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Con. I have done, Sir,-my station here is to that the whole tenor of your conduct is most ofobey_I know they are gifts of a virtuous mind, fensive. and mine shall convert them to the tenderest and Eger. I am sorry you think so, Sir. I am gure most grateful use.

I do not intend to offend you. Eger. Hark! I hear a carriage—it is my fa- Sir P. [In anger.] I care not what ye intend ther; dear girl, compose yourself ---I will consult -Sir, I tell ye, ye do offend—What is the meanSidney and my lady: by their judgment we will ing of this conduct ?-neglect the levee !— Sdeeth! be directed ;-will that satisfy you?

Sir, your—what is your reason, I say, for thus Con. I can have no will but my lady's; with neglecting the levee, and disobeying my comFour leave, I will retire-I would not see her in mands? this confusion.

Eger. Sir, I own- I am not used to levees; Eger. Dear girl, adieu! [Erit CONSTANTIA. --nor do I know how to dispose of myself—nor Enter Sam.

what to say or do, in such a situation. Sam. Sir Pertinax and my lady are come, Sir; do? gentle and simple; temporal and spiritual;

Sir P. Zounds, Sir! do you not see what others and my lady desires to speak with you in her own lords, members, judges

, generals

, and bishops ? room-Oh! she is here, Sir. (Exit Sam.

aw crowding, bustling, pushing foremost intill the Enter Lady MacSYCOPHANT. middle of the circle, and there waiting, watching, Lady M. Dear child I am glad to see you: and striving to catch a luock or a smile fra the why did you not come to town yesterday, to attend great mon; which they meet with an amicable the levee—your father is incensed to the utter- risibility of aspect-a modest cadence of bodyniost at your not being there.

and a conciliating co-operation of the whole Eger. Madam, it is with extreme regret I tell mon-which expresses an officious promptitude you, that I can no longer be a slave to his temper,

for his service, and indicates--that they luock his politics, and his scheme of marrying me to upon themselves as the suppliant appendages of this woman. Therefore you had better consent his power, and the enlisted Swiss of his poleetiat once to my going out of the kingdom, and to cal fortune--this, Sir, is what ye ought to do my taking Constantia with me; for, without her, and this, Sir, is what I never once omitted for I never can be happy..

these five-and-tharty years—let wha would be Lady M. As you regard my peace, or your

meenister. own character, I beg you will not be guilty of so

Eger. [Aside.] Contemptible ! rash a step--you promised me, you would never

Sir P. What is it that ye mutter, Sir ? marry her without my consent. I will open it to

Eger. Only a slight reflection, Sir; and not your father: pray, dear Charles, be ruled-let me

relative to you. prevail.

Sir P. Sir, your absenting yoursal fra the Eger. Madam, I cannot marry this lady.

levee at this juncture is suspeecious—it is luocked Lady M. Well

, well; but do not determine. upon as a kind of disaffection; and aw your countryFirst patiently hear what your father and Lord men are highly offended with yeer conduct: for, Lumbercourt have to propose, and let them try Sir, they do not luock upon ye as a friend or a to manage this business for you with your father weel wisher either to Scotland or Scotsmen. pray do, Charles.

Eger. Then, Sir, they wrong me, I assure Éger. Madam, I submit.

you; but pray, Sir, in what particular can I be Lady M. And while he is in this ill humour, charged either with coldness or offence to my I beg you will not oppose him, let him say what country? he will; when his passion is a little cool, I will

Sir P. Why, Sir, ever since your mother's try to bring him to reason—but pray do not thwart uncle, Sir Stanley Egerton, left oye this three him.

thousand pounds a year, and that ye have, in Sir P. [Without.] Haud your gab, ye scoun

compliance with his will, taken up the name of drel, and do as you are bid. Zounds! ye are so

Egerton, they think ye are grown proud--that ye full of your gab. Take the chesnut gelding, re- have estranged yoursal fra the Macsycophantsturn to town, and inquire what is become of my the opposeetion and with those, again

I must lord. Lady M. Oh! here he comes, I'll get out of tell you, wha do not wish weel till Scotland-be

[Exit. sides, Sir, in a conversation the other day, after Sir Ó. [Without.) Here you, Tomlins.

dinner, at yeer cousin Campbell Mackenzies, beTom. (Without Sir.

fore a whole table full of yeer ain relations, did ye Sir P. ] Without.) Where is my son Egerton ? not publicly wish–a total extinguishment of aw Tom. Without. In the library, Sir Pertinax, party, and of aw national distinctions whatever, Sir P. (Without.] Vary weel, the instant the relative to the three kingdoms. And, ye blocklawyers come, let me ken it.

head—was that a prudent wish-before sae mony

of yeer own countrymen, and be damned to ye? Enter Sir PertinAX.

