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continue in the field, and lie at my colonel's quarters. Arthur is very well; but I can give you no account of Elms: he was in the hospital before I came into the field. I will not pretend to give you an account of the battle, knowing you have a better in the prints. Pray give my service to Mrs. Cook and her daughter, to Mr. Stoffet and his wife, and to Mr. Lyver, and Thomas Hogsdon, and to Mr. Ragdell, and to all my friends and acquaintance in general who do ask after me. My love to Mrs. Stevenson. I am sorry for the sending such ill news. Her husband was gathering a little money together to send to his wife, and put it into my hands. I have seven shillings and threepence, which I shall take care to send her. Wishing your wife a safe delivery, and both of you all happiness, rest—Your assured friend and comrade, - “Jon N HALL. “We had but an indifferent breakfast; but the Mounseers never had such a dinner in their lives. “My kind love to my comrade Hinton, and Mrs. Morgan, and to John Brown and his wife. I sent Stevenson two shillings and sixpence to drink with you at Mr. Cook's; but I have heard nothing from him. It was by Mr. Edgar. “Corporal Hartwell desires to be remembered to you, and desires you to inquire of Edgar, what is become of his wife Peg; and when you write, to send word in your letter what trade she drives. “We have here very bad weather, which I doubt will be a hinderance to the siege; but I am in hopes we shall be masters of the town in a little time, and then I believe we shall go to garrison.”
The will of A virtuoso.
I, Nicholas Gimcrack, being in sound health of mind, but in great weakness of body, do by this my last will and testament bestow my worldly goods and chattels in manner following: Imprimis, to my dear wife,
One box of butterflies,
One drawer of shells,
A female skeleton,
A dead cocatrice,
Item, To my daughter Elizabeth, My receipt for preserving dead caterpillars, As also my preparations of winter May-dew, and embryo-pickle. Item, To my little daughter Fanny, Three crocodile's eggs. And upon the birth of her first child, if she marries with her mother's consent, The nest of a humming-bird. Item, To my eldest brother, as an acknowledgment for the lands he has vested in my son Charles, I bequeathMy last year's collection of grasshoppers. Item, To his daughter Susanna, being his only child, I bequeath my English weeds pasted on royal paper, With my large folio of Indian cabbage. Item, To my learned and worthy friend Doctor Johannes Elscrickius, professor in anatomy, and my associate in the studies of Nature, as an eternal monument of my affection and friendship for him, I bequeath My rat's tail and Whale's fin, to him and his issue-male ; and in default of such issue in the said Doctor Elscrickius, then to return to my executor and his heirs for ever. Having fully provided for my nephew Isaac, by making over to him some years since A horned scarabaeus, The skin of a rattlesnake, and, The mummy of an Egyptian King, I make no farther provision for him in this my will. My eldest son John having spoke disrespectfully of his little sister, whom I keep by me in spirits of wine, and in many other instances behaved himself undutifully towards me, I do disinherit, and wholly cut off from any part of this my personal estate, by giving him a single cockle-shell. To my second son Charles, I give and bequeath all my flowers, plants, minerals, mosses, shells, pebbles, fossils, beetles, butterflies, caterpillars, grasshoppers, and vermin, not above specified: As also all my monsters both wet and dry; making the said Charles whole
he paying, or causing to be paid, the aforesaid legacies within the space of six months after my decease. And I do hereby revoke all other wills whatsoever by me formerly made.
CALAMITIES OF AN AUTHOR,
A young author, a man of good-nature and learning, once complained of the misplaced generosity of the times. Here, said he, have I spent part of j youth in attempting to instruct and amuse my fellow-creatures, and all my reward has been solitude, poverty, and reproach; while a fellow, possessed even of the smallest share of fiddling merit, or who has, perhaps, learned to whistle double, is rewarded, applauded, and caressed! Prithee, young man, said a friend to him, are you ignorant, that, in so large a city as this is, it is better to be an amusing than an useful member of society Can you leap up, and touch your feet four times before you come to the o ! No, Sir. Can you pimp for a man of quality ? No, Sir. Can you stand upon two horses at full speed No, Sir. Can you swallow a pen-knife? I can do none of these tricks. Why, then, cried I, there is no other prudent means of subsistence left, but to apprize the town, that you speedily intend to eat up your own nose by subscription.
