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F.PILOGUE TO TYRANNIC LOVE.
Occasional conformists base,
him King George, he lib at tora side wara, he bab I dainn'd their moderation ;
ting on he head, call him crown, and a grand ting, And thought the church in danger was all sam com basket; so breren, Goramity bless you By such prevarication.
Spoken by Nell Gwyn, when she was to be carried off I turn'd a cat-in-pan once more,
dead by the Bearers And so became a whig, sir ;
To the Bearer. And thus preferment I procur'd
Hold! are you mad, you d-d confounded dog? From our new faith's defender;
I am to rise, and speak the epilogue.
To the Audience,
I come, kind gentlemen, strange news to tell ye ;
I am the ghost of poor departed Nelly.
Sweet ladies, be not frighted, I'll be civil:
I'in what I was, a little harmless devil ;
For after death, we sprites have just such natures While they can kcep possession :
We had, for all the world, when human creatures : For in my faith and loyalty,
And therefore I, that was an actress here,
Play all my tricks in hell, a goblin there.
Gallants, Took to't; you say there are no sprites; Until the times do alter.
But I'll come dance about your beds at nights ;
And faith you'll be in a sweet kind of taking,
When I surprise you between sleep and waking.
To tell you true, I walk, because I die
Out of my calling, in a tragedy.
Oh poet, d-d dull poet! who could prove NEGRO SERMON, PREACHED BY SAM QUACO, A BLACK So senseless to make Nelly die for love? CLERGYMAN, NATIVE OF JAMAICA.
Nay, what's yet worse, to kill me in the prime A man dat born ob a woman hab long time to lib, or Easter-term, in tart and cheesecake time! he trouble ebery day too much ; he grow up like a l'll fit the fop; for I'll not one word say, plantin, he cut down like a bannana. Pose a man do T'excuse his godly, out-of-fashion play ; good, he get good; pose de man do bad, he get bad. A play which if you dare but twice sit out, Pose he do good, he go to da place call him Glolio, You'll all be slander'd and be thought devout. where Goramity tan upon a top, and debble on a bot. But farewell, gentlemen ; make haste to me; tom; pose he do bad, he go to da place call him Hell, I'm sure ere long to have your company. where he mot burn like a pepper cod; he call for As for my epitaph, when I am gone, drink a wara, nobody give him drop a wara to I'll trust no poet, but will write my own: cool him dam tongue. Tan, breren, you know one Here Nelly lies, who, tho’ she liv'd a slattern ; * man, dey call he Sampson, he kill twenty tousand Yet died a princess, acting in St. Cath'rine.f Fillestans with the jaw bone jackmorass. Tan you know tora man, call Jonass, he swallow whale, he
* Her real character. mugin hell ob a fellow for fish ; and tora man, he call + The character she represented in the play,
MISERIES OF MATRIMONY
JONAS, THE JEW CONJUROR.
coffee and the book of interest, supply the temporary
wants of necessitous men, and are sure to out-wit'em Among the many characters that have played upon had they even the cunning of a Fox. the passions of the public, Jonas, or the card-playing conjuring Jew, cut a figure in his way. He could make matadores with a snap of his fingers, command What, what is Marriage ! Harris, Priscian, the four aces with a whistle, and get odd tricks but there are a great many people in London, besides “ Oh!” cries a charming silly fool,
Assist me with a definition, this man, famous for playing odd tricks, and yet no conjurors neither. This man would have made a
Emerging from her boarding school, great figure in the law, as he was so dexterous a con. It is a-something that arises
Marriage is love, without disguises, veyancer. But the law is a profession that does not From raptures and from stolen glances, want any jugglers. Nor do we need any longer to To be the end of all romances ; load our heads with the weight of learning, or pore Vows-quarrels—moonshine-babes--but husb! for years over arts and seiences, when a few months I must not have you see me blush.”. practice with pasteboard pages can make any man's
“ Pshaw !" says a modern modish wife, fortune, without his understanding a single letter of the alphabet, provided he can but slip the cards, a house in town, and villa shady ;
“Marriage is splendour, fashion, life; snap his fingers, and utter the unintelligible jargon of Balls, diamond bracelets, and My Lady! presto, passa, largo, mento, cocolorum, yaw, like Then for Finale, angry words, this Jonas. -The moment he comes into company. Some people's obstinates,' - absurds!' and takes up a pack of cards, he begins-“ I am Aud peevista hearts and silly heads, no common slight of hand man; the common slight And baths, and · bêtes,' and separate beds." of hand men they turn the things up their sleeves, and make believe their fingers deceive your eyes.
