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How to sow UP A sand-bac, At A cityFEAST,
That is to say, one who will absorb like a bag of sand, or satedust, all the wine you can pour into him. Always have in your party half-a-dozen seasoned old to pers, whose heads are liquor-proof. Plant them at equal distances round your table ; and when your huge barrel bellied Common Council-men are seated, and have loaded their first plates; then your chosen marksmen are to begin their attack, and challenge those fellows alternately with bumpers of port and sherry. Let all the hams be as salt as pickle, and all the meatpies, and other mi.de-dishes, as hot as pepper can make them ; and, as your gaests get thirsty and call for drink, let them be plied alternately with strong Dorchester beer, brown stout, rough cyder, and perry ; still keeping up the file of port and sherry fron your Rifle Corps. Before the cloth is renoved, let each be induced to swallow a large bumper of brandy, just to sctile his stomach and aid digestion. The instant the table is cleared, at them again with bumper-rounds of claret; give them no breathing time, if you do they will drink till morning; and then, before the sixth bumpertoast is gone round, their maws will ferment, they will gape like sick pigs, and, unable to speak, or sand, will either tumble under the table, or stagger away ; and then you will have time to enjoy your select friends, and acquire gout, to relish a supper of game.”
the OAtil OF DUNMOW. .
To reward chastity of mind, as well as body, an institution was established, giving to the happy possessors of conjugal virtue a slitch of bacon. in 1510, Thomas Lefuller, of Coggeshall, Essex, came to the priory of Dunmow, and required to have some of the bacon. He was, according to the form of the charter, sworn before the prior of the house and the convent, and before a multitude of neighbours; when he received a gammon of bacon. The onth of Dunmow was this—
“Ye shall swear, by the custom of our confession,
opedi exce of Wi V Es. In the Unitarian prayer-book, used by the
American states of New England, the word obey is Saint Paul,
left out of the matrimonial service.
who were my mistresses. Ten wives, deserted by me, retired in despair to convents. Twelve unmarried ladies, from doubt of Iny sidelity or constancy, either broke their hearts, or poisoned themselves in desperation. All these were persons of haut ton; and, in their number, I do not therefore include the hundreds of the bourgeoisie, or of chambermaids, who, forsaken by me, sought consolation from an halter, or in the river Seine. I have, besides, during the same short period, made twenty-four husbands happy fathers, and forty maids solitary and miserable mothers!
chi Nese MAXIM.
The tongue of women is their sword, and they never suffer it to grow rusty.
oN MARRIAG e.
God was the first that marriage did ordain, By making one, two ; and two, one again.” sl NGULAR MARR1AGE.
A young fellow, called handsome Tracy, was walking in the Park, with some of his acquaintance, and overtook three girls; one was very pretty ; they followed them, but the girls rau away, and the company grew tired of pursuing them, all but Tracy. He followed her to Whitehall-gate, where he gave a porter a crown to dog them : the porter hunted them—he the porter. The girls ran all round Westminster, and back to the Haymarket, where the porter came up with them. He told the pretty one she must go with him, and kept her talking till Tracy arrived, quite out of breath, and exceedingly in love. He insisted on knowing where she lived, which she
however, says, “Let the wife be subject to her refused to tell him ; and, after much disputing,
own husband in every thing.” CONFEssl on of TALLEY RAND, OF HIS EXPL01tS FROM THE AGE OF SEVENTEEN to twent Y-O Ne.
went to the house of one of her companions, aed Tracy with them. He there made her discover
her family, a butter woman, in Craven-street, and
engaged her to meet him next morning in the Park; but before night he wrote her four loveof a stay-maker's wife, who told her that the swain was certainly in love enough to marry her, if she could determine to be virtuous and refuse his offers. “Aye,” says she, “but if I should, and should lose him by it.” However, the measures of the cabinet-council were decided for virtue ; and when she inet Tracy next morning in the Park, she was convoyed by her sister and brotherin-law, and stuck close to the letter of her reputation. At last, as an instance of prodigious compliance, she told him, that if he would accept such a dinner as a butter-woman's daughter could give him, he should be welcome. Away they walked to Craven-street; the mother borrowed some silver to buy a leg of mutton, and they kept the eager lover drinking till twelve at night, when a chosen committee waited on the faithful pair to the minister of May-fair. The doctor was in bed, and swore he would not get up to marry the king, but that he had a brother, over the way, who perhaps would, and who did. The mother borrowed a pair of sheets, and they consummated at her house; and the next day they went to their own palace. In two or three days the scene grew gloomy; and the husband, coming home one night, swore he could bear it no longer. “Bear ! bear what?”—“Why, to be teazed by all my acquaintante, for marrying a butter-wounan's daughter. I am determined to go to France, and will leave you a handsome allowance.”—“ Leave me ! why you don't fancy you shall leave me? I will go with you.”—“What you love me then "–“ No matter, whether I love you or not, but you shan't go without me.” And they are gone ! If you know any body that proposes marrying and trawelling, I think they cannot do it in a more comInodious manner.
