you said." that?"

"Where I said.

Why where was that you have the oddest phiz, and dress, and dis "Why at the Coffee Mill of the Colonies. course, that ever he saw or heard. That you may Pray, Mrs. Maggots, was you at the play last night?" not be surprised into our company, I give you a No, ma'am, I was at Lady Sugarloaf's last night, it transcript of the rules of our club, very shert, and it was her night." "Her night, what do you mean?" number five; by which you may be determined how Why, every Monday night she gives what the to act. French call a sore eye." "Indeed, why then I would recommend her to rub it with what the English call rose water, every Tuesday morning." Long life to John Bull at Meurice's

May he never feel sorrow or pain,

When he comes there to quaff the pure breezes,
And stroll on the banks of the Seine.

.

ODD FELLOWS CLUB.

By a Member.

There are a set of Odd Fellows of us, in number seven. We meet nightly in a very odd house, in an odd part of the town. Our faces, dress, conversation, and liquor, are all what the world would call odd. Our president, who reigns and has reigned these three weeks and odd, is himself one of the greatest oddities in nature he neither looks, nor speaks, nor thinks, nor dresses, like any creature existing; and I may, in the language of that great odd poet, Mr. Theobald, say

"

Rules and Articles to be observed by the Club of
Odd Fellows.

I. Each person who shall claim a seat in this club,
shall by face, speech, and action, demonstrate some
oddity.

II. This club shall always meet at five in winter, and
seven in summer, and shall sit three hours and odd.
The money they spend not to be limited any other
way than by this certain regulation, that the shil-
lings and pence must be odd.

III. Every member is obliged, on the penalty of 7%
to say at least three odd things every night.
IV. If gaming should be proposed, which ought not
to be done, play at even and odd.

V.

On a scrutiny in the election of a member, the candidates being equal in all other points, be whose christian and surname shall have each an odd letter, shall be elected.

These are our fundamental rules: we have several others. TOM-OUT-OF-THE-WAT

BALLOON SONG.

'Nought but himself can be his parallel." Ben Grubstreet, next to him, is the oddest fellow in our society, and always, in the absence of the As balloons are the subject of every debate, president, is nem. con. preferred to the chair. The From beggars in tatters, to steerers of state; rest of our company are an odd poet, a chymist, a This theme I'll pursue, and jog merrily on; painter, a musician, a mathematician, and a politi-Air balloons are the subject I choose for my song. cian. We have of late come to a resolution to en

Derry down, down, down, derry down.
The Statesman's balloon is the seat of the brain,
His valves are his pockets-his ballast's his gain;
At his wonderful courage plebeians all stare,
While he boldly puffs out his inflammable air.
The Cit's apparatus for filling balloons,
Are provisions and drink, glasses, knives, forks, and
spoons;

large our company, and one extraordinary promising
strange fellow has made application for admittance.
Now, as by his admission our number would be even,
and that we would preserve ourselves as we have
been these fifteen years and odd, it is the will of the
president that I signify to you, as secretary of the
company, that you shall have a right to claim the
ninth seat, he having observed you to have a very
odd turn; and Ben Grubstreet, who meets you fre- Good wine is his gas-which he cheerfully swills,
quently at the coffee-house, declares in your favour, | And his lusty balloon with rich turtle he fills.

The Parson's balloon-- is the pulpit,' you'll say ;
No! no! my good friends-have patience, I pray!
'Tis true that the clergy love preaching-by fits;
But the Parson's balloon is the same as the Cit's.
In Lunardi, our hero, the ladies delight;
On him they make stanzas, of him dream all night:
And with him each fair one would fly to the moon,
While with pleasure to all he displays his balloon.
My aerial theme I'll now bring to an end,
And conclude, as begun, to ballooners a friend;
May the gas which each chooses be finely instill'd,
And our favourite balloons be effectually fill'd.

