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tinue ill of the gout, it is supposed the swan-hopping | law has some punishment for such insolent rascals as will cease for this season.”—The last supposed is you. fudged in: why would you cram these upon me for a Margin. Punishment! and for what? But, after couple?
all, what injury have you sustain'd ? Rumour. As distinct as can be.
Sir Thomas. Infinite. All my agents are come Margin. Fye, remember our bargain. You agreed post out of the country, my house is crowded with to do the court of aldermen always for sixpence. cousins to be present at the opening of my will, and
Rumour. What, if a common hall should be called ? there has been (as it is known she has a very good
Margin, Oh! then you are to have threepence a jointure) no less than three proposals of marriage motion, I know that very well : I am sure no gentleman already made to my relict. can accuse me of being sneaking. Dingey, give him Margin. Let me look at the paragraph. [Reads.] sixpence for his supposes. Well, Phelim O'Flam, any “ Last night, after eating a hearty supper, died suddeaths in your district ?
denly, with his mouth full of custard, Sir Thomas O'Flam. The devil a one.
Tradewell, knight, an amiable companion, an affecMargin. How! none?
tionate relation, and a friend to the poor."-O'Flam, O'Flam. O yes, a parcel of nobodies, that died this is some blunder of yours ; for, you see, here the worth nothing at all. Fellows that can't pay for a gentleman is, and alive. funeral. Upon my conscience, I can't think what O'Flam. So he says, but the devil a one in this becomes of ihe folks : for my part, I believe all the case vould I believe but himself; because why, I people who live in town fall down dead in the was told it by Jeremy O’Turlough, his own bodycountry; and then too, since doctor Dispatch is gone chairman, my dear: by the same token, I treated him to the Bath, patients linger so long.
with a pint of porter for the good vews. Mergin. Indeed !
Sir Thomas. Vastly oblig’d to you, Mr. O'Flam; O'Flam. To be sure they do. Why, I waited at but I have nothing to do with this wretched fellow, the Jolly Topers, a matter of two days and a half, it is you, Margin, shall answer for this. for the last treath of Lady Dy Dropsy, for fear some Margin. Why, Sir Thomas, it is impossible but other collector should catch it.
now and then we must kill a man by mistake. And Jargin. A long time, indeed.
in some measure to make amends, you see what a O'Flam. Wasn't it? considering that she had two good character the paper has given you. consultations, besides devilish tough. Mr. Nargin, Sir Thomas. Character! I shall quit the mortality walk, so provide yourself as Murgin. Aye, sir, I can tell you I have had a
crown for putting in many a worse. Margin, I hope not.
OʻFlam. Aye, Sir Thomas, consider of that, only O'Flam. Why, what will I do? I am sure the think what a comfort it is to live long enough after deaths won't keep me alive ; you see I am already you are dead, to read such a good account of yourself stripp'd to my shroud; since November, that suicide in the papers. season, I have not got salt to my porridge.
Sir Tiomas, Ha! ha! ha! what a ridiculous Enter I THOMAS TRADIWELL.
rascal! but I would advise you, gentlemen, not to Sir Thomas. Is your name Matthew Margin? take such liberties with me for the future. [Erit. Margin. It is, and what then?
O'Flum. Indeed and we won't ; and I here give Sir Thomas. Then, pray what right had you to kill Mr. Marzio my world, that you shau't die again, as me in your last Saturday's paper ?
long as you live, unless, indeed, we get it from under Margin. Kill you ! Sir Thomas. Ay, sir, here the article is; surely the
soon as you can.
your own haad.
APPEARANCE OF THE DEVIL.
Besides, you have but a little time to consider; in DEVIL, HARRIET, and INVOICE.
less than five minutes, you will have the consul and Devil [in a bottle.) heigh-ho !
all his crew in the house. Har. Who is that?
Inv. Nay, then-Pray which is the bottle ? Inv. That! where?
Devil. That in the middle, right before you. Har. Did not you hear a voice ?
Inv. There it goes ! Inv. None. Fancy, my love; only your fears. [He breaks the bottle and the Devil rises out of it. Devil. Heigh-ho!
Thunder, Har. There again!
Har. Oh, what aInv. I hear it now. Who is there?
