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“The said duke, at the marriage of Eleonora, sister to the King of Portugal, at Bruges in Flanders, which was solemnized in the depth of winter; when as by reason of unseasonable weather he could neither hawk nor hunt, and was now tired with cards, dice, &c. and such other domestic sports, or to see ladies dance; with some of his courtiers he would in

You're a kind soul, I know you are Snipps,”
* Ay, so you said six months ago,
But such fine words, I'd have you know
Butter no parsnips.”
This said, he bade his lawyer draw
A special writ, -
Serve it on Stubbs, and follow it
Up with the utmost rigour of the law.

This lawyer was a friend of Stubbs,
That is to say,
In a civic way,
Where business interposes not its rubs;
For where the main chance is in question,
Damon leaves Pythias to the stake,
Pylades and Orestes break,
And Alexander cuts Hephæstion;
But when our man of law must sue his friends,
Tenfold politeness makes amends.

So when he met our Auctioneer,
Into his outstretch'd hand he thrust his
Writ, and said with friendly leer,
“My dear, dear Stubbs, pray do me justice;
In this affair I hope you see
No censure can attach to me—
Don't entertain a wrong impression ;
I'm doing now what must be done
In my profession.”——
!"A". so am I,” Stubbs answered with a frown,
So crying “Going—going—gone !”
He knock'd him down |

POETICAL BALANCE. An Italian poet presented some verses to the pope, who had not gone far before he met with a line too short in quantity, which he observed. The poet submissively entreated his holiness to read on, and he would probably meet with a line that was a syllable too long, so that that account would be balanced.

THE FROLIcsome DUKE, on THE TIN KER's Good FORTUNE. The following story is told of Philip the Good, Duke of Burgundy, by an old English writer,

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his excellency, and persuade him that he was some

great duke. The poor fellow, admiring how he came there, was served in state all day long : after supper he saw them dance, heard music, and all the rest of those court-like pleasures: but late at night, when he was well-tippled, and again fast asleep, they put on his old robes, and so conveyed him to the place where they first found him. Now the fellow had not made them so good sport the day before, as he did now, when he returned to himself; all the jest was to see how he looked upon it. In conclusion, after some little admiration, the poor man told his friends he had seen a vision ; constantly believed it; would not

otherwise be persuaded, and so the jest ended.”

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Having pull'd off his shirt, which was all over dirt, They did give him clean holland, this was no great hurt: On a bed of soft down, like a lord of renown, They did lay him, to sleep the drink out of his crown. In the morning when day, then admiring he lay, For to see the rich chamber both gaudy and gay. Now he lay something late, in his rich bed of state, Till at last knights and squires they on him did wait; And the chamberlain bare, then did likewise declare, He desir'd to know what apparel he'd wear : The poor tinker amaz'd, on the gentleman gaz'd, And admired how he to his honour was rais'd. Tho' he seem'd something mute, yet he chose a rich suit, • Which he straightways put on without longer dispute; With a star on his side, which the tinker oft eyed, And it seem'd for to swell him no little with pride; For he said to himself, Where is Joan my sweet wife? Sure she never did see me so fine in her life. From a convenient place the right duke his good grace, Did observe his behaviour in every case. To a garden of state on the tinker they wait, Trumpets sounding before him ; thought he, this is great ; Where an hour or two, pleasant walks he did view, With commanders and squires in scarlet and blue. A fine dinner was drest, both for him and his guests; He was plac'd at the table above all the rest, In a rich chair or bed lin'd with fine crimson red, With a rich golden canopy over his head As he sat at his meat the music play'd sweet, With the choicest of singing his joys to complete. While the tinker did dine, he had plenty of wine, Rich canary and sherry, and tent superfine. Like a right honest soul, faith, he took off his bowl, Till at last he began for to tumble and roll From his chair to the floor, where he sleeping did snore, Being seven times drunker than ever before. Then the duke did ordain, they should strip him amain, And restore him his old leather garments again:

