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A curse attends that woman's love
thousand pounds ; Bonus the broker had hinted as that feed upon the lean pastures of Guildford-street, much to the old slopseller in the bow-window of Queen-square, and Alfred-place, Tottenham-courtBatson's, while they were eyeing “ the learned in road, was instantly in motion. Here was a jewel of the law” in the act of crossing Cornbill to receive the first water and magni:ude, to be set in the crown his dividends. Hence may be derived the annual of Hymen, and the crowd of candidates was comturtle and turbot swallowed by “my uncle the mensurate. The Sergeant was at no loss for an evenSergeant" in Savage-gardens : hence Mrs. Culpep- ing rubber at whist, and the ratisia cahes which came per's high approbation of the preacher at the Temple in with the Madeira at half-past ten, introduced cerCharch: and hence her horse.laugh at the Sergeant's tain jokes about matrimony, evidently intended as annaally_repeated jest about "Brother Van and earnests of future golden rings. Brother Bear.” As far as appearances went, Plutus The poet Gay makes his iwo heroines in the was certainly nearing point 'Culpepper: Nicholas Beggar's Opera, thus chaunt in duet : Nethersole, Esq. Sergeant-at-law, was pretty regularly occupied in the Court of Common Pleas from
W bo always would be pleasing? ten to four. A hasty dinner swallowed at five at the And in all cases where the parties are under thirty, Grecian, enabled bim to return to Chambers at half- Polly and Lucy are unquestionably right.
No past six, where pleas, rejoinders, demurrers, cases, young woman can retain her lovers long if she uses
and consultations occupied bim till ten. All this them well. She who would have her adorer as faithful ; (not to mention the arrangement with the bar-maid as a dog, must treat him like one. But when mid
at Nando's) seemed to ensure a walk through this dle aged ladies have exceeded forty, and middletale of tears in a state of single blessedness. “ I aged gentlemen have travelleri beyond fifty, the case have no doubt he will cut up well,” said Culpepper assumes a different complexion. The softer sex is
“ I have my eye upon a charming then allowed, and indeed necessitated to throw off villa in the Clapham Road when your upcle the a little of that cruelty which is so deucedly killing Sergeant is tocked under a daisy quilt
, we'll ruralize: at eighteen. What says the Spanish poet ? it's a sweet spot : not a stone's throw from the Swan
Ceage then, fair one, cease to shun me, at Stockwell!” Such were the Alnascar anticipatons of Mr. Jonathan Culpepper. But, alas! as Doctor Johnson said some forty years ago, and even
All that rigour gives me peace. then the ohservation was far from new,
** What are
Accordingly it may be observed that women the hopes of man!" Legacy-hunting, like honuing make their advances as Time inakes his. At twenty, of another sort, is apt to prostrate its pursuers, and when the swain approaches to pay his devoirs, they they who wait for dead men's shoes, now and then exclaim with an air of languid inuitference, " Who walk to the church-yard barefooled. Mr. Sergeant is he?" At thirty, with a prudent look towards the Nethersole grew fat and kicked : he took a house in ways and means, the question is, " What is he?" Tavistock-square, and he launched an olive-coloured At forty, much anxiety manifests itself to make the Shariot with iron-grey horses. There is an office in Hymeneal selection, and the query changes itself Holborn where good matches are duly registered and into “ Which is he?" But at the ultima Thule of assorted. Straightway, under the letter N. appears fifty, the ravenous expectant prepares to spring upon the following entry, Nethersole, Nicholas, Ser- any prey, and exclaims, “ Where is lie: Be that geant-at-law, Tavistock-square, Bachelor, aged 59. as it may, the numerous candidates for a seat in Income 35001. Equipage, olive-green charwt and Sergcan Netllersole's olive-green chariot gradually isan-grey horses. Temper, talents, morals,-blank !" grew tired of the pursuit, and took wing to prey That nunerous herd of old maidens and widows opon some newer benedict. Two only kept the field,
to bis consort.
