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have lived here so long, it is but natural to suppose of the oldest in London, you may view the different you should learn the conversation of the company. manners, pleasures, and follies, of men at different Believe ine, dame, at best, you have neither too inuch periods. You will find mankind neither better nor sense, nor too much language, to spare ; so give me worse now than formerly: the vices of an uncivilized both as well as you can; but, first, my service to you : people are generally more detestable, though not so freold women should water their clay a little now and quent, as those in polite society. It is the same luxury then ; and now to your story."
which forinerly stuffed your alderman with plum“ The story of my own adventures,” replied the porridge, and now crams him with turtle. It is the vision, "is but short and unsatisfactory; for, believe same low ambition that formerly induced a courtier me, Mr. Rigmarole, believe me, a woman with a to give up his religion to please his king, and now butt of sack at her elbow, is never long-lived. Sir persuades him to give up his conscience to please bis John's death afflicted me to such a degree, that I minister. It is the same vanity that formerly stained sincerely believe, to drown sorrow, I drank more our ladies cheeks and necks with woad and now liquor myself than I drew for my customers : my paints them with carmine. Your ancient Briton grief was sincere, and the sack was excellent. The formerly powdered his hair with red earth, like prior of a neighbouring convent (for our priors then brick-dust, in order to appear frightful : your modern had as much power as the Middlesex justice now) Briton cuts his hair on the crown, and plasters it he, I say, it was who gave me a licence for keeping with hog's-lard and flour; and this to make him loak a disorderly house ; upon condition, that I should killing. It is the same vanity, the same folly, and never make hard bargains with the clergy, that he the same vice, only appearing different, as viewed should have a bottle of sack every morning, and the through the glass of fashion. In a word, all mankind liberty of confessing which of my girls he thought are a--, proper in private every night I had continued, for “Sure the woman is dreaming,” interrupted I. several years to pay this tribute ; and he, must be “ None of your reflections, Mrs. Quickly, if you confessed, continued as rigorously to exact it. I love me; they only give me the spleen. Teli me grew old insensibly; my customers continued, how your history at once. I love stories, but hate rea. ever, to compliment my looks while I was by, but soning." I could hear them say I was wearing when my back “ If you please then, sir," returned my companion, was turned. The prior, however, still was constant, “I'll read you an abstract, which I made of the three and so were half his convent : but one fatal morning hundred volumes I mentioned just now.” he missed the usual beverage ; for I had incautiously My body was no sooner laid in the dust, than drank over night the last bottle myself. What will the prior and several of his convent came to purify you have on't ? — The very next day Doll Tearsheet the tavern from the pollutions with which they said and I were sent to the house of correction, and ac- | I had filled it. Masses were said in every room, recused of keeping a low bawdy-house. In short, we lics were exposed upon every piece of furniture, were so well purified there with stripes, mortification and the whole house washed with a deluge of holyand penance, that we were afterwards utterly unfit water. My habitation was soon converted into a mo. for worldly conversation : though sack would have nastery; instead of customers now applying for sack killed had I stuck to it, yet I soon died for want and sugar, my rooms were crowded with images, reof a drop of something comfortable, and fairly left lics, saints, whores, and friars. Instead of being my body to the care of the beadle.