Devil. I am not surpris’d, miss, that you are a little Devil. Ale.
shock'd at my figure : I could have assum'd a much Inv. Me! he speaks English! Who and where are more agreeable form; but as we are to be a little you?
better acquainted, I thought it best to quit all disDevil. Here in this bottle ; where I have been guise and pretence; therefore, madam, you see me cork'd
just as I am. Inv. Cork'd up in a botile! I never heard of such Har. I am sure, sir, you are ve-ve-very agreea thing in my life, unless, indeed, in the Hay-market able. once.--Cork'u
Devil. Yo-yo-you are pleas’d to compliment, Devil. Ay; by the master of this house, a magi- madam.-Come, answer me sincerely; am I such a cian.
being as you expected to see? Inv. A magician! Why then you are a spirit, I Har. Really, sir, I can hardly say what I expected suppose. Devil. You are right; I am the Devil.
Devil. I own it is a puzzling question ; at least, if Har. Mercy on us !
the world does us justice in the contradictory quali. Devil. Don't be terrified, miss: You remember ties they are pleas'u to afford us. the old proverb, “ The devil is not so black as he is Inv. You will forgive me, if I don't understand painted."
you. Inv. Well, but, sir
Devil. Why, for all their superlative epithets, you Devil. A truce to your questions, my good sir, cannot but see how much men are beholden to us ; for the present !-Consider, rammed up in this narrow by our means it is that you measure the extent both compass, I can't be much at my ease; now if you of your virtues and vices. will but break the bottle before you on the floor Inv. As how ?
Har. For heaven's sake, Mr. Invoice, take care Devil. is thus : In describing your friends, or your what you do!
foes, they are devilish rich, de rilish poor, devilish ugly, Devil
. Why, my pretty miss, what risk do you run ? | divilish handsonie ; now and then, indeed, to vary your affairs can hardly be changed for the worse. the mode of conversing, you make a little free with Har. That's true, indeed!
our condition and country, as, hellish dull, damn'd Devil. Believe me, miss, as matters stand, we can clever, hellish cold ; Psha! how damn'd hot it is! be of mutual use : Your lover may deliver me from Inv. True, sir ; but I consider this as a rhetorical prison, and I can prevent you bothi froin going into figure, a manner of speaking devis'd and practis'd by continement.
uulness, to conceal the lack of ideas, and the want of Inv. What says my larriet? shall I rely on the expressions. gentleman's word ?
Devil. Partly that, I confess : Not but there is Devil. Do, madam! I am a devil of honour. I some truth in the case ; for at different times we have
the power, and do assume the various forms you Devil. Oh, a paltry mechanic! the very genius of assign us.
jobbing ! a mere bull and bear booby ; the patron of Inv. We ? I observe you always make use of the lame ducks, brokers, and fraudulent bankrupts. plural; is that, sir, by way of distinction, or, is
your Inv. You amaze me! I vow I always thought him family pretty large and extensive ?
a principal agent. Devil. Multitudinous as the sands on the beach ; Devil. He! Not at all. The fellow indeed gave or the moats in a sun-beam: How the deuce else do himself some airs of importance, upon following the you think we could do all the business below ? Why, camp, and having the contractors and commissaries there's scarce an individual amongst you, at least of under his care ; but that affair you know closed with any rank or importance, but has five or six of us in the war. his train.
Inv. What, then, are they now entirely out of his Inv. Indeed!
hands? Devil. A little before I got rammed in that phial, Devil. Yes ; quite out of his : He only suggested I had been for some time on very hard duty in this their cent. per cent. squeezings, and prompted their part of the world.
various modes of extortion and rapine : But in his Inv. Of what kind ?
room, they have six or seven demons a-piece, to Devil. The dæmon of power and I had long laid direct the dissipation of their ill-gotten wealth. siege to a subject, the man a grandee; I was then a Inv, Indeed! popular spirit, and wore the mask of a patriot; at Devil. Poor Lucifer, it is all over with him! If it different times, we possessed him by turns ; but, in were not for the fluctuation of India, an occasional the midst of a violent struggle, by which means I go: lottery, or a contested election, the Alley would be lame on this leg, and obtained the nick-name of the empty, and Lucifer have as little to do as a pickDevil upon sticks,) the dæmon of vanity, a low under-pocket when the playhouses are shut. strapper amongst us, held over his head a circle of
Inv. Perhaps, sir, your name may be Belzebub ? gold, with five knobs on the top, and, whew ! flew Devil. He! worse and worse! Not a devil that away with our prize in an instant.
