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"Certainly'; but why do you want salt ?"-" Well, and how much a chimney have you ?". "Perhaps, Sir, you'll ask me to eat an egg pre-" Only a shilling a-piece, Sir."-" Why, then,' sently, and I should like to be ready." What returned the doctor, you have earned a great country are you from, my lad?"-" Yorkshire, deal of money in a little time." Yes, yes, Sir."- "I thought so there, take an egg."-" 1 Sir," said the sweep, throwing his bag of soot thank you, Sir," said the boy. "Well," added over his shoulders, we black coals get our the gentleman," they are all great horse-stealers money easy enough." in your country, are they not ?"—" Yes," rejoined the boy, my father, (though an honest man) would no more mind stealing a horse than I would drinking your glass of ale. Your health, Sir," said he, and drank it up. "That will do," says the gentleman," I see you are Yorkshire."

MUNDEN, THE COMEDIAN.

BISHOP AND HIS SERVANT.

ed on a festival to go to a butcher, named David, A certain bishop had a servant, whom he orderfor a piece of meat, and then to come to church where the bishop was to preach. The bishop, in the course of his sermon, happening to turn towards the door, as his servant came in, exclaimed, "And what says David ?" Upon which the other roared out, "He swears if you do not pay your

THE QUAKER AND THE PARSON.

Munden, when confined to his bed and unable to put his feet to the ground, being told by a friend that his dignified indisposition was the laugh bill, you need never send to his shop again." of the green-room, replied, "though I love to laugh and make others laugh, yet I would much rather they would make me a standing joke.” FELLOW-FEELING.

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A quaker barber being sued by the parson for tythes, went to him and asked why he troubled him, as he had never any dealing with bim in his whole life; "Why," said the parson," it is for tythes." "For tythes!" said the quaker, upon what account?"-" Why," said the parson, "for preaching in the church." -"Alas, then," replied the quaker," I have nothing to pay thee; for I come not there."-" Oh, but you might," said the parson, "for the doors are always open at convenient times." The quaker immediately entered his action against the parson for forty shillings. The parson inquired for what he owed him the money?"Truly, friend," replied the quaker, "for trimming !” — “For trimming," said the parson, "why, I was never trimmed by you in my life."-" Oh! but thou had'st pleased, for my doors are always open at might'st have come and been trimmed, if thou convenient times, as well as thine."

COINCIDENCE.

A clergyman going down to his living to spend the summer, met a comical old chimney-sweeper, "So, John," said the doctor," whence came you?" "From your house," replied the sweep, "for this morning I have swept all your The great Duke of Marlborough passing the gate chimnies."-" How many were there?" asked the of the Tower, was accosted by an ill-looking feldoctor." No less than twenty," quoth John.-low, with "How do you do, my Lord Duke? I

believe your grace and I have now been in every jail in the kingdom?"-" I believe, friend," replied the duke, with surprise, "this is the only jail I ever visited."-"Very likely," rejoined the other," but I have been in all the rest,'

HEROISM.

A soldier, on his return from the wars, was asked by his friends, what exploits he had done in them? He said, ' "that he had cut off one of the enemy's legs;" and being told that it would have been more honourable and manly to have cut off his head;"Oh," said he, "you must know his head was cut off before."

FIELD-PREACHER.

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Charles Bannister, the actor, was one evening in company with a young man, who, being in liquor, A field-preacher explaining to his congrega-I have been a d-fool," said he; "my late began to moralize on the folly of his past conduct. tion the nature of hell, told them he had lived there father kept a tripe-shop in Clare-market, and got eleven months. "It is a great pity," said one of the hearers, that you did not stay there a month decent fortune by it, which he left to me; and I, longer, for then you would have gained a legal last shilling in horse-racing and the like." like an ideot, have stripped myself almost of my "Well," said Charles, never mind that, he got his money by trotters, and you lost it by gallopers."

sell!ement."

THE COUNTRY CARPENTER.

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NOVEL SOLECISM.