Here let all our difference cease ;
Frances Jennings, spinster, and Amelia Jackson, astride of Mr. Justice Blackstone : Propertius lolled widow; both of whom hovered on the verge of indolently against Bacon's Abridgment, and "the forty. “It appears to me,” said Miss Jennings to industrious Giles Jacob could not keep his two a particular friend in Bedford-place, “ that Mrs. quartos together from the assurance of one Wailer, Jackson does not conduct berself with propriety: who had taken post between them. In short, the she is never out of Mr. Nethersole's house, and Sergeant was in love! Still, however, I am of opijangles that old harpsichord of his with her • Love nion, that " youth and an excellent constitution," as among the Roses,' till one s• head actually turns the novelists have it, would have enabled the pagiddy."-" I will mention it to you in confidence,” tient to struggle with the discase, if it had not been said Mrs. Jackson, on the very same day, to another for the incident which I am about to relale. particular friend at the Bazaar in Soho.square, “I The home circuit had now commenced, and Ser. don't at all approve of Miss Jennings's going on in geant Netheisole had quitted London for Maidstore. Tavistock-square : she actually takes her work Miss Jennings relied with confiience upon the occur there : I caught her in the act of screwing her pin-rence of nothing particular till the assizis were over, cushion to the edge of Sergeant Nethersole's maho. and in that assurance had departed to spend a furtgany table—what right has she 10 net him purses?" night with a married sister at Kingston-upon-Thames. The contest of work-table versus harpsichord now Poor innocent! she little knew what a widow is grow warm : betting even : Miss Jennings threw in equal to. No sooner had the Sergeant departed in a crimson purse and the odds were in her favour: bis olive-green chariot, drawn by a couple of post'the widow Jackson sang, By heaven and earth I horses, than the widow Jackson, aided by Alice love thee," and the crimson purse kicked the beam. Green, packed her portmanteau, sent for a hackney. The spinster now hemmed half-a-dozen muslin cra coach, and bade the driver adjouru to the Goldea vats, marked N. N. surmounted with a couple of cross, Charing-cross. There was one vacant seat in red bearts : this was a tremendous body blow; but the Maidstone coach: the widow occupied it at the widow, nothing daunted, drew from under the twelve at noon, and between five and six o'cl .ck in harpsichord a number of the Irish Melodies, and the afternvon was quietly dispatching a roasted fox1 started off at score with " Fly not yet, 'tis now the at the Star inn, with one eye fixed upon the egge hour." This settled the battle at the end of the sauce, and the other upon the Assize Hall oppusite. first stanza ;, and I am glad it did, for really the The pretext for this step was double : the first count widow was growing downright indecent.
alleged that her beloved brother lived at Tosen Mal About this time Love, tired of his aromatic sta- ling, a mere step off, and the second arerred 2". tion "among the roses, of all places in the world eager desire to hear the Sergeant plcad. On the began to take up his abode among the dusty Law evening which followed that of the widow's arrival. Books in the library of Mr. Sergeant Nethersule's the Sergeant happened not to have any consultation chambers. Certain amatory worthies had long slept to attend ; and, what is more remarkable, happened on the top shell, atfrighted at the black coifs and to be above the affectation of pretending that he had. white wigs of the legal authors, who kept "watch He proposed a walk into the country : the lady cife and ward” below, in all the dignity of octavo, quar- sented: they moralised a few minutes upon the his to, and folio. But now, encouraged thereto by the jacets in tho church-yard, and thence strolled into aforesaid Sergeant, they cept from their upper gal the adjoining fields where certain labourers had lery, and mixed themselves with the decorous compiled the wooden props of the plant that feeds, or pany in the pit and boxes. One Ovidius Naso, ought to feed, the brewer's vat, in conical (quare, withi his Art of Lore in his pocket, presumed to conical) shapes, not unlike the spire of All Saints shoulder Mr. Espinusse at Nisi Prius: Tibullus got Church in Langham-place. The rain now began to
Clapton coach stopped at the door. Here was a demarrer! Jack was for striking out the breakfast,
fal: one of these sloping recipients stood invitingly order for half an hour's time ; and then plead a jog. open to shelter them from the storm : “ Speluncam tification! We did so, and then gave the coachman Dido dux et Trojanus.”. Ah! those pyramidal hop- notice of set off, entering the vehicle with a heypoles! The widow's brother from Town Malling | damme sort of aspect, plainly denoting to the two was serving upon the Grand Jury: his sister's repu- impatient insiders, that if there was any impertinence tation was dear to him as bis own: “he'd call him in their Bill, we would strike it out without a refere bruker, or he'd call Irim out,” and Nicholas Nether-ence to the Master. The scheme took, and before sole and Amelia Jackson were joined together in , we reached St. Leonard's, Shoreditch, egad! they
were as supple as a couple of candidates for the InThe widow Jackson, now Mrs. Nethersole, was a dia direction. Now that case, my dear, must goprudent woman, and wished, as the phrase is, to vern this. Don't say a civil word to the Culpeppers have every body's good word. It was her advice about our marriage; if you do, there will be no end that her husband should write to his niece, Mrs. Cul- to their remonstrances : leave them to find it out in pepper, to acquaint her with what had happened. the Morning Chronicle.” She had in faci drawn up a letter for his signature, “This is a very awkward affair, Mrs. Culpepper," in which she tendered several satisfactory apologies said that lady's husband, with the Morning Chronifor thic step, namely, that we are commanded to in- cle in his hand. “ Awkward ?" echoed Mrs. Cul
tease and multiply: that it is not good for a man to pepper, “it's aboninable: a nasty fellow; he ought be alone : bul chiefly that he had met with a wo to be ashamed of himself! And as for his wife, she man possessed of every qualification to make the is no better than she should be!"-"That may he,” marriage statc happy.
