PROLOGUE TO THE TRIP TO PARIS.

France.

people formerly, that loved their country, that did | Prussia, and the empress of Russia; the nabob of every thing for the good of their country; there were Arcot, and the king of the Hottentots, are all in the your Alexander the Great loved his country, and Protestant interest; they make a diversion upon all Julius Cæsar lov'd his country, and Charles of the cham of Tartary's back settlements; then Sir Sweedland lov'd his country, and Queen Semerimiss, Guy Carleton comes with a circumbendibus, and reshe lov'd her country more than any of 'em; for she takes all the islands; Rhode Island and all; and invented solomon gundy; that's the best eating in takes 'em here, and there, and there, and here, and the whole world. Now, I'll show you my plan of everywhere;--there is the whole affair explained at operations, Mr. Costive; we'll suppose this drop of once to you." punch here to be the main ocean, or the sea; very well-these pieces of cork to be our men of war; very well-now where shall I raise my fortifications? In former times there liv'd one Aristotle, I wish I had Mr. Major Moncrieff here; he's the Who, as the song says, lov'd, like me, his bottle. best in the world at raising a fortification.---Oh! I To Alexander Magnus he was tutorhave it, we'll suppose them to be all the strong forti- (An't you surpris'd to hear the learned Shuter?) fied places in the whole world; such as Fort Omoa, But let that rest-a new tale I'll advance, Tilbury Fort, Birgin op zoom, and Tower Ditch, and A tale ?-no, truth! mun-I'm just come from all the other fortified places all over the world. Now, I'd have all our horse-cavalry wear cork waistcoats, From Paris I came; why I went there, no matter, and all our foot infantry should wear air jackets. I'm glad that once more I'm on this side the water: Then, sir, they'd cross the sea before you could say 'Twas to win a large wager that hurry'd me over; Jack Robinson; and where do you think they should But I wish'd to be off when I came down to Dover. land, Mr. Costive; whisper me that; Ha!-What? To swallow sea-water the doctors will tell ye, -When?-How?-You don't know-How should But the sight of such water at once fill'd my belly; you?-Was you ever in Germany or Bohemia?-They who choose it for physic may drink of the sea, Now, I have; I understand jography; now they But only to think on't is physic for me. should land in America, under the line, close to the South-pole; there they should land every mother's bale of 'em; then there's the Catabaws, and there's the Catawawes; there's the Cherokees, and there's the ruffs and rees; they are the four great nations; then I takes my Catabaws all across the continent, from Jamaica to Bengal; then they should go to the Medeteranian. You know where the Medeteranian is?--No, you know nothing; I'll tell you; the Medeteranian is the metropolis of Constantinople; then I'd send a fleet to blockade Paris till the French king had given up Paul Jones; then I'd send for Genr'll Clinton and Col. Tarleton; and-Where was I, Mr. Costive? With Col. Tarleton.-Thank ye-so I was; but you are so dull, Mr. Costive, you put me out.--Now, I'll explain the whole affair to you; you shan't miss a word of it-Now, there is the king of

When first I went on board, Lord! I heard such a racket,

Such babbling and squabbling, 'fore and aft', through
the packet;

The passengers bawling, the sailors yo-ho-ing,
The ship along dashing, the winds aloft blowing;
Some sick and some swearing, some singing, some
shrieking.

Sails hoisting, blocks rattling, the yards and booms
creaking;

Stop the ship!-but the tars, never minding our

cases,

Took their chaws, hitch'd their trowsers, and grinn'd in our faces,

We made Calais soon, and were soon set on shore, And I trode on French ground, where I ne'er trode before.

THE SURLY GRUMBLER

The scene was quite chang'a, 'twas no more yo, yo-ho, With damme Jack, yes, boy--or damme Tom, no! Grumbling is a complaint without fit cause: the 'Twas quite t'other thing, mun, 'twas all complai-grumbler is one who, if his friend send him some delicacy from a feast, says to the bearer, "Ah, you envied me your black broth and your paltry wine, and so I was not asked to dinner." If his mistress

sance;

With cringes and scrapes we were welcom'd to France;
Ah, Monsecr Angloy—they cry'd—be on ven nu,
Tres umble servant, sir, we glad to see you.
I ne'er met such figures before in my rambles,
They flock'd round my carcass like flies in the

bles:

To be crowded amongst them at first I was loth,
For fear they should seize me, and souse me for broth.
At last, tho' they call'd me my Lor Angleterre,
(Lord, had you then seen but my strut and my stare!)
Wee, wee, I cry'd, wee then-and put on a sword;
So at once Neddy Shuter turn'd into a lord.
I expected at France all the world and his wife,
But I never was balk'd so before in my life:

kiss him, he says, "You do not love me in your heart." He is angry at a shower, not because it sham-rains, but because it is too late for him. If he finds a purse," I never," he exclaims, "find a treasure in it." When he has purchased, after a long bargaining with the seller, a slave at his proper price, " It will be very wonderful," he says, "if I have bought any thing good at such a rate." To the bearer of the good news that a son is born to him, "If you added," he replies, "that half my substance is gone, you would have told the truth." Though he gain his cause triumphantly, he is angry with his counsel for omitting many strong points in his favour. His friends contribute a sum of money in loan to relieve his necessities, and one of them bids him now to be of good cheer: "How can 1," he cries, "when I must pay back the money to each of them, and besides that. owe them a debt of gratitude for the obligation."

