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For thus he sung; while Cupid smild
| Back through the hall she bent her way; Pleas'd that the gard'ner own'd his dart,
All, all was solitude around ! Which prun'd his passions running wild,
The candle shed a feeble ray, And grafted true-love on his heart.
Though a large mould of four to th' pound. Maid of the moor! his love return !
Full closely to the fire she drew;
Adown her cheek a salt tear stole ;
And in her apron burnt a hole!
Spiders their busy death-watch tick'd Though pure as heaven's own snowy flake ;
A certain sign that fate will frown; Both lov’d: and though a gard'ner he,
The clumsy kitchen clock, too, click’d, He knew not what it was to rake.
A certain sign it was not down. Cold blows the blast-the night's obscure ;
More strong and strong her terrors rose : The mansion's crazy wainscots crack;
Her shadow did the maid appal ; No star appear'd, -and all the moor,
She trembled at her lovely nose, Like ev'ry other moor,-was black.
It look'd so long against the wall. Alone, pale, trembling, near the fire,
Up to her chamber damp and cold, The lovely Molly Dumpling sat :
She climb'd lord Hoppergollop's stair : Much did she fear, and much adınire
Three stories high-long, dull, and old, What Thomas Gard'ner could be at.
As great lords' stories often are. List’ning, her hand supports her chin;
All nature now appear'd to pause ; But, ah! no foot is heard to stir :
And “o'er one half the world seem'd dead;" He comes not, from the garden, in;
No “curtain'd sleep” had she--because Nor he, nor little bob-tail cur.
She had no curtains to her bed. They cannot come, sweet maid, to thee;
List’ning she lay ;-with iron din Flesh, both of cur and man, is grass!
The clock struck twelve ; the door flew wide ; And what's impossible can't be ;
When Thomas grimly glided in, And never, never comes to pass !
With little Bob-tail by his side. She paces through the hall antique,
Tall, like the poplar, was his size ; To call her Thomas from his toil ;
Green, green his waiscoat was, as leeks ; Opes the huge door ; the hinges creak
Red, red as beet-root were his eyes ; Because-the hinges wanted oil.
Pale, pale, as turnips were his cheeks! Thrice, on the threshold of the hall,
Soon as the spectre she espied, She“ Thomas !" cried, with many a sob i
The fear-struck damsel faintly said, And thrice on Bob-tail did she call,
“What would my Thomas ?" he replied, Exclaiming sweetly “Bob ! Bob! Bob!"
“Oh! Molly Dumpling! I am dead. Vain maid! a gard'ner's corpse, 'tis said,
" All in the flower of youth I fell, In answers can but ill succeed ;
Cut off with health's full blossom crown'd; And dogs that hear when they are dead,
I was not ill—but in a well Are very cunning dogs indeed !
I tumbled backwards, and was drown'd.
COPPER AND BRASS.
“Four fathom deep thy love doth lie ;
calculate the extent of such a stride; but I know it His faithful dog his fate doth share ;
immediately lies in the line of your trade to tell me, We're fiends—this is not he and I;
how many yards of cloth would make a pair of We are not here,for we are there.
breeches for that angel.” “Yes; two foul water-fiends are we ;
Maid of the moor, attend us now! Thy hour's at hand-we come for thee!"
Counsellor Dunning thinking to embarrass a witThe little fiend-cur said, “ bow, wow!"
ness having a Bardolphian nose, began with, “ Now " To wind her in her cold, cold grave,
you, Mr. with the copper nose, now you are sworn, A Holland sheet a maiden likes;
what have you to say ?"—"Why, by the oath I have A sheet of water thou shalt have ;
sworn," replied he, “I would not exchange my copSuch sheets there are in Holland dykes.”
per nose for your brazen face." The fiends approach ; the maid did shrink;
CROSS READINGS IN VERSE. Swift through the night's foul air they spin ; Every line in this piece is taken from standard poetiThey took her to the green well's brink,
cal writers, and each real separately makes good And, with a souse, they plump'd her in.
sense ; the humour lies in the combination, So true the fair, so true the youth,
The flow'ry May now from her green lap throwsMaids, to this day, their story tell :
Cato's long wig, flower'd gown, and lacquer'd And hence the proverb rose, that Truth
chairLies in the bottom of a well.
