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SAINT PETER AND THE BLACKSMITH.
doubt she took another cup on the strength of this We have pored on the sea till we're weary, assurance.
And lounged up and down on the shore But our Lord was desirous to testify his thanks to Till we tind all its gaiety dreary,
the man also, and promised to grant him four wishes. And taking our pleasure a bore.
“Well," said the smith, “ I am heartily obliged to There's nothing so charming as Brighton, you, and wish, that if any one climbs up the pear-tree
We cry as we're scampering down ; behind my house, he may not be able to get down again But we look with still greater delight on without my leave.” This grieved St. Peter not a litThe day that we go back to town.
tie, for be thought that the smith ought rather to have For it's ( ! what will become of us ? wished for the kingdom of heaven. But our Lord, Dear! the vapours and blue
with his wonted kindness, granted his petition. The Devils will seize upon some of us
smith's next wish was that if any one sat down upon If we have nothing to do.
bis anvil, he might not be able to rise without his
permission : and the third, that if any one crept into
his old flue, he might not get out without his consent. In Roman Catholic countries it was a very ancient St. Peter said, “ Friend smith, beware what thou custom for the preacher to divert his congregation dost. These are all wishes that can bring thee no adin due season with what is terined an Eastern tale, vantage. Be wise, and let the remaining one be for which was received by the auditors with peals of everlasting life with the blest in heaven.” The smith Easteru laughter. During Lent the good people had was not to be put out of his way, and thus proceeded; mortified themselves and prayed so much, that they " My fourth wish is, that my green cap may belong began to be discontented and ill tempered ; so that to me for ever; and that whenever I sit down upon it 1he clergy deemed it necessary to make a little fun no power or force may be able to drive me away." from the pulpit for them, and thus give as it were the Thereupon our Lord went his way with St. Peter, first impulse towards the revival of mirth and cheer- and the smith lived some years longer with his old fulness. This practice lasted till the seventeenth woman. At the end of ihis time, grim death apcentury. The following is by the Rev. Father peared, and summoned him to the other world. “Stop Attansy.
a moment," said the smith ; " let me just put on a Our Lord was journeying with St. Peter and had clean shirt, meanwhile you may pick some of the passed through many countries. One day he came to pears on yonder tree.” Death climbed up the tree, a place where there was no inn, and entered the house but he could not get down again; he was forced to of a blacksmith. This man had a wife who paid the submit to the smith's terms, a respite for twenty years, utmost respect to the strangers, and treated them with before he returned. the best that her house would afford. When they When the twenty years were expired, he again apwere about to depart, our Lord and St. Peter wished peared and commanded him, in the name of the Lord her all that was good, and heaven beside. Said the and St. Peter, to go along with him. “I know St.
“Ah! if I do but go to heaven, I care for Peter too,” said the smith ; " sit down a little op my nothing else.” “ Doubt not,” said St. Peter," for anvil, for thou must be tired; I will just drink a cup it would be contrary to scripture if thou shouldst not to cheer me, and take leave of my old woman, and go. Open thy mouth. Did I not say so? Why, thou be with thee presently." But death could not rise canst not be sent to hell, where there is wailing and again from his seat, and was obliged to promise the gnashing of teeth—for thou hast not a tooth left in smith another delay of twenty years. thy head. Thou art safe enough; be of good cheer.” When these had elapsed, old Satan came, and Who was so overjoyed as the good woman? Without would fain have dragged the smith away by force.
Halloo, fellow !" said the latter, " that won't do. ON THE LATE LORD ELLENBOROUGH TERMING I bave other letters and whiter than thou with thy
ADULTERY A VENIAL OFFENCE. black carta bianca. But if thou art such a conjurer
When Mrs. Pot behav'd amiss, as to imagine that thou hast any power over me, let me see if thou caust get into this old rusty flue." No
And ask'd poor Joseph for a kiss, sooner said than the old one slipped into the flue.
Fearing the share of vice, The smith and his men put the flue into the fire, then
He held his passions in command, carried it to the anvil, and hammered away at the old
He left his garment in her hand,
And mov'd off' in a trice. one most unmercifully. He howled, and begged, and prayed; and at last promised that he would have
Said he (which some will think but odd) nothing to do with the smith if he would but let him
“ I cannot sin against my God, depart.
My conscience, and my friend." At length the smith's guardian-angel made his ap
The virtuous youth felt honour's tie pearance. The business was now serious. He was
Uniting with hirm piety,
Which truth must still commend. obliged to go. The angel conducted him to torment.
