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The person who had to put the interrogatory varied the words, but strictly preserved the sense. e said, “Is this young lady your daughter " To which Bransley very pompously replied, “I am I?’
Chi Afta CTERS OF A Diti NKING CLUB, *BY A MEMBER,
You must know then that our club consists of at least forty members when complete. Of these, many are now in the country; and besides, we have some vacancies which cannot be filled up till next winter. Palsies and apoplexies have of late, I don't know why, been pretty rife among us, and carried off a good many. It is not above a week ago, that poor Tom Toastwell fell on a sudden under the table, as we thought only a little in drink, but he was carried home and never spoke more. Those whom you will probably meet with to-day are, first of all, Lord Feeble, a nobleman of admirable sense, a true fine gentleman, and, for a man of . a pretty ciassic. He has lived rather fast formerly, and impaired his constitution by sitting up late and drinking your thin sharp wines. He is still what you call nervous, which makes him a little low-spirited and reserved at first; but he grows very affable and cheerful as soon as he has warmed his stomach with about a bottle of good claret. Sir Tunbelly Guzzle is a very worthy north-country baronet, of a good estate, and one who was beforehand in the world, till being twice chosen knight of the shire, and having in consequence got a retty employment at court, he ran out considerably. - He has left of house-keeping, and is now upon a retrieving scheme. He is the heartiest, honestest fellow living; and though he is a man of few words, I can assure you he does not want sense. He had a university education, and has a good notion of the classics. The poor man is confined half the year at least with the gout, and has besides an inveterate scurvy, which I cannot account for: no man can live more regularly; he eats nothing but plain meat, and very little of that: he drinks no thin wines, and never sits up late; for he has his full dose by eleven.
Colonel Culverin is a brave old experienced officer though but a lieutenant-colonel of foot. Between you and me he has had a great injustice done hun, and is now commanded by many who were not born when he came first into the army. He has served in Ireland, Minorca, and Gibraltar; and would have been in all the late battles in Flanders, had the regiment been ordered there. It is a pleasure to hear him talk of war. He is the best-natured man alive, but a little too jealous of his honour, and too apt to be in a passion; but that is soon over, and then he is sorry for it. I fear he is dropsical, which I impute to his drinking your Champaigns and Burgundies. He got that ill habit abroad. Sir George Pliant is well born, has a genteel scitune, keeps the very best company, and is to be suit one of the best-bred men alive: he is so good-natured, that he seems to have no will of his own. He will drink as little or as much as you please, and no matter of what. He has been a mighty man with the ladies formerly, and loves the crack of the whip still. He is our newsmonger; for being a gentleman of the privy chamber, he goes to court every day, and cono knows pretty well what is going forward there. Poor gentleman? I fear we shall not keep him long; for he seems far gone in a consumption, though the doctors say it is only a nervous atrophy. Will Sitfast is the best-natured fellow living, and an excellent companion, though he seldom speaks; but he is no flinchcr, and sits every man's hand out at the club. He is a very good scholar, and can write very pretty Latin verses. I doubt he is in a declining way; for a paralytic stroke has lately twitched up one side of his mouth so, that he is uow obliged to take his wine diagonally. However, he keeps up his spirits bravely, and never shams his glass. Dr. Carbuncle is an honest, jolly, merry, parson, well affected to the government, and much of a gentleman. He is the life of our club, instead of being the least restraint upon it. He is an admirable scholar, and I really believe has all Horace by heart, I know he has him always in his pocket. His red face, inflamed nose, and swelled legs, make him generally thought a hard drinker by those who do not know
‘in; but I must do him the Justice to say, that I eversaw him disguised with liquor in my life. It is ot, he is a very large man, and can hold a great o, which makes the colonel call him pleasantly tough, a vessel of election.
ax Aurilor’s Introduction to the club.