COLMAN. With Scythians expert in darts and bows THE HOLY TAILOR AND DEAN SWIFT.
A satire next, and then a bill of fare. A tailor, grown tired of his shop-board, took a bold Starting and shiv’ring in th' inconstant wind spring from his seat to the pulpit, and soon acquired The weary world lies sunk in soft reposepreal popularity. Elated with the success, he at- And shuts the gates of mercy on mankindlempted the conversion of Dean Swift to the true And sometimes gallops o'er a courtier's nose. faith. On being admitted to the dean, he thus an- The sun himself with gloomy clouds opprest Dounced his purpose : "I am come,” said he, “ by Renounces four legs, and starts up on twoorder of the Lord, to open your eyes, to enlighten your 'Twas then his threshold first receiv'd a guestdarkness, and to teach you the proper application of Who stays on shore, and toys with Sall and Sue. talents which you have so long abused. Indeed,
Each feather’d warbler tunes his various layny good friend,” replied the dean, who knew the taylor, “ I am inclined to believe that you are com
Transform'd to combs the speckled and the white
Long as the night to her whose love's awaymissioned by Heaven, as you come so critically to
On spacious wings with sundry colours dight. relieve the perplexed state of my mind at this very instant." The tailor already exulted in the cer- Like some fair flow'r the early spring supplies-tainty of success. “You are well acquainted, no
Satan himself will toll the parish belldoubt," continued Swift,“ with that passage in the Where in a box the whole creation lies tenth chapter of the Revelation of St. John, where By much too wise to walk into a well. be describes a mighty angel coming down from hea- So have I seen on some bright summer's dayYes, with a rainbow on his head, a book open in his The vulgar boil, the learned roast an egghand, and setting his right foot on the sea, and his Where rougher climes a nobler race displayleft foot on the earth. I am quite at a loss how to A dedication is--a wooden leg.
On some fond breast the parting soul relies--- the Greek did not fail to quote the numerous sages
Brushing with hasty steps the dews away which his country had produced of old. True," With waddling gait, and voice like London cries answered the Venetian, "you formerly had so many,
Nor stops for one bad cork his butler's pay. which accounts for your not having one left." Full many a flower is born to blush unseen
THE SLEEPY CHANCELLOR, For thunder mars small beer and weak discourse.
A wit at Cambridge, in the reign of James I., was And hurts the vengeance of the laws on gin
ordered to preach at St. Mary's, before the vice-chaoTo prove, like Hudibras, a man's no horse.
cellor and the heads of the university. He fermerly But now the clouds in airy tumult fly
had observed the drowsiness of the vice-chancellot, Their teeth will be no whiter than before
and took this piece of scripture for his text, ital, While England lives, their fame can never die cannot ye watch one hour ? At every division, be For still new harlequins remain in store.
concluded with his text, which, as the vice-chanceForth with the huge portcullis high updrew
lor sat near the pulpit, often awaked him. This was In shape no bigger than an agate stone
the talk of the whole university, and so netiled the Whose feet came wand'ring o'er the nightly dew
vice-chancellor, that he complained to the archbishop And boldly fought to save the British throne, of Canterbury, who sent for this scholar to London to
defend himself against the crime laid to his charge, Th' applause of list’ning senates to commandLet me extol a cat on oysters ted
when he gave so many proofs of his extraor
dinary wit, that the archbishop'enjoined him to His wig all powder, and all suuff his band
preach before king James; after some excuses he O'er the dark trees a yellower verdure shed.