Or, was it a filial language to hold before me Sir P. Vary weel-Vay weel-ah, ye Éger. Sir, with your pardon-I cannot think are a fine fellow-what have ye to say for your it untilial, or imprudent; 'I own I do wish--most sal--are not ye a fine spark ? are ye not a fine ardently wish, for a total extinction of all partiesspark, I say?-ah! you're a- so you would particularly that of English, Irish, and Scotch, not come up till the levee ?

might never more be brought into contest, or comEger. Sir, I beg your pardon--but-I-I-I petition; unless, like loving brothers, in generous was not very well, -besides-I did not think emulation for one common cause. that that my presence there was necessary. Sir P. How, Sir; do ye persist ?-what,

Sir P. Sir, it was necessary--] tauld ye it would ye banish aw party--and aw distinction was necessary-and, Sir-I must now tell ye, betwaxt English, Irish, and your ain countrymen ?

the way.

ex

Eger. I would, Sir.

Sir P. Let me know the instant he arrives. Si P. Then damme, Sir-ye are nae true Tom. I shall, Sir.

(Erit. Scot. Ay, Sir, ye may luock as angry as ye Sir P. Step ye oot, Charles, and receive Lady wull; but again I say-ye are nae true Scot. Rodolpha. And I desire, Sir, ye wool treat her

Eger. Your pardon, Sir, I think he is the true with ass much respect and gallantry ass possibleScot, and the true citizen, who wishes equal jus- for my lord has hinted that ye have been very tice to the merit and demerit of every subject of remiss ass a lover. Adzooks, Charles ! ye should Great Britain.--Amongst whom, Sir, I know but admeenister a whole torrant o' flattery till her; of two distinctions.

for a woman ne'er thinks a man loves her, till he Sir P. Weel, Sir, and what are those ? what has made an idiot of her understanding by flattery; are those ?

[Impatiently. flattery is the prime bliss o' the sex, the nectar Eger. The knave and—and the honest man. and ambrosia o' their charms; and ye can ne'er Sir P. Pshaw! redeeculous !

gi'e them o'er muckle of it: sae, there's a guid lad, Eger. And he who makes any other—let him gang and mind yeer flattery. (Exit EGERTON.) be of the north or of the south, of the east or of Hah! I must keep a tight hand upon this fallow, the west, in place or out of place—is an enemy to I see. I'm frightened oot o' my wits lest his the whole, and to the virtues of humanity. mother's family should seduce him to their party,

Sir P. Ay, Sir! this is your brother's im- which would ruin my whole scheme, and break pudent doctrine—for the which I have banished my heart. A fine time o' day indeed for a blockhim for ever fra my presence, my heart, and my head to patriot—when the character fortune-Sir, I will have nae son of mine, because ploded, marked, proscribed; why, the common truly he has been educate in the English uni- people, the very vulgar, have found out the jest, varsity; presume to speak against his native land, and laugh at a patriot now-a-days, just as they do or against my principles. Sir, Scotsmen-Scots- at a conjurer, a magician, or any other impostor in men, Sir—wherever they meet throughout the society. globe-should unite and stick together, as it were, in a polcetical phalanx. However-nae mair of

Enter TOMLINS and LORD LUMBERCOURT. that now, I will talk at large till ye about that

Tom. Lord Lumbercourt.

[Erit. business anon; in the meantime, Sir, notwith- Lord L. Sir Pertinax, I kiss your hand. standing your contempt of my advice, and your

Sir P. Your lordship’s most devoted—I rejoice disobedience till my commands, I wool convince to see you. ye of my paternal attention till your welfare, by

Lord L. You stole a march upon me this my management with this voluptuary—this Lord morning!-gave me the slip, Mac; though I Lumbercourt, whose daughter ye are to marry :

never wanted your assistance more in my life. I ye ken, Sir, that the fellow has been my patron thought you would have called upon me. above these five-and-tharty years.

