his friends, "that poets don't go in such noble suits of velvet as that you have on; the first rogue you meet, deceived by appearances, will take you for a financier at least, and will attack and kill you for the sake of your clothes and money. How melancholy to hear to-morrow that" "Ah! gentlemen," interrupted Piron, briskly, "it is my clothes then that you wish to escort, and not me. Why did not you say so sooner?" In the twinkling of an eye, off went coat and doublet, and throwing them to Gallet and Collé, he bolted from them with the rapidity of lightning. After a moment lost in surprise at this fantastic proceeding, the two friends ran after him, calling out to him," for God's sake to stop," that "he would catch his death of cold." Piron, however, paid no regard to their entreaties, and being a good runner, was soon so much a head, that they began to think of giving up the pursuit; when, to their astonishment, they beheld Piron returning on his steps, accompanied by a party of police. Ah!" exclaimed the sergeant of the party, to whom Piron had told a wonderful story of his being stripped and robbed, "there are the villains: see, they have the clothes in their hands." "Yes, yes," said Piron," the very men." The guard instantly laid hold of them, restored to Piron his clothes, and told the astonished friends, that they must go before the commissary, to answer for the robbery. Gallet wished to explain, very seriously, how the matter stood, but the sergeant would not listen to him. Collé, who entered more into the humour of the scene, being ordered to deliver up a sword which he wore, thus parodied the words of the earl of Essex, in the tragedy of that name, as he surrendered his weapon into their hands : "Prenez, Vous avez dans vos mains ce que toute la terre A vu plus d'une fois terrible à l'Angleterre. Marchons; quelque douleur que j'en puisse sentir, Vous voulez votre perte, il faut y consentir." The whole party now proceeded towards the house of the commissary of the district. Piron, who was at fall liberty, walked by the side of the sergeant, whom he questioned very comically by the way, as to what would be done with the two robbers? The sergeant, with unaffected gravity, replied, that at the very least they would be hung, though worse might happen to them. After amusing himself in this strain for some time, Piron, afraid of pushing the adventure too far, changed his tone, represented the whole affair as a mere frolic, and claimed the two prisoners as two of his best friends. "Ah! ah!" exclaimed the sergeant," you are a fine fellow truly; now that you have got your clothes back, the robbers are honest people, and your best friends. No, sir, you must not think to dupe us in this way." The party had now reached the house of the commissary, who was in bed, but had left his clerk to officiate for him. The sergeant began to make his report of the affair to this commissary-substitute, but was so often interrupted by the pleasantries of Piron, that he could not get through with it. Piron then addressing the clerk described, in its true colours, the midnight adventure of himself and friends; but the clerk proved as slow of belief as the sergeant; treated the whole story as a fiction, and the narrator as an impostor. Taking up his pen, he prepared to go into an examination of the matter, with all the formality required in the gravest proceedings, and ordered Piron to answer distinctly the questions he would put to him. Piron. "As you please, monsieur, only make despatch; I will assist, if you like, to put the processverbal into verse." Clerk. "Come, sir, none of your nonsense, let us proceed. What is your name?" P. C. P. C. "Piron; at your service." " What is your occupation?" "I make verses." "Verses! what are verses? Ah! you are making game of me." P. No, sir; I do make verses; and to prove it to you, I will instantly make some on yourself, either for or against you, as you please." C. "I have already told you, sir, that I will have none of this verbiage; if you persist, you shall have cause to repent it." The clerk now turned to Gallet, and having ob tained his name, thus proceeded to interrogate | city, repeated the following appropriate couplet from Piron's Calisthenes: him: C. G. C. "What is your profession? what do you do?" "Ah! I see how it is, you are all in a plot; I must call up the commissary. He will show you what it is to make a mockery of justice." G. "O, pray, sir, do not disturb the repose of M. Commissary; allow him to sleep on ; you are so much awake, that, without flattery, you are worth a dozen commissaries. I mock not justice, believe me; I am indeed a maker of songs; and you, a man of taste, must yourself have by heart the last which I wrote, and which has been for a month past the admiration of all Paris. Ah, sir, need I repeat, 'Daphnis m'amait, Le disait, Si joliment, Qu'il me plaisait