Why, no, my dear,” an. said the husband, “but we must give them a dinner swered the sergeant, " with submission to you, (a notwithstanding.”—" Dinner or no dinner," said the phrase prophetic of the fact) it has been my rule wife, “I'll not laugh any more at that stupid old Tough life, whenever I had done a wrong or a foolish story of his about Brother Van and Brother Bear.” deed here the lady frowned), never to own it: ne -" Then I will," resumed the husband, “ for there Fem to suffer judgment to go by default, and thus may possibly be no issue of the marriage.” Miss remain - in mercy, but boldly to plead a justification. Jennings, the outwitted spinster, tired iwo pair of I have a manuscript note
of a case in point, in which horses in telling all her friends from SouthamptonI was cuncerned. In niy youlb I'mixed largely street, Bloomsbury, to Cornwall-terrace, in the Reis the fashionable world, and regularly frequented gent’s-Park, liow"shamefully Mrs. Jackson had bethe Hackney assemblics, carrying my pumps in my haved. She then drove to the Rexister-office aboveself, went thither
, as usual, on a moonshining Samuel Smithers, another old bachelor barrister, an Monday, and slept at the Merniaid. "The Hackney inseparable crony of Nethersole's, w hon, she opined. lage on the following morning was returned non est must now marry from lack of knowing what to do zatentus
, without giving us notice of set off; the with himself. Ålas! she was a day too late: he had Clapton coach was therefore engaged to hold our that very morning married the vacant bar-maid at burlies in safe custody, and then safely deposit at Nando's. the Flower pot in Bishopsgate-street. Hardly had When tne honey-moon of Mr. Serjeant Nether. he saed out our first cup of Souchong, when the sole was on the wane,
My sprite, and joining issue with the two other inside passen
Popp'd through the key-hole swiit as light, Bets. But I said no; finish the muffins : take an
of his chambers, in order to take a survey of his
ON JOHN DENNIS,
library. All was once more as it should be. Ovid | he made into rolls, as large as bis mouth would adbad quitted Mr. Espinasse, Tibullus and Mr. Justice mit, and devoured them in a princely and dignified Blackstone were two, Propertius and Lord Bacon did manner. Having completed his cannibal repast, he not speak, and, as for Giles Jacob, Waller desired fourished his tomahawk, exclaiming," ba ha-ho none of his company. The amatory poets were re
ho!" and made his exit. Next day, the manager, fitted to their upper shelf, the honey-moon was over,
in the middle of the market.place; espied the must and love no longer nestled in the Law Books. puissant prince of Annamaboo selling pen-knives,
scissars, and quills, in the character of a Jew pedtar,
“What!” said Kemble, “my prirce, is that you? Should D-s print, how once you robb d your are not you a pretty Jewish scoundrel to impose brother,
upon us in this manner?” Moses turned round, and Traduc'd your monarch, and debauch'd your mo. with an arch look replied, “ Prince be ded, I ther;
vash no prince, I vash acting like you-you vash Say, wliat revenge on D s can be had ;
kings, princes, einperor to-night, Stephen Kembles to. Too dull for laughter, for reply too mad ?
morrow; I vash humpugs, you vaslı hampags, aud Of one so poor you cannot take the law;
all vasha humpugs." On one so old your sword you cannot draw.
SERMON ON MAN.
Man is born unto trouble as the sparks fly upwards!
Job, chap. v. verse 7
I shall divide the discourse into, and consider it When Stephen Kemble was manager at Nen. castle, and the house was rather thin, no less a per-under, the three following heads : first man's ingress sonage arrived in the town than prince Annamaboo, into the world; secondly his progress through ibe who offered his services for a very moderate consi- / world; third and lastly, his egress out of the world.