But had he listen’d to our bench, Satan, whom he had so terribly belaboured, was just
He would have gratified the wench, then attending the gate ; he looked out at the little
Who made such kind advances : window, but quickly shut it again, and would have
Venial the sin, and none the shame, nothing to do with the smith. The angel then conducted him to the gate of heaven. St. Peter refused
So very willing was the dame,
And such the circumstances. to admit him. “Let me just peep in," said the smith, “that I may see how it looks there." No
BEQUEATHING THE AGUE. sooner was the wicket opened than the smith threw in his cap and said : “ Thou knowest it is my property, A farmer, in a parish not far from Liverpool, had I must go and fetch it.”—Then slippiug past, he been sorely afflicted with the ague for between two clapped himself down upon it and said: "Now I am and three years ; it was sometimes quotidian, somesitting on my own property ; I should like to see times tertiản, and for a long time together quartan. who dares drive me away from it,” Thus the smith | This lingering strange disorder had, in short, reduced got into heaven at last.
this poor man to a perfect skeleton ; his spirits were
exhausted, and nature seemed to be quite worn ont; Rousseau makes this distinction between tragedy he expected nothing but death; yet as he was, when and comedy. In comedy, the plot turns on marriage; in health, a jocose merry man, he thought he would in tragedy, it turns on murder. The whole intrigue, appear jocular in his will, which his friends advised in the one and the other, turns on this grand event; him to make. After bequeathing some small lewill they marry ? will they not marry? will they gacies, he says, Item, I give and bequeath these murder ? will they not murder ? There will be a mar- plaguy, ague fits to Mr. the parson of the riage; there will be murder ; and this forms act the parish." Whether it was by making this bequest first. There will be no marriage; there will be no that the fits left him, our readers are at liberty to murder; and this gives birth to act the second. A guess ; but leave him they did, and the next day new mode of marrying and of murdering is prepared seized upon the poor parson, and handled him se for the third act. A new difficulty impedes the mar- verely. The parson, on being told that his neighbour riage or the murder, which the fourth act discusses. I had bequeathed them to him in his will, was so At last, the marriage and the murder are effected much exasperated that he would not speak to the for the benefit of the last act,
poor man for some years after.
TRAGEDY AND COMEDY.
families do live exceedingly well out of the congregaDoes fortune smile, how grateful must it prove,
tion of social souls, who meet together, from time to To tread life's pleasing round with one we love !
time, at noon and at eyen, to celebrate the orgies Or does she frown, the fair, with softening art,
of Bacchus, in companies, perhaps to keep one Will soothe our woes or bear a willing part.
another in countenance; and when we consider what WYCHERLEY'S PLAIN DEALING.
are annually expended in the metropolis, Wycherley being at Tunbridge for the benefit of his whereby the cares of life are temporarily drowned by health, was walking one day on the Wells Walk with deep potations, it becomes a question whether the his friend, Mr. Fairbeard, of Gray's lun, and just as he system of going to clubs, among people of mediocrity gheda, a young widow, rich, noble, and beautiful, this good fellowship of malt-and-spirit-drinking came up to a bookseller's shop, the Countess of Dro- is not worthy of some attention. We all know very
well that the revenues flourish wonderfully through came to a bookseller's, and inquired for the Plain
citizens, and that they have friendly societies to boot, Dealer.” Madam,” said Mr. Fairbeard, " since you are for the Plain Dealer,' there he is for you, a week, to help them to be buried comfortably,
where, under the pretence of laying by a shilling pushing Wycherley towards her. “Yes,” says Wy- they spend another shilling on the back of it. cherley, “ this lady can bear plain dealing; for she appears to be so accomplished, that what would be In the year 1745, was published "Ned Ward's compliment said to others, would be plain dealing complete and humorous Account of all the remarkspoken to her.” No, truly, sir,” said the countess, able Clubs and Societies in the Cities of London and "I am not without my faults, any more than the rest Westminster, from the Royal Society down to the of my sex; and yet I love plain dealing, and am Lumber Troop, &c." It is dedicated “To that lucinever more fond of it, than when it tells me of them." ferous and sublime Lunatic, the Emperor of the
* Then, Madam,” says Mr. Fairbeard, “ you and the Moon ; Governor of the Tides ; Corrector of Female Plain Dealer seem designed by Heaven for each Constitutions ; Cornuted Metropolitan of all revolvother.” In short, Wycherley walked with the coun- ing Cities, and Principal Director of those Churches tess, waited upon her home, visited her daily while most subject to Mutation.” He then, after giving a she was at Tunbridge, and afterwards, in London ; dissertation on Clubs in general, describes the Clubs where, in a little time, a marriage was concluded of his day ; viz.—the Virtuoso's Club—the Knights between them.
of the Order of the Golden Fleece-ibe No-nose
Club—the Man-killing or (Duelling) Club-of the Kiss me again ! there's no one near !