Lond how e. When the fleet commanded by earl Howe was so long stationed at Torbay, just previous to his signal victory over the French, the inhabitants used to play upon his name, saying : Lord Howe be went out ! Lord Howe he came in ' After the victory, the following toast was much in vogue. May the French know Howe to be master of the seas. A NATURAL Acron. Mr. Miller, the comedian, had a strong predilection for juvenile characters. Mrs. Achmet, late of Covent Garden theatre, being engaged to play a few nights at Shrewsbury, selected Juliet for her first part; and the gay Mr. Miller put his own name up for Romeo. on the garden scene, with true tragic solemnity, he
and sole executor of this my last will and testament,
Mr. Sheridan was once on a visit to the duke of Bedford, at Woburn, when preparations were making to take the field against the partridges on the first of September. A learned barrister of the Party was endeavouring to improve his skill by firing at a mark, which he could never hit, and, in excuse for his bad aim, complained of his dog, which was not well trained, and who, at every moment he was about to fire his piece, always jumped up against the mark, “although,” said he, “I thought he was as sagacious an animal as ever lived.” “ Sagacious indeed," said Mr. Sheridan, “and he has proved it, for I can't conceive he could be any where so safe from your shot, as by flying at the mark you aim at.”
“Did you e'er see a ghost in your watchings, I pray?
THE TRADE AND MYSTERY of KINGLY Gover NMENT IN ENGLAN id, Scotch Jemmy, the presumptive bastard of an Italian fiddler, was born in Scotland. Turning out a bonny lad, and of quick parts, he was put out apprentice, in that kingdom, to the business of King-craft, (on which he afterwards wrote a treatise, and called it by that name;) to this he served part of his time there, and the remainder in England as a turnover: he dying— * Charles his son succeeded him; but, arabitiously grasping at too much business, proved unfortunate, and left the shop to his son: he made large additions to his father's work, by interweaving it with priestcraft. Charles the Second was for some time kept out of possession by one Oliver, Cromwell, who took the shop over his father's head; and who, although not regularly bred, proved a most subtile, industrious, and able workinan. Cromwell dying, this Charles came and opened shop; but carried on business very indifferently, owing, as it is said to bad company, being much addicted to lewd women, revelling with buffoons, jesters, and stage-players: he dying— Jemmy the Second, his brother, an apprentice, came on trial; but breaking his oath with his masters, he forfeited his indenture, ran away, and
was transported for life; and though his son and his
grandson have endeavoured to follow the business abroad, they have turned out but mere Pretenders. He was succeeded by oneWilliam, a Dutchman, who married before he embarked from Holland; and though some authors
say he did not wait for an invitation, yet as he had given some good-will, he took the stock at a fair appraisement, and set up on the old so where he and his wife got a comfortable ivelihood: they dying— - 'Ain. his wife's sister, came in by her own right, and carried on business with great o while she employed honest and experienced journeymen ; but, turning these away, her credit sunk, extremely towards the latter end of her time, through the blunders and mismanagement of one Harley, her foreman, aud some others. She dying without issue, in that case the business, which was much extended by William the Dutchman, was left to the present family, the first of whom was— George, and whom we shall call the first; who was succeeded by his son— George the Second ; who, with his father, were very good sort of men, though both were much blamed for neglecting their business, by gadding to a dirty farm called Hanover; his namesake and grandSon – George the Third began with a fair prospect; but, being over-ruled and miguided by a favourite servant, lost great part of the business. A pit up E N t w i re. The late Mrs. Williams (an actress, and wife to a [...". being at Birmingham, one summer, with er husband, they advertised, for their benefit, “a favourite song, with accompaniments on the French horns, by Mr. Williams.— On the night no horns came, and Mrs. Williams ran about the theatre, declaring she was ruined: the musicians had disappointed her, and he could not sing his song without horns.—“Never mind,” said a musician present, “that cannot be any drawback—you have taken care that he shall never be without horns."