During five years, six husbands, from jea-' letters, and, in the last, offered two hundred lousy on my account, blew out their brains; pounds a-year to her, and a hundred a-year to and eighteen lovers perished in duels for ** la Madre. Griselda made a confidante
'Tis like a beggar—like the sun–
LeGacy to A Wife.
Whereas, it was my misfortune to be made very uneasy by Elizabeth, my wife, for many years. from our marriage, by her turbulent behaviour; for she was not content with despising my admonitions, but she contrived every method to make me unhappy; she was so perverse in her nature, that she would not be reclaimed, but seemed only to be born to be a plague to me; the strength of Sampson, the knowledge of Homer, the prudence of Augustus, the cunning of Pyrrhus, the patience of Job, the subtlety of Hannibal, and the watchfulness of Hermogenes, could not have been sufficient to subdue her; for no skill or force in the world would make her good; and, as we have lived several years separate, and apart from each other eight years, and she having perverted her son to leave and totally abandon me; therefore I give her one shilling only.
MUTUAL LONG 1.NG.
A pregnant lady, dining with a bishop, took a sudden longing to an elegant silver turcem, then on the table. When she returned, her indisposition alarmed her husband ; at length she ex plained the cause of it, and even prevailed on him to go to the bishop, and acquaint him with it. The bishop was too gallant to refuse a lady in her situation any thing, and sent it. She was delighted; she thanked the good bishop for it. At length her accouchement took place, and she went abroad. The bishop then sent a polite letter, congratulating her on getting abroad; requested she would return the tureen, as he now, in his turn, began to long for it; but that, upon any future occasion, if she should again long for it, it was at her service upon such terms.
GAMMER GURtoN's NEEDLE, DRINKING SoNG.
I love no roast but a nut-brown toast,
And Tib, my wife, that as her life
Now let them drink till they nod and wink,
REPARAtion or conju GAL in Fid Elit Y.
The following extraordinary entry appears in the parish-register of Bermondsey, in 1604: August. The forme of a solemne vowe, made betwixt a man and his wife, the man having beene long abseat, through which the woman beinge married to another man, tooke her again as followeth. The Man's Speech. Elizabeth, my beloved wife, I am right sorie that I have so longe absented my sealfe from thee, whereby thou shouldest be occasioned to take another man to thy husband; therefore, I do nowe vowe and promise, in the sight of God, and of this companie, to take thee againe as mine owne ; and will not onlie forgive thee, but also dwell with thee, and do all other duties unto thee as I proElised at our marriage. The Woman's Speech. Ralphe, my beloved husband, I am right sorie that I have, in thy absence, taken another man to be my hushand; but here, before God and this companie, I do renounce and forsake him, and do promise to keep my seal fe onlie unto thee during life, and to perform all duties which I first promised unto thee in our marriage, The Prayer. • Almightie God, we beseech thee to pardon our offences, and give us grace ever hereafter to live together in thy feare, and to perform the holy duties of marriage, one to another, accordinge as we are taught in thy holie word; for thy dear Son’s sake, Jesus. Annen. The entry concludes thus-The first day of August, 1604, Ralphe Goodchilde, of the parish of Barkinge, in Thamesstreet, and 1.12abeth, his wife, weare agreed to live together, and thereupon gave their hands one to another, making, either of them, a solemn vow so to doe, in the presence of Wit...I AM Stear, Parson, - IonwARD Cok En, and Rich ARD Little, Cle, k.
Menalcas comes down in a norning, opens his door to go out, but shuts it again, because he perceives that he has his night-cap on ; and examining himself further, finds that he is but halfshaved, that he has stuck his sword on his right side, that his stockings are about his heels, and that his shirt is over his breeches. When he is dressed, he goes to court, comes into the drawingroom, and walking bolt upright under a branch of candlesticks, his wig is caught up by one of then, and hangs dangling in the air. All the courtiers sail a laughing, but Menalcas laughs louder than any of them, and looks about for the person that is the jest of the company. Coming down to the court gate lie finds a coach, which taking for his own he whips into it : and the coachinan drives off, not doubting but he carries his master. As soon as he stop-, Menalcas throws himself out of the coach, crosses the court, ascends the staircase, and runs through all the chambers