THE SCRIBBLERUS CLUB. DEAN SWIFT. An accomplished and beautiful new-married lady, being once in company with Swift, spoke of her husband in very high terms, and, as the dean thought, gave him rather more praise than he deserved; he, however, let it pass; but, finding her disposed to renew the subject on another occasion, he changed it, by the following elegant impromptu : You always are making a god of your spouse; Perhaps you will say, 'tis to gratitude due, A CATCH. A musical gentleman, while performing, was ar rested by two bailiffs, who requested him to join them in a trio." I should rather imagine (said the unfortunate gentleman) you wish for a catch." DAILY MORTIFICATIONS IN DRESS. The Scribblerus Club, which consisted of Pope, Gay, Swift, Arbuthnot, Parnell, &c. &c. when the members were in town, were seldom asunder, and they often made excursions together into the country, and generally on foot. Swift was usually the butt of the company, and if a trick was played, he was always the sufferer. The whole party once agreed to walk down to the house of lord B- whose seat was about twelve miles from town. As every one agreed to make the best of his way, Swift, who was remarkable for walking, soon left all the rest behind him, fully resolved, upon his arrival, to choose the best bed for himself, for that was his custom. very In the mean time Parnell was determined to prevent his intentions, and, taking a horse, arrived at lord B's by another way, long before him. Having apprized his lordship of Swift's design, it was re solved, at any rate, to keep him out of the house, but how to effect this was the question. Swift never had the small-pox, and was very much afraid of catching it as soon, therefore, as he appeared striding along, at some distance from the house, one of his lordship's sevants was despatched to acquaint him, that the My shoemaker always gives me boots which pinch small-pox was then making great ravages in the fa- my ancle, and are too wide in the calf of the leg.mily, but that there was a summer-house with a field His shoes are too tight at the toe, while at the heel I bed at his service, at the end of the garden. There am slip-shod. Nevertheless he is called an excellent the disappointed dean was obliged to retire, and take workman. My tailor, though a very celebrated man, a cold supper that was sent out to him, while the rest makes me coats which slip from my shoulders; if I were feasting within. However, at last they took button them they confine my breast, though I have a compassion on him, and upon his promising never to particular dislike to that; but at the bottom they are choose the best bed again, they permitted him to make quite slack, though I particularly wish to have them one of the company. There is something satisfac-tight round my middle. Notwithstanding all this, tory in these accounts of the follies of the wise; they every one says how well my clothes are made, begive a natural air to the picture, and reconcile us to cause they only see, while I feel.-My seamstress, our own. There have been few poetical societies whatever directions I give her on the subject, has a more talked of, or productive of a greater variety of strange predilection for making the collars of my whimsical concerts, than this of the Scribblerus Club; shirts too high, my washerwoman starches them, and but how long it lasted is not known. The whole of all day long they fret me, and rub the skin off my Parnell's poetical existence was not of more than ears.-My hatter takes the size of my head with greateight or ten years continuance; his first excursion to care, and yet he always sends me hats which are too England began about the year 1706, and he died small; I order light hats, and he sends me heavy in the year 1718, so that it is probable the club ones; I ask to have the brims made flat, and he sends began with him, and his death ended the connection. ] them always turned up. THE PARTNERSHIP. REJECTED LOVE. thousand pities to defraud him of a single stroke.". The marquis Della Scalas, an Italian nobleman, "And pray, honest friend," said the marquis, "who is having invited the neighbouring gentry to a grand this partner?"-" Your porter, my lord," answered entertainment, some of the company arrived very the fisherman, "who keeps the outer-gate, and reearly, to pay their respects to his excellency. Soon fused to admit me, unless I would promise him half after, the steward entering the dining-room in a great what I should obtain for the fish."