« ZurückWeiter »
A PAINTER's ABst RAction.
Sir James Thornhill painted the inside of the
cupola of St. Paul's. After having finished one of the compartments, he began to step back gradually on the scaffold, whereon he was working, to see how it would look at a distance. He receded so far, still keeping his eye steadfastly fixed on the painting, that he had got almost to the very edge of the scaffolding without perceiving it; had he continued to retreat, one half minute more would have completed his destruction— for he must have fallen to the pavement underneath. One of his assistants, who saw the danger of the great artist, instantly sprung forward ; and having a paint-brush in his hand, dipped it in a pot of block paint which stood at hand, and daubing the painting in an instant, spoiled it entirely. Sir James Thornhill, in a transport of rage, ran forward to save the remainder of his painting; he was in a great passion at the poor fellow, and was going to knock him down. “Hold, sir,” cried he, “ look round, see the danger you were in; you were at the extreme edge of the scaffolding; had I called to you, you would certainly have looked round, and the very look of your danger would have made you fall indeed.”—So that there was no other method to save the artist, but by destroying his painting.
TIME At roy Ai, Discription.
The great have always been flattered, but never was adulation carried further than on the part of a lady of honour to queen Anne. ... The queen having asked her what the time was, “Whatever time it may Please your majesty,” was the reply. .
hi arsen, r A it ost.
An English bishop was making a tour to visit his diocese. The weather being extremely sultry, my lord descended from his carriage to enjoy the cool air in a wood by the side of the road. A curate, sorrily mounted, passed by him ; the bishop asked him where he was going. “To Farnham,” answered the poor curate. “In that case, sir,” replied the other in a tone as if he would be condescending, “I beg you to call at the first inn, and order
a good dinner to be provided for me.” “Will your grace dine alone o’’ said the curate, who probably expected an invitation. “Certainly, sir.” The poor curate was a man of wit and fond of a joke: he felt his delicacy wounded by the nature of the commission with which he was intrusted, and to revenge himself, he desired the innkeeper to prepare a dinner of three courses, and an elegant desert for twelve dis. tinguished members of the clergy, with the bishop at their head.
The prelate on his arrival was not a little astonished by so many preparations; but what was his surprise when he saw the bill of fare that had been otdered. He rang the bell and ordered up the host, whom he addressed in a great rage. “Fiow in the name of heaven could you suppose that one person can have need of such an abundance of provisions?” “My lord, your messenger announced twelve persons to me at the least : the bishop of G–.”—“That is myself.”—“The dean of Salisbury.”—“I am the dean.”—“The prebendary of Winchester.”—“I am he also.”—“The vicar of .”—“It is I.”—“The head of the coilege of—.”—“Still that is myself." “The-”—“Stop, stop. I know all the rest of the guests. You may go.”
ODE ON THE BREAKING of A ChiNA QUA Er otg
How weak alas is mortal power
The LAUGhing philosopher.
LETTER or ALLITERATION,
Perceiving your desire to know how I past my time in Pembrokeshire, I here present you with an account of my proceedings in a progress I lately made to a gentleman's house purely to procure a plan of it.
I proceeded in a party of pleasure with Mr. Pratt of Pickton Castle, Mr. Powell of Penaily, and Mr. Pugh of Purley, to go and dine with Mr. Pritchard of Postmain ; which was readily agreed to, and soon put in practice. However, I thought it a proper precaution to post away a person privately to Mr. Pritchard's, that he might provide for us; and we proceeded after him. The town where Mr. Pritchard lives is a poor, pitiful, paltry place, though his house is in the prettiest part of it, and is a prince's palace to the rest. His parlour is of a lofty pitch, and full of pictures of the prime pencils; he has a pompous portico, or pavilion, prettily paved, leading to the parterre; from hence you have a prodigious prospect, particularly pointing towards Percilly Hill, where he propagates a parcel of Portuguese and Polish poultry. The name of his house is Prawsenden, which puzzled me most plaguily to pronounce properly. He received us very politely, and presented us with a plentiful dinner. At the upper end of the table was a pike, with fried perch and plaice; at the lower end pickled pork, pease, and parsnips; in the middle a pigeon-pie, with puff paste; on the one side a potato-pudding; and on the other side pigs' pettitoes. The second course was a dish of pheasants, with poults and plover, and a plate of preserved pine and pippins; another with pickled pod pepper; another with prawns; another with pargamon for a provocative; with a pyramid of pears, peaches, plums, pippins, philbeards, and pistachios. After dinner there was a profusion of port and punch, which proved too powerful for poor Mr. Peter the parson of the parish, for it pleased his palate, and he poured it down by pints, which made him prate in a pedantic pragmatical manner. This displeased Mr. Price the parliament-man, a profound politician ; but he
persisted, and made it a prolix preamble, which
proved his riot, prejudiced and partial against the present people in power. Mr. Price, who is a potent party-man, called him a popish parson, and said he prayed privately in his heart for the Pretender ; and that he was a presumptuous priest, for preaching such stuff publicly. The parson pust his pipe passively for some time, because Mr. Price was his patron ; but at length, losing all patience, he pluckt off Mr. Price's periwig, and was preparing to push it with the point of the poker into the fire; upon which Mr. Price, perceiving a pewter piss-pot in the Passage, presented the parson with the contents in his phiz, and gave him a pat on the pate, the percussion of which prostrated him plump on the pavement and raised a protuberance on his pericranium. This put a period to our proceedings, and patched up a peace; for the parson was in a piteous plight, and had prudence enough to be prevailed upon to cry, “Peccavi "" with a “Parce, precor " and in a plaintive posture to petition