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She suny,--amaz'd the Syrens beard,
And to assert their voice, appear'd ; This amateur of fashion having finished the cha
She play'de the muses, froin their hill, racter of Romeo, was encored by some of the gal
Wonder'd who thus had stule their skill, lery wags; wherenpon the gentleman got up,
Apollo's wit was next her prey, made his bow, and obligingly repeated the dying
And then the beanis that light the day : speech. A person in the pit remarked, that “ Mr
While Jove, her pilf'ring thefts to crown, Coates was a good Christian, for he was always
Pronounc'd these beauties all her own; ready to die."
Pardon'ı licr crimes, and prais'd her art,
And i'other day she stole-my heart,
Cupid ! if lovers are thy care, The fat Stephen Kemble was one day met by a Revenge the vot'ry on the fair; friend, who told bim he had just been with a per Do justice on her stolen charms, son who spoke very contemptuously of his acting. And let her prison be--my arms. “ In short,” added he," he said yoù were not fit
CONCEALED AND ASPIRING LOVE. to carry guts to a bear."'--"Well,” said Stephen, “and did not you take my part ?"_" O, yes, I
In some persons love may be said to rage like
Hecla. We all know how a poor tailor died for said you were.”
love of Queen Elizabeth ; another unhappy wighi, THE THIEF.
bewitched with the love of royalty, conceived, in
the year 1788, a violent passion for another ElizaI tell, with equal truth and grief,
beth, now princess of Hornberg, and got into the That little Kate's an arrant thief;
palace to pay his respects to her royal-highness, Before the urchin well could go,
His name was Spang, his father a Dane, himself She stole the whiteness of the snow :
an Foglishman and a hair-dresser! But, such is the And more, that whiteness to adorn,
fate of this sort of love, the friseur was uninckily She stole the blushes of the morn :
pronounced insane. And again, in the preceding Stole all the softness Æther pours
year, 1787, one Stone, a heavy-looking man, about On primrose buds, in vernal show'rs.
thirty-three years of age, unfortunately fell in love There's no repeating all her wiles,
with the princess-royal of England, afterwards She stole the graces' winning stpiles;
the dowager-queen of Wurtemberg. He said the 'Twas quickly seen she robb’d the sky,
princess stole his heart from him by looking up at To plant a star in either eye ;
him in the two-shilling gallery at the theatre ; but
Doctor Monro, who knew less about love than lùShe pilfer'd Orient pearl for teeth, And stole the cow's ambrosial breath;
nacy, decided the business, and poor Stone was
sent to Bedlam. Thus we see that even royalty The cherry steep'd in morning dew, Gave moisture to her lips and hue,
is no bar to the indulgence of the tender passion ;
for“ love has twenty pair of eyes." Who dare These were her infant toils, a store
venture to state, after this, that, on the other hand, To which, in time, she added more;
many young maidens have not died for love of At iwelve ske stole froin Cyprus' queen some or all of the royal dukes? Some ladies, like Her air, and love-commanding mien ;
the gentle Viola, never tell their love, but let the Stole Juno's dignity, and stole
cankering worm hasten them to the grave. And From Pallas, sense to charm the soul;
here, in the other sex, we are reiniuded of Mr.
Hutton, of Birmingham, who wrote his life and
MISSIONARY PURITY. confessions : he was a male Viola, for he let con
A beautiful naked young female savage coming cealment, like a worm, &c. but be shall speak for on board a missionary ship, the missionaries had himself; “ Perhaps there is not a human being in anavoidably an excellent opportunity of surveyexistence but sooner or later feels, in some degree, ing her person ; “ a temptation,” says the writer the passion of love. I was struck with a girl, of a missionary journal, “ which no one, without watched her wherever I could, and peeped through great restraints from God's grace, could have rethe chink of the windows at night. Shelay Dear sisted." my heart eleven years; but I never spoke to her
EFFECTS OF ROUGE. in my whole life, nor was she ever apprised of my passion.”
Walpole says, “the beautiful Lady Coventry
killed herself with painting, she bedaubed herself THE UGLY FAMILY.
with white so as to stop the perspiration. Lady A gentleman who once sat next to Lord North Wortley Montagu was more prudent, she often at the theatre, but with whose person be was un which was almost as thick as plaster on a wall.”
went into the hot-bath, to scrape off the paint, acquainted, enquired, after soine preliminary
TASTE FOR DRINKING. conversation, the name of the lady sitting on the opposite side of the house, adding, that she was
“ The Russ loves brandy, Dutchmen beer, the agliest woman he ever beheld. " That," re
The Indian, rum most mighty, plied his lordship, “ is my sister, sir!" Con
The Welchman sweet Metheglin quaffs, founded at the error he had committed, the inter
The Irish, aquavitæ ; rogator, statomering, exclaimed, “I do not mean
The French extol the Orleans grape, that lady, but the one seated next to her."
The Spaniards tipple Sherry ;** Ob," replied Lord North, smiling, “ That, sir,
The Eoglish none of these escape, is my wife, Lady North, and we are esteemed the
For they with all make merry." ugliest couple in England." THE PICTURE OF SLANDER.