An aged bachelor, whose life you -Now, sir, you shall draw one card, two cards, three Has just been “swecten'd” with a wife, cards, four cards, five cards, half a dozen cards, you Tells out the latent grievance thus : look at the card at this side, you look at the card at
“ Marriage is--odd ! for one of us. that side, and I say blow the blast; the blast is 'Tis worse a mile than rope or tree, blown, the card is flown, yaw, yaw; and now, sir, I Hemlock, or sword, or slavery ; will do it once more over again, to see whether my An end at once to all our ways, fingers can once more deceive your eyes ; I'll give Dismission to the one-horse chaise ; any man ten thousand pounds if he does the like-Adieu to Sunday can and pig, You look at the card of this side, you look at the Adieu to wine, and whist, and wig ; card on that side, when I say blow the blast, the Our friends turn out-our wives are clapt in, blast is blown, the card is flown, yaw, yaw ;" but Tis exit Crony,' -' enter Captain,' this conjuror at length discovering that most practi- Then hurry in a thousand thorns, tioners on cards, now-a-days, know as many tricks Quarrels and compliments, and horns ! as himself, and finding his slights of hand turned to This is the yoke, -and I must wear it ; little or no account, now practises on notes of hand by Marriage is—llell, or something near it." discount, and is to be found every morning at twelve Why, Marriage,” says an Exquisite in Duke's-place, up to his knuckles in dirt, and at Sick from the supper of last night, two at the Bank coffee-house, up to his elbows in “Marriage is after one by me! money, where these locusts of society, over a dish of I promised Tom to ride at three.
PROLOGUE TO THE INCONSTANT,
499 Marriage is-Gad! I'm rather late !
round, and seeing who it was that spoke to him, in a La Fleur, my stays,--and chocolate !
fit of ecstasy replied, “ Egad, so I will, to-moriow, if D-n the Champagne !-50 plaguy sour,
thou wilt have me."
Like hungry guests a sitting audience looks :
Plays are like suppers ; poets are the cooks : Sink the old Duchess !-three revokes !
The founders you : the table is the place : Gad! I must fell the Abbey oaks ;
The carvers we: the prologue is the grace : Mary has lost a thousand more ;
Each act a course ; each scene a different dish: Marriage is-Gad! a cursed bore !"
Tho' we're in Lent, I doubt you're still for fleski, Hymen, who hears the blockheads groan, Satire's the sauce, bigh-season'd, sharp, and rough ; Rises indignant from his throne,
Kind masks and beaux, I hope you're pepper-proof. And mocks their self-reviling tears,
Wit, is the wine ; but 'tis so scarce the true, And whispers thus in Folly's ears !
Poets, like vintners, balderdash and brew. “Oh! frivolous of heart and head !
Your surly scenes, where rant and bloodshed join, If strifes infest your nuptial bed,
Are butcher's meat ; a battle's a sirloin : Not Hymen's hand, but Guilt and Sin,
Your scenes of love, so flowing, soft, and chaste, Fashion, and Folly, force them in;
Are water-gruel, without salt or taste. If on your couch is seated Care,
Bawdy's fat venison, which, tho' stale, can please : I did not bring the scoffer there ;
Your rakes love haut-gouts, like your d—d French If Hymen's torch is feebler grown,
cheese. The hand that quench'd it was your own ;
Your rarity, for the fair guest to gape on, And what I am, unthinking elves!
