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Dr. C. Which opinion is immoveable.
Char. Once in your life, perhaps, you may. Char. No rock so firm!
Dr. C. Nay, let us be plain. Would you marry Dr. C. I am afraid then it will be a vain pursuit, him ? when I solicit you, in compliance with my worthy Char. You're mighty nice, methinks. Well, I would, friend's desire and my own inclinations, to become my Dr. C. Then I will not consent. partner in that blessed estate in which we may be a Char. You won't ? comfort and support to each other.
Dr. C. My conscience will not suffer me. I know Char. I would die rather than consent to it. you to be both luxurious and worldly-minded ; and Dr. C. In other words, you hate me.
you would squander upon the vanities of the world, Char. Most transcendently.
those treasures which ought to be better laid out. Dr. C. Well, there is sincerity at least in your Char. Hum !---I believe I begin to conceive you. confession : you are not, I see, toially deprived of all Dr. C. Jf you can think of any project to satisfy virtue, though I must say I never could perceive in my conscience, I am tractable. You know there is you but very little.
a considerable moiety of your fortune which goes to Char. Oh, tie! you flatter me.
my lady in case of our disagreement. Dr. Ç. No; speak it with sorrow, because you Char. That's enough, sir.--You think we should are the daughter of my best friend. But how are we have a fellow feeling in it. At what sum do you rate to proceed now? are we to preserve temper ? your concurrence to my inclinations that settled, I
Char. Oh! never fear me, sir, I shall not fly out, am willing to strike the bargain. being convinced that nothing gives so sharp a point Dr. C. What do you think of half ? to one's aversion as good breeding ; as, on the con, Char. How! two thousand pounds ? trary, ill manners often hide a secret inclination. Dr. C. Why, you know you gain two thousand
Br. C. Well then, young lady, be assured so far pounds; and really the severity of the times for the am I from the unchristian disposition of returning in- poor, and my own stinted pittance, which cramps my juries that your antipatlıy to me canses no hatred in charities, will not suffer me to require less. my soul towards you ; on the contrary, I would wil Char. But how is my father to be brought into Lingly roake you happy, if it may be done according this? to my conscience, with the interest of heaven in Dr. C. Leave that to my management. view.
Char. And what security do you expect for the Char. Why, I can't see, sir, how heaven can be money ? any way concerned in a transaction between you and Dr. C. Oh! Mr. Darnley is wealthy: when I
deliver my consent in writing, he shall lay it down Dr. C. When you marry any other person, my to me in bank-bills. consent is necessary.
Char. Pretty good security !-On one proviso Char. So I her, indecd ! but pray, doctor, how though. could your modesty receive so insolent a power, with Dr. C. Name it. oui putting my poor father out of countenance with Char. That you immediately tell my father that
you are willing to give up your interest to Mr. DarnDr. C. I sought it not ; but he would crowd it ley, among other obligations. He is good natured ; and I Dr. C. Ulum !--stay-I agree to it; but in the foresaw it might serve to pious purposes.
mean time, let me warn you, child, not to expect to Char. I don't understand you.
turn that, or what bas now passed between us, to my Dr. C. I take it for granted, that you would marry confusion, by sinister construction, or evil representMr. Darnley. Am I right?
ation to your father. I am satisfied of the piety of
your blushes ?
THE ILLITERATE FANATIC.
my own intentions, and care not what the wicked I'm a breaking my heart I think it a sin to keep think of them; but force me not to take advantage of a shop. sir John's good opinion of me, in order to shield Old Lady L. Why, if you think it a sin, indeed myself from the consequences of your
malice. pray what's your business? Char. Oh! I shall not stand in my own light : I Maw. We deals in grocery, tea, small-beer, charknow your conscience and your power too well, dear coal, butter, brickdust, and the like. doctor!
Old Lady L. Well, you must consult with your
Old Lady L. Do you?
Char. What this fellow's original was, I know Ou Laily L. Ay! not; but from his conscience and cunning, he would Maw. I have made several sermons already :
: 1 make an admirable Jesuit.
does them extrumpery, because I can't write ; and now the devils in our alley says, as how my head's
turned. DOCTOR CANTWELL, old LADY LAMBERT, and
Old Lady L. Ay, devils indeed but don't you mind them.