The island of Sky has been ravaged by a fend
Letween the two mighty powers of Macdonald What mortal but siander, that serpent, hath stung, and Macleod. Macdonald having married a Whose teeth are sharp arrows, a razor her tongne? Macleod, upon some discontent disinissed her, The poison or asps her vivid lip loads,
perhaps because she brought him no children, The rattle of snakes with the spittle of loads ; Before the reign of James the Fifth, a highland Her throat is an open sepulchre, her legs
laird made a trial of his wife for a certain time, Sit hatching of vipers, and cockatrice eggs ; and, if she did not please him, he was then at liHer sting is a scorpion's; like hyena, slic'll cry ; berty to send her away. This, however, must With the ear of an adder, a basilişk's eye ; always have offended, and Macleod, resenting the The mouth of a monkey, the hug of a bear, Ninjury, whatever were its circumstances, declared The head of a parrot, the chat of a hare; that the wedding had been solennized without a The wing of a magpie, the snout of a hog, bonfire, but that the separation should be better The feet of a mole, and the tail of a dog; illuminated ; and, raising a little arıny, set fire to Her claw is a tyger's, her forehead is brass, the territories of Macdonald, who returned the With the hiss of a goose, and the bray of an ass, (visit and prevailed,
WIVES ON TRIAL.
ON THE DEATH OF A NOTABLE SCOLD AND Jand expressing an ardent wish to make a return, A SHREW.
&c. The servant decamped, and was traced to
have taken shipping at Dover for Holland ; there, We lived one and twenty year,
it is supposed, to enjoy her ill-acquired property. As man and wife together;
The unfortunate young lady since that period was I could no longer keep her bere,
confined in Swift's Lunatic Hospital ; aod, in the She's gone- I know not whither.
paroxysms of her grief, gave proofs of that wild Could I but guess, I do protest,
and disordered enection, which must strongly I speak it not to flatter;
bring to mind the merits, the sufferings, and the Of all the women in the world
virtue of Shakespeare's Ophelia. Afterwards the I never would come at her.
lady happily recovered Her hody is bestowed well,
COURT OF CHANCENY.
In sore affiction, tried by God's commands, The devil would ne'er abide her,
Of patience, Job the great example stands ;
But in those days, a trial more severe I rather think she soar'd aloft,
Had been Job's lot, if God had sent him here. For in the last great thunder, Methought I heard her very voice,
CIVIL-LIST. Rending the clouds in sunder.
A nobleman who sported a ferocious pair of false
whiskers, meeting Mr. Curan in Dublin, the latter VIRGINS AND WIDOWS.
said, “ When do you mean to place your whiskers Varro asserts, that virgins marry with grief- on the peacc-estabiishment ?"_" When you place widows with pleasure.
your tongue on the civil list," was the reply.
A barrister being concerned in a cance which In the year 1792, a lady of fortune, in Denmark- he wanted to postpone for a few days, asked Lord street, Dublin, having couceived a strong affec- Mansfield when he would bring it on a
"On lirition for a gentleman at the Irish bar, and not day next,” said his lordship. “Will you please to meeting with a reciprocal return, became unhap- consider, my lord, next Friday is Good-I'riday?" pily deranged in her intellects, from the excess of " I don't care for that ; the better day the better her love and disappointinent. Some curious cir- deed.”—“ Well, my lord, you will of course do as cumstances relative to tbis affair transpired after you please ; but if you do sit on that day, I bewards. The lady, unable to make any impres- lieve you'll be the first judge who did business on sion by the ordinary efforts of female practice, a Good-Friday sioce Pontius Pilate's time.” sent a confidential maid-servant, with bank-note after bank.note, to the gentleman, till 1,1001, had
CERTAIN BENEFIT. been expended in this species of love-letters. The Duchess of Marlborough once pressing the The gentleman possessed too nice a sense of duke to take medicine, with her usual warmth, honour to be concerned in so base a communica- said, " I'll be hanged if it does not prove servicetion. The fact was, that the fille de chambre de-able.” Dr. Garth, who was present, exclaimed, ceived her mistress, and had gone so far as to dc- " Do take it then, my lord duke, for it must be liver forged letters, thanking her for her favours, of use one way or the other."
NEW WAY TO PAY OLD DEBTS.
ERRATUM CORRECTED. A fire happening at a public-house, one of the The celebrated Scarron wrote a copy of verses, erawd was requesting the engineer to play against to which he prefixed a dedication in these words, the waidscot; but being told it was in no danger, “ A Guillemette, chienne de ma sæur. -" To * I am sorry for that,” said be," because I have Guillemetle, my sister's bitch.” Some time after, a long score upon it, wbich I shall never be able baving quarrelled with his sister, he collected bis to pay."
poems for re-publication, and inserted among the Eve's CURIOSITY.
errata, “ For chienne de ma seur--read ma chienne When Eve would try, but to her cost,
de sour-For my sister's bitch, read my b-ch of Th’experiment of evil,
a sister." That she with gods might wisdom boast,
ON THE INTENDED DEMOLITION OF FRIAR Add cunning with the devil
BACON'S STUDY, IN OXFORD.
