389 Selfrenunciation communion avec lui et laisse guider ton existence aux puissances générales contre lesquelles tu ne peux rien.— Si la mort te laisse du temps, tant mieux. Si elle t'emporte, tant mieux encore. Si elle te tue à demi, tant mieux toujours, elle te ferme la carrière du succès pour t'ouvrir celle de l'héroïsme, de la résignation et de la grandeur morale. .. Nekhlyudov sat down on the steps of the porch, and inhaling the strong scent of the young birch-leaves which filled the warm air, gazed long at the garden as it gradually darkened in the failing light. He listened to the thud of the mill-wheel, and to the nightingales, and some other bird that whistled monotonously in a bush close by the steps... [Presently] in the east, behind the coach-house, flamed the glow of the rising moon: summer lightning ever more brightly began to illumine the rank-flowering neglected garden, and the dilapidated house, and distant thunder could be heard, where in the west a black cloud was towering upwards overspreading the sky. The moon, but just past her full, emerged from behind the coach-house and glistening on the iron roof of the tumble-down house threw black shadows across the courtyard. Nekhlyudov remembered how at Kuzminskoye he had meditated on his life and tried to solve the questions, what he ought to do, and how he ought to do it; and he remembered how he had become perplexed in these questions and had been unable to decide them, so many 390 The Master's Will were the considerations involved in each. He now put to himself the same questions, and was astonished how simple it all was. It was simple because he now took no thought of what would happen to himself:-that no longer even interested him,—he was thinking only of what he ought to do. And strangely enough, while he was not considering his own needs, he knew without any doubt what he ought to do for others. . The black cloud had moved on till it stood right above him: lightning lit up the whole courtyard and the thunder sounded directly overhead. The birds had all ceased singing, the leaves began to rustle, and the first flaws of the storm-wind reached the steps where he sat... Nekhlyudov went into the house. Yes, yes,' he thought, 'The work which is carried out by our life, the whole work, the whole meaning of this work is dark to me, and cannot be made intelligible... Why should my friend die, and I be left alive?.. Why was Katyusha born?.. Why did this war come about? Of what use was my subsequent dissolute life? To understand all this, to understand the whole work of the Master is not in my power; but to do his will, written in my conscience, that is in my power, and that I know without a doubt. And when I do this, then undoubtedly I am at peace.' HOW soon hath Time the suttle theef of youth, 391 The Master's Will Perhaps my semblance might deceive the truth, And inward ripenes doth much less appear, It shall be still in strictest measure eev'n, To that same lot, however mean, or high, As ever in my great Taskmasters eye. 392 Tu ne me chercherais pas si tu ne me possédais. Ne t'inquiète donc pas. YE that do your Master's will, Meek in heart be meeker still: He that comforts all that mourn 393 Good and evill we know in the field of this World grow up together almost inseparably; and the knowledge Active Virtue of good is so involv'd and interwoven with the know. ledge of evill, and in so many cunning resemblances hardly to be discern'd, that those confused seeds which were impos'd on Psyche as an incessant labour to cull out and sort asunder were not more intermixt. It was from out the rinde of one apple tasted, that the knowledge of good and evill as two twins cleaving together leapt forth into the World. And perhaps this is that doom which Adam fell into of knowing good and evill, that is to say of knowing good by evill. As therefore the state of man now is, what wisdom can there be to choose, what continence to forbear, without the knowledge of evill? He that can apprehend and consider vice with all her baits and seeming pleasures, and yet abstain, and yet distinguish, and yet prefer that which is truly better, he is the true warfaring Christian. I cannot praise a fugitive and cloister'd virtue, unexercis'd and unbreath'd, that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but slinks out of the race, where that immortal garland is to be run for, not without dust and heat. 394 IF thou wast still, O stream, Thy current warm would flow. But wild thou art and rough; S Vocation 395 396 397 .. O ye gifted ones, follow your calling, for however various your talents may be, ye can have but one calling; ... follow resolutely the one straight path before you, it is that of your good angel; let neither obstacles nor temptations induce you to leave it; bound along if you if not, on hands and knees follow it, perish in it, if needful; but ye need not fear that; no one ever yet died in the true path of his calling before he had attained the pinnacle. Turn into other paths, and for a momentary advantage or gratification ye have sold your inheritance, your immortality. can; .. To whom the Angel. 'Son of Heav'n and Earth, Attend: That thou art happie, owe to God; That thou continu'st such, owe to thy self.' . . HE is the true Saint, who can reveal the form of the Who teacheth the simple way of attaining Him, to hold the breath, and renounce the world: wherever the mind resteth: Who teacheth thee to be still amidst all thine activities: keepeth the spirit of union thro'out all enjoyments... |