Surly Club—the Atheistical Club-Club of Ugly Nay, nay, you'll kiss and tell, I fear;"
Faces—the Split-farthing Club—the Club of Broken Well, kiss me, dear, until I die,
Shopkeepers--the Man Hunter's Club--the Yorkshire You're sure, then, of my secrecy.
Club—the Beau's Club--the Wrangling or Hustlefarthing Club-the Quack's Club, or the Plıysical
Society—the Weekly Dancing Club—the Bird FanNay, woman is not the soft sex, my dear Fan, cier's Club-the Lying Club---the Beggar's Club Or why is her heart hard as stone ?
the Chatterwit Club--the Florist's Club--Bob We. Pray tell me, was Eve form’d of flesh, like the man? den's Cellar Club--the Molly's Club--Sam Soot's she was form'd of the bone.
Smoking Club—the Market Women's Club-the
Thieves' Club)--the Small Coal Man's Music Club Undoubtedly the owners of ale-houses and taverns the Kit-kat Club—the Beef Steak Club, &c. &c. must live ; and really it appears that they and their The Virtuoso's Club. Part of the notable inven
FLESH AND BONE.
ORIGIN OF CLUBS.
tions of this club were the conveying of Hampstead drawn blood. This club, consisting only of men of air into the city of London, by subterraneous pipes, honour however, did not continue long ; most of the for the benefit of all sickly families. To make sea- members of it being put to the sword, or hanged, a water fresh- to bring fowls to be cheaper than little after its institution.” butcher's meat-a nuptial calendar exactly calculated The Surly Club was established near Billingsgate for the meridian of London, wherein a married man to keep up the genuine vernacular--the vulgar tongue. may look at any time, and see how often he has been Coachmen, watchmen, carmen, and such like, cornuted ; to which is added a very useful table, by met like gentlemen once a week, to exercise in the which he may discover the who, how, where, and the art or mystery of fine language, that they might not when. The new art of cookery, by that excellent be at a loss to abuse those whom they drove, &c. If contrivance of a potato kitchen, called by some a any of these members had by mistake uttered a civil digester, and by others a dogstarver ; by the use of expression, or was suspected to be corrupted with which a man may stew a leg of beef at å half-penny good manners, he was looked upon as an effeminate charge, till the flesh is dissolved into strong broth, and coxcomb, who had sucked in too much of his mother's the bones became as soft as butter'd apple pie. This milk, and was most likely expelled. By this society was society were so philosophical, that if a member who erected the bumping post at Billingsgate, to hården smoked a pipe could not give a reason for the blue- the latter ends of the members once a year, in order ness of the smoke, he would undoubtedly be expelled. to prevent a cowardly fear of being kicked, by being
The No-Nose Club.-This club was established by thus used to it. a merry gentleman, who, having steered an improper The Club of Ugly Faces. This society consisted course in the straits of pleasure, and having observed of those to whom nature had been exceedingly unkind. in his walks that several others had unluckily fallen i The first member had a nose of immense magnitude; into the Egyptian fashion of flat faces, pleased him the second a chin like and as long as a shoe-horn; self by collecting together all these imperfect vizards the third, disfigured with a mouth like a gallon pot, into one noseless and snuffling society. It was rather when both the sides are nearly squeezed together; a aptly observed by one of the society, that if by chance fourth, with eyes like a tumbler, and one bigger than they should fall together by the ears, they would the other; a fifth, with a pair of convex cheeks, as if fight iong enough before they'd have bloody noses; like Eolus, the god of the winds, he had stopped his and when they had a young pig for dinner, the snout breath for a time, to be the better able to discharge was always cut off, by way of compliment, by the a hurricane ; a sixth with as many wens and warts cook.
as there are knots and prickles upon an old thornThe Man-killing Club.- This was a club of duel- | back; a seventh, with a pair of skinny jaws that lists and bravoes, and none were admitted that had wrapped over in folds like the hide of a thinoceros, not killed their man. It is needless to say they were and that with a tusk strutting beyond his lips, as if all men of honour, and to prove it, their limbs and he had been begot by a man-tiger ; a ninth, with a features were so lopped and scratched, that they hare-lip that had drawn his mouth into several corlooked like the Elgin marbles. Blood, wounds, bul. ners; the tenth, with a huge “ Lauderdale” head, as lets, and slaughter were the topics of their conversa- big in circumference as the golden ball under St. tion. The Spectator says, The president of this chib Paul's cross, and a face so fiery, that the ruddy front was said to have killed half a dozen men in single of the orbicular lump which stood so elevated upon conbat; and as for the other members, they took his lofty shoulders made it look like the flaming urn their seats according to the number of their slain. on the top of the monument, &c. &c. and such like, There was likewise a side table for such as had only who miglit resemble barbers' blocks in expression.
