"People who will not be well," cried he, beginning to smile" they must be fools indeed. For my part I certainly do think highly of good sense, though I confess I don't care a pin for medicine." 44 influence upon a thinking and well-informed man, who in all things else is as sober as you or I?" "Why," returned he, "" I do not know what you mean by keeping that grave face of yours, but how such a man could be thinking and well informed, unless he is a genius run mad, I cannot imagine. But you are joking, I see, and I like a man of your vein prodigiously. Yes, yes, Doctor, you and I must be friends; I see that." "You do me honour," said I, with an inclination of the head; the unfortunate gentleman, of whom I am speaking, has invited my friendship, but I hardly know what to say to it." Have a care, my good friend," said I, with in- Why, if the man is mad," rejoined my patient, creasing gravity, "how you speak disrespectfully of" it is rather an awkward business. But perhaps pins." He started, but I affected to take no notice you may do something for the poor fellow." of his surprise, and went on :-"These little instruments, formed and perfected by a greater number of hands than would take to write five epic poems, have acted an important part on the theatre of the world, -for not to mention the infinite service they render to our modern fair ones in fixing their shapes and giving them beauties not to be found in nature herself, let it be recollected, that with a pin a Roman Emperor once passed away his leisure hours and diverted his death-dealing qualities from men to flies; let it be recollected, that with a pin the wife of Antony thought herself amply revenged on the fatal eloquence of Cicero, whose tongue she pierced with an hundred wounds; and let it never be forgotten, that in the abbey of Westminster, the repository of England's poets and philosophers, a lady who owed her death to the prick of a pin, owes to it also her immortality.' "Ridiculous enough," cried he, containing himself no longer :-" You see, Doctor, what a fuss these women make about their pins, and I do not wonder you are struck with the folly of the poor things!" "Nay," said I, still keeping my countenance, "you forgot the Roman emperor I mentioned. What will you say, if I show you an instance of sheer misery produced among one's fellow-creatures in familiar life by means of a pin, and this too from its "Your feelings delight me," said I," and I am sure they will not be less well inclined when you hear the whole of my new friend's case."-So saying, I told him how I had been called in by the gentleman's family, and, in fact, commenced his own story in a way which, if it had not been himself that was hearing it, might have been discovered in an instant. It was curious however to hear how he reproached the hero for giving such way to his disorder, and above all, how he pitied those about him, who had to bear so many ill-humours,-not forgetting to laugh in the midst of his comments, and to wonder what ridiculous nonsense could have given rise to such a fit. Seeing him in so fair a way to receive my physic, I then drew out my pocket-book, and from the notes I had made, proceeded to read over to him the list of his own vagaries, commencing regularly with the wig-box as aforesaid. At first, he started somewhat violently; but in a moment looked down with great seriousness, and made every now and then signs of amazement: when I came to the mouthful of hot tea, he could scarcely refrain from laughing; but I observed, that the treatment of his daughter touched him, and at the passage about refusing his friend a little assistance, he shifted uneasily in his chair:-at last, on arriving at the words that ushered in the climax of the account, I stopped very quietly, and unwrapped, one by one, the several papers in my hand, laid it on the table by his side, uttering, as it came in contact with his eye, those melancholy monosyllables-" It was-a Pin!" : For a few moments there was a dead silence; tili my patient looking up, and having, as I saw, no traces of his disorder remaining, exclaimed, My dear Doctor, what must you think of me? What can I think of myself? For it would be worse than affectation in me not to know who is the hero of your story, and worse than stupidity not to make proper account of it.