Enter BANTAM.

Ban. Why Waiter! Waiter! where's the wine, and-oh! here it is-all right.

Enter HARRY PUNCTUAL and CHARLES
WILDFIRE.

Har. (sitting down on one side the table), Charles Wildfire!

Cha. (sitting down on t'other) Harry Punctual!

Har. I pronounce our cases to be desperate. Cha. And what says your prime minister? the intelligent Mr. Bantam?

Ban. If one interested guardian and two old pensioners, are not to be conquered by four young lovers and your most obedient, Bantam's no game, and we'll all die dunghill.

Har. What intelligence have you glean'd? Ban. That you, Captain Wildfire, are held in perfect abhorrence by the guardian-and if you, Sir, (to Harry), venture again to introduce yourself as a teacher in geography, not even my skill will be able to get you out of the scrape.

Har. So, because I have refused an old wife, my father, out of revenge, is determined to marry a young one.

Cha. Is my late father's old servant, Sam, still there?

Ban. Yes, Sir.

Cha. I haven't seen him these ten years-I was but sixteen, when because a grenadier spoke ill of my father, and I happen'd to-but that's no matter-I was sent away-and Sam, whose wife nursed me, was sorry for it-yet such is his sense of duty, that if he has received orders to keep me out, he'd stifle the feelings of his heart

towards his old master's offspring rather than betray the trust of his present benefactor.

Ban. Can't blame him, Sir, my feelings to a tittle. What can you say to such a servant?

Har. That he's a damn'd honest brute; and it's very uncivil of any gentleman to keep me, and my friend, out of his house, by employing such a trustworthy rascal: then there's that shedragon, Mrs. Silence.

Ban. Leave me to encounter her, Sir; she has an eye which tells me Bantam may blind its vigilance when he pleases, and as she has no tongue, or, at least, never makes use of it, I think, when you win your ladies, I shall e'en venture on the forlorn hope myself.

Har. Well, if I was you Charles, I'd go boldly to your old foster father, set old Snaps in a proper light," to do a great right, do a little wrong, "and curb this cruel guardian of his will."

Ban. Or condescend to go and wait for me at the coffee-house opposite, the sign of the Devil, and I'll find means to bring you in, or the lady

out.

Cha. What shall I do, Harry?

Har. When I can't do better, I always trust to him.

Ban. Thankye, Sir; my little versatility of talent has ever been at your service. Educated in the school of adversity, my talents raised me from the bottom of the cellar, where I was born, to the top of the chimney, which I swept, and where no merrier lad ever cried we weep! till cast down again into an hospitable kitchen-I found my way up to the parlour, behind the coach, and into the service of my present master; where, if he doesn't know when he's well off, I do, and have made up my mind never to quit him.

Cha. I shall want all your aid; and if I obtain my Lucy, a reformed rake shall make a good husband; if not, I can but once more go towhat tavern did you say?

Ban. The Devil, Sir, and the sooner you're there the better; only keep to the left, andCha. I know my way without your teaching, Sir. [Exit. Har. And now to my affairs.-My father thinks me at college, while I have been in town long enough to spend all my money, and

Enter WAITER.

Well, Sir, what do you want?

Wai. Any gentleman here of the name of Punctual? Sir Peter Punctual?

Ban. Why?

Wai. An old pensioner wishes to deliver a letter to him himself-from one Mr. Snaps.

[Exit Waiter.

Ban. You shall pass for Sir Peter.

Har. For my father, who is thirty years older? Ban. You'll look quite as old when you're fast asleep with your face upon the table; and before you wake I can get the letter, which, being from Mr. Snaps, may let us into the old gentleman's plans. (Harry lays his head on the table.) Come, Sir, turn your head this way; I'll pretend to be -there, cover your face; and---dear me, if Sir Peter sleeps without a nightcap (covers him with handkerchief Sir Peter will take cold; and if Sir Peter takes cold, Sir Peter will

Hush!

Enter DozEY, with a Letter.

Doz. What must I hush for?

Ban. If you wake Sir Peter he won't give you a farthing for bringing that letter.

Doz. Bless you, I'm paid already, and paid
to give it into nobody's hands but his own.
Ban. It would be foolish to do that now.
Doz. Why?

Ban. Because he never reads in his sleep.
Doz. Who the devil does!

Ban. And when he wakes he always forgets every thing that happened before his nap. Doz. That's very odd.

Ban. And very lucky for me, because it helps me to make him believe many things that never happened; for instance, now sit you down here, lend me a helping hand for five minutes, and, when he awakes, you shall see me persuade him that he drank this full bottle of wine.

Doz. You can't persuade me to that.

Ban. No, you shall only have your share; so, to begin, here's

Doz. Hush!

Ban. Why?

Doz. You'll wake Sir Peter before we finish the bottle.

Ban. And now, brother shoulderknot― (slapping him on the back).

Doz. Brother what? (indignantly) This is the king's livery! and mustn't be put on a footing with him who only helps his betters to-a glass of wine.

Ban. (Filling Dozey's glass) Certainly. To your master's health; I rise to drink it. Yet its no disgrace to stand behind the chair of an honest gentleman, tho' he may be only a subject.

Doz. I never stood behind any thing but a gun; and for many a glass I've hob-nobb'd with

the enemy, in a sort of grape, that has laid all our opponents like dead men under the table.

Ban. No doubt-spar shot, star shot, and bar shot.

Doz. Was you ever among it?

Ban. No.

Doz. What a pity!

Ban. It is: but I shouldn't mind that; only, I never yet met a man to give me a proper description of a battle.

Doz. No! then the first thing we do is to (takes off his great coat and sits down on it.) Ban. Clear the decks (giving Dozey a full glass).

Doz. Well, so we do (drinks); and when the decks are once clear'd, we look for

Ban. Ammunition (fills Dozey's glass again). Doz. (Drinks) So we do; and, when we've got it, captain makes a speech, " my lads,” says he, "whatever you do

Ban. Don't wake Sir Peter.

Doz. Who the devil cares for Sir Peter! up hammocks! out tompions! down marlinspikes! and then, in solemn silence, we

Ban. Serve out the grog (fills Dozey's glass). Doz. So we do; so we do. Well, then we hoist the English colours here; (ties his blue kandkerchief to his stick) and then we'll suppose the enemy's colours there; (sticks the letter on the back rail of Bantam's chair) this flag flies (pointing to his handkerchief).

Ban. And that

(pointing to the letter.)

Doz. Goes to the devil.

Ban. So it does (throwing it to the table on which Harry reclines).

Doz. Victory is drank with three times three;