man, sir; he goes in a cloak husband here? most commonly of silk-russet, laid about with Know. Her busband ? russet lace.
Dame K. My tried husband, Master Kitely? Brai. "Tis very good, sir.
Tib. I hope he needs not to be tried here. Mat. Here, sir, here's my jewel.
Dame K. No, dame, he does it not for need, Bob. [returning.] And here are my stockings. but pleasure.
The ancient penny, according to Stow, had a crest stamped on it, so tliat it might easily be broken in the inidst, or in the four quarters. Hence it became a common phrase when a person had no money about him, to say he had not a single cross.-GIFFORD.
1 varlets of the city-bailiffs or serjeants at mace.GIFFORD.
? copesmate--companion; cope is the same as the cope in copesman, the old word for chapman, and means tu exchange.
Tib. Neither for need nor pleasure is he here. Cob. Why, is there no cause?
Cob. Come, let her go with me.
Cob. Nay, she shall go.
Dane K. (spies her husband, and runs to him.] allowed to make a bundie of hemp of your right
Kit. A bitter quean! Come, we will have you l'faith, I am glad I have smok'd you yet at last. tamed.
ACT IV.--SCENE IX.
Enter BRAINWORM, disguised as a City Serjeant. our! Know. She cannot counterfeit thus palpably.
Brai. Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I Kit. Out on thy more than strumpet impu- most like myself, being in this serjeant's gown. dence!
A man of my present profession never counterSteal'st thou thus to thy haunts? and have I feits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, taken
he rests him; for then he brings him to all Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion,
manner of unrest.
A kind of little kings we are, This hoary-headed lecher, this old goat,
bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a Close at your villany, and would'st thou 'scuse it young artichoke, that always carries pepper and With this stale harlot's jest, accusing me?
salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I Oh, old incontinent lio Knowell), dost thou undergo, by this exploit; pray Heaven not shame,
well off! When all thy powers in chastity are spent,
Enter MATHEW and BOBADILL. To have a mind so hot? and to entice, And feed the enticements of a lustful woman ? Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his Dame K. Out, I defy thee, I, dissembling gown. wretch!
Bob. Let's go in quest of him. Kit. Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander here, Mat. 'Save you, friend! are not you here by Can he deny it? or that wicked elder?
appointment of Justice Clement's man? Know. Why, hear you, sir.
Brai. Yes, an't please you, sir; he told me, Kit. Tut, tut, tut; never speak:
two gentlemen had will’d him to procure a warThy guilty conscience will discover thee.
rant from his master, which I have about me, to Know. What lunacy this, that haunts this be served on one Downright. man?
Mat. It is honestly done of you both; and seo Kit. Well, good wife bawd, Cob's wife, and where the party comes you must arrest; serve you,
it upon him quickly, afore he be aware, That make your husband such a hoddy-doddy; Bob. Bear back, Master Mathew. And you, young apple-squire, 2 and old cuckoldmaker;
Enter STEPHEN in DownRIGHT's cloak. I'll have you every one before a justice : Nay, you shall answer it, I charge you go.
Brai. Master Downright, I arrest you in the Know. Marry, with all my heart, sir, I go queen's naine, and must carry you afore a justice willingly;
by virtue of this warrant. Though I do taste this as a trick put on me,
Step. Me, friend! I am no Downright, I; I am
Master Stephen. You do not well to arrest me, To punish my impertinent search, and justly, And half forgive my son for the device.
I tell you truly; I am in nobody's bonds nor Kit. Come, will you go?
books, I would you should know it. A plague Dame K, Go! to thy shame believe it.
on you heartily, for making me thus afraid afore Enter Co.
Brai. Why, now you are deceived, gentlemen. Cob. Why, what's the matter here, what's here
Bob. He wears such a cloak, and that deceived
But see, here acomes indeed; this is he, to do?
officer. Kil. Oh, Cob, art thou come? I have been abused, and in thy liouse ; was never man su
Enter DowXRIGHT. wrong'd!
Down. Why, how now, signior gull! are you Cob. 'Slid, in my house, my Master Kitely! turn'd filcher of late ? Come, deliver my cloak. Who wrongs you in my house?
Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now, Kit. Marry, young lust in old, and old in young in open market. here:
Brai. Master Downright, I have a warrant I Thy wife's their bawd, here have I taken them. Cob. How, bawd! is my house come to that?
must serve upon you, procured by these two
gentlemen. Am I preferr'd thither? Did I not charge you Down. These gentlemen? these rascals ! to keep your doors shut, Isbel? and -- you let them lie open for all comers! [Beats his wife.
[Offers to beat them. know. Friend, know some cause, before thou
Brai. Keep the peace, I charge you in her beat'st thy wife.
majesty's name. This is madness in thee.
Down. I obey thee. What must I do, officer?
answer that they can object against you, sir. I I treachour-traitor.
• apple-squire-pimp. will use you kindly, sir.
Mat. Come, let's before, and make the justice, Clem. So it appears, methinks; but on. captain.
Dame K. And that my husband used thither Bob. The varlet's a tall man, afore heaven! daily.