LECTURE ON ENGLAND, BY A FRENCHMAN.
Ladies and Gentlemen,

one wid the other. If you look in deir dictionary you will find B-o-x, box, to fight wid de fist, every thing in England is decide by the fist. You read in the papier, dat de duchess of B. and lady C. were in one grand box last night at de opera--to accuse de prisoner, de witness box-to find him guilty, de jury box. And dere is one grand day in the year ven dey all go box one wid de other. De postman, de baker, de dustman, de butcher, all fight together, and dis is called grand Christmas-boxing. De English are very much people for trade, dey permit him to sell his wife, dey have considerable trade in wifes. In Smissfield, dey have de cattle-market, and as de vomen are de troublesome cattle, de husband put a halter round her neck, and lead her to Smissfield, and sell In de discourse which I give to you on de top of her; 'tis the same in de every rank of life, for you England, I propose to myself two things-first, I shall read in the journal dat de great lord he lead the shall make you to know de pronunciation most per-great lady to de altar, which mean he put de altar fect of de English language; and next I show to you round her neck, and take her to Smissfield, and sell de custom and manners-by dis I murder two birds her. For de fine art de English are nobody, it is imwith one stone-one petit pierre. I am not liar nor possible, dere is de grand reason; dey eat so much quack, to pretend talk about what he not understand, beef and pudding, and drink and sleep so very much, dat vat I tell to you, in my grand ouvrage, is from de dey have no room in de body for de genius; and it is demonstration ocular, dat is to say, it is all my eye. de rule on de first of September, to shoot de parI call myself Monsieur Charles Guillaume Denise tridge, and on de first of November to shoot himself. de Charlatanville, member of all de academie of De English nation are barbare. France is divided Europe civilized, dat is to say, of de Paris, dat which from de England by one sea. Every nation civilized go to tell you of de manner, de fine art, de polite, come to France for de music, de dancing, de statude society, de literature, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. ary, de painting, de poetry: all the Europe come to I not only learned after I have live a long time in de the grand nation for de every ting. For de literature country, dat is to say, for seven weeks as prisoner of de English are nothing; for de painting dey copy the war, in de prison of Port see mout, but I read it every tableau of Lebrun. For de statuary dey copy de staday in de journal, Anglice, de paper-it is true 1 tuc superb of de garden of the Tuilleries-dey have never was in de capital, but I reside at Portseemouth, their Paradise Lost translated from de Henriade of vich is all de same. I shall begin vid de ladies of de immortal Voltaire, by one Jacky Milton, dey England, dey drink very much gin-and make them-have de Hamlet of Ducis, wid Macbesh and Othello, selves drunk every day. I look from my little prison translated by one Billy Shakspeare. He was a clerwindow and see de ladies of Portscemouth roll about gyman or bishop, I believe, de divine of de politics. de street-derefore it is true ven I say de ladies I shall not say much-dere is two parties in Engof England drink wery mosh gin, and make herself land, one is called tory, and de other de perruque. drunk every day. Every body in England are boxers, Ladies and Messieurs, I have exposed to you my de lady box wid de lady, the gentlemen box wid the grand talent, and for de money I despise it, and if gentleman, and sometime de gentleman and lady box | you attend my lectures, I shall teach you how to

BENEFIT OF CORRECTION.

THE BEST STOCK.

but nobody dared to come near him, or to look that A certain bishop declared one day, that the punish-way, or to make the least noise, he was so touchy. ment used in schools did not make boys a whit bet- In the evening we had company, and then, Lord! ter, or more tractable; it was insisted that whipping Sir, to see how pleasant he was, so smiling and goodwas of the utmost service, for every one must allow it natured to every one that came! Think's I to myself, made a boy smart. who would take you to be such a devil! But I'm told its always the way with these mad people, sir; and Mr. Mitchell, my lord's chaplain, next door, who is a great scholar, says, that you might walk with one of 'em all over London, before you found him out, they're so sly and mysterious. When the ladies and gentlemen were gone he fell into his old way again, not so savage as before, but glumpy and impatient. All this morning you would have thought there was a corpse lying in the house, every body looked so dismal and went about like a ghost. But

Money, they say, is evil's root,

But we most justly doubt it:
Can we expect good thriving fruit,
From any stock without it?

CURE FOR HYPOCHONDRIACS.

Meditating the other evening, at that still and delightful hour, when it is just too dark to read but too light to have candles, I got into one of my usual re-just now he has been getting worse than ever, veries, and fancied that I was a kind of mental doctor, who from being overwhelmed with practice had stolen an hour's slumber after dinner. In the midst of my enjoyment, I thought that a footman came abruptly in to call me to his master, who had been in a dismal way, he told me, ever since the preceding morning, refusing every kind of solace, and giving symptoms of what was apprehended to be insanity. I asked the footman what he had seen of the disorder; and, while I was getting ready to go, he gave me the following relation: "Sir," said he, I have always thought that my master was not quite right; but for these two days he has been worse than ever. Such snapping, and snarling, and kicking this thing and kicking t'other, for all the world as if he had been bit! This morning, I only went to give him his shoes, which never can be polished enough to suit him, and he kicked his slippers off in my face, and asked me whether I meant to ruin him in blacking ? At dinner yesterday he said that the sweet wine was vinegar; broke one of the tumblers and kicked the dog under the table for it; swore that my mistress meant to provoke him because she helped him to all the nicest bits at table; and smacked my young lady's cheek for going out of the room, which he said was fying in his face. Afterwards he grew a little quiet,