Maw. No, I don't-I rebukes' them, and Sey. Sir, Mr. Mawworm is without, and would be preaches to them, whether they will or not. We les glad to be permitted to speak with you.
our house in lodgings to single men; and sometimes Old Lady L. Oh pray, doctor, admit him; I have I gets them together, with one or two of the Deighnot seen M Mawworm this great while ; he's a bours, and makes them all cry pious man, though in an humble estate ; desire the Old Lady L. Did you every preach in pada worthy creature to walk in.
Maw. I got upon Kennington-common, the last Enter MAWWORM.
review day; but the boys threw brickbats at me, and How do you do, Mr. Mawworm?
pinned crackers to my tail ; and I have been afrai Maw. Thank your ladyship’s axing-I'm but deadly to mount ever since. poorish indeed; the world and I can't agree-I got
Old Lady L. Do you hear this, doctor? thros the books, doctor, and Mrs. Grunt bid me give her brickbats at him, and pioned crackers to his picas service to you, and thank you for the eighteen.pence.
tail! can these things be stood by ? Dr. c. Hush, friend Mawworm ! not a word more ;
Maw. I told them so--says I, I does nothir: you know I hate to have my little charities blaz’d clandecently ; I stand here contagious to his majes about: a poor widow, madań, to whom I sent my ty's guards, and I charge you upon your apparels * mite.
to mislist me. Old Lady L. Give her this.
Old Lady L. And it had no effect ?
Maw, No more than if I spoke to so many peste [Offers a purse to Mawworm. Dr. C. I'll take care it shall be given up to her.
esses : but if he advises me to go a preacbing, and
[Puts it up. quit my shop, I will make an excressance further iaia OU Lady L. But what is the matter with you,
the country. Mr. Mawworm ?
Oli Lady L. An excursion, you would say, Maw. I don't know what's the matter with me Maw. I am but a sheep, but my bleatings shall be
heard afar off ; and that sheep shall become a shep-store by me, because we have words now and then ; hert : nay, if it be only as it were a shepherd's dog, but as I says, if such was the case, would ever she to bark the stray lambs into the field.
have cut me down that there time as I was melanOld Lady L. He wants method, doctor.
choly, and she found me hanging behind the doct; I Dr.C. Yes, madam ; but there is the matter, and I don't believe there's a wife in the parish would have I despise not the ignorant.
done so by her husband. Naw. He's a saint--till I went after him, I was Dr. C. I believe 'tis near dinner-time ; and sir John little better than the devil; my conscience was tanned will require my attendance. with sin, like a piece of neat's leather, and had no Jaw. Oh! I am troublesome-nay, I only come more feeling than the sole of my shoe ; always roving to you, doctor, with a message from Mrs. Grunt. I after fantastical delights: I used to go every Sunday wish your ladyship heartily and heartily farewell; evening, to the Three Hats at Islington! it's a public- doctor, a good day to you. house, mayhap, your ladyship may know it : I was Old Lady L. "Mr. Mawworm, call on a great lover of skittles too, but now I can't bear time this afternoon; I want to have a little private them.
discourse with you; and, pray, my service to your Old Lady L. What a blessed reformation !
spouse. Maw. I believe, doctor, you never know'd as how Maw. I will, madam; you are a malefactor to all I was instigated one of the stewards of the reforming goodness ; I'll wait upon your ladyship; I will insociety. I convicted a man of five oaths, as last deed : [Going returns] Oh, doctor, that's true; Susy Thursday was a seu’night, at the Pewter.platter, in desired me to give her kind love and respects to you. the Borough ; and another of three, while he was
[Erit. playing trap-ball in St. George's-fields : I bought this Dr. C. Madam, if you please, I will lead you into waistcoat out of my share of the money.
the parlour. Old Lady L. But how do you mind your business? Old Lady L. No,' doctor, my coach waits at the Maw. We have lost almost all our customers; be- door.
The Hypocrite. cause I keeps extorting them whenever they come into the shop:
Old Lady L. And how do you live?