Sir P. My dear lord, I beg ten millions of Eger. True, Sir.

pardons, for leaving town before you—but ye ken Sir P. Vary weel—and now, Sir, you see by that your lordship at dinner yesterday settled that his prodigality he is become my dependant; and we should meet this morning at the levee ? accordingly I have made my bargain with him- Lord L. That I acknowledge, Mac-I did the deel a bawbee he has in the world but what promise to be there, I own-butcomes through these clutches; for his whole estate,

Sir P. You did, indeed--and accordingly I was which has three impleecit boroughs upon it

at the levee; and waited there till every mortal mark—is now in my custody at nurse; the which was gone, and seeing you did na come, I conestate, on my paying off his debts, and allowing cluded that your lordship was gone before. him a life-rent of seven thousand per annum, is to

Lord L. To confess the truth, my dear Mac, be made over till me for my life; and at my death that old sinner, Lord Freakish, General Jolly is to descend till ye and your issue—the peerage Sir Anthony Soaker, and two or three more of of Lumbercourt, you ken, will follow of course that set, laid hold of me last night at the opera; 50, Sir, you see there are three impleecit boroughs, and, as the General says, I believe, by the inthe whole patrimony of Lumbercourt, and a peer-telligence of my head this morning-ha! ha! ha! age, at one slap—why it is a stroke-a hit-a hit--we drank deep ere we departed-ha! ha! ha! a capital hit, mon. Zounds! Sir, a man may

andcentury, and not make sic another hit again!

Sr P. Ha! ha! ha ! nay,

you were with Eger. It is a very advantageous bargain, no that party, my lord, I don't wonder at not seeing doubt, Sir; but what will my lord's family say to your lordship at the levee !

Lord L. The truth is, Sir Pertinax, my felSir P. Why, mon, he cares not if his family low let me sleep too long for the levee. But ! were aw at the deel, so his luxury be but gratified — wish I had seen you before you left town-I only let him have his race-horse, till feed his wanted you dreadfully. vanity; his polite blacklegs, to advise him in his Sir P. I am heartily sorry that I was not in matches on the turf, cards, and tennis; his harri- the way; but on what account, my lord, did you dan, till drink drams wi' him, scrat his face, and want me? burn his periwig, when she is in her maudlin

Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! a cursed awkward afhysterics—the fellow has aw that he wants, and fair-and-ha! ha! yet I cannot help laughing at aw that he wishes, in this world

it neither; though it vexed me confoundedly.

Sir P. 'Vexed you, my lord-I wish I had been Enter Tomlins.

wi' ye then; but for heaven's sake, my lord, what Tom. Lady Rodolpha is come, Sir.

was it that could possibly vex your lordship? Sir P. And my lord ?

Lord L. Why, that impudent, teasing, dunTom. No, Sir, he is about a mile behind, the ning rascal, Mahogany, my upholsterer-vou servant says.

know the fellow?

live a

it?

Sir P. Perfectly, my lord.

Mac, that the villain will send down to NewLord L. The impudent scoundrel has sued me market, and seize my string of horses. up to some infernal kind of a-something or other, Sir P. Your string of horses! We must prein the law, which I think they call an execu- vent that, at all events:-that would be such a tion!

disgrace, I will despatch an express to town diSir P. The rascal!

rectly, to put a stop till the scoundrel's proceedings. Lord L. Upon which, Sir, the fellow-ha! ha! Lord L. Pr’ythee do, my dear Sir Pertinax. ba! I cannot help laughing at it—by way of ask Sir P. Oh! it shall be done, my lord. ing pardon, ha! ha! ha! had the modesty to wait Lord L. Thou art an honest fellow, Sir Pertion me two or three days ago—to inform my ho- nax, upon honour. nour, ha! ha! as he was pleased to dignify me Sir P. Oh, my lord : 'tis my duty to oblige your that the execution was now ready to be put in lordship to the very utmost stretch of my abeelity. force against my honour, ha! ha! ha!—but that, out of respect to my honour, as he had taken á