and Mrs. Kitty the housemaid says he was heard talking of disinwriting-disinheri-what is it? You know what I mean, sir ;-hindering my young master, the counsellor, from coming to the fortune, and all for not having done something in the law, which they tell me he can't be expected to do as yet, being only forty years old. So my mistress, being frightened more at this than all the rest, thinks he must be mad outright, and has sent me to your honour, to see if any thing can be done."--I was glad to learn from honest John's relation that the fit had not lasted more than two days, since I should not have so much difficulty in tracing it up to its cause, as would have been the case with longer duration. I proceeded as fast as possible to the house; and on seeing his new visitor, the patient did not favour him with the accustomed smiles; he was aware that I understood his malady; and guessing my object, seemed to resign himself to the scrutiny with a kind of patient impatience. After feeling his pulse, examining what muscles had been most affected in his face, and satisfying myself from those about him how he had passed the last forty hours, I was pretty well enabled to follow back the disorder through its various excitements. I traced it speedily from his present fit of disinheriting to a wig-box belonging to his son,

Nile of tears, to the immediate cause of all the taunts, trials, and miseries which a whole family had been suffering for two long days, and which nobody but myself dared to mention to the unhappy being. It was A PIN!-Our hero had taken up the comb to his head, when a pin which had unluckily found its way between the teeth and hung at a right angle from it by the head, gave him a light scratch on the pericranium. "Zounds!" exclaimed the gentleman, turning red. "Bless us!" ejaculated the lady, turning pale ;--and then the said lecture ensued, which put an end to two whole days of goodhumour on his part and an equal holiday of comfort on that of his household.

which happened to have fallen in his way; from the to the grand secret of all,-to the fountain of this wig-box to a snuff-box which he had let fall after dinner; from the snuff-box to an uneasy dozing in his chair: from the dozing in his chair to an enormous meal during which he had abused all that he swallowed; from the enormous meal to a speech made by his wife, who had kindly begged him not to venture so much upon a dish that had disagreed with him; from the speech of his wife to the face of a servant who stood near, and who appeared to him to be laughing in his sleeve; from the servant, after a number of petty turns and stumbling blocks too numerous for detail, to the well-blacked shoes; from the well-blacked shoes, to a hasty mouthful of hot tea; from the hasty mouthful of hot tea to getting up late; from getting up late, which it seems he did I asked whether my patient had any turn for huhalf from sleepiness and half from being ashamed to mour, and understanding that if any thing could get show his face, to restlessness and peevishness all him out of his fits, it was a droll story, a repartee, night; from restlessness and peevishness all night to a stroke of wit, or any other pleasant surprise, I went a hearty supper, which he abused as usual; from the down to his sitting-room with great gravity, holding in hearty supper to another entreaty on the part of his my hand a little packet of many papers curiously wrap. wife-here I lost scent for a time, for as the foot-ped over one another and containing, in the nucleus man had said, he had been uncommonly pleasant or innermost shell, the cause of irritation. At sight during the stay of his company; but I found the link of me, he uttered a half-smothered exclamation of again in the gentleness of his daughter, who had left impatience, and casting down his eyes and turning the room, as the footman related;-from the gentle- aside a little in his chair, began a kind of restless ness of his daughter, who I found was very like her duet between his right leg and his watch-chain. I did mother, I went on with my tracing to the good things not ask him how he felt or whether he was better, to which his wife had helped him at dinner; from well knowing that such questions in such disorders the good things to which his wife helped him at din were something worse than of no use, but striking ner to a glass which he broke in the middle of it; at once into conversation, I remarked how easy the from the broken glass to an agitation of nerves, cure of a malady became when once its origin was arising from a refusal which he had just given an old ascertained friend who wanted to borrow a little money of him; from the refusal given his old friend to the tears and patience of his family all the morning; from the tears and patience of his family to a long lecture which he had been giving them on their want of real attachment to him; from the long lecture he had been giving them to another sulky and peevish breakfast; from the sulky and peevish breakfast to a private mysterious lecture given to his wife before he came down stairs; and, at last, from the private lecture, I came

"Ah." said he, "I put no faith in medicine.”

"And myself little or none," returned I, " particularly in diseases of the mind; but there is one thing in which I put a great deal of faith,-and that is good sense."

He left off his duet, and looked up in my face with less sulkiness of manner, as if he was eager to take to himself a compliment so new to his conscience.

"I do not mean," he rejoined, "to show any disrespect to your profession, Doctor; but you must