Roger, if with thy magic glasses,
Running, thou seest below what passes,
As when on earth thou didst decry
With them the wonders of the sky-
Look down on yon devoted walls !
Oh! save them e'er thy study falls ! A poor Irishman, who was on his death-bed, Or to thy votries quick impart and wbo did not seem quite reconciled to the long The secret of thy mystic art! journey he was going to take, was kindly consol Teach us, ere learning's quite forsaken, ed by a good-natured friend with the co
To honour thee, and-save our Bacon. place reflection, that we must all die
EQUAL PRIVILEGES. Why, my dear, now," answered the sick man, 6 that is the very thing that vexes me; if I could A naval officer relating his feats to a marshal, die half-a-dozen times I should not mind it." said, " that in a sca-fighi he had killed 300 men
with his own hand."~" And I,” said the marshal, A SIMPLE RETORT.
“ descended through a chimney in Swiizerland tu A lawyer of short stature appearing as evidence visit a pretty girl."-" How could that be?” said is one of the courts, was asked by a gigantic the captain, " since there are no chimnies in that counsellor, what profession he was of? and having country?"--" What, sir," said the marshal, "I replied that he was an attorney; “You a law- have allowed you to kill 300 men in a fight, and yer,” said the counsellor," why I can put you in surely you may permit me lo descend a chinney my pocket.”—“ Very likely you may,” was the io Swiizerland." reply," but if you do, you will have more law in
ADVERTISEMENT EXTRAORDINARY. your pocket than in your head."
“ To be disposed of, for the benefit of the poor WINDOW TAX.
widow, a blind man's walk in a charitable neigh* I wish,” said Righy to Charles Fox, “ that bourhood, the comings-in between twenty-five you would stand out of my light, or that you had and twenty-six shillings a week, with a dog well a window in that great belly of your's.”_"What,"' drilled, and a staff in good repair. A handsome said Charles, " that you inight lay an additional premium will be expected. For further particutas upon it, I suppose.”
lars, inquire at No. 40, Chiswell-street,”
NO RULE WITHOUT AN EXCEPTION. When Marshal Tallard was 'riding with the A nobleman once in a large coinpany, and exDuke of Marlborough in his carriage, after the patiating about himseif, made ihe following revictory of Blenheim," My lord duke," said the mark :-“* When I loppen to say a foolish ihing, marshal, “ you bave beaten to-day the best troops I always burst out laughing.". envy you in the world.”—“I hope,” replied the duke, your happiness, my lord, then,” said one of the “ you except those who have had the honour of party, "for you must certainly live the merriest beating them.”
life of any man in Europe.” TO A GREAT BEAUTY.
A COUNTRY QUARTER SESSIONS. In wedlock a species of lottery lies,
Three or four parsons full of October; Where in blanks and in prizes we deal ;
Three or four Squires betweeu drunk and sober; But how comes it that you, such a capital prize, Three or four lawyers; three or four liars ; Should so long have remaiu'd in the wbeel?
Three or four constables; three or four criers; If ever, by Fortune's benignant decree,
Three or four parishes bringing appeals ; To me such a ticket should roil,
Three or four writings and three or four seals ; A sirteenth, good Heavens! is stillicient for me,
Three or four bastards and three or four wh-res; For wbat could I do with the whole ?
Tag, rag, and bobtail three or four scores ;
Three or four statutes misunderstood ;
Three or four paupers all praying for food ; At the time when Queen Elizabeth was making Three or four roads that never were mended; one of her progresses through the kingdom, a Three or four scolds, and the sessions are ended. mayor of Coventry, attended by a large cavalcade, went out to meet her majesty, and usher her into FOX-HUNTING OR HARE-HUNTING. the city with due formality. On their return they
Mr. Hare, formerly envoy to Poland, had passed through a wide brook, when Mr. Mayor's horse several times attempted to drink, and each apartments in the same lionse with Mr. Fox, and, time his worship checked bim ; which the queen the monied Israelites. One morning as he was
like his friend Charles, had frequent dealings with observing, called out to him, “ Mr. Nayor, let looking out of the window, he observed several your borse drink, Mr. Mayor,” but the magistrate, of the tribe assembled at the door for admittance. bowing very low, modestly answered, Nay; nay; ** Pray, gentlemen.” said he, "are you for may it plcase your majesty's horse to drink first." | hunting, or Hare-hunting this morning >>
CAUTIOUS HUMANITY.: A tanner one day invited a supervisor to dine with him, and after pushing the bottle about
Dr. Reid, well known by his medical reports briskly, the supervisor iook bis leave; but in pass in the Monthly Magazine, was requested by a ing across the tan-yard, he fell into a vat, and lady of eminence to call at her house “ Be sure called out for the tanner's assistance to get out, you recollect the address,” said she, as she but to no purpose; “ for,” said the tapner, " if quitted the room, “ No. 1, Chesterfield-street.” I draw any hides without giving the twelve hours'
• Madam,” said the doctor, “ I am too great an notice, I shall be exchequered and ruined, but admirer of politeness not to remember Chesterfield, I'll go and inform the exciseman."
and I fear too selfish over to forget number one."