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his father's regard, he hoped I would make myself easy: especially as he would take care of the child I should bring into the world, (for I was then with child by him) and would procure me a good place after my delivery; to support me till which tim., he sent me a bill of thirty pounds.
My torture and distress were beyond all description, I will not therefore attempt it ; a miscarriage ensued, and a dangerous illness, in ishich I had good hope that I should have finished a burdensome life : though the dread I had of something future deterred me from any thing violent, to which my distresses frequently prompted me. For though I wrote and entreated but for one inter view, would you believe that I entreated always in vain? This hard bearted man, this most unkind and cruel source of all my sorrow, would scarcely deign me a reply ! My relations were equally obdurate : I desired but to see my sister ; my aunt and uncle sent me only in return to my request, sharp opbraidings and savage counsels ! Gra. cious heaven, what a situation was mine! How early did 1 begin to drink of the bitter cup of penance for my un lawful pleasures and criminal indulgencies !
My youth supported me under this heavy load , the heaviest part of which was my solitude, and i he want of some female friend to console me, and to amuse my gloomy thoughts. My nurse, to whom I had frequentiy made my complaint, and from whom I had concealed no part of my affli&ions, at my repeated request, was 80 kind (I conceived it kind) to introduce to me a lady of the neighbourhood, as she told me, whose frank and generous converse soon engaged my foolish heart; and I thought myself happy in the friendsbip of Mrs MARRIOT, M19 MARRIOT took me to her country house ; several
: - Ladies. ladies were recommended by her to my acquaintance. Two or three gentlemen paid us short visits ; and after a day or two's stay there, we returned to town together ; but, as it happened to be late, she pressed me much to take a bed at her house. I complied, and laid me down to sleep under her care and custody, dreaming of nothing ill, when I was awakened in the night by the admis. sion of a person into my room and bed ; whom I found it in vain to resist, as he informed me truly where I was, 'what I must expect, and how unreasonable and unavail. ing any refractory conduct would prove. The terror of the scene deprived me of my senses, and I have no recol. lection of myself, but as surrounded the following day by Mrs Marriot, and several of her house, using thcir en. deavours to support my life, of which they seemed al. most to despair.
It would be superfluous, Sir, to tell you the horrid situation I was now in, since this was an evil but too commonly known: I was again a ruined wretch ; and besides this a beggared prisoner, destined to every mis. ery that human nature is capable of. My very soul ab. hored my manner of living; but alas, I knew not, I could not apprehend any method of redress! Some months I was compelled to the drudgery of this detestable life; and as ours was a much frequented house, mine was the more deplorable a fate : with some difficulty I again found means to apply to my uncle and my sister, but they were as obdurate as the flint. Good God, that neither wretchedness, relationship, prayers, nor en, treaties should avail ! If thou wast as severe as our fela low.creatures, what must become of sinful mortals! :
But that I may not be tediouş : at length, Sir, my. self and the rest of our unhappy sisterhood, were delivered from our prison, and dispersed by the disgrace of our mistress, who for some misdemeanor fell into the hands of justice. But alas ! I was then as much to seek as ever. SALLY R***, with whom I kad cohtracted friendship, advised me to go with her to some public office, and chere to enquire for a place; but at these offices we were again and again rejected, upable; as we were, to refer any where for a character ; ; and too plainly as our improper dress discovered our manner of life, we had no money: we had no friends! We wept together ; but we could find no possibility of deligerance from a pursuit of our former life, in order to obtain sustenance. I am sure, and can say it with the most solemn truth, aty employment would have been blessed in comparison of this. For let the humane, pålg judge of a timorous young girl, entering the streets with a guilty mind, and a shameful purpose; darkness and distsess argund her; and under the dire necessity of submitting to the brutality of lust. I was shocked with horror. Exquisite and pressing hunger, I truly declare, alone compelled me. Sally and myself took a little apartment, and there breathed a miserable existence. s Some weeks after which, as I was crossing the
Sorand, a young man met me, and using my name, I looked at him attentively: but what was my surprize rand my pleasure to find it my elder brother, who was grown much since I saw him, and was now near sixteen years old.; I was ready to faint at the sight of him! For there had always been a particular love between us „perceived the tears gush down the cheeks of the dear youth, and you may easily conceive I could not refrain mine. He beckoned me to follow, and when he came to a private avenue in the street, be took my hand, and, 925
Oh! my dearest sister, said he, how happy am I, that at last I have found you ! my uncle and my friends have continually represented you to me as lost, and I have been unable to learn more, than that you are become a vile and abandoned woman of the town!” Oh brother, I replied, they have indeed been cruel, though I am worthless : but had they been more kind, they might have saved me from my present distress. You must bave heard how often I have written to them and to you; why was it that you would never give me one word of an an. swer? "I never received a line from you," replied he, "and whenever I enquired concerning you, my uncle bade me be silent, and never ask after the scandal of the family, using other vile names, which I shall not repeat. But, for God's sake, tell me, are you that unhappy wo. man? I tremble to think it.”-You may be assured í could give no arsyer. To hear this from a brother, and 80 young, and whom I tenderly loved, and whose sight renewed the remembrance of all my past offences, the remembrance of my dearest friends, and shewed me myself in the utmost degree of horror'; to hear this, shocked me beyond expression; and his tears and affectionate anxiety added poignancy to every reflection. “Oh! sister," said he," this is too much to be supported : but heaven has made me happy, that I may be the blessed means, I hope, of administering relief to you. If you have any proper place to go to, let'me attend you, and tell you what I have to offer.” We went to my little lodging immediately. And can I, Oh! can I ever e. nough express my joy, when this good young man, now dearer to me than life, informed me of the MAGDALEN.
House : whereof he told me his excellent master was a governor, and to the chapel of which he had one Sunday introduced him. ; . :. : •!"
There needed not much recommendation ; for how could I be unwilling to abandon a life which was big with misery and sorrow? But had I not been so, his descrip tion of this blessed House would have certainly led me to it, I told him, I hoped he would recommend me to his master, not naming my relationship to himself. But this he said was impossible; since no favour was shown in admission, the most proper objects, the truest peni. tents, and the most afflicted, being always preferred by the governors. If so, said 1, there is no doubt but I shall obtain their favourable regard. I thought the hours long till Thursday arrived, the day of admission: upon which I repaired to the Magdalen, petitioned, prę. vailed, and was blest! ... Allers · Thus, Sir, I owe, under God, my present happiness to my brother, which endears it still more ; during my stay in the House, I was frequently blest with his com. pany, which is always instructive ; and he has constantly supplied me with some religious treatise or other, which I read with a double pleasure as coming from him. 1 have hopes too of regaining the regard of my other friends, and have already seen my sister. My poor fa. ther, to my exquisite sorrow, died soon after my departure. This is at present the greatest burden to my mind. .
, is! ! : Such is my story; which I have delivered in the plainest manner, I want not to exculpate myself ; That I am criminal, very criminal ; that I have done amiss, very much amiss, I am ready to acknowledge ; I do