‘Twas a point next the worst, yet perform it they
And they carried him straight where they found him
at first :
Then he siest all the night, as indeed well he might;
But when he did waken, his joys took their flight.
For his glory to him so pleasant did seem,
That he thought it to be but a mere golden dream:
Till at length he was brought to the duke, where he
sought - -
For a pardon, as fearing he had set him at nought;
But his highness he said, Thou'rt a jolly bold blade,
Such a frclic before I think never was play’d.
Then his highness bespoke him a new suit and cloke,
Which he gave for the sake of this frolicsome joke, .
Nay, and five hundred pound, with ten acres of
Thou shalt never, said he, range the countries round,
Crying, old brass to mend, for I'll be thy good friend,
Nay, and Joan thy sweet wife shall my dutchess at-
Then the tinker reply'd, What! must Joan my sweet
Be a lady, in chariots of pleasure to ride?
Must we have gold and land ev'ry day at command?
Then I shall be a squire I well understand:
Well, I thank your good grace, and your love I em-
brace ; -
I was never before in so happy a case.

GLOVES AND A R Ms. . A very brave soldier had both his arms carried off in a battle ; his colonel offered him half a crown : “ Undoubtedly, colonel,” replied the soldier, “ you. think I have only lost a pair of gloves.”

THIEF out witt f D. A citizen missed two pounds of fresh butter, which was to be reserved for himself. The maid, however, had not only stole it, but fastened the theft upon the cat ; averring, moreover, she caught her in the act of finishing the last inorsel. The wily cit immediately Put the kitten into the scales, and found it to weigh

but a pound and a half! This city mode of accurate reasoning being quite conclusive, the girl confessed her crime.

A CONNoisseur

Though born in this kingdom, he has travelled long enough to fall in love with every thing foreign, and despise every thing belonging to his own country, except himself. He pretends to be a great judge of paintings, but only admires those done a great way off and a great while ago; he cannot bear anything done by any of his own countrymen, and one day being in an auction room where there was a number of capital pictures, and among the rest an inimitable piece of painting of fruits and flowers; the connoisseur would not give his opinion of the picture until he had examined his catalogue, and finding it was done by an Englishman, he pulled out his eye-glass, “O Sir,” said he, “these English fellows have no more idea of genius than a Dutch skipper has of dancing a cotillion ; the dog has spoiled a fine piece of canvas; he's worse than a Harp-alley sign-post dauber; there's no keeping, no perspective, no fore-ground ; why there now, the fellow has attempted to paint a fly upon that rose-bud; why its no more like a fly than I am like an a-" But as the connoisseur approached his finger to the picture, the fly flew away.—His eyes -being half closed, this is called the wise man's wink, and shows he can see the world with half an eye; he has so wonderful a penetration, so inimitable a forecast, he always can see how every thing was to be— after the affair is over.


A counsel in the Common Pleas,
Who was esteem'd a mighty wit,
Upon the strength of a chance hit
Amid a thousand flippancies,
And his occasional bad jokes
In bullying, bantering, browbeating,
Ridiculing and maltreating
Women or other timid folks,
In a late cause resolved to hoax

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is LING-Ton worth tes. Here is Mr. Quick, who can scarcely walk, Mrs. White a decided tawny ; And Rhodes is supported by milk and chalk, And Miss Hogg is too lean to be brawny Mr. Flower's a flourishing Aaron's Rod, Hogarth's a garden-painter, French out of Britain has never trod, And Miss Rose than a lily is fainter.

Bracebridge an arch has never made,
Smith never beaten an anvil;

Miller knows nought of the floury trade,
And Stockstill will never be stand still ;

Grammar is heard in a public house,
A Post is as prim as a quaker;
And good Mister Lion, he squeaks like a mouse,
While old Mistress Stiff is a shaker.
Miss Brown is fair, and Miss Black is red,
...And Peter Blunt is civil ;
Nelson to sea was never bred,
Old Angel's a very “devil.”

Parry beats all by parrying law,
Stringer ne'er wound a reel.
Edge never used nor set a saw,
Nor Fast withstood a meal.
Le Dieu, sirs, keeps a house for beer;
Tom Paine's a godly fellow,
And in spite of Cobbett, he will appear
In o and bones, though sallow;

Tailor a stitch has never sown,
Serieant was ne'er enlisted,
Slim, with surprise, is lusty grown,
And Miss Roper's still untwisted.
Miss Martins never fledged their wings,
Miss Swallows never travel,
Miss Bird nor Starling ever sings,
Miss Stone is as soft as gravel.

