Cape. You shall be certainly supplied. Vamp. I doubt not; pray how does Index go on with your journal ? Cape. He does not complain. THE DEBATING SOCIETY. SCENE, The Robin Hood. THE PRESIDENT; DERMOT O'DROHEDA, a chairman; Vamp. Ah, I knew the time-but you have everstock'd the market. Titlepage and I had once lik'd to have engaged in a paper. We had got a young cantab for the essays; a pretty historian from Aber-nished with porter? deen; and an attorney's clerk for the true intelligence; but, I don't know how, it dropp'd for want of a politician. a All. Full, Mr. President. Pres. We will then proceed to the business of the day; and let me beg, gentlemen, that you will, in your debates, preserve that decency and decorum that is due to the importance of your deliberations, and the dignity of this illustrious assembly Cape. If in that capacity I can be of any Vamp. No, thank you, master Cape; in half year's time, I have a grandson of my own that will come in; he's now in training as a waiter at the [Gets up, pulls off his hat, and reads the motion. Cocoa tree coffee-house; intend giving him the run Motion made last Monday to be debated to-day, of Jonathan's for three months, to understand trade That, for the future, instead of that vulgar potation and the funds; and then, I'll start him- no, no, called porter, the honourable members may be supyou have enough on your hands; stick to your busi-plied with a proper quantity of Irish usquebaugh. ness; and d'ye hear, 'ware clipping and coining; remember Harry Handy; he was a pretty fellow! [The Author. THE TWO HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT. "Dermot O'Droheda † his mark.” O'Droh. [Gets up.] That's I myself. Pres. Mr. O'Droheda. O'Droh. Mr. President, the case is this; it is not There is, by the constitution of this kingdom, an becase I am any grate lover of that same usquebaugh assembly of many individuals, who, as the seventh that I have set my mark to the motion; but becase I son of a seventh son is born a physician, are orators did not think it was decent for a number of gontleby hereditary right; that is, by birth they are enabled men that were, d'ye see, met to settle the affair of the to give their opinions and sentiments on all subjects, nation, to be guzzling a pot of porter; to be sure the where the interest of their country is concerned. To liquor is a pretty sort of a liquor enough when a man this we are to add another assembly, consisting of is hot with trotting between a couple of poles; but six hundred and fifty-eight individuals, where, though this is anotherguess matter, becase why, the head is the same privilege is enjoyed as in the first instance, concerned; and if it was not for the malt and the yet this advantage is not possessed in virtue of any haps, dibble burn me but I would as soon take a inherent natural right, but is obtained in consequence drink from the Thames as your porter. But as to of an annual, triennial, or septennial deputation from usquebaugh; ah long life to the liquor-it is an exhilithe whole body of the people; if then we add to this rator of the bowels, and a stomatic to the head; I list the number of all those candidates who are am- say, Mr. President, it invigorates, it stimulates, itbitious of this honour, with the infinite variety of in short it is the onliest liquor of life, and no man changes that a revolution of twenty years will pro-alive will die whilst he drinks it. duce, we cannot estimate those funds of national ora.. [Sits down. TWIST gets up, having a piece of tors in esse, posse, and velle, at a smaller quantity paper, containing the heads of what he says, in his than 20,000; and this, I believe, by the disciples of hat. Demoivre, will be thought a very moderate computation. [The Orators. Pres. Mr. Timothy Twist. 