These gentlemen seldom distinguished one another friendship, while we live ; and never directly nor indiby their names, but generally saluted each other when rectly reveal or make knowo, without consent of the they drank round, after the following manner, viz. whole club asked, and given, the names of the members
Here, Nose, my service to you ;' • Thank ye, Chin.' or nature of the club. The fiìth : that none shall be inHere's to you, Blubber-lip. ; Your servant, Mr. vited or admitted into our club before she be fifteen Squint.' "My love to you, neighbour Goggle ;'* I am years of age nor after her twentieth year is expired. yours, neighbour Allmouth.'
· Here's towards you Şir o' Clock Club.—There was a club existing brother Thınjaws ;'• I'll pledge you, brother Plump- about sixty years since, with the name of Number Six. cheeks.' None were admitted into this club who, by Dr. Brooks and Professor Porson were members. It their general appearance, could not make a woman consisted of six members, who met at six in the evenmiscarry, or frighten children into fits. And it was ing, and who never parted till six in the morning! proposed that every new member should, upon his The Kit-Cat Club.—“This club," says Walpole, inauguration, make a speech in favour of Æsop, whose“ generally mentioned as a set of wits, were in reality portrait should hang over the chimney : and also that the patriots that saved Britain.” Under the mask of they should purchase the heads of Thersites, Duns conviviality, and the encouragement of the belles Scotus, Scarron, (who compared his body to the letter lettres, the place of rendezvous was at a pastry-cook's 2.) and Hudibras, with all the celebrated ill faces of in Shire-lane, Temple Bar; afierwards as Kit (Cliris. antiquity, as furniture for the club-room.
topher) Cat got up in the world, at a tavern, in the The Split-farthing Club was an assemblage of mi-Straud ; for a young lady to be toasted as the reignsers who met to consult how they might improve their ing beauty of the day at this club, was to set her up riches, by punishing their bellies, and pinching others for life. Jacob Tonson the bookseller, who had a by usury. One would applaud the frugality of the principal share in the formation of it, was presented former, who never wore any other clothes, than what with all the portraits, and all painted by Sir Godfrey was made of the wool that he picked off the hedges. Kneller. Ned Ward describes it thus: “ This ingeAnother would extol the prudence of the citizen who nious society of Apollo's sons, who for many years kept a load of faggots in his house, to warın his ser- have been the grand monopolizers of those scandalous vants in cold weather, by handing them up stairs and commodities in this flighty age, viz. Wit and Poetry, down between the garret and the cellar. Thus went had the first honour to be forwarded by an amphibitheir conversation. Their dresses seemed to be made ous mortal, chief merchant to the Muses, and, in these in the days of Robin Hood, and their stockings times of piracy, both bookseller and printer ; who almost darned as much as the good housewife's hose having, many years since, conceived a wonderful in the library at Oxford, which has not enough left kindness for one of the brethren of the greasy fraterof the first knitting to show its original contexture. nity, then living at the end of Bell Court, in Gray's This society had such a starved appearance, that it Inn Lane, where, finding out the knack of humourwas suspected there was not an ounce of fat amonging his neighbour Bocai's (Jacob Tonson the bookthe whole.
seller) palate, had by his culinary qualifications so The Female Intellectual Club.-In the year 1720 highly advanced himself in the favours of his good was published in 410, “ An Account of the Fair In- friend, that through his advice and assistance he tellectual Club in Edinburgh, in a Letter to an ho- reinoved out of Gray's Inn Lane, to keep a puddingnourable Member of an Athenian Society there, by apie-shop near the Fountain tavern in the Strand, youny Lady, the Secretary of the Club!” There were encouraged by an assurance that Bocai and his friends sixteen rules and constitutions : the first ran thus: would come every week, to storm the crusty walls of That we shall maintain a sincere and constant mutual | his mutton-pies, and make a consumption of his cus