condescended, and coming into the pulpit, begin Now Night in vestments rob’d of deepest dye James the First and the Sirth, worer not--meaning
With new-born Day bad gladden'd mortal sight the first king of England, and the sixth of Scotland--To whom Ulysses with a pleasing eye
at first the king was somewhat amazed at the test, With head advanc'd, and pinions stretch'd for but the end was so well pleased with the sermon, fight.
that he made him one of the chaplains in ordinary. Ah! think, thou favour'd of the powers divine After this advancement, the archbishop sent him On the forefinger of an alderman
down to Cambridge to make his recantation to the To grace thy manes, and adorn thy shrine vice-chancellor, and to take leave of the university; And pierce aloft in air the soaring swan.
which he accordingly did, and took the latter part of
the verse of his former text, Sleep on row', and teke Friendship! mysterious cement of the soul !
Arm'd with a pudding that might please a dean your rest. Concluding his sermon, he made his Scours wild along, disdaining all controul
apology to the vice-chancellor, saying, "whereas I And murders fops by whom she ne'er was seen.
said before (which gave offence) what, cannot yo*
watch one hour? I say now, Sleep on, and take your So when a lion shakes his dreadful mane
rest, and so left the university.
A very indifferent poet having read to a friend what he deemed the choice parts of a pretty long
poem, inquired “Which were the passages he most A Greek and a Venetian held a dispute on the ad- approved ?" " Those which you have not yet read," vantages of their respective countries, during which replied the other.
ALL AT ONCE.
EPITAPH ON A LAWYER.
found we had no means to discharge the reckoning. A man said he sung as well as most men in Europe, I had recourse to a stratagem. Observing a child ill and thus proved it: the most men in Europe do not of an ague, I pretended I had a spell to cure her. I nag well, therefore I sing as weil as most men in wrote the classic line you see on a scrap of parchEurope.
ment, and was discharged of the demand on me by TIE CHANGED LAIS.
the gratitude of the poor woman before us, for the O Venus ! whelm'd in sorrow o'er,
supposed benefit." My broken glass I bring to thee; For what I was it shows no more,
Here lies a lawyer,--one whose mindAnd what I am I dare not see.
(Like that of all the lawyer-kind)
Resembled, though so grave and stately, A wag passing through a country town, observed The pupil of a cat's eye greatly,– a fellow placed in the stocks. “My friend," said he, Which for the mousing deeds transacted “ I addvise you by all means to sell out.” « I should In holes and corners, is well fitted, have no obiection your honour," he replied drily, “but But which in sunshine, grows contracted, al present they seem much too low."
As it 'twould,--rather not admit it,
As if in short, a man would quite When Lord Chief Justice Holt presided in the Threw time away who tried to let in a Court of King's Bench, a poor decrepit old creature Decent portion of God's light was brought before him, charged as a criminal, on On lawyer's mind or pussy's retina. shem the full severity of the law ought to he visited Hence when he took to politics, with exemplary effect. The charges were opened. As a refreshing change of evil, "What is her crime?" asked his Lordship.“ Witch Unfit with grand affairs to mix, Craft,"_" How is it proved ?”—“She has a power
His little nisi prius tricks, ful spell."-" Let me see it.”—The spell was handed Like imps at bo-peep, play'd the devil; to the bench; it appeared a small ball of variously And proved that when a small law wit, coloured rags of silk, bouud with threads of as many Of statesmanship attempts the trial, different hues; these were unwound and unfolded, "Tis like a player on the kit, uzoi there appeared a serap of parchment, on which Put all at once to a bass yiol. were written certain characters' now nearly illegible Nay, even when honest, (which he could
Is this the spell ?”—The prose Be, now and then,) still quibbling daily, tors answered it was. The jud e, after looking He served his country as he would 2 sais patent charm a few moments, addressed him A client thief at the Old Bailey. bel to the terrified prisoner. “ Prisoner, how came But,--do him justice,-short and rare fu by this ?”—“A young gentleman, iny Lord,.gave His wish through honest paths to roam; u 10 me, to cure my child's ague.'