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A carpenter having neglected to make a gibbet, which had been ordered by the executioner, on the ground that he had not been paid for the The late John Kemble, who was so minutely obJast he had erected, was sent for by the judge. servant of that great dramatic canon, "suit the ac"Fellow," said the latter, in a stern tone, how tion to the word," that he would study before a came you to neglect making the gibbet that was glass the proper position of a finger even; seeing ordered on my account?"-" I humbly beg your an actor hold down his head on pronouncing, O, pardon," said the carpenter, "had I known it had Heaven! and hold it up on pronouncing, O Earth! been for your Lordship, it should have been done said, "The fellow has committed a solecism with his immediately."

THE FAIR EQUIVOQUE.

As blooming Harriet mov'd along,
The fairest of the beauteous throng,
The beaux gaz'd on with admiration,
Avow'd by many an exclamation!
What form! what naiveté! what grace!
What roses deck that Grecian face!

"Nay," Dashwood cries," that bloom's not
Harriet's;

'Twas bought at Reynold's, More's, or Marriott's ;

head."

LONDON THIEVES.

As Yorkshire Humphrey, t'other day,
O'er London Bridge was stumping,
He saw, with wonder and delight,
The water-works a-pumping.

Numps gazing stood, and wond'ring how
This grand machine was made,

To feast his eyes, he thrust his head
Betwixt the ballustrade.

A sharper, prowling near the spot,

Observes the gaping lout,

And soon, with fish-hook finger, turns
His pocket inside out.

Numps feels the twitch, and turns around

The thief, with artful leer,

Says, "Sir, you'll presently be robb'd,
For pick pockets are near.”

Quoth Numps, "I fear not London thieves,
I'se not a simple youth;

My guinea, Measter's, safe enough!
I've put it in my mouth!"

"You'll pardon me!" the rogue replies,
Then modestly retires;
Numps re-assumes the gaping post,
And still the works admires.

The artful prowler takes his stand,

With Humphrey full in view;

When now an infant thief drew near,
And each the other knew.

Then thus the elder thief began-
"Observe that gaping lout!
He has a guinea in his mouth,

And we must get it out."

"Leave that to me," young Filcher says,
"I have a scheme quite pat;
Only observe how neat I'll queer
The gaping country flat."

By this time Numps, who gaz'd his fill,
Was trudging through the street;
When the young pilf'rer, tripping by,
Falls prostrate at his feet.

"O Lord! O dear! my money's lost!"
The artful urchin moans;
While halfpence, falling from his hand,
Roll jingling o'er the stones.
The passengers now stoop to find,

And give the boy his coin;

And Humphrey, with the friendly band,
Deigns cordially to join.

"There are your pence,"quoth Numps," my boy, Be zure thee haulds 'em faster!"

"My pence!"quoth Filch;" here are my pence; But where's my guinea, master?"—

"Help, help! good folks; for God's sake, help "" Bawls out this hopeful youth

"He pick'd my guinea up just now,

And has it in his mouth!"

The elder thief was lurking near,
Now close to Humphrey draws,
And, seizing on his gullet, plucks
The guinea from his jaws!.

Then roars out-" Masters, here's the coin;
I'll give the child his guinea!

But who'd have thought to see a thief
In this same country ninny?"
Humphrey, astonish'd, thus begins-
"Good measters! hear me, pray!"
But-" Duck him, duck him!" is the cry;
At length he sneaks away.

"Ah! now," quoth Numps, "I will believe
What often I've heard said,

That London thieves would steal the teeth
Out of a body's head !"

THE MAGPIE.

A boy, belonging to one of the ships of war at Portsmouth, had purchased of his play-fellows a magpie, which he carried to his father's house, and was at the door feeding it, when a gentleman in the neighbourhood, who had an impediment in his speech, coming up, “T—T—T—Tom," said the gentleman, can your Mag T-T-Talk yet?”Ay, Sir," says the boy, better than you, or I'd wring his head off."

SLEEPING AT CHURCH.

Dr. South, when preaching before Charles II. observed that the monarch and his attendants began to nod. Some of them soon after snored, on which he broke off his sermon, and called, " Lord Lauderdale, let me entreat you to rouse yourself; you snore so loud that you will wake the king!"

THE LAUGHING PHILOSOPHER.

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FLINT SOUP.

ROYAL CONFESSION. When Boisrobert was at the point of death, his mother sent some priests to convert him. "Yes, mon Dieu," said he," I sincerely implore thy pardon, and confess that I am a great sinner, but thou knowest that the Abbe de Villarceau is a much greater sinner than I am.”