Is your nice squeaker, or Italian capon ;
Or your French virgin-pullet, garnish'd round,
Farce is the hasty-pudding of the stage ; A simple countryman, who had in his person all For when you're treated with indifferent cher, the health and vigour which a rustic life affords, and you can dispense with slender stage-coach fare. about the age of thirty-two, having, three years A pastoral's whip cream ; stage whims, mere trash ; before married an honest maid, of whom he always And tragi-comedy, half fish and flesh, appeared doatingly fond, was attending her corpse at But comedy, that, that's the darling cheer ; the grave with many heavy sighs and floods of tears. This night, we hope, you'll an Inconstant bear : At the end of the funeral-service, as they began to Wild fowl is lik'd in playhouse all the year. fill the grave with the earth, he wrung his hands, tore his hair, and was ready to throw himself into the And every dish scarce pleases ev'ry guest,
Yet since each mind betrays a different taste, grave upon the coffin, vehemently exclaiming that If aught you relish, do not damn the rest. he should not survive her.-It happened that a buxom This favour crav’d, up let the music strike: maid of the same parish, whose name was Patience, You're welcome all-Now fall too where you like. was standing by, and on whom the honest country
FARQUHAN. man at times had cast a wistful look, who seeing him
RECOVERY OF A SPENDTIRIFT. so agitated, and grieving so much for the loss of his wife, with great concern said to him, “ John, John, A nobleman whose son was a hard drinker, and had have Patience."--The honest countryman turning I been cutting down all the trees upon his estate, in
quired of Charles Townshend, who had just returned The witness not answering, Mr. Danncey repeated from a visit to him, “ Well Charles, how does my -Have you always been a surgeon ? graceless dog of a son go on?” “Why, I should Witness. I am a surjent. think, my lord," said Charles, “ he is on the recovery, Dauncey. Can you spell the word you have as I left him drinking the woods."
Witness. My lord, is that a fair answer!
Judge. I think it a fair question.
Witness. Syurgun t." In an Act of Parliament made in 1815, entitled Mr. Dauncey. I am unfortunately hard of heu. “ An Act for the better regulating the practice of ing; have the goodness to repeat what you have Apothecaries," there is a very salutary clause, which said, sir. enacts, “that from and after the first day of August, Witness. “ Surgen d.” 1815, it shall not be lawful for any person (except Mr. Dauncey. S—, what did you say next to S, sir? persons already in practice as such) to practise as an Witness. Syurgund." apothecary in any part of England or Wales, unless Mr. Dauncey. Very well, sir, I am perfect! he or they shall have been examined by the Court of satisfied, Examiners of the Apothecaries' Company, and shall Judge. As I take down the word sur-, please to have received a certificate as such."
favour me with it once more. The first conviction under this Act took place at Witness. “Surgun t." the Staffordshire Lent Assizes of 1819, before Sir Judge. How, sir ? William Garrow, when the Apothecaries' Company Witness. “Sergur d." brough: an action against a man of the name of War Judge. Very well. burton, for having practised as an apothecary without Mr. Dauncey. Sir, have you always been via: : being duly qualified. The defendant it appeared was you say ? that word, I mean, which you bave just the son of a man who in the early part of his life had spelt ? (A long pause.) been a gardener, but afterwards set up as a cow leech. Mr. Daunccy. I am afraid, sir, you do not of:ca The facts were stated by Mr. Dauncey for the prose- take so much time to study the cases which come cution, and supported by evidence.
before you, as you do to answer my question.“] Mr. Jervis, for the defence, called the father of the do not, sir.” Well, sir, will you please to ansies defendant, Arnold Warburton, to prove that he had it ?" (A long pause, but no reply.) -“ Well, wha: practised as an apothecary before the passing of the were you originally, Doctor Warburton ? Act.