- How long
Born with a taste for the unfair, Flore!"-"Thirty years, my Lord."—"And did it cure Where falsehood call'd he still was there, ber!"-" Oh yes, and many others.”—“I am glad And when least honest most at home. of it.” The judge paused a few moments,
and then Thus shuffling, bullying, lying, creeping, addressed himself to the jury. “ Gentlemen of the He work'd his way up near the throne, y, thirty years ago, I and some companions, as And long before he took the keeping vaghtless as myself, went to this woman's dwell Of the king's conscience, lost his own. bag, then a public house, and after enjoying ourselves
trom ruch use.
MUNCH AUSEN QU'T DONE.
A TENDER WISI.
IMPROMPTU, ON SELING AN ACQUAINTANCE WITH A
SHABBY COAT. Several gentlemen, of ingenious invention, or extraordinary credulity, having amused a company by
I met a friend the other day a successive detail of wondrous events, a shipmaster
Whose coat was rather Č. D. observed, “ Gentlemen, these narratives which you
When told, no wonder, you will say, have given are doubtless strange and unaccountable,
His pockets were quite M. T. but I can tell you a circumstance which occurred to myself, not less true, and still more incredible. Last
A distinguished gentleman of Pensylvania, whose year, coming home from the West Indies, and being nose and chin were both very long, and who bad lost on the banks of Newfoundland, my people hooked an his teeth, whereby the nose and chin were brought immense shark. The monster made such resistance near together, was told, “ I am afraid your nose as they were hauling him up, that I was afraid he and chin will fight before long; they approach each might break the rope and escape. I ran down to the other very menacing." "I am afraid of it myselt," cabin and fetched my pistols, which, for security's replied the gentleman, “for a great many words have sake, I always keep loaded. As they had got his passed between them already.” head to the surface of the water, I levelled a pistol to fire at him; but, just as I was going to pull the trigger, in a too eager anxiety, the pistol dropped from
A beggar in Dublin had been a long time besies. my hand, and, about the same moment, the shark, ing an old gouty, testy, limping gentleman, who bad making a violent effort, broke the line and escaped. refused his mite with much irritability ; upon which Well, gentlemen, being nearly on the same spot on
the mendicant said, Ah, please your honour's my last homeward voyage, the crew again hooked a
honour, I wish God had made your heart as tenen shark, which after much exertion, they were fortunate as your toes.” enough to get on board, and as, after cutting off the tail, (which you know, gentlemen, is the most power- A Barber in a borough-town, it seems, ful part of this fish) they were ripping up the belly, Had voted for Sir John, against Sir James. I was surprised to hear what appeared like the report Sir James, in angry mood, took Suds asideof a pistol; but, judge my astonishment, when I Don't you remember shaving me ? he cry'd ; found that this was the identical shark hooked on Five pieces for five minutes work I gave; my former voyage ; that my pistol had fallen into its And does not one good turn another crave ? mouth, and, from its voracity, been swallowed into Yea, quoth the barber, and his fingers smack’d, its stomach, that it had there remained dormant, till I grant the doctrine, and admit the fact : the operation of cutting it up had, probably by con- Sir John, on the same score, paid the same price; tact of the chopper and the fint, made the piece go But took two shavings—and of course paid twice. off!"
Two men of fashion meeting a beautiful lady in a Fontenelle lived to be nearly one hundred years narrow way in Glasgow, her ear was taken by the old. A lady, of nearly equal age, said to him one following observations-"I protest, Bobby, this place day, in a large company, “ Monsieur, you and I stay is as narrow as Balaam's passage"—(a lane in Glashere so long that I have a notion Death has forgotten gow) —" Yes, (said his companion) and, like Baus !” “Speak as softly as you can Madam,” replied laam, I am stopped by an angel."~"And 1 (reterted Fontenelle, “lest you should remind him of us.' the lady) by the ass.'
SILAVING AND VOTING.
A CAUTIOUS HINT.