Maw. Better than ever we did : while we were Sir PERTINAX MacSYCOPHANT and his Son worldly-minded, my wife and I (for I am married to
EGERTOX. as likely a woman as you shall see in a thousand) Sir Per. Weci, sir! vary weel! vary weel! are could hardly make things do at all; but since this nat ye a fine spark ? are nat ye a fine spark, I say? good man has brought us into the road of the righte--ah! you are a---so you wou'd not come up till ous, we have always plenty of every thing; and my the levée ? wife goes as well dressed as a gentlewoman-we Eger. Sir, I beg your pardon ; but I was not very have had a child too.
well : besides, I did not think my presence there Ou Lady L. Merciful !
was necessary. Maw. And between you and me, doctor, I believe Sir Per. [Snapping him up] Sir, it was necessary; Susy's breeding again.
I tauld you it was necessary, and, sir,
I must now tell Dr. C. Thus it is, madam; I am constantly told, you that the whole tenor of your conduct is most though I can hardly believe it, a blessing follows offensive. wherever I come.
Eger. I am sorry you think so, sir; I am sure I Maw. And yet, if you would hear how the neigh- do not intend to offend
you. bours reviles my wife; saying as how she sets no Sir Per. I care not what you intend-Sir, I tell
LOW AMBITION AND HONOURABLE FEELING
you, you do offend. What is the meaning of this those who do not wish well till Scotland : besides, conduct, sir ? neglect the levee !--sdeath, sir, you sir, the other day, in a conversation at dinner at your what is your reason, I say, for thus neglecting cousin Campbell Mikenzie's
, before a whole table the levee, and disobeying my commands ?
full of your ain relations, did not you publicly wish Eger. [With a stifted filial resentment.) Sir, I a total extinguishment of aw party, and of aw am not used to levees: nor do I know how to dispose national distinctions whatever, relative to the three. of myself; or what to say, or do, in such a situation. kingdoms !--[With great anger.] And, you
blockSir Per. [!Vith a proud angry resentmeni.] head--was that a prudent wish before so many of Zounds! sir, do you nat see what others do ? gentle your ain countrymen —or was it a filial language to and simple, temporal and spiritual, lords, members, hold before me? judges, generals, and bishops; aw crowding, busiling, Eger. Sir, with your pardon, I cannot think it and pushing foremost intiil the middle of the circle, unfilial or imprudent. [With a most patriotic warmth.) and there waiting, watching, and striving to catch a lowo I do wish--most ar lently wishi, for a total exlook or a smile fra the great mon, which they meet tinction of all party ; particularly that those of Engwi' an amicable reesibility of aspect-a modest ca- lish, Irish, and Scotch, might never more be brought dence of body, and a conciliating cooperation of the into contest or competition, unless, like loving bro whole mon; which expresses an officious promptitude thers, in generous emulation for one common cause. for his service, and indicates, that they luock upon Sir Per. How, sir ! do you persist? What! would themselves as the suppliant appendages of his power, you banish aw party, and aw distinction between and the enlisted Swiss of his poleetical fortune; this, English, Irish, and your ain countrymen? sir, is what you ought to do, and this, sir, is what I Eger. [With great dignity of spirit. I would, never once omitted for these five and tharty years, let sir. who would be minister.
Sir Per. Then damn you, sir, you are nai true Scot. Eger. (Aside.] Contemptible !
Ay, sir, you may look as angry as you will, but again Sir Per. What is that you mutter, sir?
I say, you are nai true Scot. Eger, Only a slight reflection, sir, not relative to Eger. Your pardon, sir, I think he is the true Scot, you.
and the true citizen, who wishes equal justice to the Sir Per. Sir, your absenting yourself fra the levee merit and demerit of every subject of Great Britain; at this juneture is suspeecious; it is looked upon as amongst whom I know but of two distinctions. a kind of disaffection, and aw your countrymen are Sir Per. Weel, sir, and what are those—what are highly offended at your conduct. For, sir, they do those ? not look upon you as a friend or a well-wisher either Eger. The knave anl the honest man. to Scotland or Scotchmen.
