Enter MARIA, and Clown.

MAR. Nay, either tell me where thou haft been, or I will not open my lips, fo wide as a bristle may enter, way of thy excufe: my lady will hang thee for thy abfence.

in

Clo. Let her hang me: he, that is well hang'd in this world, needs to fear no colours.

MAR. Make that good.

Clo. He fhall fee none to fear.

MAR. A good lenten anfwer: I can tell thee where that faying was born, of, I fear no colours.

Clo. Where, good mistress Mary?

MAR. In the wars; and that may you be bold to fay in your foolery.

Clo. Well, God give them wisdom, that have it; and those that are fools, let them use their talents.

MAR. Yet you will be hang'd, for being fo long abfent, or be turn'd away; Is not that as good as a hanging to you?

Clo. Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and, for turning away, let fummer bear it out.

MAR. You are resolute then?

Clo. Not fo neither; but I am resolv'd on two points. MAR. That, if one break, the other will hold; or, if both break, your gaskins fall.

Clo. Apt, in good faith; very apt! Well, go thy way; if fir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.

MAR. Peace, you rogue, no more o'that; here comes my lady: make your excufe wisely, you were beft. [Exit. Enter OLIVIA, attended, and MALVOLIO.

Clo. Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!

Those wits, that think they have thee, do very

oft prove

fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man: For what fays Quinapalus? Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit. God bless thee, lady.

OLI. Take the fool away.

Clo. Do you not hear, fellows? take away the lady. OLI. Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you: befides, you grow dishonest.

Clo. Two faults, madona, that drink and good counfel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the dishoneft man mend himself, If he mend, he is no longer difhoneft; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him: Any thing, that's mended, is but patch'd virtue, that tranfgreffes, is but patch'd with fin; and fin, that amends, is but patch'd with virtue: if that this fimple fyllogism will serve, so; if it will not, What remedy? as there is no true cuckold but calamity, fo beauty's a flower: The lady bad take away the fool; therefore I fay again, take her

away.

ÓLI. Sir, I bad them take away you.

Clo. Mifprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non facit monachum: that's as much as to fay, I wear not motley in my brain. Good madona, give me leave to prove you a fool.

OLI. Can you do it?

Clo. Dexteriously, good madona.
OLI. Make your proof.

Clo. I must catechize you

mouse of virtue, answer me.

for it, madona; Good my

OLI. Well, fir, for want of other idlenefs, I'll bide your proof.

23 much to fay, as I

Clo. Good madona, why mourn'ft thou?
OLI. Good fool, for
my brother's death.
Clo. I think, his foul is in hell, madona.

for

your

OLI. I know, his foul is in heaven, fool. Clo. The more fool you, madona, to mourn brother's foul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

OLI. What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend?

MAL. Yes; and fhall do, 'till the pangs of death shake him: Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool.

Clo. God fend you, fir, a speedy infirmity, for the better encreasing your folly! Sir Toby will be fworn, that I am no fox; but he will not pass his word for two-pence, that you are no fool.

OLI. How fay you to that, Malvolio?

MAL. I marvel, your ladyship takes delight in fuch a barren rascal; I faw him put down the other day with an ordinary fool, that has no more brain than a ftone: Look you now, he's out of his guard already; unless you laugh, and minifter occasion to him, he is gag'd. I proteft, I take these wise men, that crow fo at these fet kind of fools, to be no better than the fools' zanies.

OLI. O, you are fick of felf-love, Malvolio, and tafte with a distemper'd appetite: to be generous, guiltless, and of free difposition, is to take those things for birdbolts, that you deem cannon-bullets: There is no flander in an allow'd fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.

27 guitleffe

Clo. Now Mercury indue thee with leasing, for thou fpeak'ft well of fools!

Re-enter MARIA.

MAR. Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman, much desires to speak with you.

OLI. From the count Orfino, is it?

MAR. I know not, madam; 'tis a fair young man, and well attended.

OLI. Who of my people hold him in delay ?
MAR. Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.

OLI. Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but madman; Fye on him! [Exit MARIA.] Go you, Malvolie: if it be a fuit from the count, I am fick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it. [Exit MALVOLIO.] Now you fee, fir, how your fooling grows old, and people diflike it.

Clo. Thou haft spoke for us, madona, as if thy eldest fon fhould be a fool: whose fcull Jove cram with brains, for here comes one of thy kin has a most weak pia

mater.

Enter Sir TOBY.

OLI. By mine honour, half drunk.— What is he at the gate, cousin?

Sir T. A gentleman.

OLI. A gentleman? What gentleman ?

Sir T. 'Tis a gentleman:[hiccups.] A plague of these pickle-herring!- How now, fot?

Clo. Good fir Toby,

OLI. Cousin, cousin, how have you come fo early by this lethargy?

[gate. Sir T. Letchery? I defy letchery: There's one at the QLI. Ay, marry; what is he?

Sir T. Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not: give me faith, fay I. Well, it's all one. [Exit Sir TOBY. OLI. What's a drunken man like, fool?

Clo. Like a drown'd man, a fool, and a madman : one draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads him; and a third drowns him.

OLI. Go thou and feek the coroner, and let him fit o'my coz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's drown'd go, look after him.

Clo. He is but mad yet, madona; and the fool fhall look to the madman. [Exit Clown.

Re-enter MALVOLIO. MAL. Madam, yon' young fellow fwears he will speak with you. I told him, you were fick; he takes on him to understand fo much, and therefore comes to speak with you: I told him, you were asleep; he seems to have a fore-knowledge of that too, and therefore comes to fpeak with you. What is to be faid to him, lady? he is fortify'd against any denial.

OLI. Tell him, he fhall not speak with me.

MAL. He has been told fo; and he says, he'll ftand at your door like a fheriff's poft, and be the supporter to a bench, but he'll speak with you.

OLI. What kind o'man is he?

MAL. Why, of man kind.

OLI. What manner of man?

MAL. Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will

you, or no.

OLI. Of what perfonage, and years, is he?

MAL. Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peafcod, or a codling when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with him