and frivolity; that we have been laying our heads together how to improve, and it being your pleasure to lock us up, we are obliged, for want of practice, to resort to theory; thus, when my cousin has crossed the line, visited the Vistula, touched at the Torrid Zone, and ascertained her own antipodes, she will be qualified to write a book of travels; while I, after having studied the natures of alkali, carbonic acids, galvanism, and gas lights, till I'm more in the dark than ever, am determined, with the assistance of your corporal, to learn the broad sword exercise, and make a bivouac of my bedroom till military manners shall unfeminize me as much as can be wish'd, and teach me to soar above my sex, to your entire and perfect satisfaction.

Sna. What devil's mischief are they brewing now?

Lucy. Is that all you had to say to me sir?

Sna. No, call your cousin-I beg pardonorder her to set sail from Tortuga, near the Island of Saint Domingo, take a trip, under light breezes, down the straits of the grand staircase, and bring her erudition to an anchor in sight of her guardian.

Lucy. (speaking a-la-militaire.) I shall endeavour to execute the service I have the honour to be employ'd in, with celerity and decision; (going) but your commands are anticipated, for I can bear my cousin's foot in advance upon the pas-de-charge.

7

Enter NANCY with a book. She runs towards
Snap, who turns on his heel from her.
Nan. Guardian! my dear Guardian! nay,
don't turn upon your axis, just when I am in-
clined to move in your own orbit.

Lucy. [Going on the other side of Snap.] To the left, wheel, Guardee, my cousin has the terms of an armistice to propose.

Sna. I propose that she shall marry my son, and unless she consents without ceremony

Nan. Without ceremony, fie for shame, Guardian!! Marriage, without ceremony, doesn't exist, even among the most barbarous nations, who on such occasions are accustomed to

Lucy. Halt! Guardee's going to speak.

Sna. Ladies, you will both oblige me by complying with a fair proposition?

Nan. Let it be geographical, and whether problematical or paradoxical, I'll give it due

attention.

Lucy. Or put your preliminaries into proper form and I'll answer them article by article.

Sna. I offer you, Miss Lucy, the hand of Sir Peter Punctual, a gentleman, whose pocket is lined with eighty thousand pounds.

Lucy. Of effective ammunition, upon paper. Granted.

Sna. His temper is

Lucy. Article the first. To be considered.

Sna. His character

Lucy. Inadmissible.

Sna. And his person

Lucy. Refused.

your

Sna. And now, Miss Nancy what has your ladyship to object to my son-The son of guardian-The son of your father's friend? Nan. (Reading.) When any other body interposes between us and the sun

Snap. A youth whose warmth for your welfare

Nan. His warmth becomes of no avail, while we

Snap, And his father's best hopes→→→

Nan. Are lost in a total eclipse.

Snap. Go up to your apartments!-Come, Miss Military, march if you please, I'll teach you to fire great guns at your guardian, and as to your geography master, I shall soon find him out some fellow not worth five-pence, I dare say, in disguise, with no other business than to run all over the world.

Nan. As masters in geography generally do. Snap. Sir Peter will be here to-night-his letter says, "To Solomon Snaps, Senior, Es"quire.-Dear friend, I shall leave home at "eight in the morning-be in town with a li❝cense before three, dine with my lawyer at "four,-bring the parson at nine, at ten, set "off with my bride into the country, where by half-past four the next morning".

66

Lucy. The poor gentleman will be pretty well tired of his journey.

Snap. I also expect my son to-night from college, so behave as you ought, or one of you shall pack up her tatters, and follow the drum, and the other may go see what o'clock it is in Prester John's Dominions.

Lucy. Oh dear!

Snap. Aye, only think what danger a young girl is expos'd to that's left alone in the world!

Nan. Not half so much as when she has somebody with her. Well, cousin, come along, and we'll try if we can't get an honest livelihood without being married at all-two young men now, would be at little loss, but for poor women there are few employments-what do you think of the stage?

Lucy. I should like it of all things-we'll appear together at the same house in a new farce. Snap. I wish you success with all my heart. Nan. No-we'll come out at different theatres

and divide the town between us-and, while at (Seizing Snap's hand.)

one house I

"See thy last breath with indignation go
And tread thee sinking to the shades below."

Lucy. (seizing his other hand) I at the other

will

"Madly play with my forefather's joints,

And with some kinsman's bones, as with a club,
Dash out my desperate brains!"

Snap. Brains! why you hav'nt an ounce between ye.

Both. Granted.

Snaps. Silence! Mrs. Silence! (he drives them off, they dance round, and teaze him as they go.)

Enter Mrs. SILENCE.

Take this key, lock up the ladies in their own suite of rooms, and let nobody to them unless I or or Sam Squib desire you. [She nods and exit. Squib. (behind) "How happy's the soldier,'

Enter SQUIB.

Is'nt Dozey come back.

Squib. No, Sir.

Snaps. Very odd-Sir Peter used to be punctuality personified!

Squib. Perhaps he has put in somewhere to wood and water as he cails it your honour.

Snaps. Now I do hate a fellow that stays of an errand-Step to the Rodney's head, ask if Sir Peter has arrived, and bring the old blockhead Dozey back with you.

Squib. If I catch him in a canteen, I'll-but let's be particular about my own orders for fear of a court martial-march to Rodney's headreconnoitre for Sir Peter-and bring the old blockhead with me," and he conquered the "world with his row de dow dow" (going.)

Snaps. But harkye Sam, don't you stay as long as he. [Exit. Squib. Quick march all the way there, and home like a shot from a nine pounder.

[Exit. singing "When first I heard the drum and fife," &c.

SCENE II. At an Inn.

Enter YOUNG SNAPS and WAITER, who puts Wine on Table.

Wai. I'll shew you another room, with pleasure, Sir, but this here one misfortunately happens to be engaged to a gentleman.

Y.Snap. (foppishly) Never mind-shan't stopsee that my fellow has my horse taken care ofand order my portmanteau into a room where I may put on a riding dress more proper to walk in.

Wai. This way, if you please, Sir.

Y. Sna. And if any one enquires for Solomon Snaps, Junior, Esquire, they'll find me at my father's.

Wai. I shall, Sir.

Y. Sna. Do-every body knows my fatherd-d rich, got a new house and all that sort of thing, and I'm come to town to be married, and

Sir.

Wai. And all that sort of thing, I suppose,

Y. Sna. Very well-don't forget Solomon Snaps, Esquire, d'ye mind.

[Exit talking with Waiter.