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Mary, I thought within your breast,
The gentle passions once did rest,
Humane and good I deem'd your heart,
Inclin'd to take th' unhappy's part ;
I thought for others' woes you felt,
Could at a tale of misery melt,
And, had it been within your power,
Would on distress your bounty shower;
But, now what sudden news I hear !
[You're strangely chang'd, I greatly fear)
That after all your goodness past
Your heart can turn to Flint at last
Well—if the news should e'en prove true,
Some good from evil may ensue;
For if affection should increase
With downy hours domestic peace,
Before that many years are past,
You may perhaps strike out at last,
(Some lucky moment in the dark)
Between you both, a BRILLIANT spark.

W. Elsh GENTILITY.

When James I. was on the road near Chester, he was met by such numbers of the Welsh, who came out of curiosity to see him, that the weather being dry, and the roads dusty, he was nearly suffocated. He was completely at a loss in which manner to rid timself of them civiliy at last one of his attendants, Puting his head out of the coach, said, “It is his Eajesty’s pleasure that those who are the best gentlemen shall ride forwards.”—Away scampered the Welsh, and but one solitary man was left behind. “And so, sir,” says the king to him, “you are not a gentleman, then 2" “O yes, and please your ma}sty, hur is as good a shentleman as the rest : but hu: ceiyi, (horse,) God help hur, is not so good.”

Q

LYING. I do confess in many a sigh My lips have breath'd you many a lie, And who, with such delights in view, Would lose them for a lie or two Nay, look not thus with brow reproving, Lies are, my dear, the soul of loving. It half we tell the girls were true; If half we swear to think or do, Were aught but lying's bright illusion The world would be in strange confusion. If ladies' eyes were every one, As lovers swear, a radiant sun, Astronomy should leave the skies To learn her lore from ladies' eyes. Oh no ; believe me! lovely girl, When nature turns your teeth to pearl, Your neck to snow, your yes to sire, Your yellow locks to golden wire, Then, only then, can Heaven decree, That you should live for only me— Or I for you; as night and morn We've swearing kiss'd and kissing sworn. And now, my gentle hints to clear, For once I'll tell you truth, my dear! Whenever you may chance to meet A loving youth, whose love is sweet, Long as you're false, and he believes you, Long as you trust, and he deceives you, So long the blissful bond endures, And while he lies, he's wholly yours. But oh you've wholly lost the youth

The instant that he tells you truth. MooRE.

VAN TRO M. P. The Dutch admiral Van Tromp, who was a large heavy man, was once challenged by a thin active French officer. We are not upon equal terms with rapiers, said Van Tromp, but call upon me to-morrow morning, and we will adjust the affair better. When the Frenchman called, he found the Dutch admiral bestriding a barrel of gunpowder: There is room enough for you, said Van Tromp, at the other end of the barrel; sit down, there is a match ; and as you were the challenger, give fire. The Frenchman was thunderstruck at this terrible mode of fighting: but as the Dutch admiral told him he would fight no other way, terms of accommodation ensued.

on Tim F. LETTER. H.

'Twas in Heaven pronounced, it was mutter'd in
Hell,
And echo caught faintly the sound as it fell .
On the confines of earth 'twas permitted to rest,
And the depths of the ocean its presence confest.
'Twill be found in the sphere, when 'tis riven asun-
der:
'Tis seen in the lightning, and heard in the thunder.
'Twas allotted to man, with his earliest breath,
It assists at his birth, it attends him in death.
Presides o'er his happiness, honour, and health,
Is the prop of his house, and the end of his wealth.
It begins every hope, every wish it must bound;
And tho' unaspiring, with monarchs is crown'd :
In the heaps of the miser 'tis hoarded with care,
But is sure to be lost in his prodigal heir.
Without it the soldier, the seaman, may roam, .
But woe to the wretch, who expels it from home.
In the whispers of conscience its voice will be found,
Nor e'en in the whirlwind of passion be drowned.
*Twill not soften the heart, but tho' deaf to the ear
"Twill make it acutely and constantly hear.
But in shade let it rest, like a delicate flower;
Oh! breathe on it softly—it dies in an hour.
By Rox.
Ducks AND Chickens.