-"Ho! ho!" hurry, told the marquis that there was a most won-exclaimed the marquis, laughing heartily," by the derful fisherman below, who had brought one of the blessing of heaven, he shall have double his demand finest fish in all Italy; for which, however, he de- in full tale!" The porter was accordingly sent for; manded a most extravagant price. 66 Regard not his and, being stripped to the skin, two grooms were price," cried the marquis; "pay him the money directed to lay on with all their might till he had directly."-"So I would, please your highness, but fairly received what he was so well entitled to. The he refuses to take any money. - "What, then, marquis then ordered his steward to pay the fisherwould the fellow have ?"-" A hundred strokes of man twenty sequins; desiring him to call annually the strappado on his bare shoulders, my lord; he says for the like sum, as a recompense for the friendly he will not bate a single blow." On this the whole service he had rendered him. company ran down stairs, to see so singular a man. "A fine fish!" cried the marquis : "what is your demand, my friend?"-" Not a quatrini, my lord," answered the fisherman: "I will not take money. If your lordship wishes to have the fish, you must order me a hundred lashes of the strappado on my naked back; otherwise I shall apply elsewhere."-" Rather than lose the fish," said the marquis, "we must e'en let this fellow have his humour.- Here!" cried he, to one of his grooms, "discharge this honest man's demand, but don't lay on too hard; don't hurt the poor devil very much!" The fisherman then stripped, and the groom prepared to execute his lordship's orders. 66 Now, my friend," said the fisherman, "keep an exact account, I beseech you; for I don't desire a single stroke more than my due." The whole company were astonished at the fortitude with which the man submitted to the operation, till he had received the fiftieth lash; when, addressing himself to the servant-" Hold, my friend," cried the fisherman, "I have now had my full share of the price." Your share!" exclaimed the marquis; "what is the meaning of all this ?"-" My lord," returned the fisherman, "I have a partner, to whom my honour is engaged that he shall have his full half of whatever I receive for the fish; and your lordship, I dare venture to say, will by and by own that it would be a I prithee send me back my heart, Why then shouldest thou have mine? To find it were in vain, Would steal it back again. If thus our breasts you sever? I cannot find it out; For when I think I'm best resolved, HAMLET'S REFLECTIONS ON YORICK'S SCULL. Grave-digger. A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! he poured a flagon of Rhenish on my head once. This same scull, sir, was Yorick's scull, the king's jester. Ham. This? [Takes the scull. Grave-digger. E'en that. Ham. Alas! poor Yorick !-I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest; of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips, that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chapfallen? Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come; make her laugh at that. THE BREWER AND NEGRO. A brewer in a country town Had got a monstrous reputation; And painting it on every shutter; And tho' some envious folks would utter But one who had an ugly knack Having to cross the vat aforesaid, Like Clarence in his butt of Malmsey. In all directions round about The negro absentee was sought, That our fat Black was now Brown Stout, They settled that the negro had left Until the lees flow'd thick and thicker, I always knew the fellow drank hard, Had help'd to drain the vat so dry, Came to demand a fresh supply. Of the last beer to the ensuing, But where am I to find a Black, And boil him down at every brewing? CURE FOR GAMING. Tom King meeting with a sporting gentlemen under the Piazza, in Covent Garden, they retired to an adjacent tavern to take a main at hazard for five guincas. Tom soon lost his first stake, and with much resignation cat his supper and drank his bottle. His adversary, however, after supper, proposed to him a second main, which Tom at first refused engaging in, saying he had not, he believed, money enough about him to answer the bet; but this was overruled by his adversary replying, his word was sufficient for a hundred.-They renewed the party, THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER. CLERICAL COMPLIMENT. Dr. Balguy, a preacher of great celebrity, after having preached an excellent discourse at Winchester All wisdom is cathedral, the text of which was sorrow," received the following eloquent compliment from Dr. Wharton, then at Winchester school:--If what you advance, dear doctor, be true, That wisdom is sorrow,-how wretched are you?" and in a few hours Tom won two thousand four hun- | like an echo, always to have the last word.