Enter TOMLINS. great deal of my honour's money, he would not Tom. Colonel Toper presents his compliments suffer his lawyer to serve it-till he had first in- to you, Sir, and having no family down with him formed my honour-because he was not willing to in the country-he and captain Hardbottle, if not affront my honour! ha! ha! hala son of a inconvenient, will do themselves the honour of whore!

taking a family dinner with you. Sir P. I never heard of so impudent a dog. Sir P. They are two of our militia officers :

Lord L. Now, my dear Mac! ha! ha! as the does your lordship know them? scoundrel's apology was so very satisfactory, and Lord L. By sight only. his information so very agreeable to my honour Sir P. I am afraid, my lord, they will interrupt I told him, that in honour I could not do less than our business. to order his honour to be paid immediately.

Lord L. Ha! ha! not at all-not at all-ha! Sir P. Ha! ha! ha!-vary weel-ye were as ha! ha! I should like to be acquainted with Tocomplaisant ass the scoundrel till the full, I think, per, they say he is a fine jolly fellow! my lord.

Sir P. Oh! very jolly, and very clever. He Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! to the full; but you shall and the captain, my lord, are reckoned two of the liear-you shall hear, Mac-so, Sir, with great hardest drinkers in the country. composure, seeing a smart oaken cudgel, that Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! so I have heard-let us stood very handily in a corner of my dressing. have them by all means, Mac; they will enliven room-I ordered two of my fellows to hold the the scene-how far are they from you ! rascal, and another to take the cudgel, and return Sir P. Just across the meadows- not half a the scoundrel's civility with a good Jrubbing, as mile, my lord-a step-a step: long as the stick lasted!

Lord L. Oh, let us have the jolly dogs, by all Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! admirable! as gude a means! stroke of humour as ever I heard uf-and did they Sir P. My compliments, I shall be proud of drub him soundly, my lord ?

their company. [Erit TOMLINS] Gif ye please, Lord L. Oh! most liberally, ha! ha! ha! most my lord, we wull gang and chat a bit wi' the woliberally; and there I thought the atlair would men. I have not seen lady Rodolpha since she have rested, till I should think proper to pay the returned fra the Bath; I long to have a little news scoundrel--but this morning, Sir, just as I was from her aboot the company there. stepping into my chaise-my servants all about Lord L. Oh! she'll give you an account of me-a fellow, called a tip-staff, stepped up, and them, I'll warrant you. [A rery loud laugh begged the fivour of my footman, who thrashed without.) Here the hairbrain comes ! it must be the upholsterer, and the two that held him, to go her by her noise. along with him upon a little business to my lord Lady R. [Without.] Allons ! gude folks-folchief justice.

low me sans ceremonie! Sir P. The devil!

Lord L. And at the same instant I, in my lurn, Enter Lady Rodolpha, LADY MACSYCOPHANT, was accosted by two other very civil scoundrels,

EGERTON, and SIDNEY. who, with a most insolent politeness, begged my Lady R. (Running up to Şır PERTINAX.) Sir pardon, and informed me, that I must not go into Pertinax,-your most devoted-most obsequious, my own chaise!

and most obedient vassal. [Courtesies very low. Sir P. How, my lord ! not intill your ain car Sir P. Lady Rodolpha-down till the ground riage!

my congratulations, duty, and affection, sincerely Lord L. No, Sir—for that they, by order of attend your lalyship. [ Bowing ridiculously low. the sheriil, must seize it, at the suit of a gentle Lady R. Oh! Sir Pertinax-your humeelity is man-one Mr. Mahogany, an upholsterer. most sublimely complaisant-at present unanswerSir P. An impudent villain!

able-but, Sir, I shall intensely study to return Lord L. It is all true, I assure you ; so you see, it (Courtesies rery low.) fatty fold. my dear Mac, what a damned country this is to Sir P. Weel, Madam, ha! you luock gaily live in, where noblemen are obliged to pay their weel—and how-how is your ladyship after your debts, just like merchants, cobblers, peasants, or jaunt till the Bath? mechanics. — Is not that a scandal, dear Mac, to Lady R. Never better, Sir Pertinaxa nation,

as youth, health, riotous spirits, and a careless, Sir P. My lord, it is not only a scandal, but a happy heart can make me. National grievance.