When Rowland Hill was erecting his chapel in Blackfriars Road, many of his congregation resorted to a Baptist's meeting-house in that neighbourhood: this the divine did not like; and one day when a number of his flock, who were passing to the house of ablution, stopped to look at the bricklayers employed in the building, some of the workmen, by asking them for money to drink, drove them away; but as they were going, Rowland cried to the carpenters, “Come lads, get on, get on ; if you trifle in this way, all my

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A young Oxonian, not o'erstock'd with knowledge,
Like many others, who are sent to college,
Who, taken from their country schools
And dread inspiring birch,
Are put apprentices to Mrs. Church,
And learn—to make themselves consummate foc's.
But to my tale —this son of sable hues
Would oft, his leisure hours to anuse,
When unobserv'd, take copious draughts of wine,
(The luscious produce of the purple vine.)
And get his cranium in a pretty funk,
Or get (in plainer English) screeching drunk.
Aloreover he was fond of cards and dice,
(In latter days too prevalent a vice :)
Could swear, and run in debt, and when, forsooth,
Some luckless tradesman would request this youth,
“To have the condescension to discharge
His bill, which now was growing rather large—”
He'd kick his breech, or pluck the caitist's hairs,
And knock him down a dozen pair of stairs.
—This to be sure now, was not very civil,
But shows that cassocks sometimes clothe the devil.
These pretty tricks, the reader may rely,
Could not be long conceal’d -
From dame Inspection's penetrating eye,
But to the President were soon reveal’d.
In vain did he his hapless fate bewail :
In vain for pardon did the youth implore
(Which oft had been obtain’d by bribes before :)
Then dropt a piteous tear, -
Nor }. nor tears will now avail—
le's summon'd to appear.
High on his chair the reverend father sat,
In all the dignity of pride and fat;
High on his head his wig portentous frown'd,
The youth with dread beheld his awful state—
Decider of his good or evil fate—
Whilst thus his words throughout the hall resound.
“Young man—
As life is but a span,

The LAUghing philosopher.

*ought to be our constant care Whilst we are suffer'd to remain on earth, *Head in virtue's paths, and thus prepare Our souls to meet a future birth. It is with sorrow I'm oblig'd to say Your conduct the reverse of this does prove: ** sold that you disdain fair virtue's sway, That through the various scenes of vice you rove; That 'stead of minding Homer you are sporting, Without a sigh, your honour'd father's fortune. oist, rash youth, no more his bosom sting, Or, if you'd wish your father's life to save, orm your conduct, or you'll surely bring His old grey hairs with sorrow to the grave.” The youth, here smiling, rose, and rising cried— "Excuse my interrupting your discourse, To me a very painful source, - Though certainly too well applied: Bo, Sir, I beg permission to remark, That I am not afraid of what you mention, Although,” observes our hopeful spark, ..“I thank you for your good intention: You say, if I continue thus to sting • My father's bosom, I shall surely bringHis grey hairs to the grave, with sorrow big— on that score, reverend Sir, withhold your fears— lo, Sir—my father, for these thirty years, Has worn a wig "

Mathi Mio NiAL creed.

Whoever will be married, before all things it is ocessary, that he hold the conjugal faith in this. loat there were two rational beings created, both onal, and yet one superior to the other, and the

to erior shafī bear rule over the superior; which faith,

evept every one do keep whole and undefiled, with. vo doubt he shall be scolded everlastingly. . The mau is superior to the woman, and the woman is inferior to the man : yet both are equal, and the woman shall govern the man.

The woman is commanded to obey the man, and the man ought to obey the woman ; and yet there are not two obedients, but one obedient.

- : 339

- For there is one dominion nominal of the husband, and another dominion real of the wife; and yet there are not two dominions, but one dominion. For, like as we are compelled by the Christian verity to acknowledge, that wives must submit themselves to their husbands, and be subject to them in all things; so are we sorbidden by the conjugal faith to say, that they should be at all influenced by their wills, or pay any regard to their commands. The man was not created for the woman, but the woman for the man ; yet the man shall be the slave of the woman, and the woman the tyrant of the man; so that in all things, as is aforesaid, the subjection of the superior to the inferior is to be believed. He, therefore, that will be married, must thus think of the woman and the man. Furthermore, it is necessary to submissive matrimony, that he also believe rightly the infallibility of the wife : For the right faith is, that we believe and confess, that the wife is fallible and infallible: Perfectly fallible, and perfectly infallible; of an erring soul, and an unerring j, subsisting; fallible as touching her human nature, and infallible as touching her female sex. Who, although she be fallible, and infallible, yet she is not two, but one woman ; who submitted to lawful marriage, to acquire unlawful dominion; and promised religiously to obey, that she might rule in injustice and folly. This is the conjugal faith; which, except a man believe faithfully, he cannot enter the state of matrimony.

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srons AND tokens.

