Having pull'd off his shirt, which was all over dirt,
They did give him clean holland, this was no great hurt
On a bed of soft down, like a lord of renown,
They did lay him, to sleep the drink out of his crown.
In the morning when day, then admiring he iay,
For to see the rich chamber both gaudy and gay.
Now he lay something late, in his rich bed of state,
Till at last knights and squires they on him did wait;
And the chamberlain bare, then did likewise declare,
He desir'd to know what apparel he'd wear :
The poor tinker amaz'd, on the gentleman gaz'd,
And admired how he to his honour was rais'd.

Tho' he seem'd something mute, yet he chose a rich suit,

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Which he straightways put on without longer dispute;
With a star on his side, which the tinker oft eyed,
And it seem'd for to swell him no little with pride;
For he said to himself, Where is Joan my sweet wife?
Sure she never did see me so fine in her life.

From a convenient place the right duke his good grace,
Did observe his behaviour in every case.
To a garden of state on the tinker they wait,
Trumpets sounding before him; thought he, this is
great;

Where an hour or two, pleasant walks he did view,
With commanders and squires in scarlet and blue.
A fine dinner was drest, both for him and his guests;
He was plac'd at the table above all the rest,
In a rich chair or bed lin'd with fine crimson red,
With a rich golden canopy over his head
As he sat at his meat the music play'd sweet,
With the choicest of singing his joys to complete.
While the tinker did dine, he had plenty of wine,
Rich canary and sherry, and tent superfine.
Like a right honest soul, faith, he took off his bowl,
Till at last he began for to tumble and roll
From his chair to the floor, where he sleeping did

:

'Twas a point next the worst, yet perform it they must,

And they carried him straight where they found him at first;

Then he slept all the night, as indeed well he might;
But when he did waken, his joys took their flight.
For his glory to him so pleasant did seem,
That he thought it to be but a mere golden dream:
Till at length he was brought to the duke, where he
sought

For a pardon, as fearing he had set hiin at nought;
But his highness he said, Thou'rt a jolly bold blade,
Such a frolic before I think never was play'd.
Then his highness bespoke him a new suit and cloke,
Which he gave for the sake of this frolicsome joke,
Nay, and five hundred pound, with ten acres of
ground,

Thou shalt never, said he, range the countries round,
Crying, old brass to mend, for I'll be thy good friend,
Nay, and Joan thy sweet wife shall my dutchess at-

tend.

Then the tinker reply'd, What! must Joan my sweet bride

Be a lady, in chariots of pleasure to ride?

Must we have gold and land ev'ry day at command?
Then I shall be a squire I well understand:
Well, I thank your good grace, and your love I em-
brace;

I was never before in so happy a case.

GLOVES AND ARMS.

A very brave soldier had both his arms carried off in a battle; his colonel offered him half a crown: "Undoubtedly, colonel," replied the soldier, " you think I have only lost a pair of gloves."

THIEF OUTWITTED.

A citizen missed two pounds of fresh butter, which was to be reserved for himself. The maid, however, had not only stole it, but fastened the theft upon the cat; averring, moreover, she caught her in the act of finishing the last morsel. The wily cit immediately put the kitten into the scales, and found it to weigh

but a pound and a half! This city mode of accurate reasoning being quite conclusive, the girl confessed her crime.

A CONNOISSEUR

Though born in this kingdom, he has travelled long enough to fall in love with every thing foreign, and despise every thing belonging to his own country, except himself. He pretends to be a great judge of paintings, but only admires those done a great way off and a great while ago; he cannot bear any thing done by any of his own countrymen, and one day being in an auction room where there was a number of capital pictures, and among the rest an inimitable piece of painting of fruits and flowers; the connoisseur would not give his opinion of the picture until he had examined his catalogue, and finding it was done by an Englishman, he pulled out his eye-glass, "O Sir,' said he, "these English fellows have no more idea of genius than a Dutch skipper has of dancing a cotillion; the dog has spoiled a fine piece of canvas; he's worse than a Harp-alley sign-post dauber; there's no keeping, no perspective, no fore-ground; why there now, the fellow has attempted to paint a fly upon that rose-bud; why its no more like a fly than

am like an a-" But as the connoisseur approached his finger to the picture, the fly flew away. His eyes -being half closed, this is called the wise man's wink, and shows he can see the world with half an eye; he has so wonderful a penetration, so inimitable a forecast, he always can see how every thing was to be— after the affair is over.

THE FARMER AND THE COUNSELLOR.