I J'ai tout dit, tout, seigneur; cela doit vous suffire; Qu'on me mene à la mort, je n'ai plus rien à dire.” As he finished these words, Collé, with all the air of a genuine tragedy-hero, strutted towards the guard, bidding them lead on." So burlesque a conclusion to the examination, called forth a general burst of laughter. The clerk alone, far from laughing, grew pale with rage, and denouncing vengeance, ran "Ah, sir," exclaimed to awake the commissary. Piron, in a tone of raillery," do not ruin us; we are persons of family." The commissary was in so profound a sleep, that some time passed before he made his appearance. Piron and his friends, however, did not suffer the action to cool; but kept the guard in a constant roar of laughter with their drolleries. At length M. ComWhat is all this noise missary was announced. about?" demanded he, gruffly. "Who are you, sir?" "You see, sir, that I do not impose upon you. am really a sonneteer; and what is more, sir, (making addressing himself to Piron; "your name?" "Piron." What are you?" "A poet." A poet?" "Yes, a profound reverence to the clerk,) a dealer in spi sir, a poet, the most noble and sublime of all profesceries, at your service, in the Rue de la Truanderie." sions. Alas! where can you have lived all your days, Scarcely had Gallet finished, when Collé began: that you have not heard of the poet Piron? I think "I wish," said he, "to save you the trouble of asking questions. My name is Charles Collé, I live nothing of your clerk being ignorant of my name and in the Rue du Jour, parish of St. Eustache; my bu-quality; but what a scandal for a great public officer, siness is to do nothing; but when the couplets of my friend here (pointing to Gallet) are good, I sing them." Collé then sung, by way of example, the following sinart anacreontic : Avoir dans sa cave profonde Vin excellent, en quantité; Est la seule félicité, like you M. Commissary, not to know the great Pi- which Piron would have gone on farther in his gasconading strain, but the commissary interrupted him, by pleasantly observing, 44 You speak of plays, M. Piron; don't you know that Lafosse is my brother; that he writes excellent ones, and that he is the author of Manlius? Ah, sir, there is a man of great genius." "I believe it, sir," " for I too have a brother who is a great replied Piron, I de-fool, although he is a priest, and although I write tragedies." Il n'est point de vrais biens au monde, Sans vin, sans amour, sans gaieté." "And," continued Collé," when my other friend here (pointing to Piron) makes good verses, claim them;" to illustrate which, he, with equal feli The commissary either felt not the smart of this p EPITAPH ON DOLLY'S CHARMS. To Dolly's unrelenting eyes: For Dolly's charms poor Damon burn'd- CAUSE AND EFFECT. no A physician calling one day on a gentleman who had been severely afflicted with the gout, found, to his surprise, the disease gone, and the patient rejoicing in his recovery over a bottle of wine. "Come along, doctor," exclaimed the valetudinarian, you are just in time to taste this bottle of Madeira; it is the first of a pipe that has just been broached." "Ah!" replied the doctor, "these pipes of Madeira will never do; they are the cause of all your suffering," "Well, then," rejoined the gay incurable, "fill up your glass, for now that we have found out the cause, the sooner we get rid of it the better." BIGAMY AND TRIGAMY. A woman brought an action against her husband for bigamy, which was set aside by her proving a trigamy. He had married three wives, and she was the second. NICE MEASUREMENT. An idler who had more wit than money, went to an inn in Smithfield, during a market day, and wine before him, entered into conversation with him, seeing a country farmer with a tankard of mulled and after enumerating several extraordinary things he could do, said, he could drink the exact quantity of a wine glass from the full tankard, and neither more nor less; the farmer expressed some doubts, when, to prove it, the fellow said, "I do not like to lay heavy wagers, but I will just bet you a penny I do it." The farmer agreed; when the stranger took the tankard, and drinking the whole off at a draught, turned to the farmer, and said, "I own, sir, I have lost, there is my penny." JOHNSONIAN MAXIMS. It has been said of Dr. Johnson, by his biographer, that many a day did he fast, many a year did he abstain from wine; but when he eat, it was voraciously; when he drank, it was copiously. The doctor, however, was not insensible to the pleasures of the table, or the relative effect of liquors, which he thus fixed; claret for boys, port for men, and brandy for heroes. Mr. Burke, on hearing the doctor thus apportion liquors, said, "Then let me have claret, I love to be a boy, to have the careless gaiety of boyish days." "I should drink claret too," replied Johnson, "if it would give me