How well he carves !-he's named by will
My joint executor--the papers
Say Noblet's coming to fulfil

Some mint-sauce, and a few more capers-
Lord Byron's cantos-where's the salt?
This trifle makes us lick our lips;
Angel's syllabubs some exalt,

But Birch is surely best for whips.-
Nice chickens-Mrs. Fry must carry

A tender heart-but toughish gizzard→ Do stick your fork in-little Harry

Knows all his letters down to izzard.There's tripple Ex-fine calf's head

What's your gown made of?-currant jelly : Fat Mrs. Fubbs they say is dead

A famous buttock-vermicelli

Black puddings-pepper'd-dish'd-Belzoni ;-
A glass of-Probert's pond with Thurtell ;-
Lord Petersham-bad macaroni ;-

She's a most loving wife-mock-turtle.-
Yes, Miss-pig's face-had caught his eye,
She loved his-mutton chops-and so
They jumped into—a pigeon pie,

Some kissing crust-and off they go.
I eat for lunch-a handkerchief-
A green goose-lost at Charing-cross;

I seiz'd the rascal-collared beef

St. James's-square, called Almack's. The proprietor of the mansion is named Willis. Six lady patronesses, of the first distinction, govern the assembly. Their fiat is decisive as to admission or rejection: consequently "their nods men and gods keep in awe.' The nights of meeting fall upon every Wednesday during the season. This is selection with a vengeance: the very quintessence of aristocracy. Threefourths even of the nobility knock in vain for admission. Into this sanctum sanctorum, of course, the sons of commerce never think of intruding on the sacred Wednesday evenings: and yet into this very "blue chamber," in the absence of the six necromancers, have the votaries of trade contrived to intrude themselves. The following are the particulars.

At a numerous and respectable meeting of tradesmen's ladies, held at the King's-Head Tavern in the Poultry, Lady Simms in the chair, it was resolved, in order to mortify the proud flesh of the six occidental countesses above alluded to, that a rival Almack's be forthwith established, to meet on every Friday evening that Mr. Willis be treated with as to the hiring of his rooms that the worthy chairwoman, with the addition of Lady Brown, Lady Roberts, Mrs. Chambers, Mrs. Wells, and Miss Jones, be appointed six lady patronesses to govern the establishment that those ladies be empowered to draw a line of demarcation round the most fashionable part of the city, and that no residents beyond that circle be, on any account, entitled to subscriptions. The six lady patronesses, who originated these resolutions, dwell in the most fashionable part of the city, viz. Lady Simms, on Cornhill, Lady Brown in Mansion-house-street, Lady Roberts, in Birchin-Jane, Mrs. Chambers, in Throgmorton-street, Mrs. Wells, in Copthall-court, and Miss Jones, in Bucklersbury. It is astonishing with what rapidity the subscriptions filled; and the governesses of the establishment have acted with great circumspection in confining the amusement to none but their upper circles. The chief members are warehousemen and wholesale linen-drapers, with, of course, their wives and daughters. The original plan There is a dancing establishment in King-street, was to exclude all retail trades; but, as this would

And we both roll'd in-lobster-sauce.
St. Ronan's Well-Scot's collops-fetch up
Another bottle, this is flat.-
The Princess Olive-mushroom ketchup-
His Royal Highness-lots of fat.
Poor Miss-red-herring-we must give her
Grand Signior-turkey dish'd in grease:
Hand me the captain's-lights and liver,
And just cut open-Mrs. Rees.

So Fanny Flirt is going to marry

A nice Welsh-rabbit-muffins-mummeryGrimaldi-ices-Captain Parry

Crimp'd cod-crim-con-Crim Tartars-flum

mery.

ALMACK'S ON FRIDAY.

have made the ball rather too select, the scheme was I may look in vain for a renewal of his subscription. abandoned. Grocers dealing both wholesale and re- Mrs. Chambers's helpmate is a tailor. A rule has tail, silversmiths, glovers, packers, dyers, and paper-recently crept into the establishment that no gentlestainers, are admissible, provided their moral charac- men shall be attired otherwise than in the old school ters be unimpeachable and their residences be not too of inexpressibles terminating at the knee. This regueastward. Some discord has arisen in consequence lation (which is said to have originated with Mrs. of black-balling a very reputable pawnbroker in East Chambers) has been productive of much confusion. Smithfield. West Smithfield is within the line of The common attire of most of the young men of the demarcation, but not East; and the exhibitor of three present day is trowsers. These are uniformly stopped blue balls, who has been thus rejected, complains at the door, and the unhappy wearer is forced either loudly that he is thrust aside to make room for a set to return home to re-dress, or to suffer himself to be of vulgar innholders and cattle-keepers from Smithfield sewed up by a member of the Merchant Tailor's in the West. But to squalls like this the best regu- Company, who attends in a private room for that lated establishments are liable. The line of demar- purpose. This ceremony consists in doubling up the cation includes Bow-lane, Queen-street, and Bucklers- trowsers under the knee, and stitching them in that bury, on the south side of Cheapside; and King-position with black silk: the culprit is then allowed street, the Old Jewry, and Saint Martin's-le-Grand to enter the ball-room, with his lower man strongly on the north; but not a step beyond. The conse- resembling one of those broad immoveable Dutch quence is, that in the regions of Fore-street, Cripple-captains who ply in the long room at the Customgate and Moorfields, northward; and in those of house. It sometimes happens that the party thus Watling-street, Old Fish-street and Tower-royal, acted upon by the needle, little anticipating such a southward; a great mass of disaffection has been en- process, has worn white under-stockings, and a pair gendered. Wardmotes have been called, select of half-black silk upper hose reaching but to the comvestries have been summoned, and special meetings mencement of his calf. The metamorphosis, in these have been convened; but Almack's on Friday cases, is rather ludicrous, inasmuch as the subscriber flourishes notwithstanding. In the delivering out of reappears with a pair of black and white magpie legs, subscriptions, it has been whispered that some and looks as if he had by accident stepped ancle-deep tokens of partiality are discernible. Undue prefer- into a couple of ink bottles. These poor fellows are ences are alleged to be given, which, if done in the necessarily forced, by the following Friday, to furnish way of trade, would force the obliged party to refund themselves with a new pair of shorts. No corrupt his debt for the equal benefit of himself and the rest motive has been assigned to Mrs. Wells; and Miss of the creditors. Lady Simms's husband is a lottery-Jones is a maiden lady of forty-four, living upon a office keeper in Cornhill, and " they do say," that genteei independence.

