FALSTAFF.

The character of Sir John Falstaff is made up by Shakspeare wholly of incongruities :-a man at once young and old, enterprising and fat, a dupe and a wit, harmless and wicked, weak in principle and resolute by constitution, cowardly in appearance and brave in reality; a knave without malice, a liar without deceit; and a knight, a gentleman, and a soldier, without either dignity, decency, or honour: this is a character, which, though it may be decompounded, could not have been formed, nor the ingredients of it duly mingled, upon any receipt whatever : it required the hand of Shakspeare himself to give to every particular part a relish of the whole, and of the whole to every particular part;-alike the same incongruous, identical, Falstaff, whether, to the grave chief justice, he vainly talks of his youth, and offers to caper for a thousand; or cries to Mrs. Doll, "I am old, I am old," though she is seated on his lap, and he is courting her for busses.

"

mer if you like, can't hurt me, there's muscle." Are you inclined to go up, major?" "Up! What in that thingumy, a balloon? why I can walk up higher than you'll go in that thing. When I was in India, I walked up an inaccessible mountain ;walked for five days running, four hours every day; took me seven days coming down; run the whole of the last day, and danced at the governor's ball at night. Upon my life it's true; what will you lay it's a lie?" But now, major, you have an opportunity of purchasing notoriety at prime cost.""Prime cost, trouble you not to mention prime cost." "Why?" "I tell you what: a few weeks ago I bought a Tilbury at prime cost. As I was driving through the streets of London, a beautiful blood mare down Hayhill." "Sire Munchausen, I suppose." "Poh, don't be foolish well, sit, I was driving at the rate of nine and twenty miles an hour." Nine and twenty, D——e, do surely major." you doubt me. I repeat it, nine and thirty miles an hour. Well, sir, I was driving at the rate of nine and forty miles an ON A CELEBRATED PHYSICIAN, WHO THOUGH NOT A hour, my usual pace, I met an infernal coal cart,"

GOOD SHOT, WAS A GREAT SHOOTER.

Doctor-all game you either ought to shun,
Or sport no longer with th' unsteady gun:
But, like physicians of undoubted skill;
Gladly attempt what never fails to kill;
Not lead's uncertain drop, but physic's deadly pill.

MAJOR LONGBOW.

Major Longbow was the most poetical proser of his day, a complete egotist; his subject himself; his maxim, I by myself I; and called by his friends the modern Munchausen; and has been, as he said, at every battle from the taking of Seringapatam to the O. P. war at Covent-garden theatre. But his maxims are not to be told, let him speak for himself in the following dialogue :- -"How do you do, major ?" "How do I do; how should I do! eh? Better than any man living-there's muscle, strongest man living. How do I do, poh! no man so well as I am. I am reckoned the finest piece of anatomy that was ever sent upon the face of the earth. Upon my life it's true; what will you lay it's a lie? Hit me with a sledge ham

44

seven horses in a string, all as fat as Falstaff, crash goes my wheel against the coal-cart-upset me-and away went poor prime cost into a million of shivers ; up spins I-made three somersets in the air-came feet foremost through the bow window of the pastry cook's' shop, corner of Berkley-street, flat upon my feet, and said with the utmost coolness to Mrs. Gunter, who was seated behind her own counter, Madam, your most obedient, how do you do? never saw a woman more astonished-Was'nt hurt a bit; there's muscle.--Upon my life it's true; what will you lay it's a lie."

THE COUNTY JUSTICE.

Now justices of peace must judge all pieces
Of mischief of all kinds, and keep the game
And morals of the country from caprices

Of those who have not a licence for the same
And of all things, excepting tithes and leases,
Perhaps these are most difficult to tame
Preserving partridges and pretty wenches
Are puzzles to the most precautious benches.

NEWSPAPER INNOVATIONS.

males;" should they by any accident have a prospect perhaps are more striking than those which have re-lords." Child-murder is elegantly termed "infanAmongst all the improvements of the age, none of becoming mothers, we are informed "that they are in a way that ladies wish to be who love their ticide;" and when it is punished capitally, we hear, not that the unnatural mother was hanged, but that "the unfortunate culprit underwent the last sentence of the law, and was launched into eternity."

cently been made, and indeed are at present making,
in the language of ordinary life. Who in these days
ever reads of boarding-schools?—Nobody: they are
transformed into academies for boys and seminaries
for girls; the higher classes are "Establishments ;"
a coach-maker's shop is a Repository for Car-
riages;" a milliner's a "Depot," a thread-seller's
"Medical
an Emporium." One buys drugs at a
Hall, wines of a Company," and shoes at a
"Mart," blacking is dispensed from an "Institu-
tion," and meat from a Purveyor."

a

No person reads in the newspapers, that a house has been burnt down: he perhaps will find "that the house fell a sacrifice to the flames." In an account of a launch we learn, not that a ship went off the slip without any accident, but that she glided securely and majestically into her native element,' the said native element being one in which the said ship never was before.

Instead of reading in our newspapers, that after ball the company did not go away till daylight, we To send for a surgeon if one's leg be broken, is out are told that the joyous group continued tripping may be despatched on the light fantastic toe until Sol gave them warning of the question; a man indeed “ to depart." If one of the company happened on his for medical aid." There are now no public singers at way to tumble into a ditch, we should be informed tavern dinners--they are "the professional gentlethat his foot slipped, and he was immersed in the men;" and actors are all "professors of the histrionic art. Widows themselves are scarce: these are all liquid element." A good supper is described as interesting relicts ;" and as for nursery-maids, they making the tables groan with every delicacy of young the season." A crowd of briefless lawyers, unbe- are now a days universally transformed into " nificed clergymen, and half-pay officers, are enume-persons who superintend the junior branches of the rated as a " host of fashion" at a watering-place, family " where we are also informed that ladies, instead of taking a dip before breakfast, "plunge themselves fearlessly into the bosom of Neptune."

66

MATCH MAKING.

THE WORLD.

Lord Chesterfield being told that a certain tera gamester; A sheep killed by lightning is a thing unheard of: magant and scold was married to the animal may be destroyed by the "electric fluid;"replied, "that cards and brimstone made the best but, even then, we sould not be told that it was matches." dead: we should be informed that "the vital spark had fled for ever." If the carcass were picked up by a carpenter or shoemaker, we never should hear that a journeyman tradesman had found it: we should be told that its remains had been discovered by an operative artisan."

All little girls, be their faces ever so plain, pitted or pitiable, if they appear at a public office to complain of robbery, or ill-treatment, are invariably intelligent and interesting;" if they have proceeded very far in crime, they are called "unfortunate fe

There was formerly a club held at the King's Head in Pall Mall, arrogantly called "The World." Epigrams were proposed to be written on the glasses, by each member after dinner; once when Dr. Young was invited thither, the doctor would have declined writing, because he had no diamond: Lord Stanhope lent him his, and he wrote immediately

Accept a miracle, instead of wit;

See two dull lines, with Stanhope's pencil writ."

To inter a poor baby with as much speed as may be, Can't continue an hour, but is cut down like a flower,