JOHN KEMBLE.

Kemble had been for many years the intimate friend of the Earl of Aberdeen; on one occasion he called on that nobleman during his morning ride, and left Mrs. Kemble in the carriage at the door. Kemble and the noble earl were closely engaged on some literary subject for a long time, while Mrs. K. was shivering in her carriage at the door, it being very cold weather. At length her patience, being exhausted, she directed the servant to inform his master that she was waiting, and that she feared the weather would bring on an attack of the rheumatism. The fellow proceeded to the door of the earl's study, and delivered his message, leaving out the final letter in rheumatism. This he had repeated three several times, at different intervals, by direction of his mistress, before he could obtain an answer; at length Kemble, roused from his subject by the importunities of his servant, replied somewhat petulantly," Tell your mistress I shall not come ; and fellow, in future, say tismą!”

A friar once entered a farm-house and begged the use of a little pan, to make some flint broth! "Flint broth!" exclaimed the farmer's wife," how is that to be done? I should like to learn such an economical secret." The friar took the vessel, put in some water and some clean flints: "Now," says he, "I must have a piece of beef and a few herbs, some salt, a little bacon, and a little flour, and stir them well together." Having done all this, and let the mess boil its proper time, he produced a very palatable broth, to the astonishment of the good wife, who forgot that she had contri-dinner where the Dukes of York and Clarence buted the only good ingredients

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CLASSIC TOASTS.

Sir W. Curtis was once present at a public

formed part of the company. The President gave as a toast," The Adelphi," (the Greek word for "The Brothers.") When it came to the worthy Baronet's turn to give a toast, he said, "Mr. President, as you seem inclined to give public buildings, I beg leave to propose Somerset House."

CORRESPONDENCE.

Swift alluding, in a letter, to the frequent in stances of a broken correspondence after a long

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A courtier one day came running to Queen Elizabeth, and, with a face full of dismay, “* Madam," said he, "I have bad news for you; the party of tailors mounted on mares, that attacked the Spaniards, are all cut off." "Courage, friend!" said the queen; "this news is indeed bad; but when we consider the nature of the quadrupeds, and the description of the soldiers, it is some comfort to think we have lost neither man nor horse."

BOTTLES FLYING,

Hugh Boyd was dining with a large party of his countrymen, when, after having drunk freely, one of the company took up a decanter and flung it at the head of the person that sat facing him. Boyd, however, seeing the missile about to be thrown, dexterously stretched forth his hand and caught it, exclaiming, at the same time," Really, gentlemen, if you send the bottle about this way, there will not one of us be able to stand out the evening."

Dr. Goldsmith was sitting one evening at the tavern where he was accustomed to take his supper, when he called for a mutton-chop, which was no sooner placed on the table, than a gentleman near him, with whom he was intimately acquainted, showed great tokens of uneasiness, and wondered how the doctor could suffer the waiter to place such a stinking chop before him. "Stinking!" said Goldsmith, "in good troth I do not smell it."-" I never smelled any thing so unpleasant in my life," answered the gentleman; "the fellow deserves a cauing for bringing you meat unfit to eat."-" In good troth," said the poet, relying on his judgment, "I think so too, but I will be less severe in my punishment." He instantly called the waiter, and insisted that he Dr. Pitcairn one Sunday stumbled into a pres should eat the chop as a punishment. The waiter byterian church, to beguile a few idle moments, resisted but the doctor threatened to knock him and seeing the parson apparently overwhelmed down with his cane if he did not immediately by the importance of his subject:-" What the comply. When he had eaten half the chop, the devil makes the man greet?" said Pitcairn to a doctor gave him a glass of wine, thinking that it fellow that stood near him. "By my faith, Sir," would make the remainder of the sentence less answered the other, " you would perhaps greet painful to him. When the waiter had finished too, if you were in his place, and had as little to his repast, Goldsmith's friend burst into a loud say."-" Come along with me, friend, and let's laugh. "What ails you now?" said the poet. have a glass together," said Pitcairn," You are "Indeed, my good friend," said the other, "I too good a fellow to be here."

DR. PITCAIRN.

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