Sir P. I am mighty glad till hear it, my lady. Lord L. Sir, there is not another nation in the Lord L. Ay, ay, - Rodolpha is always in world that has such a grievance to complain of spirits; Sir Pertinax, Vire la bagatelle, is the But what concerns me most, I am afraid, iny dear philosophy of our family, ha !

-Rodolpha, -ha!

as well

Lady R. Traith is it, my lord: and upon ho- Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! Pray, Madam, what was nour, I am determined it never shall be changed the object of their furious contantion ? by my consent-weel I vow-ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! Lady R. Oh! a vary important one, I assure

Vive lu bagatelle would be a most brilliant motto you, Sir Pertinax; of no less consequence, Mafor the chariot of a belle of fashion-what say dam, than how an odd trick at whist was lost, or ye till my fancy, Lady Macsycophant ?

might have been saved ! Lady M. It would have novelty at least to re- Omnes. Ha ! ha! ha! commend it, Madam.

Lady R. In another party, Sir Pertinax, we Lady R. Which of aw charms is the most de had what was called the cabinet council; which lightful that can accompany wit, taste, love, or was composed of a duke and a haberdasher--a red friendship—for novelty, I take to be the true je ne hot patriot and a sneering courtier--a discarded scai quoi of all wordly bliss. Cousin Egerton, statesman and his scribbling chaplain—wi' a busy should not you like to have a wife with Vive la bawling, muckle-heeded, prerogative lawyer-ALI bagatelle upon her wedding chariot ?

of whom were every minute ready to gang togeEger. Oh! certainly, Madam.

ther by the lugs, aboot the in and the oot meenisLady R. Yes, I think it would be quite out of try: ha! ha! ha! the common, and singularly ailegant.

Omnes. Ha! ha! ha! Eger. Indisputably, Madam-for, as a motto Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! weel, that was a droll. is a word to the wise, or rather a broad hint to the motley cabinet, I vow. Vary whimsical, upon whole world, of a person's taste and principles, honour; but they are all great politeecians at Bath, Vive la bagatelle would be most expressive, at and settle a meenistry there with ass much ease first sight, of your ladyship's characteristic ! ass they do a tune for a country dance!

Lady Ř. Oh, Maister Egerton! you touch my Lady R. Then, Sir Pertinax, in a retired part very heart wi' your approbation-ha! ha! ha! that of the room-snug, in a by-corner-in close conis the vary spirit of my intention, the instant I ference, we had a Jew and a beeshop: commence bride. Well

, I am immensely proud Sir P. A Jew and a beeshop! ha! ha! a devilthat my fancy has the approbation of so sound an ish gude connexion that; and pray, my lady, understanding—so sublime a genius-and so po- what were they aboot ? lished, nay, so exquisite a taste, as that of the all- Lady R. Why, Sir, the beeshop was striving accomplished Mr. Egerton.

to convert the Jew; while the Jew, by intervals, Sir P. But, Lady Rodolpha, I wish, till ask was slily picking up intelligence fra the beeshop, your ladyship some questions aboot the company aboot the change in the meenistry, in hopes of at Bath; they say ye had aw the world there. making a stroke in the stocks.

Lady R. O, yes ;-there was a vary great mob Omnes. Ha! ha! ha! indeed; but vary little company: aw canaille- Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! admirable, admirable, I except our ain party; the place was quite crowded honour the smouse—hah !-it was deevilish clever wi' your little purseprood mechanics-an odd kind of him, my lord, deevilish clever, the Jew distilof queer luocking animals, that ha'e started intill ling the beeshop's brains. fortunes fra lottery tickets, rich prizes at sea, gam- Lord L. Yes, yes, the fellow kept a sharp look bling in Change Alley, and sic like caprices of out; I think it was a fair trial of skill on both fortune, and awaw they aw crood till the Bath, to sides, Mr. Egerton. larn genteelity, and the names, titles, intrigues, Eger. True, my lord; but the Jew seems to and bon mots of us people of fashion-ha! ha! have been in the fairer way to succeed. ha!

Lord L. Oh! all to nothing, Sir: ha! ha! ha! Omnes. Ha! ha! ha!