Sir Per. P'shaw ! rideeculous. Eger. [With a quick warmth.] Then, sir, they Eger. And he, who makes any other let him be wrong me, I assure you ;
pray, sir, in what par- of the North, or of the South--of the East, or of the ticular can I be charged either with coldness or West-in place, or ont of place, is an enemy to the offence to my country?
whole, and to the virtues of humanity. Sir Per. Why, sir. ever since your mother's uncle, Sir Per. Ay, sir, this is your brother's impudent Sir Stanley Egerton, left you this three thousand doctrine, for the which I have banished him for ever pounds a year, and that you have, in compliance with tra my presence, my heart, and my fortune.—Sir, I his will, taken up the name of Egerton, they think will have no son of mine, because truly he has been you are grown proud--that you have enstranged educated in an English seminary, presume, under the yourself fra the Macsycophants--have associated with mask of candour, to speak against his native land, your mother's family-with the opposeetion, and with or against my principles.
Eger. I never did nor do I intend it.
ents to abuse the ministry, and settle the affairs of Sir Per. Sir, I do not believe you-I do not believe the nation, when they are aw intoxicated ; and then, you. But, sir, I know your connections and associ- sir, the fellow has aw his wishes and aw bis wants, ates, and I know too, you have a saucy lurking pre- in this world and the next. judice against your ain country : you hate it; yes, your mother, her family, and your brother, sir, have
Enter TOMLINS. aw the same, dark, disaffected rankling; and by that Tom. Lady Rodolpha is come, sir. and their politics together, they will be the ruin of Sir Per. And
lord ? you-themselves—and of aw who connect with them. However, nai mair of that now; I will talk at seryants say.
Tom. Not yet, sir ; he is about a mile behind, the large to you about that anon.—-In the mean while,
Sir Per. Let me know the instant he arrives. sir, notwithstanding your contempt of my advice, and Tom. I shall, sir.
(Exit. your disobedience till my commands, I will convince
Sir Per. Step you out, Charles, and receive Lady you of my paternal attention till your welfare, by my Rodolpha ; and, 1 desire you will treat her with as management of this voluptuary—this Lord Lumber- much respect and gallantry as possible ; for my lord court, whose daughter you are to marry. You ken, has hinted that you have been very remiss as a lover, sir, that the fellow has been my patron above these -So go, go and receive her. five and thirty years.
Eger. I shall, sir. Eger. True, sir.
Sir Per. Vary weel, vary weel ;-a guid lad : go, Sir Per. Vary weel. And now, sir, you see by go and receive her as a lover should. (Exit Egerton.j his prodigality, he is become my dependent; and ac- Hah' I must keep a devilish tight hand upon this cordingly I have made my bargain with him : the fellow, I see, or he will be touched with the patriotie devil a baubee he has in the world but what comes phrenzy of the times, and run counter till aw my dethrough these clutches ; for his whole estate, which signs. "I find he has a strong inclination to have a has three implecit boroughs upon it-mark-is now judgment of his ain, independent of mine, in aw poin my custody at nurse; the which estate, on my litical matters ; but as soon as I have finally settled paying off his debts, and allowing him a life rent of the marriage writings with my lord, I will have a tive thousand pounds per annum is to be made over thorough expostulation with my gentleman, I am till me for my life, and, at my death is to descend till resolved—and fix him unalterably in his political ye and your issue.—The peerage of Lumbercourt, conduct.--Ah! I am frightened out of my wits, Jest you ken, will follow of course'. -So, sir, you see, his mother's family should seduce him to desert to there are three impleecit boroughs, the whole patri- their party, which would totally ruin my whole scheme, mony of Lumbercourt, and a peerage at one slap.-- and break my heart.-A fine time of day for a blockWhy, it is a stroke--a hit-a hit --Zounds ! sir, head to turn patriot—when the character is exploded, a mon may live a century and not make sic an hit marked, proscribed ? Why, the common people, the again.
vary vulgar, have found out the jest, and laugh at a Eger. It is a very advantageous bargain indeed, patriot now-a-days, just as they do at a conjurer, a sir-but what will my lord's family say to it? magician, or any other impostor in society.
Sir Per. Why, mon, he cares not if bis family were am at the devil, so his luxury is but gratified :-only let him have his race-borse to feed his vanity ; bis harridan to drink drams with him, scrat his face, and Sir PERTINAX and Lord LUMBERCOURT. burn his periwig, when she is in her maudlin hysterics—and three or four discontented patriotic depend Lord Lum. Sir Pertinax, I kiss your hand.
RIGHT HONOURABLE FOLLY AND BASE FLATTERY.