7. Twist, Mr. President, I second Mr. O'Dro heda's motion; and, sir, give me leave I say, Mr. He sits down, and ANVIL and another member President-looks in his hat] give me leave to ob-get up together; some cry Anvil, others Jacobs. Pres. Mr. Anvil. Anvil. Mr. President, sir [The members all blow their noses, and cough; ANVIL talks all the while, but is not heard.] Pres. Silence, gentlemen; pray, gentlemen. A serve, that, sir, tho' it is impossible to add any force Pres. Mr. Twist, O pray finish, Mr. Twist. Twist. I say, Mr. President, that, sir, if, sir, it be considered that-as-I say-[looks in his hat,] I have nothing farther to say. [Sits down, and STRAP gets up.] -Pres. Mr. Strap. Strap. Mr. President, it was not my intention to trouble the assembly upon this occasion, but when I hear insinuations thrown out by gentlemen, where the interest of this country is so deeply concerned, I own I cannot sit silent; and give me leave to say, sir, that there never came before this assembly a point of more importance than this; it strikes, sir, at the very root, sir, of your constitution; for, sir, what does this motion imply? it implies that porter, a wholesome, domestic manufacture, is to be prohibited at once. And for what, sir? for a foreign, pernicious commodity. I had, sir, formerly the honour, in conjunction with my learned friend in the leather apron, to expel sherbet from amongst us, as I looked upon lemons as a fatal and foreign fruit; and can it be thought, sir, that I will sit silent to this? No, sir, I will put my shoulders strongly against it; I will oppose it manibus totibus. For should this proposal prevail, it will not end here: fatal, give me leave to say, will, I foresee, be the issue; and I shan't be surprised in a few days, to hear from the same quarter, a motion for the expulsion of gin, and a premium for the importation of whiskey. [4 hum of approbation, with significant nods and winks from the other members. Anvil. I say, Mr. President, that if we consider this case in its utmost extent [All the members cough and blow their noses again.] I say, sir, I will. Nay, I insist on being heard. If any gentleman has any thing to say any where else, I'll hear him. [Members all laugh, and ANVIL sits down in a passion, and SLAUGHTER gets up. Pres. Mr. Samuel Slaughter. Slaug. Sir, I declare it, at the bare hearing of this here motion, I am all over in a sweat; for my part I can't think what gentlemen mean by talking in that there manner; not but I likes that every man should deliver his mind; I does mine; it has been ever my way; and when a member opposes me I like him the better for it; it's right; I'm pleas'd; he can't please me more; it is as it should be; and though I differ from the honourable gentleman in the flannel night-cap over the way, yet I am pleased to hear him say what he thinks; for, sir, as I said, it is always my rule to say what I think, right or wrong-[a loud laugh.] Ay, ay, gentlemen may laugh, with all my heart, I am used to it, I don't mind it a farthing; but, sir, with regard to that there motion, I entirely agree with my worthy friend with the pewter pot at his mouth. Now, sir, I would fain ask any gentleman this here question; Can any thing in nature be more natural for an Englishman than porter? I declare, Mr. President, I think it the most wholesomest liquor in the world. But if it must be a change, let us change it for rum, a wholesome palatable liquor, a liquor that-in short, Mr. President, I don't know such a liquor. Ay, gentlemen may stare; I say, and I say it upon my conscience, I don't know such a liquor. Besides, I think there is in this here affair a point of law, which I shall leave to the consideration of the learned, and for that there reason, I shall take up no more of your time. [He sits down, CATCHPOLE gets up. Pres. Mr. Catchpole. Catch. I get up to the point of law. And though, sir, I am bred to the business, I can't say I am prepared for this question. But though this usquebaugh, as a dram, may not (by name) be subject to a duty, my opinion, or rather belief, it will be conyet it is sider'd, as in the case of horses, to come under the article of dry'd goods-But I move that another day this point be debated. Slaught. I second the motion. me to my present height, from the humble employment of light your honour-A link boy. Sir Will. A pleasant fellow. Who were your parents? Shift. I was produced, sir, by a left-handed marriage, in the language of the newspapers, between an illustrious lamplighter and an eminent itinerant cat and dog butcher.-Cat's meat, and dog's meat.