Well, child, I like your Jew and your bishop Lord L. Ha! ha! ha! I know them-I know much-it is monstrous clever, let us have the rest the things you mean, my dear, extremely well. I of the history, pray, my dear. have observed them a thousand times; and won- Lady R. Gude traith, my lord, the sum total is, dered where the devil they all came from! ha ha! ha! that there we aw danced, and wrangled, and flat

Lady M. Pray, Lady Rodolpha, what were tered, and slandered, and gambled, and cheated, your diversions at Bath?

and mingled, and jurnbledLady R. Gude faith, my lady, the company Omnes. Ha ! ha! ha! were my diversion and better nae human follies Lord L. Well, you are a droll girl, Rodolpha, ever afforded-ha! ha! ha! sic an a maxture-and and upon honour, ha! ha! ha!— you have given sic oddits, ha! ha! ha! a perfect gallimowfry! ha! us as whimsical a sketch as ever was hit off. ha! ha! Lady Kunigunda Mackenzie and I used What say you, Mr. Sidney? to gang aboot till every part of this human chaos, Sid. Upon my word, my lord, the lady has ha! ha! on purpose till reconnoitre the monsters, made me see the whole assembly at Bath, in and pick up their frivolities, ha ! ha! ha! ha! glaring, pleasing, distinct colours ! Omnes. Ha! ha! ha!

Lady R. O, dear Maister Sidney, your apSir P. Ha! ha! ha! why, that must have been probation makes me as vain as a reigning toast a high entertainment till your ladyship! at her looking-glass.

Lady R. Superlative, and inexhaustible, Sir Pertinax : ha! ha! ha! Madam, we had in yane

Enter TOMLINS. group a peer and a sharper-a duchess and a pinmaker's wife—a boarding-school miss and her Tom. Colonel Toper and Captain Hardbottlo grandmother—a fat parson, a lean general, and a are come, Sir. yellow admiral-ha! ha! all speaking together, Sir P. O, vary weel ! dinner immediately. and bawling, and fretting, and fuming, and wrang- Tom. It is ready, Sir. [Erit TOMLINS. ling, and retorting in fierce contention, as if the Sir P. My lord, we attend your lordship. fame, and the fortune, of aw the parties, were till Lord L. Lady Mac, your ladyship’s hand, if be the issue of the conflict.

you please.

[İle leads her out.

ney.

Sir P. Lady Rodolpha, here is an Arcadian had him i' that tipsy mood—we might ha'e swain, that has a hand at your ladyship's devotion! settled the point amongst ourselves, before the

Lady R. And I, Sir Pertinax, ha'e yane at his lawyers came -but noow, Sir, I dinna ken -(Gites her hand to EGERTON.) there, Sir,-as what will be the consequence. to hearts-ye ken, cousin, they are nae brought Eger. But when a inan is intoxicated, would into the account o' human dealings now-a-days. that have been a seasonable time to settle business,

Eger. Oh! Madam, they are mere temporary Sir ? baubles, especially in courtship; and no more to Sir P. The most seasonable, Sir, the most be depended upon than the weatner—or a lot. seasonable ; for, Sir, when my lord is in his cups, terv ticket.

his suspeecion and his judgment are baith asleep, Lady R. Ha! ha! ha! twa axcellent seemilies, and his heart is aw joility, fun, and gude fellowI vow, Mr. Egerton, axcellent !—for they illus- ship---you may then mould his consent to any trate the vagaries and inconstancy of my dis- thing; and can there be a happier moment than sipated heart, ass exactly -ass if ye had meant that for a bargin, or to settle a dispute wi' a till describe it. [EGERTON leads her out. friend? What is it you shrug your shoulders at,

Sir P. Ha! ha! ha! what a vast fund of Sir ? speerits and good humour she has, Maister Sid. Eger. At my own ignorance, Sir: for I un

derstand neither the philosophy nor the morality Sid. A great fund, indeed, Sir Pertinax. of your doctrine. Sir P. Hah! by this time to-morrow, Maister Sir P. I ken ye do not, Sir :—and what is Sidney, I hope we shall ha’e every thing ready warse, ye never wull understand it, ass ye pro for ye to put the last helping hand till the earthly ceed. In yane word, Charles I ha'e often tauld happiness o' your friend and pupil; and then, Sir, ye, and noow again I tell ye yance for aw, that my cares wull be over for this life; for as till my every man should be a man o' the warld, and other son I expect nae gude of him; nor should I should understand the doctrine of pleeabeelity; grieve were I to see him in his coffin. But this for, Sir, the manæuvres of pleeabeelity are ass match-Oh! it wull make me the happiest of necessary to rise in the warld, ass wrangling and aw human beings.