I should see wonders there, I was told by Monseer;
So I did, I saw things there were wonderful queer;
Qucer streets, and queer houses, with people much

queerer,

Each one was a talker, but no one a hearer.

I soon had enough of their pallovousee,
It's a fine phrase to some folks, but nonsense to me.
All folks are there dress'd in a toyshop like show,
A hodge-podging habit 'twixt fiddler and beau;
Such hats, and such heads too, such coats and such
skirts-

They sold me some ruffles-but I found the shirts.
Then, as to their dinners, their soups, and their
stewings,

One ounce of meat serves for ten gallons of brewings;
For a slice of roast beef how my mind was agog!
But for beef they produc'd me a fricasee'd frog:
Out of window I toss'd it, it wan't fit to eat,
Then down stairs I jump'd, and ran into the street,
'Twas not their palaver could make me determine
To stay where I found it was taste to eat vermin.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN A LUNATIC.

It has been decided that a commission of lunacy must not be specially returned, the subject of must be found mad, or not mad; and in Brown's Abridgement there is a case mentioned, where a inan, on an

quest of idiotey, was returned an unthrift and not an idiot, and where, in consequence, no farther proceedings were had. But why did they not try to make him a lunatic? Half the unthrifts in this great town might readily be found so. Let us turn to Harrison's Practice of the Court of Chancery, and see what is necessary in order to procure a com mission of lunacy.

"The method of procuring the commission of lu

Frogs in France may be fine, and their Grand Mo-nacy," says the book, "is first by two or more per

narque clever;

I'm for beef, and king George, and old England for

ever.!

sons making an affidavit, setting forth the state and condition of the lunatic, with some few instances of his declarations and actions, to show their benef of

his being a lunatic, and incapable of governing him self or his estate."

44

so accurately imitated in all their vulgar habits, that he actually took lessons of one of them in the art of There is a man driving about town, whom is firmly squirting his spittle through his teeth, but the teeth believed to be "a lunatic, and incapable of governing of the said C. D. not readily accommodating themhimself or his estate ;" and though he is concluded selves to the manoeuvre, he had them filed till to be "a lunatic," because he is so decidedly "in- they did,-and that at last, the said C. D. so far capable of governing himself and his estate;" rather bettered the instructions of the said stage-coachmen, than "incapable of governing himself and his estate," that one of them was heard to declare, that he must because he is "a lunatic," yet this same affidavit cut Squire D., for that he was such a blackguard; will require some few instances of his declarations that when he, the said C. D., was at one time conand actions" to be specified. Another person coula fined for debt within the Rules of the King's Bench readily be procured to join in the affidavit. The Prison, he hired the most expensive lodgings he could Book of Practice proceeds:procure, and never gave such large and extravagant dinner-parties as he did at those lodgings, and that he did not upon that occasion think proper to put down his tandem or discharge his grooms, but used to drive about within the said Rules in his usual equipage; that one day, after dining sumptuously in the said Rules, he, the said C. D., spent his last halfguinea in the purchase of a pineapple to flavour his punch with its juice; and that he, the said C. D., once said to this depouent E. F., who was remonstrating with him upon his extravagance, and warning him how short a time it could last, since nearly the whole of his property was mortgaged or pledged as security, "If I am to burn, I'll make a blaze; if I am to be buried, I'll kick up a dust."

The affidavit may be in this manner : "E. F. of, &c., and G. H. of, &c., severally make oath and say, that they, these deponents, for the space of one year last past, have known and been well acquainted, and frequently discoursed, with C. D. of, &c. And these deponents further severally say, that within the space of last past, they have, by frequently observing the behaviour, words, and ac tions, of the said C. D., looked upon him to be a per, son deprived of his reason and understanding in a very great degree."

This may very safely be said.

"And this deponent E. F. saith, that, &c. (Set forth some of the most notorious acts, incoherences, and irrational discourses.)"

This request can easily be complied with. "And this deponent E. F. saith," then, "that although the said C. D. is possessed of property to the amount of only three hundred pounds per annum, he bath for one whole year kept a tandem and two grooms, and that his whole stud consisteth of four horses; and that he, the said C D., renteth chambers in Albany Buildings, Piccadilly, in the city of Westminster, in the county of Middlesex, and is in the habit of faring sumptuously every day at a certain tavern called Stevens's Hotel, in Bond-street, in the said city of Westminster, and county of Middlesex; that when he, the said C. D., was at the University of Cambridge, he used to spend all his time with the drivers of the stage-coaches of that town, whom he

And these deponents further severally say, that they believe the said C. D. is in no ways capable of governing himself or his estate." "E. F. "Sworn the

day of Public

commission in nature of a writ de lunatico inquiUpon an affidavit like this, is a petition for the rendo" presented to the Lord Chancellor, who usually grants it as a matter of course.

THE PIG IN A POKE; OR, THE DOUBLE
METAMORPHOSIS.

A farmer's lease contain'd a flaw;
To mend it, he appeal'd to law.
Dear bought experience told him plain,
That 'aw without a fee was vain;