nanimous Colonel Maek, reached the vicinity of Vienna, in somewhat of a doleful mood, looking back at every moment, to fee if the French huffars were not behind them, and little expecting the honours that awaited them without the gates of the Imperial city.

Some loyal Germans, anticipating the conquefts of their Sovereign, had there erected a triumphal arch, adorned with emblematical figures, and covered with infcriptions in excellent Latin. The gentle Emperor* who was fhivering beneath his cloak and a dog-day's fun, hardly knew who was meant by a brawny Hercules treading upon a Hydra; but as to Colonel Maek, he recognised himself immediately, on feeing the words, "The Saviour of the Netherlands," written over a rivergod, with a trident in his hand, making water †.

"Cæfari invicto," faid the Emperor, lifting up his beaver to read an infcription on the arch- Cafari invicto," repeated he, pulling it down again over his eyes, and fitting for fome time after in filent dudgeon. The mighty Colonel, who perceived that his mafter felt fomething like the fling of irony in this well-intended praife, wifhed much to flop the career of his reflections, and to offer a few confolatory words.

The fubject, however, was fo ticklish, that he did not know where to begin. He twirled his whifkers; but if he had eradicated every hair of his beard, he would not have found a fentence fuited to the occafion. At laft he luckily thought of invoking the German mufe, and took up his pipe, which was finouldering away in a corner of the carriage. Then preffing the

His Imperial, Royal, and Apoftolic Majefty, the Emperor of Germany, King of Bohemia, Hungary, Naples, Jerufalem, and Arragon, Archduke of Auftria, Duke of Anjou, Guelders, Brabant, and Barrthe mighty Cæfar, in a word--is a puny infect, fhivering at a

breeze."

+ Colonel Mack propofed to defend the Auftrian Low Countries by inundations.

afhes with his little finger, for the brave Colonel never was afraid of fire, and administering the tube to his mouth, he drew in an enormous whiff, full fix feet long, Rhinland meafure, and blew it, puff! into the facred face of Francis the Second. The fudden gust of fmoke, by G-d's bleffing, awakened the Emperor from his painful reverie; but, as the D-vil would have it, it had fuch an effect upon his weak lungs, that his Imperial, Royal, and Apoftolic Majefty was very nearly fuffocated.

By this time the good people of Vienna had learnt the approach of their Sovereign, and were ftanding at their doors and windows, in expectation of hearing the horns announce his arrival. "After conquering France," faid the good people of Vienna, "and being fo long abfent from his wife, he will certainly come back with horns*." No horus, however, could they hear; but at length they perceived their mighty master ftealing down the bye ftreets to the council-chamber.

Ay," faid the people of Vienna, "he is modeft like his uncle Jofeph, and, like him, he makes no parade of his victories."

The Council was fitting.-The hoary Kaunitz, finding by his laft difpatches that the Emperor had promifed his faithful Flemings not to leave them till he fhould have conquered French Flanders, and not doubting but he would fulfil his royal word, had called together the counfellors to make a divifion of the fpoils of the enemy. After a very fhort debate, they had determined that the Dutch fhould have all the conquered country as a barrier, in the hands of their ally, to protect them from the French; that the English fhould have all the honour-of paying for it; and that

*Great perfonages and good news are introduced to Vienna by poftillions blowing horns, fometimes not lefs than thirty-fix in number.

the

the Emperor fhould keep nothing but the fovereignty and the revenues.

This difpofition they made known to Cæfar when he entered, with manifold congratulations on the speed of his triumphant career. "I have not as yet conquered all the French Netherlands," faid the Emperor." Your Majefty," faid Kaunitz, "has probably taken no more than Hainault, the Cambrefis, and Artois."The Emperor fhook his head. "You must be mafter of Dunkirk and Lifle, to be fure."The Emperor fhook his head." Maubeuge, at least, is in the hands of your troops."-The Emperor fhook his head with fome impatience. "Oh!" faid old Kaunitz, "I fee how it is: your victorious army is at Courtray and Menin, ready to feize its certain prey." "The French army is at Menin and Courtray," faid the Emperor, pettifhly.