a scene of occasional debauchery, it was now filled " Such is my own history; but that of the tavern, with continual lewdness. The prior led the fashion, where I have ever since been stationed, affords and the whole convent imitated his pious example. greater variety. In the history of this, which is one | Matrons came hither to confess their sins, and to
commit new. Virgins came hither who seldom went was obliged to take it up, in token of his accepting virgins away. Nor was this a convent peculiarly the challenge. wicked ; every convent at that period was equally “ Upon this, the priest supplied his champion, for it fond of pleasure, and gave a boundless loose to was not lawful for the clergy to fight; and the deappetite. The laws allowed it; each priest had a fendant and plaintiff, according to custom, were put right to a favourite companion, and a power of dis. in prison; both ordered to fast and pray, every eurding her as often as he pleased. The laity grum- method being previously used to induce both to a bled, quarrelled with their wives and daughters, hated confession of truth. After a month's' iinprisonment, their confessors, and maintained them in opulence the hair of each was cut, the bodies anointed with and ease. These, these were happy times, Mr. Rig- oil, the field of battle appointed and guarded by marole ; these were times of piety, bravery, and sim- soldiers, while his majesty presided over the whole plicity!" “ Not so very happy, neither, good madam; in person. Both the champions were sworn not to pretty much like the present; those that labour seek victory either by fraud or magic. They prayed starve; and those that do nothing, wear fine clothes and confessed upon their knees; and after these and live in luxury,"
ceremonies, the rest was left to the courage and con** In this manner the fathers lived, for some years, duct of the combatants. As the champion whom the without molestation; they transgressed, confessed prior had pitched upon, had fought six or eight times themselves to each other, and were forgiven. One upon similar occasions, it was no way extraordinary evening, however, our prior keeping a lady of dis- to find him victorious in the present combat. In tuaction somewhat too long at confession, her husband short, the husband was discomfited; he was taken Szexpectedly came in upon them, and testified all from the field of battle, stripped of his shirt, and the indignation which was natural upon such an oc- after one of his legs was cut off
, as justice ordained casion. The prior asured the gentleman that it was in such cases, he was hanged as a terror to future the devil who had put it into his heart; and the lady offenders. These, these were the times, Mr. Rig. was very certain, that she was under the influence marole ! you see how much more just, and wise, and of magic, or she could never have behaved in so un- valiant, our ancestors were than us." “I rather faithful a manner. The husband, however, was not fancy, madam, that the times then were pretty much to be pat off by such evasions, but summoned both like our own; where a multiplicity of laws give a before the tribunal of justice. His proofs were tla-, judge as much power as a want of law; since he is grani, and he expected large damages. Such, indeed, ever sure to find among the number some to counhe bad a right to expect, were the tribunals of those tenance his partiality." days constituted in the same manner as they are now. “ Our convent, victorious over their enemies, now The cause of the priest was to be tried before an as gave a loose to every demonstration of joy. The sembly of priests"; and a layman was to expect re- lady became a nun, the prior was made bishop, and dress only from their impartiality and candour, three Wickliffites were burned in the illuminations What plea then do you think the prior made to ob- and fire-works that were made on the present occapiate this accusation? He denied the fact, and sion. Our couvent now began to enjoy a very high challenged the plaintiff to try the merits of their cause degree of reputation. There was not one in Lonby single combat. It was a little hard, you may be don that had the character of hating heretics so sure, upon the poor gentleman, not only to be made much as ours. Ladies of the first distinction chose a cuckold, but to be obliged to fight a duel into the from our convent their confessors; in short, it floubargain; yet such was the justice of the times. The rished, and might have fourished to this hour, but pizor threw down his glove, and the injured husband for a fatal accident which terminated in its over
throw. The lady whom the prior had placed in as to be supposed it could subsist any longer; the fac nunnery, and whom he continued to visit for somethers were ordered to decamp, and the house was time with great punctuality, began at last to perceive once again converted into a tavern. The king conthat she was quite forsaken. Secluded from conver- ferred it on one of his cast mistresses; she was consation, as usual, she now entertained the visions of stituted landlady by royal authority; and as the a devotee ; found herself strangely disturbed; but tavern was in the neighbourhood of the court, and hesitated in determining, whether she was possessed the mistress a very polite woman, it began to have by an angel or a dæmon. She was not long in sus- more business than ever ; and sometimes took not pence ; for, upon vomiting a large quantity of crooked less than four shillings a day. pins, and finding the palms of her hands turned out “ Under the care of this lady, the tavern grew wards, she quickly concluded that she was possessed into great reputation ; the courtiers had not yet by the devil. She soon lost entirely the use of speech ; learned to game, but they paid it off by drinking; and, when she seemed to speak, every body that was drunkenness is ever the vice of a barbarous, and present perceived that her voice was not her own, gaming of a luxurious age. They had not such frebut that of the devil within her. In short, she was quent entertainments as the moderns have, but were bewitched; and all the difficulty lay in determining more