Witness. "Syurgend."- When you first took Cross-examined by Mr. Dauncey.
to business, what was that business? Were you a Mr. Dauncey. Mr. Warburton, have you always gardener, Doctor Warburton ?"-"Surgent"been a surgeon ?
“ I do not ask you to spell that word again ; but be Witness appealed to the judge whether this was fore you were of that profession, what were you!" a proper answer.
-"Šergun t." The Juilge. I hare not heard any answer ; Mr. Mr. Dauncey. My lord, I fear I have thrown a Dauncey has put a question.
spell over this poor man, which he cannot get rid of. Witness. Must I answer it?
Judge. Attend, witness ; you are now to answe Judge. Yes: why do you object?
the questions put to you. You need not spell dat Witness. I don't think it a proper answer. word any more.
Judge. I presume you mean question, and I differ Mr. Dauncey. When were you a gardener ! from you in opinion.
Witness. I never was.—The witooss then state,
that he never employed himself in gardening ; he first was a farmer, his father was a farmer. He (witness)
THE PLEASURES OF BRIGHTON, ceased to be a farmer fifteen or sixteen years ago;
A new Song by the Civic Visitants. he ceased because he had then learnt that business
Here's fine Mrs. Hoggins from Aldgate, which he now is. “ Who did you learn it of?”—“ Is
Miss Dobson and Deputy Dump, that a proper question, my lord ?" I see no objection to it." "-" Then I will answer it; I learnt of
Mr. Spriggins has left Nurton-Falgate,
And so has Sir Christopher Crump. Dr. Hulme, my brother-in-law; he practised ihe same as the Whitworth doctors, and they were regular
From Shoreditch, Whitechapel, and Wapping,
Miss Potts, Mr. Grub, Mrs. Keats, physicians.
In the waters of Brighton are popping, Mr. Dauncey. Where did they take their degrees ? Or killing their time in its streets. Witness. I don't believe they ever took a degree.
And it's O! what will become of us ? - Then were they regular physicians ?—“ No! I
Dear! the vapours and bluebelieve they were not, they were only doctors.”—
Devils will seize upon some of us Only doctors; were they doctors in law, physic, or
If we have nothing to do. divinity?"'--" They doctored cows, and other things, This here, ma'am, is Sally, my daughter, and humans as well." “ Doubiless, as well: and Whose shoulder has taken a start, you, I doubt not, have doctored brute animals as well
And they tell me, a dip in salt water as human creatures?"" I have."
Will soou make it straight as a dart :Judge to Witness. · Did you ever make up any
Mr. Banter assured Mrs. Mumps, medicine by the prescription of a physician ?"-—" I
(But he's always a playing his fun,) never did." “Do you understand the characters they
That the camel that bathes with two humps, use for ouncez, scruples, and drachms?''—" I do not. Very often comes out with but one.
And it's O! &c.
" With a It isn't the jaundice, I hope ; Beam or with a lancet ?''_“ With a lancet.” “ Do Wou'd you recommend bathing ? O surely, you bleed from the vein or from the artery?"
And let him take
soap. “ From the vein." “ There is an artery somewhere
And it's O! &c. about the temples ; what is the name of that artery?"
Your children torment you to jog 'em - I do not pretend to have as much learning as some On donkeys that stand in a row, have.” “ Can you tell me the
But the more you belabour and flog 'em, artery ?"
The more the cross creatures won't go. “I do not know which you mean. Suppose, then,
T'other day, ma'am, I thump'd and I cried, I was to direct you to bleed my servant or my horse And my darling, roar'd louder than me, (which God forbid) in a vein, say for instance in the But the beast wouldn't budge till tlie tide jugular vein, where should you bleed him ?"-" In Had bedraggled me up to the knee! the neck, to be sure.”
And it's ( ! &c.