has the least regard to his character would choose to Inv. Under-strapper ! what, are there different be seen in his company. Besides, it is the most peturanks and orders amongst you ?
lant, waspish, quarrelsome cur—But no wonder; he Devil. Without doubt.
is the imp of chicane, and protects the rotten part of Inv. And pray, sir-I hope, no offence ; but 1 the law. would not be wanting in proper respect--are you,
Inv. Then he, at least, has employment enough. when at home, of condition? or how must I
Devil. Yes, during the term, he has a good deal to Devil. You mean, am I a devil of fashion, or one do : He is the parent of quibbles, the guardian of of the base born ?
pettifoggers, bad bail, and of bailiffs ; the supporter of Inv. I do.
alibics, the source of sham pleas, the maker and finder Devil. I have no reason to be asham'd of my family: of Haws, the patron of perjury, and a sworn foe to all
Inx. I don't doubt it. You will forgive me if I trials by jury! Not long ago, though, my gentleman make a mistake : Perhaps my lord Lucifer.
was put to his shifts. Devil. Who?
Ini. Ilow was that? Inv. Lord Lucifer.
Devil. The law had laid hold of an old friend of Devil. Lord Lucifer ? how little you know of our his, for being too positive as to a matter of fact; evifolks! Lucifer a lord! Why, that's the meanest dence, evasion, protraction, pleas, every art, was rascal amongst us,
employed to acquit him, that the most consummate Inv, Indeed!
skill could suggest; but all to no purpose,
Iur. That was strange.
Inv. That ought not to be; the contempt of the Devil. Beyond all belief ; be could have bang'd public, that necessary supplement to the best digested a dozen innocent people, with half the pains that this body of laws, should in these cases be never dispaltry perjury gave him. Inv. How came that about?
Devil. In days of yore, when the world was but Devil. Why-I don't know, he had unfortunately young, that method had merit, and the sense of shame to do with an obstinate magistrate, who bears a was a kind of a curb; but knaves are now so numerous mortal hatred to rogues, and whose sagacity could and wealthy, they can keep one another in countenot be deceived. But, however, tho' he was not able nance, and laugh at the rest of the world. to save his friend from the shame of conviction, Inv. There may be something in that.-Well, sir, (a trifle, which he indeed but little regarded,) yet he I have twice been out of my guess; will you give had the address to evade, or at least defer, the time of me leave to hazard a third ? Perbaps you are Belkis punishment.
phegor, or Uriel ? Inv. By what means ?
Devil. Neither. They too are but diminutive Devil. By finding a faw.
devils : the first favours the petty pilfering frauds; Inv. A flaw! what's a flaw?
he may be traced in the double score and soap'd pot Devil. A legal loophole, that the lawyers leave of the publican, the alum and chalk of the baker, in open for a rogue now and then to creep through, the sophisticated mixtures of the brewers of wine and that the game mayo't be wholly destroyed. beer, and in the false measures and weights of them all.
Inv. Provident sportsmen! Would it not be too Inv. And Uriel ? much trouble to favour me with this particular in Devil. lle is the demon of quacks and of mountestance.?
banks; a thriving race all over the world, but their Devil. Not at all. Why, sir, when matters grew true seat of empire is England: there, a short desperate, and the case was given over for lost, little sword, a tie, and à nostrum, a month's advertising, Belzy starts up in the form of an able practitioner, with a shower of handbills, never fail of creating a and humbly conceived, that his client could not be fortune. But of this tribe I foresee I shall have convicted upon that indictment; for as much as occasion to speak hereafter. therein he was charg'd with foreswearing himself Inv. Well, but, sirNOW; whereas it clearly appeared, by the evi Deril. Come, sir, I will put an end to your pain ; dence, that he had only foresworn himself then: If, for, from my appearance, it is impossible you should indeed, he had been indicted generally, for commit- ever guess at my person.— Now, miss, whát think you ting perjury now and then, proofs might be produced of Cupid. of any perjury be may have comm.ited; whereas, Hor. You ? you Cupid ? you the gay god of love ? by limiting the point of time to the now, no proofs Devil. Yes ; me, me, miss !-What, I suppose you could be admitted as to the then. So that, with expected the quiver at my back, and the bow in my submission, he humbly conceived, his client was hand; the purple pinions, and filleted forehead, with clearly absolved, and his charaeter as fair and as the blooming graces of youth and of beauty. spotless as a babe that's just born, and immaculate as Har. Why, I can't but say the poetz had taught a sheet of white paper.
me to expect charms Inv. And the objection was good ?