-Nay, nay," continued he, seeing me about to interrupt him, " you shall not soothe down the self-contempt, which at this moment I feel and ought to feel you have probed me deeply, I confess, but you have done your duty, and by the blessing of restored reason, I will do mine." So saying, nothing could hinder him from instantly sending his servant to fetch his wife and daughter-" Or stop," he cried: "I should go to them myself," and after begging the servant's pardon for ringing him up to no purpose, to the great and most respectful admiration of poor John, he requested me to accompany him to the room in which they were sitting. It is needless to recount all the particulars of the meeting, and indeed I should blush to relate the very handsome terms in which he was pleased to introduce me to the ladies as the restorer of their peace and of his senses. The wife looked her thanks delightedly, but had too delicate an affection for her husband to add to his humiliation by fine speeches; but the daughter, who was in the main a very lively girl, and had the loveliest oval face and long black eyes I ever beheld, seemed as if she would fairly have kissed me, and could by no means suffer the servant to hand me any refreshment:-she would do it all herself ;-so that what with my new friend's delight at feeling comfort again, the silent gratitude of his lady, and the lively cordiality of my little Hebe, all humiliations and troubles were quickly forgotten, and we made as pleasant a party at dinner, (for they made me stay dinner,) as was to be found in the whole compass of the metropolis, CURRAN AND THE MINT. When the new Mint was erected on Tower Hill, at an enormous expense, the high price of the precious metais and the existing prospects of the country, rendered the office of the moneyers for a considerable time perfectly sinecure. No gold or silver was brought to the coining press; milling was confined to the pugilists and corn-grinders, and paper usurped the post of cash. At this period the honourable Mr. Wellesley Pole was appointed master of the mint. Upon these circumstances, Mr. Curran observed,-"I am glad to find an Irishman for once at the head of a money-making department; it may afford an additional scene for the Beggar's Opera. For Mat o'the mint, we shall have Pat o'the mint; and as the new establishment is likely to coin nothing but rags, there can be no want of bullion during the reign of beggary," TREASON. During the riots in Dublin, a poor fellow was tried for treason, by conspiring to kill the king; the counsel against him repeated the law, that the king never dies, on which Teague roared out, "Ubo, Boo, my lord, how can I be guilty? Don't you hear what a story that tief of the world makes, for how can I kill a man that never dies!" ON LOVE. Love is an idle, lazy pain, Yet troublesome, and tiresome too; It springs from a lethargic brain, The effect of nothing else to do. Dido by it was not annoy'd, Whilst she was building of her town Her busy thoughts were all employ'd, How to secure and guard her own. But, soon as e'er her work was done, And laziness crept into fashion, She, slighting credit and renown, Submitted to the yawning passion ON A DEFORMED PEER. Made up of impregnated powder and clay, Nature's journeyman sure, when he made him, was The head is so poorly dove-tail'd to the trunk; Or indeed, being perch'd so awry on the shoulder, ON LUCAN. Maro and you experienc'd diff'rent fate, THE KILLING LADY. remonstrate and inveigh against the folly of such a whim, in vain did he warn her of what the neighbours would say; he talked to no purpose, Punch she must have, she could not live without him. "The grey mare was the better horse:"-the magistrate was obliged to comply, and the very next day concluded an expensive treaty with the manager for the purchase of his chief actor. But when Punch was transferred to my lady's chamber, all his faculties failed him, all his vivacity vanished: he could neither talk, joke, laugh, nor amuse, as he was wont. The lady tried to rouse his spirits, she raised one hand, but it fell lifeless by his side; she tried the other, with the same effect; she chucked him under the chin, but his jaw fell again on his breast: and, in short, the lively, facetious, and diverting Mr. Punch became dull and dumb. The secret was, that Mr. Punch was Mopsa, whipping her scarf on, sails away to the not in his proper place, or under the same manage park, And cries, for a Venus I'll pass in the dark. tail, She knows her coarse features may sometimes prevail. Well, the baggage plays arch, thus to wound in the night, Since her face would strike dead, if reveal'd in the light. PUNCH'S SECRET. ment which procured her liking: and quite disappointed, she requested the squire to return him to his former quarters with a handsome present to the manager, who soon restored Mr. Punch to all his former celebrity, and he became as great a favourite with the town as ever. THE MATRIMONIAL LADDER. Admiration. Flirtation. While graceful Chloe leads the gay quadrille, An itinerant manager, with his company of wooden What new sensations Strephon's bosom fili! comedians, large as life, on his arrival sent forth his pic- An introduction gain'd, the youth advances, kle-herring with fife and drum, to announce his perform-And hopes she's disengaged the two next dances. ance: the quality of the place,including the squire, the attorney,the apothecary,the exciseman,and the churchwarden of the village, with their ladies, attended the performance. The Roscius of the drama, Mr. Punch, excited the warmest admiration of the audience, he was all eloquence, wit, and pleasantry, and so fascinated the lady of the squire and chief