THE DEJEUNE. A PINDARIC ODE.

And was the sorrow so profound,

those well-intentioned persons and well-wishers to part to make appear pretended, said to him in a the fund, who having all along paid their subscrip- low tone,-" So, you have the misfortune to be tions regularly, are so unfortunate as to die before deaf, sir?" "Yes, sir.' ""You have great difficulty the six months, which would entitle them to their in hearing?" Yes, sir, very." "And it was not freedom, are quite completed. One can hardly till I raised my voice thus (lowering it still more) imagine a more distressing case than that of a poor that you could hear what I said at all?"« No, sir." fellow lingering on in a consumption till the period of his freedom is almost in sight, and then finding himself going with a velocity which makes it doubtful whether he shall be entitled to his funeral honours: his quota to which he nevertheless squeezes out, to the diminution of the comforts which sickness demands. I think, in such cases, some of the contribution-money ought to revert. With some such modifications, which might easily be introduced, I see nothing in these proposals of Mr. Middleton which is not strictly fair and genteel; and heartily recommend them to all persons of moderate incomes, in either sex, who are willing that this perishable part of them should quit the scene of its mortal activities with as handsome circumstances as possible.

So deep the anguish of despair
Which seized Eliza's bosom fair,
That like a sudden frost it bound
iler utterance, and forbade to flow
The murmuring eloquence of woe?
And for a breakfast ?-No! I must not think
A breakfast o'er that heart could so prevail,
Nor, that the lost delight to cat and drink
Could with such pangs that spirit pure assail;
Though tranced fancy show'd the bliss debarr'd her,
In visonary feast displaying all my larder.

I

Yet well I know-for I beheld,

(Though grief, my stomach's pride defeating,
Forbade me then to think of eating)-

I know for I, with sorrow quell'd,
Sat gazing sad, for many an hour,

The breakfast I might not devour ;

know, how touch'd with hopes unknown before, His cold heart kindling high with amorous wishes, That larder sent forth all his bosom'd store,

Before I quit the subject, I must guard my readers against a scandal which they may be apt to take at the place whence these proposals purport to be issued. From the sign of the First and the Last, they may conclude that Mr. Middleton is some publican, who, in assembling a club of this description at his house, may have a sinister end of his own, altogether foreign to the solemn purpose for which the club is pretended to be instituted. I must set them right by informing His out-spread pride, and pomp of glorious dishes. them, that the issuer of these proposals is no publican, Still, still I see it; nothing else i can see, though he hangs out a sign, but an honest super-While that unparallel'd breakfast floats before my intendant of funerals, who, by the device of a cradle and coffin, connecting both ends of human existence together, has most ingeniously contrived to insinuate, that the framers of these first and last receptacles of mankind divide this our life betwixt them, and that all that passes from the midwife to the undertaker may, in strict propriety, go for nothing: an awful and instructive lesson to human vanity.

ACCOMMODATING DEAFNESS.

Mr. Garrow in examining a witness who happened to be deaf, and whose deafness it was Mr. G.'s

fancy.

I see him-yes, I recognise him;
High 'mid the scene, in kingly state,
Towering from gigantic plate,
Mouth-watering fancy long ng eyes him,
Kingly, yet rob'd but in l. own
Dark richness of deep glowing brown,
The great sirloin of beef.--august he stands,
In his pure native splendour full array'd,
No knife hath touch'd him; never mortal hands
Have dar'd his majesty of form invade,

Ne'er whirl'd to her along the great North road,
Hadst thou a ward of chancery been,
And thou hadst gone off to Gretna Green,
That court had all gone mad, I ween,

not exactly a prison, though a great many great men | them to have half-a-guinea; and I hereby order and reside there. That—umph!—that is the palace of St. direct, that a good boiled ham, a dozen fowls, a sirJames's, where our beloved monarch holds his court," loin of beef, with plumb-puddings, may be provided at "Mon Dieu! dat de grand Palais Royal! sacre the Crown, in Western, for the said eighteen poor Dieu! Stop, sair; I vill take down vat you have people, besides the clerk and sexton. And I allow five say.-St. James live in de black ugly maison of de guineas for the same; and I request and hope they monarque, vid von hundred and seventy leetle rogue, will be as merry and cheerful as possible, for I conall fine scoundrels, vich he feed vid a muffin,-dey ceive it a mere farce to put on the grimace of weepmake de grande retreat and lose dere limb-in de ing, crying, and snivelling, and the like, which can green vat—you call-honeur to Great Britain-lord auswer no good end, either to the living or dead, and Lovet stupid head-put de fleet in prison-Ah! dat which I reprobate in the highest terms.- -Codicil: is good--dat vill do, sair." I desire that after I am buried, there be a cold collation provided at the public-house, a sirloin of beef, potatoes, and a fillet of veal, with plenty of good ale, where I hope they will refresh themselves with decency and propriety. No friends, or relatives whatever to attend my funeral."

"Well, sir, have you made your proper remarks on our wonderful town?"-Sair, l'ave very much vonder at your gay metropolis."

COGENT REASON.

Some comedians had long promised a new piece, in which virtue was personified. A lady of quality who was impatient to see it, asked one of the actors why it was not represented. "We cannot represent it for a fortnight, because the young lady who was to play Virtue, has just been brought to bed."