My friend presented me to the company, in what He thought the most obliging manuer; but which, I ofess, put me a little out of countenance. “Give * leave, gentlemen,” said he, “to present to you my old friend, the ingenious author of the World.” lot word author instantly excited the attention of the *le company, and drew all their eyes upon me : of people who are not apt to write themselves, have “stauge curiosity to see a live author. The gentleon received me in common, with those gestures that dinate welcome ; and I, on Iny part, respectfully ottered some of those nothings which stand instead of the something one should say, aud perhaps do full is well. The weather being hot, the gentlemen were reHeshing themselves before dinner, with what they alled a cool tankard, in which they successively rank to me. When it came to my turn, I thought I ould not decently decline drinking the gentlemen's healths, which I did aggregately: but how was I surprised, when upon the first taste I discovered that this cooling and refreshing draught was composed of the strongest, mountain wine, lowered indeed with 4 very little lemon and water, but then heightened again, by a quantity of those comfortable aromatics, Lutmeg and ginger! Dinner, which had been called or more than once with some impatience, was at last brought up, upon the colonel's threatening perdition to the master and all the waiters of the house, if it was delayed two minutes longer.—We sat down without ceremony, and we were no sooner sat down, than every body, except myself, drank every body's health, which made a tumultuous kind of noise. I observed with surprise, that the common quantity of wine was put into glasses of an immense size and weight; but my surprise ceased when I saw the tremulous hands that took then), and for which I
supposed they were intended as ballast. But even
who thought himself obliged to articulate upon this occasion, said he was not sure it was a mixed wine, but that indeed it drank down. “If that is all,” interrupted the doctor, “let us e'en drink it up then. Or, if that won't do, since we cannot have the true Falernum, let us take up for once with the vile Sabinum. What say you, gentlemen, to good honest Port, which I am convinced is a much wholesomer stomach wine?” My friend, who in his heart loves Port better than any other wine in the world, willingly seconded the doctor's motion, and spoke very favourably of your Portugal wines in general, if neat. Upon this some was immediately brought up, which I observed my friend and the doctor stuck to the whole evening. I could not help asking the doctor if he really preferred Port to lighter wines? To which he answered, “You know, Mr. Fitz-Adam, that use is second nature, and Port is in a manner mother's milk to me; for it is what my Alma Mater suckles all her numerous progeny with.” I silently assented to the doctor's account, which I was convinced was a true one, and then attended to the judicious animadversions of the other gentlemen upon the claret, which were still continued, though at the same time they continued to drink it. I hinted my surprise at this to Sir Tunbelly, who gravely answered me, and in a moving way, “Why, what can we do?” “Not drink it,” replied I, “since it is not good.” “But what will you have us do and how shall we pass the evening 2" rejoined the baronet. “One cannot go home at five o'clock.” “That depends a great deal upon use,” said I. “It may be so, to a certain degree,” said the doctor. “But give me leave to ask you, Mr. Fitz-Adam, you who drink nothing but water, and live much at home, how do you keep up your spirits?” “Why, doctor,” said I, “ as I never lowered my spirits by strong liquors, I do not want to raise them.” Here we were interrupted by the colonel's raising his voice and indignation against the Burgundy and Champaign, swearing that the former was ropy, and the latter upon the fret, and not without some suspicion of cider and sugar-candy; notwithstanding which, he drank, in a bumper of it, Confusion to the town of
Bristol and the bottle act. “It was a shame,” he said, “that gentlemen could have no good Burgundies and Ciampaigns for the sake of some increase of the revenue, the manufacture of glass bottles, and such sort of stuff.” Sir George confirmed the same, adding, that it was scandalous; and the whole company agreed, that the new parliament would certainly repeal so absurd an act the very first session; but if they did not, they hoped they would receive instructions for that purpose from their constituents. “To be sure,” said the colonel. “What a d d rout they made about the repeal of the Jew-bill, for which nobody cared one farthing.— But by the way,” continued he, “I think, every body has done eating, and therefore had we not better have the dinner taken away, and the wine set upon the table '''. To this the company gave an unanimous Ay. While this was doing, I asked my friend, with seeming seriousness, whether no part of the dinner was to be served up again, when the wine should be set upon the table He seemed surprised at my question, and asked me if 1 was hungry To which I answered, no; but asked him in my turn if he was dry 2 To which he also answered, no. “Then pray,” replied I, “why not as well eat without being hungry, as drink without being dry 1”— My friend was so stunned with this, that he attempted no reply, but stared at me with as much astonishment as he would have done at my great ancestor Adam in his primitive state of nature. The cloth was now taken away, and the bottles, glasses, and dish-clouts, put upon the table, when Will Sitfast, who I found was a perpetual toastmaster, took the chair of course, as the man of application to business. He began the king's health in a bumper, which circulated in the same manner, not without some nice examinations of the chairman, as to day-light. The bottle standing by me, I was called upon by the chairman, who added, that, though a water-drinker, he hoped I would not refuse that health in wine ! I begged to be excused, and told him that I never drank his majesty's health at all, though no one of his subjects wished it more heartily than I did. That hitherto it had not appeared to me that there could be the least relation between the wine. I drank, and the king's state of health; and that till I was convinced that impairing my own health would improve his majesty's, I was resolved to preserve the use of my faculties and my limbs to employ both in his service, if he should ever have occasion for them. I had foreseen the consequences of this refusal; and though my friend had answered for my principles, I easily #... an air of suspicion in the countenances of the company; and I overheard-the colonel whisper to Lord Feeble, "This author is a very odd dog.”
AN Author's New suit.
An author, who was on very good terms with himself, but extremely poor and shabby, being in company, where he heard a gentleman repeat a Passage from some of his writings, exclaimed: "There, you see, he quotes me!”—“Yes,” said Catles Bannister, “and if he was to waist-coat you o, you would not be the worse for it.”