-Thirdly, dred guineas. Tom's wife had sat up all night as she should be like a town-clock, always keep time usual, after having sent every where in search of him, and regularity; but she should not be like a townwithout being able to gain any tidings; when he re- clock, to speak so loud that all the town may hear turned from his lucky vigil. Her inquiries were na- her. turally very pressing, to know where he had been, and what had kept him out so long; to all which he made no other answer than very peremptorily saying, Bring me a bible."-"A bible!" she re echoed with some ejaculation, "I hope you have not poisoned yourself?"- Bring me a bible," continued Tom I suppose," she resumed, "you've lost some great sum-never mind, we can work for more.' Bring me a bible, I say," still uttered Tom.-" Good Lord, "I don't what can be the matter?" said Mrs. King. believe there's such a thing in the house, without it be in the maid's room." Thither she went, and found part of one, without a cover; when, having brought it to Tom, he fell upon his knees, and made a most fervent oath never to touch a die or card again; whilst she all the time endeavoured to alleviate his grief, of which she considered this as the effusion, owing to some very considerable loss. When he had finished, and rose-up, he flung fourteen hundred pounds in bank-notes upon the table, saying, "There, my dear, there's fourteen hundred pounds for you I've won tonight, and I shall receive a thousand more by tomorrow noon, and I'll be d-d if I ever risk a guinea of it again." LOOSE READINGS. A literary lady expressing to Dr. Johnson her approbation of his Dictionary, and in particular her satisfaction at his not admitting into it any improper words. "No, Madam," replied he " hope I have not soiled my fingers: I find, however, that you have been looking for them." FASHIONABLE DINNER PARTY. Thus to his mate Sir Robert spoke- "" A good wife should be like three things, which" three things she should not be like:-First-she should" be like a snail, always keep within her own house; but she should not be like a snail, to carry all she has upon her back.-Secondly, she should be like an echo, to speak when she is spoke to: but she should not be Who next?" "Sir James and Lady Dunn." A couple, with one child, are sure I view'd them with abhorrence." "Why so?"-" Why, since they've come from Lisle, But, on the night, with seeming hearts, (Which they call Leel) they bore our isle With Brussels, Tours, and Florence." "Where could you meet them ?"- "At the Nore." "Who next!"" The Lanes." more, Lieutenant General Dizzy." "We want two "He's deaf." "But then he'll bring Tom White." "True! ask them both: the boy's a bite; We'll place him next to Lizzy." 'Tis seven-the Hursts, the Dunns, Jack Yates, The Grants assemble: dinner waits : In march the Lanes, the Gatties: Yates carves the turbot, Lane the lamb, All trot their hobbies round the room; They talk of dances, operas, dress, The warring tribe their several parts Enact with due decorum. Such is the gulf that intervenes 'Twixt those who get behind the scenes, And those who sit before 'em! THE CAPTAIN'S WHISKERS. By Mr. Holcroft. A Swiss captain of grenadiers, whose company had been cashiered, was determined, since Mars had no more employment for him, to try if he could not procure a commission in the corps of Venus; or in other words, if he could not get a wife: and as he had no fortune of his own, he reasoned, and reasoned very rightly, that it was quite necessary his intended should have enough for them both. The Captain was one of those kind of heroes, to whom the epithet of hectoring blade might readily be applied. He was near six feet high, and wore a long sword, and a fierce cocked hat: add to which, that he was allowed to have had the most martial pair of whiskers of any grenadier in the company to which he belonged. To curl these whiskers, to comb and twist them round his fore-finger, and to admire them in the glass, formed the chief occupation and delight of his life. A man of these accomplishments, with the addition of bronze and rodomontade, of which he had a superfluity, stands, at all times, and in all countries, a good chance with the ladies, as the experience of I know not how many thousand years has confirmed. Accordingly, after a little diligent attention, and artful inquiry, a young lady was found, exactly such |