for pardon. Mr. Price, who was proud of his performance, pulled him out of the puddle, and protested he was sorry for what had passed in his passion, which was o owing to the provocation given him from some of his preposterous propositions, which he prayed him never to presume to advance again in his presence. Mr. Pugh, who practises physic, prescribed phlebotomy and a poultice to the parson, but he preferred wetted brown paper to any plaster, and then placed himself in a proper position, that the power of the fire might penetrate his posteriors, and dry his purple plush breeches. This pother was succeeded by politics, as Mr. Pulteney, the patriot's patent for the peerage, the kings of Poland, Prussia, Prague, and the Palatine, pandours and partisans, Portsmouth parades, and the presumption of the privateers who pick up prizes almost in our very ports, and places and pensions, pains and penalties. Next came on plays and poetry, the picture of Mr. Pope perched on a prostitute, and the price of the pit, pantomimes, prudes, and the pox, and the primate ef Ireland, and printers, and preferments, pickpockets and pointers; and the pranks of that prig the poet-laureate's progeny, though his papa is the
Perfect pattern of paternal piety. To be brief, I pro
phesy you think I am prolix. We parted at last, but had great difficulty in procuring a passage from Mr. Pritchard, for he had placed a padlock on the stable-door on purpose to prevent us, and pretended his servant was gone out with the key; but, finding us peremptory, the key was produced, and we permitted to go. We pricked our palfreys a good pace, although it was as dark as pitch, which put me in pain, because I was purblind, lest we should ride plump against the posts which are prefixed to keep horse passengers, from going the path that is pitched with pebbles. Mr. Price, who was our pilot, had a very providential escape, for his pad fell a prancing, and would not pass one step farther; which provoked him much, for he piques himself on his horsemanship. I proposed to him to dismount, which he did ; and, peeping and peering about, found he was on the point of a perpendicular precipice, from which he might probably have fallen, had not his horse plunged in that particular manner. This put us all into a palpitation, and we plodded on the rest of the progression, pian piano, as the Italians say, or pazz à pass, as the French phrase has it. I shall postpone several other particulars, till I have the pleasure of passing a day with you at Putney, which shall be as soon as possible. I am, sir, your most humble servant, - Plito Piper. To Mr. Peter Pettiward, at Putney, (Penny-post paid.) GouTY HANns, An individual, whose hands were quite disfigured with the gout, was one day playing with another and gained 1000 crowns from him. “I could console myself,” said the loser in a great rage, “if my money had not been picked up by the ugliest hand I ever saw.” “That is false,” said the winner, “I know one in the company still more ugly.” “Egad," replied the former, “I will bet thirty pistoles that you are wrong.” The other, after having accepted the wager, took off the glove which covered his left hand,
o his adversary was obliged to confess that he had OSt.
phrabawites. Shortly after the publication of the book entitled The Preadamites, by Isaac de la Peyre, of Bordeaux, father Adam, a jesuit, preached a serumon at Paris, in which he compared the Parisians to the Jews who had crucified our Saviour; the queen was compared to the Virgin, and cardinal Mazarine to St John the Evangelist. The queen spoke of this discourse to the prince of Guéméré, and asked him what he thought of it. “Madam, I am a Preadamite,” replied the prince to her majesty, “and I do not think father Adam the first of men.” U PSTARTs, An officer, the son of a courier, thinking that he was not known, passed himself off for a man of quality. Some one, with the design of taking down his ridiculous pride, said to him: “I have heard your father spoken of: he was a man of letters, whose progress was always rapid.” A wit likewise humorously satirized the conceited son of an inn-keeper, by observing to him, “That his father was a very obliging man, that he always gave people an hospitable reception, and that his house was open to every body.” - si Nuu LA R MISTA ke. A courtier was playing at piquet, and was greatly annoyed by a short-sighted man with a long nose. To get rid of it he took his o and wiped his troublesome neighbour's nose. “Ah, sir,” said he immediately, “I really beg your pardon, I took it for my own.” CAPTAIN GODolph I.N. Captain Godolphin was a very odd and stingy man, Who skipper was, as I'm assured, of a schoonerrigg’d West Indiaman; The wind was fair, he went on board, and when he sail'd from Dover, Says he, “This trip is but a joke, for now I'm half seas over !” The captain's wife, she sail'd with him, this circumstance I heard of her, Her brimstone breath, 'twas almost death to come within a yard of her ;
with fiery nose, as red as rose, to tell no lies I'll stoop, She looked just like an admiral with a lantern at his
Oop. Her * from eating junk, and as she was an epicure, She swore a dish of dolphin fish would of her make a happy cure. The captain's line, so strong and fine, had hooked a fish one day, When his anxious wife Godolphin cried, and the dolphin swam away. The wind was foul, the weather hot, between the tropics long she stewed, The latitude was 5 or 6, 'bout 50 was the longitude, When Jack the cook once spoilt the sauce, she thought it mighty odd, But her husband bawl'd on deck, why, here's the Saucy Jack," by G–. The captain sought his charming wife, and whispered to her private ear, “My love, this night we'll have to fight a thumping Yankee privateer.” On this he took a glass of rum, by which he showed his sense; Resolved that he would make at least a spirited defence. The captain of the Saucy Jack, he was a dark and dingy man; Says he, “My ship must take, this trip, this schoonerrigg'd West Indiaman. Each at his gun, we'll show them fun, the decks are all in order: But mind that every lodger here, must likewise be a boarder.” No, never was there warmer work, a least I rather think not, With cannon, cutlass, grappling iron blunderbuss, and stink-pot. The Yankee captain, boarding her cried, either strike or drown ; Godolphin answered, “then I strike" and quickly knocked him down.