expensive and more luxurious in those they who it could be that bewitched her. The nuns and had. All their fooleries were more elaborate, and monks all demanded the magician's name, but the more admired by the great and the vulgar than now. devil made no reply; for he knew they had no au- A courtier has been known to spend his whole forthority to ask questions. By the rules of witchcraft, tune at a single feast, a king to mortgage his domiwhen an evil spirit has taken possession, he may re- nions to furnish out the frippery a tournament. fuse to answer any questions asked him, unless they There were certain days appointed for riot and de are put by a bishop, and to these he is obliged to re-bauchery, and to be sober at such times was reputed ply. A bishop, therefore, was sent for, and now the a crime. Kinys themselves set the example ; and I whole secret came out : the devil reluctantly owned have seen monarchs in this room drunk before the that he was a servant of the prior; that, by his com- entertainment was half coneluded. These were the mand, he resided in his present habitation; and that, times, sir, when kings kept mistresses, and got drunk without his command, he was resolved to keep in in public ; they were too plain and simple in those possession. The bishop was an able exorcist; be happy times to hide their vices, and act the hypocrite, drove the devil out by force of mystical arms; the as now. prior was arraigned for witchcraft ; the witnesses “ Upon this lady's decease the tavern was succeswere strong and numerous agaiust him, not less than sively occupied by adventurers, bullies, pimps and founteen persons being by, who had heard the devil gamesters. Towards the conclusion of the reign of talk Latin. There was no resisting such a cloud of Henry VII. gaming was more universally practised in witnesses ; the prior was condemned ; and he who England than even now. Kings themselves have been had assisted at so many burnings, was burned him-known to play off, at Primero, not only all the money self in turn. These were times, Mr. Rigmarole; the and jewels they could part with, but the very images people of those times were not infidels, as now, but in churches. The last Henry played away, in this sincere believers !" “ Equally faulty with ourselves : very room, not only the four great bells of St. Paul's they believed what the devil was pleased to tell cathedral, but the fine image of St. Paul, which stood them; and we seem resolved, at last, to believe nei- upon the top of the spire, to Sir Miles Partridge, who ther God nor devil."
took them down the next day, and sold them by auc“ After such a stain upon the convent, it was not|tion.
ARTICLES FOUND IN A KITCHEN DRAWER.
“The last hostess of note I find upon record was in the house, and was now got into the story of the Jane Rouse. She was born among the lower ranks cracked glass iv the dining-room. of the people ; and by frugality and extreme complaisance, contrived to acquire a moderate fortune: this she might have enjoyed for many years, had she Dot unfortunately quarrelled with cne of her neigh
Written in the age of Shakspeare. bours, a woman who was in high repute for sanctity Three aprons, two dusters, the face of a pig, tárough the whole parish. In the times of which I A dirty jack towel, a dish-clout and wig; speak, two women seldom quarrelled, that one did A foot of a stocking, three caps and a frill, not accuse the other of witchcraft, and she who first A busk and six buttons, mouse-trap and a quill; contrived to vomit crooked pins was sure to come off A comb and a thimble, with Madona bands, victorious. The scandal of a modern tea-table dif- A box of specific for chops in the hands ; fers widely from the scandal of former times, the Some mace and some cloves tied up in a rag, fascination of a lady's eyes at present, is regarded as an empty thread paper and blue in a bag; a compliment; but if a lady, formerly, should be Short pieces of ribbon, both greasy and black, accused of having witchcraft in her eyes, it were much A grater and nutmeg, the key of the jack ; better both for her soul and body, that she had no An inch of wax candle, a steel and a flint, eyes at all.
A bundle of matches, a parcel of mint; * In short, Jane Rouse was accused of witchcraft; A lump of old suet, a crimp for the paste, and though she made the best defence she could, it A pair of red garters, a belt for the waist; was all to no purpose ; she was taken from her own A rusty bent skewer, a broken brass cock, bar to the bar of the Old Bailey, condemned and ex. Some onions and tinder, and the draw'r lock ; tetted accordingly. These were times, indeed ! when A bag for the pudding, a whetstone and string, even women could not scold in safety. “Since her time the tavern underwent several re- A print for the butter, a dirty chemise,
A penny cross-bun, and a new curtain ring; volutions, according to the spirit of the times, or the Two pieces of soap, and a large slice of cheese ; disposition of the reigning monarch. It was this day Five teaspoons of tin, a large lump of rosin, 3 brothel, and the next a conventicle for enthusiasts. The feet of a hare, and corks by the dozen'; It was one year noted for harbouring whigs, and the A card to tell fortunes, a sponge and a can, Dext infamous for a retreat to tories. Some years A pen without ink, and a small patty-pan; ago it was in high vogue, but at present it seems. de- A rolling-pin pasted, and common prayer book, chining. This only may be remarked in general, that, Are the things which I found in the drawer of the pbenever taverns flourish most, the times are then
cook. most extravagant and luxurious.” -“ Lord! Mrs. Quickly," interrupted I, “ you have really deceived me; I expected a romance, and here you have been The Rev. Mr. Milne, in a Report of the Missionary this half hour giving me only a description of the spirit Society for China, says, “We want, sir, fifty millions ei the times; if you have nothing but tedious remarks of New Testaments for China ; and after that about to communicate, seek some other hearer; I am de-one-sixth of the population only would be supplied. termined to hearken only to stories."