—I dare say, you have heard my mother, sir. this happy pair I owe little besides my being, I shall drop them where they dropt mein the street. Sir Will. Proceed But as to Shift. My first knowledge of the world I owe to a [CATCHPOLE gives a paper to the President, who school, which has produced many a great man; the Sir Will. Cou'd nothing induce you to unbosom yourself. avenues of the play-house. There, sir, leaning on my extinguish'd link, I learn'd dexterity from pickpockets, connivance from constables, politics and fashions from footmen, and the art of making and breaking a promise, from their masters. Here, sirrah light me across the kennel.--I hope your honour will remember poor Jack.- -You ragged rascal, I have no halfpence—I'll pay you the next time I see you.-— -But, lack-a-day, sir, that time I saw as seldom as his tradesmen. Sir Will. Very well. Shift. To these accomplishments from without the theatre, I must add one that I obtain'd within. Sir Will. How did you gain admittance there? Shift. My merit, sir, that, like my link, threw a radiance round me.-- -A detachment from the headquarters here took possession, in the summer, of a country corporation, where I did the honours of the barn, by sweeping the stage, and clipping the candles. There my skill and address was so conspicuous, that procur'd me the same office the ensuing winter at Drury-lane, where I acquir'd intrepidity; the crown of all my virtues. Shift. Look'e, Sir William, there is a kind of some-it thing in your countenance, a certain openness and generosity, a je ne sçai quoi in your manner, that I will unlock: You shall see me all. Sir Will. You will oblige me. Shift. You must know then, that fortune, which frequently delights to raise the noblest structures from the simplest foundations; who from a tailor made a pope, from a gin-shop an empress, and many a prime minister from nothing at all, has thought fit to raise Sir Will. How did you obtain that? Shift. By my post. For I think, sir, he that dares stand the shot of the gallery in lighting, snuffing, and sweeping, the first night of a new play, may bid defiance to the pillory, with all its customary compli ments. Sir Will, Some truth in that. Shift. But an unlucky crab-apple, apply'd to my | Fleet-street. Friday I am to give the amorous parley of right eye, by a patriot gingerbread-baker from the two intriguing cats in a gutter, with the disturbing Borough, who would not suffer three dancers from of a hen-roost, at Mr. Deputy Sugarsops, near the Switzerland, because he hated the French, forced me to a precipitate retreat. Shift. Why, sir, my master was remarkably happy in an art, which however disesteem'd at present, is, by Tully, reckon'd among the perfections of an orator-Mimickry. Sir Will. Why you are deeply read, Mr. Shift. Shift. A smattering-But as I was saying, sir, nothing came amiss to my master. Bipeds, or quadrupeds; rationals, or animals; from the clamour of the bar to the cackle of the barn-door; from the soporific twang of the tabernacle of Tottenham-court, to the melodious bray of their long-ear'd brethren in Bunhill-fields; all were objects of his imitation, and my attention. In a word, sir, for two whole years, under this professor, I study'd and starv'd, impoverish'd my body, and pamper'd my mind; till thinking myself pretty near equal to my master, I made him one of his own bows, and set up for myself. Sir Will. You have been successful, I hope. Shift. Pretty well. I can't complain. My art, sir, is a passe-par-tout. I seldom want employment. Let's see how stand my engagements. [Pulls out a pocket book.] Hum,-hum,-Oh! Wednesday at Mrs. Gammut's near Hanover-square; there, there, I shall make a meal upon the Mingotti; for her ladyship is in the opera interest: but, however, I shall revenge her cause upon her rival Mattei, Sunday evening at Lady Sustinuto's concert. Thursday I dine upon the actors, with ten templars, at the Mitre in Monument. So, sir, you see my hands are full. In short, Sir William, there is not a buck or a turtle devoured within the bills of mortality, but there I may, if I please, stick a napkin under my chin. Sir Will. I'm afraid, Mr. Shift, I must break in a little upon your engagements; but you shall be no loser by the bargain. Shift. Command me. [The Minor. UNION OF VICE AND FANATICISM. SIR GEORGE, MRS. COLE, LOADER, and DICK. Mrs. C. Gently, gently, good Mr. Loader. Load. Come along, old Moll. Why, you jade, you look as rosy this morning, I must have a smack at your muns. Here, taste her, she is as good as old hock to get you a stomach. me. Mrs. C. Fye, Mr. Loader, I thought you had forgot Load. I forget you! I