Here's widow Jay completely dumb, Here's widow Cross good-natured; Here's Mr. Handy without a thumb, And-Cowie human featured.

Here's Mr. Fox without a tail,
Thomson, who is no poet, .

Cooper who cannot make a pail,
And Sell who will not show it.

Draper has never dealt in cloth,
Excepting his profession,
Armstrong has never killed a moth,
Or Garret kept possession. "
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, have ne'er
Been scribes in sacred writ;
Water's so dry, he covets beer,
And Lack entraps with wit; \
Jolly is sick, Gay is sad, -
Badger's a gentle fellow ;
Good, like his name, is rarely bad,
Or Pearman ever mellow. -
I’ve hosts of others left in store—
Anon, 1'll ring their changes,
When memory flings their pleasures o'er,
And fancy round them ranges;

For Islington contains such folks
As love with friends to mingle—

To please the married with the jokes,
And marry all the single.

Bell Ri NGING.

A poor Swiss, who was in the mad-house of Zurich, was rather afflicted by imbecility than madness, and was allowed his occasional liberty, which he never abused. All his happiness consisted in ringing the bells of the parish church; of this he was some. how deprived, and it plunged him into despair. At lenght he sought the governor, and said to him, “I come, sir, to ask a favour of you. I used to ring the bells; it was the only thing in the world in which I could make myself useful, but they will not let me do it any longer. Do me the pleasure then of cutting off my head ; I cannot do it myself, or I would save you the trouble.” Such an appeal produced his reestablishment in his former honours, and he died ringing the bells.


After performing one evening at Manchester, Cooke repaired to a small tavern near the theatre, in company with a friend; mirth and good-humour prevailed till twelve o'clock, when his friend perceiving, as he thought, a something lurking in his expressive eye which foretold a storm, he anxiously endeavoured to get him home before it burst forth. The importunity of his friend, instead of having the desired effect, precipitated what he had foreseen ; with a haughty, supercilious look, he said, “I see what you are about, you hypocritical scoundrel ! you canting, methodistical thief Am I, George Frederick Cooke, to be controlled by such a would-be puritan as you? I'll teach you to dictate to a tragedian s"—then pulling off his coat, and holding his fist in a menacing attitude, “Come out,” said he, “thou prince of deceivers! though thou hast faith to remove mountains, thou shalt not remove me—come out, I say!” With some difficulty he was pacified, and resumed his coat. There was a large fire in the room, before which stood a figure with his skirts under each arm, a pitiful imitation of buckism, very deficient in cleanliness and costume; his face was grimy, and his neckcloth of the same tint, which nevertheless was rolled in various folds about his throat; his hair was matted, and turned up under a round greasy hat, with narrow brims, conceitedly placed on one side of his head. Thus equipped, the filthy fop straddled before the fire, which he completely monopolized. At length he caught the eye of Cooke, who in silent amazement, for the space of half a minute, examined him from top to toe ; then turning to his friend, he burst into a horse laugh, and roared out, “Beau masty, by Heaven " Perhaps intimidated by Cooke's former bluster, this insensible puppy took little notice. Cooke now rose from his seat, and taking up the skirts of his own coat in imitation of the beau, turned his back to the fire. “Warm work in the back settlements, sir,” said he; then approaching still nearer, as if he had some secret to communicate, whispered, though loud enough for every one to hear, “Pray, sir, how is soap o' “Soap " “Yes, sir, soap—they say

it is coming down.” “I am glad of it.” “Indeed, sir, you have cause, if one may judge from your appearance.” Here was a general laugh, which the beau seemed not to regard, but nodding his head and hitting his boots with a small rattan, rang the bell with an air of importance, and inquired if he could have a “weal kittet, or a mutten chip 2" “What do you think,” said Cooke, “of a roasted puppy 2 because,” taking up the poker, “I will spit you and roast you in a minute.” This had a o: effect upon the dirty beau; he retreated towards the door, Cooke following with the poker. “Avaunt, and quit my sight; thy face is dirty, and thy hands unwashed, avaunt' avaunt' I say :"—then replacing the poker and returning to his seat, he continued, “being gone, I am a man again.”

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