I would ask no higher honour on earth, than to disI bad scarce concluded, when my eyes and ears tribute the said number.” Now, if Mr. Milne had seemned opened to my landlord, who had been all this commenced the distribution of the said number at while giving me an account of the repairs he had made the time the Ark rested on Mount Ararat, and had.
A LONG TASK.
BOROUGH, AND CHURCHILL, THE POET.
continued to distribute forty-three Testaments per as he neither wants, nor deserves, but only desire day, Sundays excepted, he would have on hand, (pardon, dread sir, an expression you are pretty much April 4, 1817, seven hundred and thirteen thousand, used to) and insists upon it. seven hundred and forty-seven. 01, should he now Your petitioner is little apt, and always unwilling, begin his work, and distribute ten each hour during to speak advantageously of himself; but as some ten lours per day, he would end his labour on the degree of justice is due to one's self, as well as to 27th day of January, 3411, at one o'clock in the fore- others, he begs leave to represent, that his loyalty to noon !!!
your majesty has always been unshaken, even in the PARALLEL BETWEEN CHURCHILL, DUKE OF MARL
worst of times; that particularly in the late unna. tural rebellion, when the young Pretender had ad
vanced as far as Derby, at the head of an army of at In Anna's wars immortal Churchill rose,
least three thousand men, composed of the flower of And, great in arms, subdued Britannia's foes; the Scotch nobility and gentry, who had virtue A greater Churchill now commands our praise, enough to avow, and courage enough to venture their And the palm yields her empire to the bays ; lives in support of, their real principles, your petiTho' Jolin fought nobly at his army's bead, tioner did not join him, as unquestionably he might And slew his thousands with the balls of lead, have done, had he been so inclined ; but, on the Yet must the hero to the bard submit,
contrary, raised at the public expense, sixteen com. Who hurls, unmatch'd, the thunderbolts of wit. panies of one hundred men each, in defence of your Love's VERDICT.
majesty's undoubted right to the imperial crown of A coroner's jury having sat on the body of a young
these realms, which service remains to this hour lady in Baltimore, America, who had hung herself in uurewarded. a fit of love frenzy, brought in their verdict-Died
Your petitioner is well aware that your majesty's by the visitation of Cupid. A reasonable novelty.
civil list must necessarily be in a very weak and languid condition, after the various and profuse eva
cuations it has undergone ; but at the same time he To the King's most excellent Majesty, the humble humbly hopes, that an argument which does not seem
Petition of Philip, Earl of Chesterfield, Knight of to have been urged against any other person whatthe most noble Order of the Garter, &c.
soever, will not in a singular manner be urged against Sheweih,—That your petitioner, being rendered him, especially as he has some reasons to believe that by deafness as useless and inefhcient as most of his the deficiencies in the pension list will by no means contemporaries are by nature, hopes in common with be the last to be made good by parliament. them, to share your majesty's royal favour and bounty, Your petitioner begs leave to observe that a small whereby he may be enabled to save or to spend, as he pension is disgraceful, as it intimates opprobrious inmay think proper, a great deal more than he possibly digence on the part of the receiver, and a degrading can at present
sort of dole or charity on the part of the giver ; but, That your petitioner having had the honour to serve that a great ore implies dignity and affluence on the your majesty in several very lucrative employments, one side ; on the other, esteem and consideration ; seems thereby entitled to a lucrative retreat from which doubtless your majesty must entertain in the business, and to enjoy otium cum dignitate, that is, highest degree for those great personages whose repuleisure and a large pension.
table names glare in capitals upon your EleemosyYour petitioner humbly apprehends, that he nary list. Your petitioner humbly flatters himself, has a justifiable claim to a considerable pension, that upon this principle less than three thousand
PETITION OF LORD CHESTERFIELD.