magistrate in particular, that on her return home, she talked and dreamed of nothing but Mr. Punch, and at last made With favouring smile the fair one hears his prattle, a positive demand of her husband that he should pur-Sips lemonade, and vows he's quite a rattle: chase Mr. Punch from the manager, as an ornament Then, as new raptures rise in every glance, to her cabinet. In vain did her worshipful spouse Exclaims, "I think we'd better join the dance." The suit obtain'd, they tread the mazy round; Declaration. Next morn he calls, (the custom's very old,) Hesitation. While secret joy her soft confusion veils, Irritation. Return'd at eve, unnumber'd queries wait him, Fierce and more fierce the wordy contest grows: "She's sure mamma will think these raptures wild-Each to a separate conch in rage retires, Agitation. With sighs and vows persists the wounded swain, Joy on his lips, and rapture on his tongue, Solemnization. At church arriv'd on some unlucky day, Possession. Her honey-moon and raptures fled together, An evening tête-à-tête you next shall see ; No more a social walk the morn employs, Whence sleep is banished by vexatious fires. Desperation. out of the window, and with a volley of oaths askedance. The journeyman who works on Easter Monan Irish labourer who stood near, why those stones day, even though he were a tailor, should lose his were not removed? "Where can I move 'em to?" caste, and be sent to the Coventry of mechanics"Move them any where-move them to h-." "I think," rejoined Paddy "they'd be more out of your honour's way if I mov'd 'em to heaven." A TAILOR'S REASONS. An Irishman went to an English tailor, and asked how much cloth was necessary for a suit of clothes. He replied twelve yards. Astonished at the quantity, he went to another, who said seven would be quite sufficient. His rage was now kindled against the first tailor, to whom he said "How did you dare, sir, ask twelve yards of broad cloth, to make me what your neighbour says he can do for seven?" "Lord, sir," replied the man, my neighbour can easily do it, he has but three children to clothe, and I have six." WRITTEN ON A PANE OF GLASS IN A COUNTRY INN, TAX. God gave us light, and said that it was good, wherever that may be. In fact, it cannot happen. On Easter Monday ranks change places-Jobson is as good as sir John-the "rude mechanical" is "monarch of all he surveys" from the summit of Greenwich-hill--and when he thinks fit to say, "It is our royal pleasure to be drunk!"—who shall dispute the proposition? Not I, for one. When our English mechanics accuse their betters of oppressing them, the said betters should reverse the old appeal, and refer from Philip sober to Philip drunk; and then nothing more could be said. But now, they have no betters, even in their own notion of the matter. And in the name of all that is transitory, envy them not their brief supremacy! It will be over before the end of the week, and they will be as eager to return to their labour as they now are to escape from it: for the only thing that an Englishman, whether high or low, cannot endure patiently for a week together, is, unmingled amusement. At this time, however, he is determined to try. Accordingly, on Easter Monday all the narrow lanes and blind alleys of our metropolis pour forth their dingy denizens into the suburban fields and villages, in search of the said amusement-which is plentifully provided for them by another class, even less enviable than the one on whose patronage they depend :-for of all callings the poor. During the Monday our determined the most melancholy is that of purveyor of pleasure to holiday-maker, as in duty bound, contrives, by the aid of a little or not a little artificial stimulus, to be Lord Sandwich, after his first day's review at Ports happy in a tolerably exemplary manner. On the mouth, asked a divine, who stood near him, if such Tuesday, he fancies himself happy to-day, because he a profusion of fire and smoke did not put him in mind felt himself so yesterday. On the Wednesday he of hell. "Yes, my Lord," replied the divine, es- cannot tell what has come to him-but every ten pecially as I observed your lordship to be in the midst minutes he wishes himself at home-where he never of it." goes but to sleep. On Thursday he finds out the secret that he is heartily sick of doing nothing, but is ashamed to confess it: and then what is the use of going to work before his money is spent? On Friday he swears that he is a fool for throwing away the AN IRISH KICK. An Irishman, while passing through a street, was insulted by two boys who looked out of a first floor window, and cried, "There goes Paddy, who makes $0 many bulls." The Irishman hearing them, looked up, saying, "You rascals, I know you well enough, and if I had you here, I'd kick you down stairs." WARM COMPLIMENT. THE EASTER WEEK. 44 Now at last the Easter week is arrived, and the poor have for once in the year the best of it-setting all things, but their own sovereign will, at a wise defi |