young men have but slender prospects of admission if About eight o'siock on every Friday evening durthey omit to buy their sixteenths at his shop. Ladying the season, (for certainly the city has its seaBrown's lord and master is a wax-chandler in Man- sons—“ A negro has a soul, your honour") a large sion-house-street; let no man who hopes to visit mass of hackney coaches may be seen plying about Almack's on Friday seek his spermaceti in any other shop. Sir Ralph Roberts is a wholesale ironmonger in Birchin-lane; it has never been said that he is open to corruption in the way of trade; but he and Lady Roberts have six grown-up daughters, and the subscriber who fails to dance with them all in one night

the purlieus of Cheapside, the same having been hired to convey our city fashionables to the scene of festivity. Dancing commences precisely at nine, and the display of jewels would not discredit the parish of Mary-la-bonne. The large room with the mirror at the lower end is devoted to quadrilles. Waltzes were at

What

was to be done? The mother was sitting under the mirror, and the daughter was dancing for dear life. Lady Simms, Mrs. Wells, and Miss Jones, (three make a quorum) laid their heads together, and the result was a civil message to Mrs. Ferguson, requesting her and her daughter to abdicate. Mrs. Ferguson at first felt disposed to "show fight," but, feeling the current too strong, had recourse to supplication. This was equally vain: the rule was imperative: indeed, according to Sir Ralph Roberts, as unalterable as the laws of the Sweeds and Stertions, The difference was at length split. A young stockbroker of fashion had just driven up from Capel-court in a hackney cabriolet. Mamma was consigned to the pepper-and-salt coat driver of the vehicle; and Miss Ferguson was allowed to dance her dance out, Lady Brown undertaking to drop her safe and sound in Friday-street, in her way homeward, at the conclusion of the festivity.

first proscribed, as foreign, and consequently indecent; the outer door from a very clean hackney coach, but three of the six Miss Robertses discovered acci- delivered her card to Mr. Willis, and swept madentally one morning, while two of the other three jestically past the grating up stairs into the ballwere tormenting poor Mozart into an undulating see-room. On a more minute inspecotin of the docusaw on the piano, that they waltzed remarkably well. nient, it was discovered to be a forgery. The rule thenceforward was less rigidly enforced. Yet still the practice is rather scouted by the more sober part of the community. Lady Brown bridles, and heartily regrets that such filthy doings are not confined to Paris: while Lady Simms thanks God that her daughter never danced a single waltz in the whole course of her life. This instance of self-denial ought to be recorded, for Miss Simms's left leg is shorter than her right. Nature evidently meant her for a waltzer of the first water and magnitude, but philosophy has operated upon her as it did upon Socrates. There is a young broker named Carter, who has no very extensive connection, in Mark-lane, but he has notwithstanding contrived to waltz himself into a subscription. He regularly takes out Harriet Roberts, and, after swinging with her round the room till the young woman is sick and faint, he performs a like feat with Jane Roberts, and successively with Betsy. The exhibitor of samples, when this is well over, is as Before the conclusion of the evening's diversion, giddy as a goose. He therefore retires to take a little the ladies and their partners walk the Polonaise breath; but in about ten minutes returns to the large round the room. One Friday evening the order of apartment like a giant refreshed, claps his hands, calls march was suddenly impeded. Miss Donaldson, the out" Zitti zitti" to the leader of the band, and starts grocer's daughter, having insisted upon taking preafresh with Lucy, Charlotte, and Jemima Roberts, cedence of Miss Jackson, whose father sells Stiltons in three consecutive quadrilles The pertinacity of that mock the eye with the semblance of pine-apples, this young man is indeed prodigious. When the at the corner of St. Swithin's-lane. The matter was most experienced quadrillers are bowled out of the referred to the patronesses, who gave it in favour of ring, he may be seen spinning by himself, like an Miss Jackson, inasmuch as at dinner, cheese comes Arabian dervise. He is no great beauty, his head before figs. Certain caustic tradesmen, who dwell being several degrees too big for his body; but this eastward of the magic circle, are said to be in disproportion does not extend lower down, for Lady the habit of throwing out sarcasms upon those who Roberts says there is not a better-hearted young man choose to go so far west in quest of diversion. "If in all Portsoken ward. According to the rules of the you must have a ball," say these crabbed philosoestablishment, nobody is admitted after ten o'clock,phers, "why not hold it at the London Tavern, or at except gentlemen of the common council: their the George and Vulture, Lombard-street?" But senatorial duties are paramount. An odd incident surely this is bad reasoning. If the pilgrim glows is said to have occurred one Friday evening. with a wariner devotion from visiting the shrine of One Mrs. Ferguson and her daughter alighted at Loretto, well may a Miss Dawson or a Mr. Toms