GEORGE CO1, M.A.N. Mr. Colman the younger inquired, one very sultry evening, if the performers' orders went ; and, being answered in the negative, he exclaimed: “Why, it is so hot that flesh and Isood can't bear it; and, surely, the bones ought to go!”
The watchMAN's Mist Axe.
One frosty night, a few weeks since, not more,
Still Charley shrewdly guess'd how matters were,
A celebrated professor thinking to perplex an unfortunate pupil, one day put him the following question: “Pray, sir, can you tell me how long a man may live without brains?”. To which the pupil, looking up in the face of the interrogator, promptly but unexpectedly replied, “How old may you be yourself. professor "
EconoMY IN BUSINESS.
Messrs. Bowden and Masters, two English riders, meeting one night in their travels, the conversation over the bottle turned on the extensive business carried on by their respective houses. Bowden, zealous to prove the superiority of his own, enumerated many extraordinary instances, and finally wound * his climax with saying, “that the business of his ho was so extensive that in their correspondence only it cost them 150l. yearly in the article of ink.”
Masters replied, “Why, Bowden, do you advance that as a proof of your superiority to our house?”— -- I do.”
“Poo, poo, man!” said Masters, “why, we save that sum yearly in our house in that very article, by omitting only the dots to the is and the strokes to the t's.
sh Avi No. A consci ENCF.
Judge Jefferies taking a dislike to an evidence who had a long beard, told him, “that if his conscience was as large as his beard, he had a swinging one.” To which the witness replied: “My lord, if you measure consciences by beards, you have none at all."
of ambuscade: his soul to that of divines; his body to that of physicians; and his wealth to that of lawyers.”
o Richi Eli EU's AM BITIow.
When Peter the Great saw the tomb of cardinal Richelieu in Sarbonne, he exclaimed, “Illustrious statesman' if alive I would give you one half of my empire, if you would teach me to rule the other.” A Frenchman who was present observed, “Your majesty would do wrong, for if the cardinal had the one half, you would not be able to keep the other long.”
LIMITS OF PAPA I. J U R is diction.
Cardinal Cervini complained to Leo the Tenth that Michael Angelo had painted him in hell in his picture of the Last Judgment. “If the painter,” said the pope, “had placed your eminence in purgatory I could have drawn you thence, but as he has placed you in the infernal regions, my power does not extend so far.”
THE CHIVALROUs Bishop.
Richard Coeur de Lion having taken a fighting bishop prisoner, the pope claimed him as one of his spiritual sons. The king Jocosely sent the pope the hacked and bloody armour of the bishop, saying, “ Lo, this have I found, now know thou if it be thy son's coat or no '''
It est LESS Gover NM ENT.
Muly Moloch, emperor of Morocco, spent his whole time in devising plans to keep the minds of his subjects engaged. “If a parcel of rats,” said he once to the British ambassador, “are permitted to remain in a bag, they'll eat it—but if you keep shaking it, they will not.
crit ERION or AG F.
Count Grammont who lived to a very advanced age, always scrupulously avoided making it known. One day while at dinner with Louis XIV. and the bishop of Soulis, who was also very aged, the monarch inquired of the divine whether he knew the age of the count Grammont. “I am eighty-four, sire,” replied the bishop, “and when the count and myself studied together at college, he was precisely
Margaret of Austria was affianced to the eldest son of the king of Spain, who dying, she was then betrothed by proxy to his second son, and being in a vessel bound to Spain, to consummate the marriage ceremony, a storm arose and the vessel was on the point of sinking, when this princess, who was gifted with a most magnanimous spirit, very far from being struck with fear at the imminent danger she was in, wrote the following couplet:
Ci-git la gentille demoiselle
Mr. Bransley (a comedian, some years since, on Drury-lane boards) could never vary in the least from the text of the author; and, if any other person on the stage with him fell into that error, Bransley generally produced some whimsical effect, by adhering too closely to the original words. He was playing one night, and this question being put to him—
“Are you this young lady's father "
had to say—“I am.”