would as soon forget what is trumps. Mrs. C. Softly, softly, young man. There, there, mighty well. And how does your honour do? I han't seen your honour, I can't tell the-Oh! mercy on me, there's a twinge- Sir Geo. What is the matter, Mrs. Cole? Mrs. C. My old disorder, the rheumatise; I han't been able to get a wink of-Oh la! what, you have been in town these two days? Sir Geo. Since Wednesday. Mrs. C. And never once call'd upon old Cole. No, no, I am worn out, thrown by and forgotten, like a tatter'd garment, as Mr. Squintum says. Oh, he is a dear man! But for him I had been a lost sheep; never known the comforts of the new birth; no,There's your old friend, Kitty Carrot, at home still. What, shall we see you this evening? I have kept the green room for you ever since I heard you were in town. Load. What, shall we take a snap at old Moll's. Hey, beldam, have you a good batch of Burgundy abroach? Mrs. C. Bright as a ruby; and for flavour! You know the colonel-He and Jenny Cummings drank three flasks, hand to fist, last night. Load. What, and bilk thee of thy share. Mrs. C. Ah, don't mention it, Mr. Loader. No, that's all over with me. The time has been, when I could have earn'd thirty shillings a day by my own drinking, and the next morning was neither sick nor sorry but now, O laud, a thimbleful turns me topsyturvy. Load. Poor old girl! Mrs C. Ay, I have done with these idle vanities; my thoughts are fix'd upon a better place. What, I suppose, Mr. Loader, you will be for your old friend the black-ey'd girl, from Rosemary-lane. Ha, ha! Well, 'tis a merry little tit. A thousand pities she's such a reprobate!- -But she'll meud; her time is not come: all shall have their call, as Mr. Squintum says, sooner or later; regeneration is not the work of a day. No, no, no. -Oh! Sir Geo. Not worse, I hope. Mrs. C. Rack, rack, gnaw, gnaw, never easy, abed or up, all's one. Pray, honest friend, have you any clary, or mintwater in the house? Dick. A case of French drams. Load. Come, haste, Dick, haste; sorrow is dry. Here, Moll, shall I fill thee a bumper? Mrs. C. Hold, hold, Mr. Loader! Heaven help you. I could as soon swallow the Thames. Only a sip to keep the gout out of my stomach. Load. Why then, here's to thee.-Levant me, but it is supernaculum.—Speak when you have enough. Mrs. C. I won't trouble you for the glass; my hands do so tremble and shake, I shall but spill the good creature. Load. Well pull'd. But now to business. Pr'ythee, Moll, did not I see a tight young wench, in a linen gown, knock at your door this morning? Mrs. C. Ay; a young thing from the country. Load. Could we not get a peep at her this evening? Mrs. C. Impossible! She is engag'd to Sir Timothy Mrs. C. Heaven defend me! I would not touch a Totter. I have taken earnest for her these three dram for the world. Sir Geo. They are but cordials, Mrs. Cole. Fetch you blockhead. 'em, [Ex. Dick. Mrs. C. Ay, I am a going; a wasting and a wasting, Sir George. What will become of the house when I am gone, heaven knows.--No-When people are miss'd, then they are mourned. Sixteen years have I liv'd in the Garden, comfortably and creditably; and, tho' I say it, could have got bail any hour of the day. Reputable tradesmen, Sir George, neighbours, Mr. Loader knows; no knock me down doings in my house. A set of regular, sedate, sober customers. No rioters. Sixteen did I say-Ay, eighteen years I have paid scot and lot in the parish of St. Paul's, and during the whole time, nobody has said, Mrs. Cole, why do you so? Unless twice that I was before Sir Thomas De Val, and three times in the round-house. months. Load. Pho, what signifies such a fellow as that! Tip him an old trader, and give her to the knight. Mrs. C. Tip him an old trader!-Mercy on us, where do you expect to go to when you die, Mr. Loader ? Load. Crop me, but this Squintum has turn'd her brains. Sir Geo. Nay, Mr. Loader, I think the gentleman has wrought a most happy reformation. Mrs. C. Oh, it was a wonderful work. There had I been tossing in a sea of sin, without rudder or compass. And had not the good gentleman piloted me into the harbour of grace, I must have struck against the rocks of reprobation, and have been quite swallow'd up in the whirlpool of despair. He was the precious instrument of my spiritual sprinkling.But however, Sir George, if your mind be set upon a |