[Exeunt BoB. and MAT. Clem. No matter, so he used himself well, Doron. Gull, you'll give me my cloak.
mistress. Step. Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it.
Dame K. True, sir; but you know what grows Down. You will ?
by such haunts oftentimes. Step. Ay, tbat I will.
Clem. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, Down. Officer, there's thy fee, arrest him. Mistress Kitely: but did you find your husband Brai. Master Stephen, I must arrest you. there, in that case as you suspected?
Step. Arrest me! I scorn it. There, take your Kit. I found her there, sir. cloak, I'll none on't.
Clem. Did you so! that alters the case. Who Down. Nay, that shall not serve your turn now, gave you knowledge of your wife's being there? sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the justice's; kit. Marry, that did my brother Wellbred. bring him along.
Clem. How, Wellbred first tell her; then tell Step. Why, is not here your cloak? what would you after! Where is Wellbred? you have ?
Kit. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not Down. I'll have you answer it, sir.
whither. Brai. Sir, I'll take your word, and this gentle Clem. Why, this is a mere trick, a device; you man's too, for his appearance.
are gulld in this most grossly all. Alas, poor Down. I'll have no words taken: bring him wench! wert thou beaten for this? along.
Tib. Yes, most pitifully, an't please you. Brai. Sir, I may choose to do that, I may take Cob. And worthily, I hope, if it shall prove so. bail.
Clem. Ay, that's like, and a piece of a senDown. 'Tis true, you may take bail, and choose tence.at another time; but you shall not now, varlet: bring him along, or I'll swinge you.
Enter a Servant. Brai. Sir, I pity the gentleman's case ; here's How now, sir! what's the matter? your money again.
Serv. Sir, there's a gentleman in the court Down. 'Sdeins, tell not me of my money; bring without, desires to speak with your worship. him away, I say.
Clem. A gentleman ! what is he? Brai. I warrant you he will go with you of Serv. A soldier, sir, he says. himself, sir.
Clem. A soldier! Take down my armour, my Doron. Yet more ado?
sword quickly. A soldier speak with me! Why, Brai. I have made a fair mash on't. [Aside. when, knaves? Come on, come on [arms himStep. Must I go?
self). Hold my cap there, so; give me my gorget, Brai. I know no remedy, Master Stephen. my sword. Stand by, I will end your matters
Down. Come along afore me here; I do not anon.-Let the soldier enter. (Exit Servant. love your hanging look behind.
Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me Enter BOBADILL, followed by MATHEW. for it: can he, fellow?
Brai. I think not, sir; it is but a whipping Now, sir, what have you to say to me? matter, sure.
Bob. By your worship's favourStep. Why, then, let him do his worst, I am
Clem. Nay, keep out, sir; I know not your resolute.
You send me word, sir, you are a soldier: why, sir, you shall be answer'd here:
here be them have been amongst soldiers. Sir, ACT V.-SCENE I.
Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and COLEMAN-STREET. A Hall in JUSTICE myself have been most uncivilly wrongd and CLEMENT's House.
beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow, about
the town here; and for mine own part, I protest. Enter CLEMENT, KNOWELL, KITELY, Dame KITELY, TIB, CASH, COB, and Sercants.
being a man in no sort given to this filthy humour
of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me in the way of Clem. Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave: my my peace, despoiled me of mine honour, disarmed chair, sirrah. You, Master Knowell, say you me of my weapous, and rudely laid me along in went thither to meet your son?
the open streets, when I not so much as once Know. Ay, sir.
offered to resist him. Clem. But who directed you hither?
Clem. Oh, God's precious! is this the soldier ? Know. That did mine own man, sir.
Here, take my armour off quickly, 'twill make Clem. Where is he?
him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on't, that Know. Nay, I know not now; I left him with will put up a blow. your clerk, and appointed him to stay here for Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound
Clem. My clerk ! about what time was this? Clem. Why, an he were, sir, his hands were Know. Marry, between one and two, as I take it. not bound, were they?
Clem. And what time came my man with the false message to you, Master Kitely?
Re-enter Servant. Kit. After two, sir.
Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, sir, Clem. Very good. But, Mistress Kitely, how has brought two gentlemen here; one upon your chance that you were at Cob's, ha ?
worship's warrant. Dame K. An't please you, sir, I'll tell you: my Clem. My warrant! brother Wellbred told me that Cob's house was Serv. Yes, sir; the officer says, procured by a suspected place
to the peace
I make the justice-ie, acquaiut him with our business. -GIFFORD.
1 when-a common exclamation of impatience in our old dramatists.--GIFFORD.
Clem. Bid him come in. [Exit Servant.] Set Ciem. How is this? by this picture.
Know. My man Brainworm ! Enter DOWNRIGHT, STEPHEN, and BRAINWORM,
Step. Oh yes, uncle; Brainworm has been disguised as before.
with my cousin Edward and I all this day.
Clem. I told you all there was some device. What, Master Downright! are you brought at Brai. Nay, excellent justice, since I have laid Master Freshwater's suit here?
myself thus open to you, now stand strong for Down. I'faith, sir: and here's another brought me; both with your sword and your balance. at my suit.