-And first, man's ingress into the world is naked and deration. Accordingly, the bills of the day announced, « that between the acts of the play, prince trouble and care ; thirdly and lastly, his egress out of
barc: secondly, his progress through the world is Annamaboo would give a lively representation of the
the world is-nobody knows where. -To close. scalping operation; he would likewise give the In
If we do well bere, we shall be well there, dian war-whoop in all its various tones, the tomahawk exercise, and the mode of feasting at an Abys
I can tell you no more, if I preach for a year. sinian banquet.” The evening arrived, and many people attended to witness these princely imitations. OR THE REPORT OF AN ADJUDGED CASE, NOT At the end of the third act his highness valked for. ward, with dignified step, Aourishing his tomahawk; Between Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose and cut the air, exclaiming, “ ha ha-ho ho!" next
The Spectacles set them nnhappily wrong: entered a man with his face blackened, and a piece The point in dispute was as all the world knows, of bladder fastened to his head with gum; the prince
To which the said spectacles ought to belong. with a large carving knife, commenced the scalping operation, which he performed in a style truly in- So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause, perial, holding up the skin in token of triumph With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of Next came the war-whoop, which was a combination learning, of dreadful and discordant sounds: lastly, the Abys- While chief baron Ear, sat to balance the laws,
Su fam'd for his talent in nicely discerr.ing. sinian banquet, consisting of saw bees-steaks; these
NOSE AND EYES,
TO BE FOUND IN ANY OF THE BOOKS.
In bebalf of the Nose it will quickly appear, I only wrought ten hours in the day, and had my
And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find, meat and drink provided for my labour. It is true, That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear, I was not suffered to stir out of the house, for fear,
Which amounts to possession time out of mind. as they said, I should run away; but what of that? Then holding the Spectacles up to the court
I had the liberty of the whole house, and the yard
before the door, and that was enough for me. I was Your lordship observes they are made with a straddle,
then bound out to a farmer, where I was up. both As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short,
early and late ; but I ate and drank well, and liked Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.
my business well enough, till he died, when I was
obliged to provide for myself ; so I was resolved to Again, would your lordship a moment suppose, (Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again ;)
go and seek my fortune.
In this manner I went from town to town, worked That the visage or countenance bad not a Nose, Pray who would or who could wear Spectacles then? could get none : when happening one day to go
when I could get employment, and starved when I On the whole it appears--and my argument shows, through a field belonging to a justice of peace, I spied
With a reasoning the court will never condemn, a hare crossing the path just before me ; and I beThat the Spectacles plainly were made for the Nose, lieve the devil put it in my head to fing ny stick
And the Nose was as plainly intended for them. at it :--Well, what will you have ou'lI killed Then, shifting his side, (as a lawyer knows how,)
the hare, and was bringing it away in triumph, when He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes;
the justice himself met me; he called me a poacher Bat what were his arguments few people know,
and a villain, and collaring me, desired I would give For the court did not think they were equally wise. begged his worship’s pardon, and began to give a
an account of myself. I feli upon my knees, So his lordship decreed, with a grave soleinn tone, full account of all that I knew of my breed, seed, Decisive and clear, without one if or but,
and generation ; but, though I gave a very good That, whenever the Nose put his Spectacles oli, account, the justice would not believe a syllable I By day-light or candle-light-Eyes should be shat! had to say ; so I was indicted at sessions, found
COW PER. guilty of being poor, and sent up to London to New.
gate, in order to be transported as a vagabund. I was born in Shropshire, my father was a la People may say this and that of being in jail; bourer, and died when I was five years old; so I but, for my part, í found Newgate as agreeable a was pot apon the parish. As he had been a wan- place as ever I was in all my life. I had any belly dering sori of a man, the parishioners were not able to full to eat and drink, and did not work at all. This tell to what parish I belonged, or where I was born, kind of life was too good to last for ever; so I was so they sent me to another parish, and that parish taken out of prison, after five months, put on board knt me to a third. I thought in my heart, they a ship, and sent off, with two hundred more, to the kepi sending nie about so long, that they would not plantations. We had but an indifferent passage, let me be born in any parish at all; but, at last, how- for, being all confined in the hold, more than a enes, they fixed me. I had some disposition to be hundred of our people died for want of sweet air; a scholar, and was resolved, at least, to know my and those that remained were sickly enough, God letters, but the master of the work house put me to knows. When we came ashore we were sold to the besidess as soon as I was able to handle a mallet; planters, and I was bound for seven years more. and here I lived an easy kind of life for five years. As I was no scholar, for I did not know my letters,
THE OLD SOLDIER.