A dra AMATIC Mu RDER.
An Irish gentleman, named Mahon, an amateur of the drama, once took it into his head to play the Part of Major O'Flaherty, in the comedy of The West *ian.—He acted like any thing ; and, at the conosion of the play, was convinced he could never ope to make any other than a pitiful figure upon the *ge. The same night, he supped at a tavern with * Party of friends; where they stayed late, and got *ry drunk. In their way home, one of the company **e Mahon into custody of the patrole, on a charge * *rder! protesting he had seen him commit the *frid act.—Mahon was confined for the night, and *en before a justice next morning.—The magistrate *n, demanded of the gentleman, who had given * charge, on whom Mr. Mahon had committed the *adful deed, of which he stood accused—whom *d he murdered?—"A very worthy gentleman, oned Major O'Flaherty,” replied the other; “ and * treated him with less mercy than you would a
*** blind puppies, sirteen to the litter?”
M. R. Fox AND J Ack RobiNSON.
The late Mr. Fox, in the course of a speech in the House of Commons, when he was enlarging on the influence exercised by government over the members, observed, that it was generally understood that there was a person employed by the minister as manager of the House of Commons; here there was a general cry of “Name him.' name him "-"No,” said Mr. Fox, “I don't choose to name him, though I might do it as easily as say Jack Robinson.” John Robinson was really his name.
currency. A drunken fellow carried his wife's bible to pawn for a quartern of gin to the alehouse, but the landlord refused to take it. “What the devil?” said the fellow, “will neither my word nor the word of God pass current with you?”
sin George roor.
Sir George Rook, before he was made admiral, served as a captain of marines upon their first establishment; and being quartered on the coast of Essex, where the ague made havoc among his men, the minister of the village where he lay was so harassed with the duty, that he refused to bury any more of them without being paid his accustomed fees. The . made no words, but the next that died he ordered to be carricq to the minister's house, and laid upon the table of his great hall; this greatly embarrassed the poor clergyman, who in the fulness of his heart sent the captain word, “That if he would cause the dead man to be taken away, he would never more dispute it with him, but would readily bury him and his whole company for nothing.”
DEAN swift's INventony
of household goods, upon his lending his house to the Bishop of Meath, till his palace was rebuilt. An oaken broken elbow chair, A caudle cup without an ear, A batter'd, shatter'd, ash bedstead, A box of deal without a lid,
A pair of tongs beat out of joint,
- One is for meal, and one for water;
Which runs as fast out as you fill it;
The secretary of a literary society being requested to draw up “a definition of a good fellow,” applied to the members of the club, individually, for such hints as they could furnish, when he received the following:—
Mr. Golightly.—A good fellow is one who rides blood horses, drives four-in-hand, speaks when he's spoken to, sings when he's asked, always turns his back on a dun, and never on a friend.
Mr. Le Blanc.—A good fellow is one who studies deep, reads trigonometry, and burns love songs; has a most cordial aversion for dancing and D'Egville, and would rather encounter a cannon than a fancy ball.
Hon. G. Montgomery.—A good fellow is one who abhors moralists and mathematics, and adores the classics and Caroline Mowbray.
Sir T. Wentworth-A good fellow is one who attends the Fox dinners, and drinks the queen's health, who goes to the Indies to purchase independence, and would rather encounter a buffalo than a boroughmonger
Mr. M. Sterling.—A good fellow is a good neighbour, a good citizen, a good relation; in short, a ood man. Mr. M'Farlane.—A good fellow is a bonnie braw John Hielandman. Mr. O'Connor—A good fellow is one who talks loud and swears louder; cares little about learning, and less about his neckcloth; loves whiskey, patronises bargemen, and wears nails in his shoes. Mr. Musgrave—A good fellow is prime-flash— and bang-up. - Mr. Burton. A good fellow is one who knows “what's what,” keeps accounts, and studies Cocker. Mr. Rowley. A good fellow likes turtle and cold punch, drinks Port when he can't get Champagne, and dines on mutton with sir Robert, when he can't get venison at o lord's. . Mr. Lozell. A good fellow is something com- . pounded of the preceding. Mr. Oakley. A good fellow is something perfectly different from the preceding, -or Mr. Oakley is all ass.
N0 soon ER SAID THAN DONE. Jeremy Whive, one of Oliver Cromwell's domestic chaplains, paid his addresses to lady Frances, the Protector's youngest daughter. Oliver was told of it by a spy; who followed the matter so closely, that he pursued Jerry to the lady's chamber, and ran immediately to the Protector with this news. Oliver in a rage hastened thither himself, and going in hastily, found Jerry on his knees, kissing the lady's hand. in a fury he asked what was the meaning of that posture before his daughter. White said, “ May it please your highness, I have a long time courted that young gentlewoman there, my lady's woman, and cannot prevail; I was therefore humbly praying her