MARRIAGE PORTION.

A woman of Athens, once asked a Lacedemonian wife, by way of satire, what portion she had given to her husband. "My chastity," was her noble reply.

CONVIVIAL WILL.

Will of Samuel Purlewent, late of Lincoln's Inn, in the county of Middlesex, Esq. deceased, proved Nov. 19, 1792.

"It is my express will and desire that I may be buried at Western, in the county of Somer et, if I die there, if not, to be carried down there, (but not in a hearse,) nor will I have any parade or coach to attend upon me, but let me be carried in any vehicle with all the expedition possible, to Bath, so as the same does not exceed the sum of 254. and when I arrive there, I direct six poor people of Western do support my corpse to the grave, and that six poor women and six poor men of Western do attend me to the grave, and that I may be buried at twelve at noon, and each of

AWKWARD QUESTION.

A French general, who was at once jealous and parasitical, said to the duke d'Enghien, who had just gained the celebrated battle of Rocroi, in 1643.

What will the envious now say of your glory?” “I know not," replied the prince; I should wish to ask you the question."

THE STROLLING MANAGER.

Behold me now at the summit of my ambition, "the high top-gallant of my joy," as Romeo says. No longer a chieftain of a wandering tribe, but a monarch of a legitimate throne, and entitled to call even the great potentates of Covent-garden and Drury-lane cousins. You no doubt think my happiness complete. Alas, sirs! I was one of the most uncomfortable dogs living. No one knows, who has not tried, the miseries of a manager; but above all, of a country manager.-No one can conceive the contentions and quarrels within doors the oppressions and vexations from without. I was pestered with the bloods and loungers of a country town, who infested my green-room, and played the mischief among my actresses. But there was no shaking them off. It would have been ruin to affront them; for though troublesome friends, they would have been dangerous

enemies. Then there were the village critics and village amateurs, who were continually tormenting me with advice, and getting into a passion if I would not take it; especially the village doctor and the village attorney, who had both been to London occasionally, and knew what acting should be.

I had also to manage as arrant a crew of scrapegraces as ever were collected together within the walls of a theatre. I had been obliged to combine my original troop with some of the former troop of the theatre who were favourites of the public. Here was a mixture that produced perpetual ferment. They were all the time either fighting or frolicking with each other, and I scarcely know which mood was least troublesome. If they quarrelled, every thing went wrong; and if they were friends, they were continually playing off some prank upon each other or upon me; for I had unhappily acquired among them the character of an easy, good-natured fellow-the worst character that a manager can possess.

who came down starring, as it is called, from London. Of all baneful influences, keep me from that of a London star. A first-rate actress, going the rounds of the country theatres, is as bad as a blazing comet whisking about the heavens, and shaking fire and plagues and discords from its tail.

The moment one of these "heavenly bodies" ap peared in my horizon, I was sure to be in hot water→ My theatre was overrun by provincial dandies, copperwashed counterfeits of Bond-street loungers, who are always proud to be in the train of an actress from town, and anxious to be thought on exceeding good terms with her. It was really a relief to me when some random young nobleman would come in pursuit of the bait, and awe all this small fry at a distance, I have always felt myself more at ease with a nobleman, than with the dandy of a country town.

And then the injuries I suffered in my personal dignity and my managerical authority, from the visits of these great London actors! Sblood, sir, I was na longer master of myself on my throne. I was hee Their waggery at times drove me almost crazy; tored and lectured in my own green-room, and made for there is ng so vexatious as the hackneyed an absoluted nincompoop on my own stage. There tricks and hoaxes and pleasantries of a veteran band is no tyrant so absolute and capricious as a Londes of theatrical vagabonds. I relished them well enough star at a country theatre. I dreaded the sight of al it is true, while I was merely one of the company, of them, and yet if I did not engage them, I was sur but as manager I found them detestable. They were of having the public clamorous against me. They incessantly bringing some disgrace upon the theatre drew full houses, and appeared to be making my by their tavern frolics, and their pranks about the fortune; but they swallowed up all the profits by country town. All my lectures about the import- their insatiable demands. They were absolute tape ance of keeping up the dignity of the profession and worms to my little theatre; the more it took in the the respectability of the company were in vain. The poorer it grew. They were sure to leave me with an villains could not sympathize with the delicate feel-exhausted public, empty benches, and a score or two ings of a man in station. They even trifled with the of affronts to settle among the town's folk, in conse seriousness of stage business. I have had the whole quence of misunderstandings about the taking of piece interrupted, and a crowded audience of at least places. twenty-five pounds, kept waiting, because the actors had hid away the breeches of Rosalind; and have known Hamlet to stalk solemnly on to deliver his soliloquy, with a dishclout pinned to his skirts. Such are the baleful consequences of a manager's getting a character for good nature.

I was intolerably annoyed, too, by the great actors

But the worst thing I had to undergo in my managerical career was patronage. Oh, sir! of all things deliver me from the patronage of the great people of a country town. It was my ruin. You must know that this town though small, was filled with feuds, and parties, and great folks; being a busy little trading and manufacturing town. The mischief was