that; but it does not; it neither makes boys men, nor men boys. You and I would be drowned in claret, before it would have any effect on us." LOQUACITY. The abbé Raynal and the abbé Galignani, who were both incessant talkers, were invited to the house of a mutual friend, who wished to amuse himself by bringing them together. Galignani, who began the conversation, engrossed it so thoroughly, and talked with such volubility, that Raynal could not find the least opening to introduce a word; but turning to bis friend, said in a low voice, "S'il crache, il est perdu." ALL IN ONE STORY. One day, behind my lady's back, Is it my lady, is it I?" "Tis you no doubt," he made reply. Why, in good faith, it must be true," "For Tom, and John, and chaplain too, DROPPING THE KING. CARDS AND CHESS. Cards were invented about the year 1390, to divert the melancholy of Charles VI. of France, the four classes of whose subjects were intended to be represented by the four suits. By the cœurs (hearts) were signified the gens de chœur, choir-men or ecclesiastics; the pike heads or ends of lances, which we ignorantly term spades, typified the nobles or military part of the nation; the carreaux, (square stones or tiles,) by us designated diamonds, figured the citi zens and tradesmen; the trefoil, (our clubs,) alludes to the husbandmen and peasants; and the court cards have all their appropriate significations. Thus, if a king of France had not been attacked with blue devils four At one of the literary entertainments of Frederick hundred years ago, how would all the intermediate the Great, in order to promote free conversation, he dowagers, and old maids, and nabobs, and hypochonreminded the circle that there was no monarch pre-driacs, and whist-players, have contrived to shuffle and sent, and that every one might think aloud. The con- cut away time? What must have become of Bath, and versation soon turned upon the faults of different go- of the long winter evenings, from the days of ombre vernments and rulers, and general censures were and piquet down to the present reign of short whist passing from mouth to mouth, with that freedom and écarté? The city must have been swallowed up which such hints were calculated, and apparently in-n a mouth-quake of yawns, and the inhabitants have tended to inspire. But Frederick suddenly put a stop to the topic, by saying, "Peace, peace, gentlemen, have a care, the king is coming; it may be as well if he does not hear you, lest he should be obliged to be still worse than you." GENIUS DEFINED. A wit being asked what the word genius meant, replied, "If you had it in you, you would not ask the question; but as you have not, you will never know what it means.' NO ALTERNATIVE. A porter passing near Temple-bar, with a load on his shoulders, having unintentionally jostled by a man who was going that way, the fellow gave the porter a violent box on the ear, upon which a gentleman passing exclaimed, “ Why, my friend, will you take that?""Take it," replied the porter, rubbing his cheek, "don't you see he has given it me." all perished of ennui. Chess is another recreation, or THE KING AND MILLER OF MANSFIELD. Part the First. Henry, our royall king, would ride a hunting Thus they went all along unto the miller's house, Where they were seething of puddings and souse: I have no passport, nor never was servitor, To turne him out, certainlye, were a great sin. Why, what dost thou think of me, quoth our king Yea, quoth hee, you may see, he hath some grace, merrily, Passing thy judgment on me so briefe? Good faith, sayd the miller, I meane not to flatter thee; I guess thee to bee but some gentleman thiefe; Stand thee backe, in the darke; light not adowne, Lest I presentlye cracke thy knave's crowne. Thou dost abuse me much, quoth the king, saying thus ; I am a gentleman; lodging I lacke. When he doth speake to his betters in place. Well quo' the millers wife, young man, ye're welcome here; And, though I say it, well lodged shall be: Fresh straw will I have laid on thy bed so brave, And good brown hempen sheetes likewise, quoth shee, Aye, quoth the good man; and when that is done, Thou shalt lye with no worse than our own sonne. Thou hast not, quoth th' miller, one groat in thy purse; Nay, first, quoth Richard, good-fellowe, tell me true, All thy inheritance hanges on thy backe; I have gold to discharge all that I call, If it be forty pence, I will pay all. If thou beest a true man, then quoth the miller, Hast thou noe creepers within thy gay hose? Or, art thou not troubled with the scabbado? I pray, quoth the king, what creatures are those? Art thou not lowsy, nor scabby? quoth he: If thou beest, surely thou lyest not with mee. This caus'd the king suddenlye to laugh most heartilye, Till the teares trickled fast downe from his eyes. Then to their supper were they set orderlye, With hot bag-puddings and good apple-pyes; |