Right is to thee a pleasing masquerade;
Thine object's lucre; justice but a trade :
The fee will win thee, be it foul or fair.
Browbeat the evidence, turn black to white,
Hoodwink the jury by sophistic flight,

Hear innocence condemn'd: what need'st thou care.

Sable's thy robe: well fitted to impart
The sabler dye that stains thy callous heart,
Glutted with gold, by fell extortion got.
Thy darling principle is self alone :

The cries of injur'd, and the pris'ner's groan,
Ne'er urge thee to commiserate their lot.

L'ENVOY OF THE POET.

Mark o'er thine head now hangs the steady scale, Poiz'd in the hand supreme the balance see;

* This plan of browbeating, or to speak more properly, frightening a witness out of his wits, which is merely substituting one letter for another, making him witless instead of witness, is now reduced to a regular system; consequently the grand art of counsel at present is not only to force an upright man to commit perjury by this species of tongue-baiting, but also cause a verdict to be given against the party who has justice on his side.

Knock at thy breast, and should stern justice fail,

Think on that judgment which must wait

on thee.

THE POET'S CHORUS TO FOOLS.

Come, trim the boat, row on each Rara Avis, Crowds flock to man my Stultifera Navis.

SECTION VII.

OF FOOLISH MODERN WIVES AND FASHION

ABLES.

As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

YE dames of title, by example led,

SOLOMON.

May safely wrong your senseless husband's bed; Fearless of monitor or partial blame,

Since mere publicity entails your shame.

Ye feel no spark of love's celestial fire;
Yours th' infuriate throb of fierce desire,
With mind thus tutor'd, caution is your plan:
'Tis naught to you, so man succeeds to man *.

* Notwithstanding this apparent ill nature of the poet, there are, nevertheless, sufficient public examples to bear him out in his assertions; but had he been possessed of the powers of the famous devil on two sticks, which would have enabled him to learn such instances as were hidden from publicity, Merciful Heaven! what would he not then have had to say! for Quæ fuerant vitia mores sunt: and the contagion is now become general: for the prim citizen's wife knows the practical meaning

But if, alas! some chambermaid espies, Through crack or key-hole, with her prying eyes, Such little tiltings, straight some scribbling wag Will advertise your cast off camphire bag *.

of the word intrigue equally as well as the west end of the town lady of title; and we may therefore very justly say,

Behold the duchess or the countess free,
With mind as prone to sensuality

As Mrs. Tabby, that on pent-house mews,
Or Drury's ladies, who frequent the stews :
Yet not to titled dames alone must I
Attribute these soft failings; by the bye,

Tradesmen and cits your titled great may scorn;

But they alike are deck'd with cuckold's horn.

But all this is very excusable, when put in competition with the loves of ancient heroines; witness Pasipha, who received the tender embraces of a bull, and Semiramis those of horses, &c. &c.

* Never surely was a more facetious adventure than that alluded to in the above line; and, as the lady did not exactly understand her own mind, nor the youth precisely know how to win her for a time, we will, by way of advice for young gentlemen in future, note down a prescription which never yet was found to fail in its effects.

Whene'er a woman vows she's chaste,
Then gently clasp her round the waist;

Then what ensues? like Richard for his horse, The horned husband cries, divorce, divorce; Flies to the Commons*, spends his money there, And, sanction'd by the Lords, parts with his fair.

So even justice having made one-two,
Religion sanctions what the laws undo:
And thus th' adult'rer, who the wife purloin'd,
By holy wedlock's to th' adult'ress join'd.

Whene'er she strives to ape the prude,
Be bold: you cannot be too rude.
But when she vows she'll naught permit,
She means to ask, and will submit;
For all her practice is but guile;
Tis nay for yea, and frown for smile.

It is surely a very hard case that a poor man should be compelled to wear his antlers, without being permitted to butt with them; leaving him to exclaim with Lucio, in Measure for Measure, "Married to a punk is pressing to death, whipping, and hanging." But such is however the case, since none who cannot well pay for their sport, are entitled to redress from the gentlemen of the Commons; consequently in this particular the great and the rich have the best of it; and it is doubtless, on this account, they make so light of publicity in matters of love; as they delicately term such gross dereliction from conjugal duties.