Clem. Body o' me, a merry knave! give me a Clem. What are you, sir?
bowl of sack.
If he belong to you, Master Step. A gentleman, sir. Oh, uncle!
Knowell, I bespeak your patience. Clem. Uncle! who, Master Knowell?
Brai. That is it I have most need of. Sir, if Know. Ay, sir, this is a wise kinsman of mine. you'll pardon me only, I'll glory in all the rest
Step. God's my witness, unole, I am wrong'd of my exploits. here monstrously; he charges me with stealing know. Sir, you know I love not to have my of his cloak, and would I might never stir, if I favours come hard from me. You have your did not find it in the street by chance.
pardon, though I suspect you shrewdly for being Down. Oh, did you find it now? You said of counsel with my son against me. you bought it erew bile.
Brai. Yes, faith, I have, sir, though you reStep. And you said I stole it: nay, now my tain'd me doubly this morning for yourself: first uncle is here, I'll do well enough with you. as Brainworm; after as Fitz-Sword. I was your
Clem. Well, let this breathe a while. You that reform'd soldier, sir. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's have cause to complain there, stand forth. Had upon the errand without end. you my warrant for this gentleman's apprehen Know. Is it possible ? or that thou should'st sion ?
disguise thy language so as I should not know Bob. Ay, an't please your worship.
thee? Clem. Nay, do not speak in passion so: where Brai. Oh, sir, this has been the day of my had you it?
metamorphosis. It is not that shape alone that Bob. Of your clerk, sir.
I have run through to-day. I brought this genClem. That's well! an my clerk can make tleman, Master Kitely, a message too, in the form warrants, and my hand not at them! Where is of Master Justice's man here, to draw him out of the warrant-officer, have you it ?
the way, as well as your worship, while Master Brai. No, sir; your worship’s man, Master Wellbred might make a conveyance of Mistress Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, and Bridget to my young master. he would be my discharge.
Kit. How! my sister stolen away? Clem. Why, Naster Downright, are you such a Know. My son is not married, I hope ! novice, to be served and never see the warrant ? Brai. Faith, sir, they are both as sure as love, Down. Sir, he did not serve it on me.
a priest, and three thousand pound, which is her Clem. No! how then?
portion, can make them; and by this time are Down. Marry, sir, he came to me, and said he ready to bespeak their wedding-supper at the must serve it, and he would use me kindly, and Windmill, except some friend here prevent them,
and invite them home. Clem. Oh, God's pity, was it so, sir? He Clem. Marry, that will I; I thank thee for putmust serve it! Give me my long sword there, ting me in mind on't.-Sirrah, go you and fetch and help me off. So, come on, sir varlet, I must them hither upon my warrant. [Exit Servant.] cut off your legs, sirrah [Brainworm kneels]; Neither friends have cause to be sorry, if I know nay, stand up, I'll use you kindly; I must cut off the young couple aright. Here, I drink to thee your legs, I say:
for thy good news. But, I pray thee, what hast (Flourishes over him with his long sword. thou done with my man, Formal ? Brai. Oh, good sir, I beseech you; nay, good Brai. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, as Master Justice !
making him drunk, first with story, and then Clem. I must do it, there is no remedy; I with wine (but all in kindness), and stripping must cut off your legs, sirrah; I must cut off him to his shirt, I left him in that cool vein ; your ears, you rascal, I must do it ; I must cut departed, sold your worship's warrant to these off your nose, I must cut off your head.
two, pawn'd his livery for that varlet's gown, Brai. Oh, good your worship!
to serve it in; and thus have brought myself by Clem. Well, rise; how dost thou do now? dost my activity to your worship's consideration. thou feel thyself well? hast thou no harm? Clem. And I will consider thee in another cup
Brai. No, I thank your good worship, sir. of sack. Here's to thee, which, having drunk off,
Clem. Why so! I said I must cut off thy legs, this is my sentence. Pledge me. Thou hast and I must cut off thy arms, and I must cut off done, or assisted to nothing, in my judgment, thy head; but I did not do it: 80 you said you but deserves to be pardon'd for the wit of the must serve this gentleman with my warrant, but offence. If thy master, or any man here, be you did not serve him. You kuave, you slave, angry with thee, I shall suspect his ingine," you rogue, do you say you must, sirrah! Away while I know him, for't.-How now! what noise with him to the jail; ill teach you a trick for is that? Brai. Good sir, I beseech you, be good to me.
Enter Servant. Clem. Tell him he shall to the jail; away with Serv. Sir, it is Roger is come home him, I say.
Ciem. Bring him in, bring him in. Brai. Nay, sir, if you will commit me, it shall be for committing more than this. I will not lose Enter For.Mal in a suit of armour. by my travail any grain of my fame, certain. (Throws off his serjeant's gown.
What! drunk? in arms against me? your reason,
your reason for this? 1 in passion—in so melancholy a tone, so pathetically. -GIFFORD.
i ingine-from Lat. ingenium, wit, understanding.
your must, sir.