A counsel in the Common Pleas,
Who was esteem'd a mighty wit,
Upon the strength of a chance hit
Amid a thousand flippancies,
And his occasional bad jokes

In bullying, bantering, browbeating,
Ridiculing and maltreating
Women or other timid folks,
In a late cause resolved to hoax

A clownish Yorkshire farmer-one
Who by his uncouth look and gait,
Appear'd expressly meant by fate,
For being quizz'd and play'd upon.

So having tipp'd the wink to those
In the back rows,

Who kept their laughter bottled down
Until our wag should draw the cork,
He smiled jocosely on the clown,
And went to work.

"Well, Farmer Numscull, how goes calves at York?"

"

"Why not, sir, as they do wi' you, But on four legs instead of two," Officer!" cried the legal elf,

Piqued at the laugh against himself, "Do pray keep silence down below there. Now look at me, clown, and attend, Have I not seen you somewhere, friend?"— Yees-very like-I often go there." "Our rustic's waggish-quite laconic," The counsel cried with grin sardonic:"I wish I'd known this prodigy, This genius of the clods, when I

On circuit was at York residing.Now, farmer, do for once speak true,' Mind, you're on oath, so tell me, you Who doubtless think yourself so clever, Are there as many fools as ever

An Indian, being condemned to die by the Spaniards, (who had already caused the death of ten millions of men, in their conversion,) was persuaded, by a Franciscan friar, to turn Christian, and then he would go to heaven. "Are there any Spaniards there?" inquired the heathen. "Yes, (said the friar,) it is full of them."-" Nay, then, (said the Indian,) I prefer going to hell, rather than having any more of their company."

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ISLINGTON WORTHIES.

Here is Mr. Quick, who can scarcely walk,
Mrs. White a decided tawny;
And Rhodes is supported by milk and chalk,
And Miss Hogg is too lean to be brawny j
Mr. Flower's a flourishing Aaron's Rod,
Hogarth's a garden-painter,
French out of Britain has never trod,
And Miss Rose than a lily is fainter.
Bracebridge an arch has never made,
Smith never beaten an anvil;
Miller knows nought of the floury trade,
And Stockstill will never be stand still;
Graminar is heard in a public house,

A Post is as prim as a quaker;

And good Mister Lion, he squeaks like a mouse,
While old Mistress Stiff is a shaker.

Miss Brown is fair, and Miss Black is red,
And Peter Blunt is civil;
Nelson to sea was never bred,

Old Angel's a very “devil.”
Parry beats all by parrying law,
Stringer ne'er wound a reel.
Edge never used nor set a saw,
Nor Fast withstood a meal.

Le Dieu, sirs, keeps a house for beer;
Tom Paine's a godly fellow,
And in spite of Cobbett, he will appear
In flesh and bones, though sallow;
Tailor a stitch has never sown,
Serjeant was ne'er enlisted,
Slim, with surprise, is lusty grown,
And Miss Roper's still untwisted.
Miss Martins never fledged their wings,
Miss Swallows never travel,
Miss Bird nor Starling ever sings,
Miss Stone is as soft as gravel.
Here's widow Jay completely dumb,
Here's widow Cross good-natured;
Here's Mr. Handy without a thumb,
And Cowie human featured.
x 3

Here's Mr. Fox without a tail,
Thomson, who is no poet,
Cooper who cannot make a pail,
And Sell who will not show it.
Draper has never dealt in cloth,
Excepting his profession,
Armstrong has never killed a moth,
Or Garret kept possession.

Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, have ne'er

Been scribes in sacred writ;"
Water's so dry, he covets beer,
And Lack entraps with wit;
Jolly is sick, Gay is sad,

Badger's a gentle fellow;
Good, like his name, is rarely bad,
Or Pearman ever mellow.

I've hosts of others left in store-
Anon, I'll ring their changes,
When niemory flings their pleasures o'er,
And fancy round them ranges;
For Islington contains such folks
As love with friends to mingle-
To please the married with the jokes,
And marry all the single.

BELL RINGING.

A poor Swiss, who was in the mad-house of Zurich, was rather afflicted by imbecility than madness, and was allowed his occasional liberty, which he never abused. All his happiness consisted in ringing the bells of the parish church; of this he was somehow deprived, and it plunged him into despair. At lenght he sought the governor, and said to him, "I come, sir, to ask a favour of you. I used to ring the bells; it was the only thing in the world in which I could make myself useful, but they will not let me do it any longer. Do me the pleasure then of cutting off my head; I cannot do it myself, or I would save you the trouble." Such an appeal produced his reestablishment in his former honours, and he died ringing the bells.