If you see "a man and woman, with little or no occasion, often finding fault, and correcting each other in company, you may be sure they are husband and wife.—lf you see a lady and gentleman in the same coach in profound silence, the one looking out of one window, and the other at the opposite side, be as: sured they mean no harm to each other, but are husband and wife.-If you see a lady accidentally let fall a glove or a handkerchief, and a gentleman that is next to her tell her of it, that she may herself pick it up, set them down for husband and wifeIf you see a man and woman walk in the fields at twenty yards distance, in a direct line, and the man striding over a stile and still going on, sans céréme. nie, you may swear they are husband and wife-li you see a lady whose beauty attracts the notice of every person present, except one man, and he speaks to her in a rough manner, and does not appear at all affected by her charms, depend upon it they are hus: band and wife.

AN elegy ON M Rs. MARY Blaize.
Good people all, with one accord,
Lanent for Madam Blaize ;
Who never wanted a good word
From those who spoke her praise.
The needy seldom pass'd her door,
And always found her kind;
She freely lent to all the poor
Who left a pledge behind.
She strove the neighbourhood to please,
With manners wond’rous winning;
And never follow'd wicked ways,
Unless when she was sinning,
At church in silks and satins new,
With hoops of monstrous size;
She never slumber'd in her pew,
But when she shut her eyes.
Her love was sought, I do aver,
By twenty beaux and more ;
The king himself has followed her
When she has walk'd before.

But now her wealth and finery fled,
Her hangers-on cut short all ;
Her doctors found, when she was dead,
Her last disorder mortal.
Let us lament, in sorrow sore,
For Kent-street well may say,
That had she liv'd a twelvemonth more,
She had not died to-day. Golds MITH.

stell A AND fixeR DOctor.

Swift's Stella being extremely ill, her o said, “Madam, you are certainly near the bottom of the hill, but we shall endeavour to get you up again.” She replied, “Doctor, I am afraid I shall be out of breath before I get to the top again.”

1M Paoxi Pru on A BANK RU Pr, LATELY TURNED
Pit each Eit.
No more by creditors perplex’d.
Or ruin'd tradesmen's angry din;
He boldly preaches from the text,
“A stranger, and I took him in.”

the MittacLe.

An honest tar, being at a quaker's meeting, heard the friend that was holding forth speak with great vehemence against the ill consequence of giving the lie in conversation; and therefore advised that, when any man told a tale not consistent with truth or probability, the hearer should only cry “Twang !” which could not irritate people to passion like the lie. Afterwards he digressed into the story of the miracle of five thousand being fed with five loaves of bread, &c. he then told them that they were not such loaves as those used now-a-days, but were as big as mountains; at which the tar uttered with a loud voice— “Twang.”—“What,” says the quaker, “dost thou think I lie, friend.”—“No,” says Jack, “but I am thinking how big the ovens were that baked them.”

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contran ICTION.

A young clergyman having buried three wives, a lady asked him how he happened to be so lucky. “Madam,” replied he, “I knew they could not live without contradiction, so I let them all have their own way.”

oN FINDING A PAIR of shoes on A LADY’s BEd.

Well may suspicion shake his head
Well may Clorinda's spouse be jealous!

When the .. wanton takes to bed
Her very shoes, because they're fellows :

NA utic AL SERM on. When Whitfield preached before the seamen at New York, he had the following bold apostrophe in his sermon —“Well, my boys, we have a clear sky and are making fine headway over a smooth sea, before a light breeze, and we shall soon lose sight of land. But what means this sudden lowering of the heavens, and that dark cloud arising from beneath the western horizon Hark! Don't you hear distant thunder 2 Don't you see those flashes of lightning 2 There is a storm gathering ! Every man to his loy How the waves rise, and dash against the ship ! The air is dark The air is dark : The tempest rages Our masts are gone ! The ship is on her beam ends ! What next 2". The unsuspecting tars, suddenly arose and exclaimed, Take to the long boat. th P. Poon Poet to his cat. Tabby, methinks thou much resemblest me, In musing posture, as beside the fire Thou sitt'st. And now pray let me question thee, What sorrows or what whims thy breast inspire? Hast thou a kitten, querulous for food; Or dwells thy thought upon some absent rover, Who spends the night, (Obase ingratitude 1) • Regardless of thy charms, with some new lover ? Or does the nibbling of that hungry mouse, Behind the wainscot, draw thy deep attention, And art thou planning, guardian of the house! Sage methods for the prowler's apprehension? Whate'er thy grievances, they're but ideal,

Whilst mine, alas! are palpable and real,

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