"The French army is at Menin and Courtray !"— All the aged counfellors drew their chairs clofe to the council-board; planted their elbows upon it; and refling their chins upon their hands, fat looking each other in the face; and in that pofture, no doubt, they would be fitting fill, if they had not been roufed by the fudden founding of a horn.'"

It was a meffenger from the army." The French have taken Ypres," faid the meffenger. "Tantara!” It was a fecond horn, and a fecond meffenger.-.-"The French have taken Charlerai.”- “iantara!” A third meffenger came in. The French have taken Mons." "Tantara! The French have taken Bruffels," said a fourth meffenger.

As the meffengers fucceffively brought in the doleful tidings, the jaw of the aged Kaunitz kept dropping an inch at a time; but when he heard that the Carmagnols were in Bruffels, the poor old man, who, like Ulyffes's old dog, had protracted his feeble exiftence to fee his master's return, was feized with the mortal convulfion,

D3

convulfion, and gave up the ghost*.—Sic tranfit gloria mundi.

THE ROYAL DOG AND HIS MINISTER.

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

THE Abbé Blanchet gives the following as an Indian tale: A viceroy of Johor governed his province with fuch cruelty, that, being maffacred in an infurrection, Chaon Malon, the King of Siam, feizing the chiefs of the rebels, contented himfelf with punishing a few of them. Afterwards, affembling the ftates of Johor in the hall of the palace: "Vile infects!" faid he, "you are no longer worthy to be governed by one of my mandarines. Proftrate yourfelves, therefore, before the viceroy I have chofen for you." Then calling a huge maftiff, "Come, Barkhouf," faid he, "reign over these wretches in my name, and exterminate them if they do not obey you." Then addrefling himself to a Chinese, who had long refided at Johor, "You," faid he, "fhall be Barkhouf's prime minifter; serve him faithfully, and give him counfel if he ftands in need of it." Mani, for that was the name of the viceroy, had no difficulty in making the King of Siam believe that he understood the canine language; for immediately turning to the dog, and bowing three times to the earth, his bark was anfwered by another from the throne, that made the whole palace refound; and the answer being fuitably interpreted by the minifter, gave the utmoft fatisfaction to the whole affembly. Even Chaon Malon could not help admiring the forcible eloquence of the new viceroy, and the fingular erudition of his interpreter. Barkhouf, notwithftanding a little ferocity in his exterior, proved the best

* Prince Kaunitz actually died immediately after the Emperor's

return.

of

of the canine fpecies. In the council-chamber he was perfectly docile to the inftructions of Mani; and in the Chamber of Audience his appearance was always without hauteur; as, upon certain figns from his minifter, he never failed wagging his tail, or prefenting his paw to any perfon formally introduced to kifs it. His dinner was always fimple, but folid, and generally eaten with the appetite of a ruftic. He fometimes amufed himself with hunting, and at other times in obferving the manoeuvres of the troops in his territory. All difpatches were figned by his paw, dipped in ink for the purpofe, which ferved both for fignature and feal, and his reign was long and happy.

of

APPROPRIATE TEXTS.

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

SOME our reverend gentlemen, who are denominated popular preachers, difplay great ingenuity in their choice of fuitable texts. At an anniverfary fermon preached before the Chelsea penfioners, a difcourfe was a few days fince delivered from the following appofite text: "Remember thy Creator in the days of thy youth, before the evil days come, and the days in which thou fhalt fay, I have no pleafure in them. A gentleman who preached a fermon before the Society for recovering Perfons apparently drowned, felected the following: "Trouble not yourselves about him; the man is not dead." For a wedding fermon, preached a thort time fince at a country town in Shropfhire, a reverend gentleman took part of the ftory of Jepththah's daughter: "And he went upon the mountains, and bewailed her virginity." A reverend dean, who published a fermon for the benefit of the poor clergy in a provincial diocefe, properly enough felected the following: "Set on the great pot, and feeth pottage for the fons of the prophets."