* A celebratol American privateer.
PARSox HYDERDINE’s SERMon Pro Fach ED BY HIM BEFOlt E AND AT THE Com MANd of A GANG or THIEVES, AFTER THEY HAD roBBED HIM.
From the original MS. in the Cottonian Library.
I greatly imarvel that any man presume to dispraise thievery, and to think the doers thereof to be worthy of death, considering it is a thing that cometh near unto virtue, being used by many in all countries, and commended and allowed of by God himself; the which thing because I cannot compendiously show unto you at so short a warning, and in so sharp weather, I shali desire you, gentic audience of thieves, to take in good part those things that at this time come into my mind, not misdoubting, but that you, of your good knowledge, are able to add much more ulto it than this which I shall now utter unto you.
First, Fortitude and stoutness of courage, and also boldness of mind, is commended of some men to be a virtue; which being granted, who is it then will not judge thieves to be virtuous 2 for they be of all men most stout and hardy, and most without fear. For thievery is a thing most usual amongst all men; for not only you be here present, but many others in divers places, both men, women and children, rich and poor, are daily of this faculty, as the hangman at Tyburn can testify, and that it is allowed of by God himself, as it is evident in many stories in scripture, for if you look into the whole course of the Bible, you shall find that thieves have been beloved of God; for Jacob when he came out of Mesopotamia did steal his uncle Laban's kids, the same Jacob also stole his brother Esau's bleosing. And yet God said, “I have chosen Jacob and refused Esau "The children of Israel, when they came out of Egypt, did steal the Egyptians' jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, as God commanded them so to do, David, in the days of Abiathar the high-priest, came into the temple, and stole the hallowed bread, and yet God said, “IDavid is a man after mine own heart.” Christ himself when he was here on earth, did take an ass and a colt, that was none of his own, and you know that God said of him, “This is my beloved, in whom I desight.” Thus you may see that God delighteth in thieves. But most of all I marvel that men can des
ise you thieves, whereas in all points almost you be #. unto Christ himself; for Christ had no dwellingplace, no more have you; Christ went from town to town, and so do you; Christ was hated of all men, saving of his friends, and so are you ; Christ was laid wait upon in many places, and so are you ; Christ at length was caught, and so will you be ; he was brought before the judges, and so shall you be; he was accused, and so shall you be ; he was hanged, and so shall you be ; he went down into hell, and so shall you do, marry! In this one thing you differston him; for he rose again, and went into heaven, and so shall you never do, without God's great mercy.
This ended his sermon. They gave him his money again that they took from him, and two shillings to drink, for his discourse.
A young man, to whom Corneille was to give his daughter in marriage, being unable, from the state of his affairs, to carry the match into effect, came one morning to her father's house to inform him of it. He penetrated as far as the poet's study, for the purpose of explaining fully the motives of his conduct. “Well, sir,” replied Corneille, “could you not have communicated all this to my wife without interrupt. ing me? Ascend into her chamber, so I understand nothing about such affairs.”
vix DICATION of INN ocExce.
A young marquis in indifferent circumstances, married a very rich old countess of whose wealth he got entire possession, and he therefore did not hesitate to laugh at her expense among his friends. She too late discovered her fault; but she was less mortified by the contempt of her husband, than tormented by the fear that he raight wish to get rid of her; and finding herself ill one day, she exclaimed that she was poisoned. “Poisoned " said the marquis, in the presence of several individuals, “how can that possibly be Whom do you accuse of the crime!" “You,” replied the old woman. “Gentlemen,” said the marquis, “it is perfectly false. You are quite welcome to open her at once, and you will then discover the calumny,"