(Exeunt. logical subtlety are to rise at the bar. Why ye

see, Sir, I ha'e acquired a noble fortune, a prince ACT III.

ly fortune, and hoow do ye think I ha'e raised it ? SCENE I.--A Library.

Eger. Doubtless, Sir, by your abilities.
Enter SiR PERTINAX and EGERTON.

Sir P. Dootless, Sir, ye are a blockhead---nae,

Sir, I'll tell ye hoow I raised it, Sir; I raised it by Sir P. Sir, I wull not hear a word aboot it;- boowing; by boowing, Sir; I naver in my life I insist upon it ye are wrong-ye should ha’e could stond straight i' th' presence of a great inon; paid your court till my lord, and not ha’e scrupled but always boowed, and boowed, and boowed, as swallowing a bumper or twa-or twanty till it were by instinct. oblige him!

Eger. How do you mean, by instinct, Sir ? Eger. Sir, I did drink his toast in a bumper. Sir P. Hoow do I mean, by instinct--why,

Sir P. Yas, ye did; but how ?-how ?—just Sir, I mean by-by-by instinct of interest, Sir, ass a cross-brain takes pheesic, wi’ wry mouths, whach is the universal instinct of mankind, Sir: and sour faces, whach my lord observed; then, to it is wonderful to think, what a cordial, what an mend the matter, the moment that he and the amicable, nay, what an infallible influence, boowcolonel got intill a drunken dispute aboot releegion, ing has upon the pride and vanity of human naye slily slunged awa'.

ture; Charles, answer me sincerely, hu'e ye a Eger. I thought, Sir, it was time to go, when mind till be convinced of the force of my doctrine, my lord insisted upon half-pint bumpers. by example and demonstration ?

Sir P. Sir, that was not levelled at you—but Eger. Certainly, Sir. at the colonel, the captain, and the commissioner, Sir P. Then, Sir, as the greatest favour I can in order till try their bottoms; but they aw agreed confer upon ye, I wull give ye a short sketch of that and I should drink oot o'smaw glasses. the stages of my boowing; ass an excitement and

Eger. But, Sir, I beg pardon—I did not choose a landmark for ye till boow by, and as an infallito drink any more.

ble nostrum for a mon o'the warld till thrive i' Sir P. But, Sir, I tell you there was necessity the warld. for your drinking more at this particular juncture. Eger. Sir, I shall be proud to profit by your

Eger. A necessity! in what respect, Sir ? experience.

Sir P. Why, Sir, I have a certain point to Sir P. Vary weel. [They both sit down.) carry, independent of the lawyers, with my lord, And noow, Sir, ye must recall till your thoughts, in this agreement of your marriage, aboot whach, that your grandfather was a mon, whose penuriI am afraid we shall ha'e a warın crooked squab- ous income of half-pay was the sum total of his ble—and therefore I wanted your assistance in it. fortune; and, Sir, aw my proveesion fra him was

Eger. But how, Sir, could my drinking con a modicum of Latin, an expartness of areethmetic, tribute to assist you in your squabble ?

and a short system of worldly counsel; the chief Sir P. Yas, Šir, it would ha’e contributed—it ingredients of which were, a persevering industry, might have prevented the squabble.

a reegid economy, a smooth tongue, a pliabeelety Eger. How so, Sir ?

of temper, and a constant attention till make Sir P. Why, Sir, my lord is proud of ye for a every mon weel pleased wi' himself. son-in-law, and of your little French songs--your Eger. Very prudent advice, Sir. stories, and your bon mots, when ye are in the Sir P. Therefore, Sir, I lay it before ye- now, humour-and gin ye had but staid, and been a Sir, wi' these materials, I set oot, a rough rawLeetle jolly, and drank half a score bumpers wi' boned stripling, fra the north, till try my fortune him, tíll he got a little tipsy, I am sure when we wi' them here i' the south; and my first step

VOL. I....H.

ye

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