Devil. That never existed but in the fire of their Devil. Patal; there was nu getting rid of the flaw. fancy; all fiction and phrenzy! Inv. And the gentleman
Inv. Then, perhaps, sir, these creative gentlemen Devil. Walks about at his ease; not a public may err as much in your office, as it is clear they place, but he thrusts his person full in your face.
have mistaken your person.
Devil. Why, their notions of me are but narrow. Rhod. Faith, thou followest a figure in thy jests, as It is true, I do a little business in the amorous way; country gentlemen follow fashion, when they be worn but my dealings are of a different kind to those they threadbare. describe.—My province lies in forming conjunctions D'0l. And what ! you stand gazing at what comes alısurd and preposterous : it is I that couple boys and here, and admire it, i dare say. beldames, girls and greybeards, together; and when Rhod. And do not you ? you sce a man of fashion lock'd in legitimate wedlock D'0l. Not I, I admire nothing but wit. with the stale leavings of half the fellows in town, or Rhod. But I wonder how she entertains time in
Jady of fortune setting out for Edinburgh in a post- that solitary cell : does she not take tobacco, think chaise with her footman, you may always set it down you ? as some of my handywork. But this is but an incon D'O1. She does, she does : others make it their siderable branch of my business.
physic, she makes it her food : her sister and she take Inv. Indeed!
it by turn, first one, and then the other, and Vandome Devil. The several arts of the drama, dancing, ministers to them both. music, and painting, owe their existence to me: I Rhod. How sayest thou by that Helen of Greece am the father of fashions, the inventor of quinte, trente, the Countess's sister ? there were a paragon, Monquarante, and hazard; the guardian of gamesters, the sieur D’Olive, to admire and marry too. genius of gluttony, and the author, protector, and D'OL. Not for me. patron of licentiousness, lewdness, and luxury. Rhod. No ? what exceptions lie against the choice? Inv. Your department is large.
D'Oi. Tush, tell me not of choice; if I stood afDevil. One time or other I may give you a more fected that way, I would choose my wife as men do minute account of these matters ; at present we have valentines, blindfold, or draw cuts for them, for so I not a moinent to lose. Should my tyrant return, I shall be sure not to be deceived in choosing; for take must expect to be again cork'd up in a bottle. (Knock- this of me, there's ten times more deceit in women ing.) And haik! it is tl.e consul that knocks at the than in horse-flesh; and I say still, that a pretty we!ldoor; therefore he quick! how can I serve you ? pac'd chamber-maid is the only fashion ; if she grows
Irr. You are no stranger, sir, to our distress : full or fulsome, give her but sixpence to buy her a here, we are unprotected and friendless ; could your hand-basket, and send her the way of all flesh, there's art convey us to the place of our birth-
no more but so, Devil. To England ?
Mug. Indeed that's the savingest way. Inr. If you please.
D'01. O me! what a hell 'tis for a man to be tied Devil. Without danger, and with great expedition. 10 the continual charge of a coach, with the appurteCome to this window, and lay hold of my cloak.-- nances, horses, men, and so forth : and then to have have often resided in England ; at present indeed, a man's house pestered with a whole country of guests, there are but few of our family there; every seventh | grooms, panders, waiting-maids, &c. I careful to year, we have a general dispensation for residence; please my wife, she careless to displease me ; shrewish for at that time the inhabitants theinselves can play it she be honest; intolerable if she be wise; imperious the devil without our aid or 3ssistance.--Off we as an empress ; all she dues must be law, all she says go! stick fast to your hold ! Devil on two Sticks.
gospel : oh, what a penance 'tis to endure her! 'l
glad to foibear still, all to keep her loyal, and yet Rhoderique. What, Monsieur D'Olive, the only perhaps when all's deue, my heir shall be like my admirer cf wit and good words.
horse-keeper: fie on't ! the very thought of marriage D'Olive. Morrow, wits : morrow, good wits: my were able to cool the hottest liver in France. little parcels of wit, 1 bave rods in pichle for you.
Chapman's Bussy D'Ambois.-Old play. How dost, Jack; may I call thee, sir, Jack yet?
MEN OF WIT AND PLEASURE ABOUT TOWN.