I've better here without money than a man in the | Soon unloosens the tongue, and enlivens the mind, other world can for 1000l. a-year; for, in short, And enlightens their eyes to the faults of mankind. Be bave every thing, and that for nothing.' When supper was over they drank a cheerful glass to the memory of their particular friends over their heads, till at last the patient (being much weakened with his long fasting) grew very tipsy; they accordingly turned him again into his Wooden territories, where he soon fell into a nad sleep, during which time they carried him up into his own room, and put him again into his bed, where he slept with his lady till the next morning about day-light, when waking, he began to look about him, strangely surprised, which the lady perceiving, cried, "Prithee, my dear, what's the matter with thee?"-" Lord, love, (said he,) art thou here? Where are we?" In our own bed. (replied the lady,) in our own chamber, in Your own house. Where do you think we should be? Then, (said the judge,) I have had one of the most unaccountable dreams that ever was beard of." From that time he was recovered of bis melancholy; the mounteback had his reward, and the judge sat upon the bench for several years

THE TEA-TABLE.

When the party commences, all starch'd and all
glum,

They talk of the weather, their corng, or sit mum;
They will tell you of cambrie, of ribands, of lace,
How cheap they are sold-aud will name you the
place.

They discourse of their colds, and they hem and
they cough,

And complain of their servants to pass their time

of:

Or list to the tale of some doating mamma;

In harmless chit-chat an acquaintance they roast,
And serve up a friend, as they serve up a toast;
Some gentle faux pas, or some female mistake,
Is like sweetmeats delicious, or relished as cake;
A bit of broad scandal is like a dry crust,
It would stick in the throat, so they butter it first
With a little affected good-nature, and cry
" Nobody regrets the thing deeper than I."
Our young ladies nibble a good name in play,
As for pastime they nibble a biscuit away
While with shrugs and surmises the toothless old
dame,
As she mumbles a crust, she will mumble a name.
The wives of our cits of inferior degree
Will soak up repute in a little bohea;
The potion is vulgar, and vulgar the slang
With which on their neighbours' defects they ha-
rangue;

But the scandal improves, a refinement in wrong!
As our matrons are richer, and rise to souchong.
With hyson-a beverage that's still more refined,
Our ladies of fashion enliven their mind;
And by nods, inuendoes, and hints, and what not,
Reputations and tea send together to pot.
White madam, in cambrics and laces array'd,
With her plate and her liveries in splendid parade,
Will drink in imperial a friend at a sup,
Or in gunpowder blow them by dozens all up.
Ah me! how I groan, when with full swelling sail
Wafted stately along by the favouring gale,'
A China ship proudly arrives in our bay,
Displaying her streamers and blazing away.
Oh! more fell to our port is the cargo she bears
Than grenadoes, torpedoes, or warlike affairs;
Each chest is a bombshell thrown into our town,

How her ten weeks old baby will laugh and say To shatter repute and being character down,

taa!

But tea, that enlivener of wit and of soulMore loquacious by far than the draughts of the bowl,

If I, in the remnant that's left me of life,
Am to suffer the torments of slanderous strife,
Let me fall, I implore, in the slang-whanger's claw,
Where the evil is open, and subject to law;

Not nibbled, and mumbled, and put to the rack
By the sly underminings of tea-party clack;
Condemn me, ye gods, to a newspaper roasting,
But spare me! O spare me, a tea-table toasting!

A CONFERENCE

P. An't please your grace, I see no horse, D. Why don't you see me play with his man stroke him under the belly clap his buttocks, an manage him as I please?

P.

Either your grace is merrily disposed, else your illness has had a very unlucky effe Between George Duke of Buckingham and Father upon your grace's imagination. Upon my sincerit

Fitzgerald.

Priest. May it please your grace, I come from his Majesty, who sent me on purpose to wait on you.

Duke. I am exceedingly beholden to his Majesty for all his favours. I thought I had long ago been out of his remembrance; pray, sir, take a chair. And what may your errand be!

I see nothing but a cork in your hands.

D. How, my horse dwindled into a foolis piece of cork? Come, father, this is very unkind! done of you, to turn the finest gelding in Europ whose sire was a true Arab, and had a better g nealogy to show than the best gentleman in Wal or Scotland can pretend to, into a cork.

P. Not to flatter then this melancholy humour i your grace, which may but serve to confirm ac rivet it the more in you, I must roundly an fairly tell your grace, that 'tis a cork, and no

P. His majesty being informed of your grace's illness, and as it becomes a prince who has a true regard for his subjects, compassionating the dan-thing but a cork. gerous circumstances you are in at present, com- D. 'Tis hard that a person of my quality manded me to use my best endeavours to reclaim your grace from that heretical communion 'tis now your unhappinesss to embrace, and reconcile you to the catholic church, out of which there is no salvation.

D. I perceive, sir, you're a priest; Sam, bring up a bottle of wine, and clean glasses.-Do you smoke, sir?

P. An't please your grace, I did not come to drink, but

D. Well, well, a glass now and then won't spoil conversation. But do you say, sir, there's no salvation to be had out of the pale of the ca

tholic church?

P. Well then I submit; his majesty's (drinks off his glass) health, and your grace's commands must never be disputed.

word won't be taken in such a matter, where have not the least prospect of getting a farthin by imposing upon you. But, father, how do yo make good your assertion? I say still 'tis a horse you tell me 'tis a cork; how shall this differenc be made up between us?

P. Very easily; for instance, I first examin (taking the cork from the duke) it by my smel and that tells me 'tis cork. I next consult m sight, and that affirms the same; then I judge by my taste, and still 'tis cork.

D. Hlark you, father, before you proceed step farther; thou art plaguily mistaken, if tho thinkest to make the Trinity a stepping stone t transubstantiation.

P. Be it so then; and since your grace ha mentioned transubstantiation, we'll enter into the D. But all this while, father, you take no merits of that controversy. I need not remin (playing with the cork) notice of my fine gelding your grace, that no article of our holy religion i here. Do but observe his exquisite shape: what so expressly laid down in scripture as that; for fine turned neck is there? His eyes, how lively what can be plainer than hoc est corpus meum. and full? His pace, how majestic and noble? D. I see, father, I must refresh your memory I'll lay a hundred guineas there's nothing in New-with this piece of cork, which I positively affirm market can compare with him. once more to be a horse: just now you would be

governed by the senses, in those matters that pro-and told him, dear father, you must never think perly belong to their tribunal; but now you dis-of going to his lordship to-night, the ways are w the jurisdiction of the court, which is not slippery and full of sloughs, the days are short, bonestly done. and you'll certainly be benighted before you can

hend.

P. My lord duké, you must humble your have got half the way thither, I tremble to think reason to reconcile yourself to this holy mystery, what would become of you, should you lose the which even the angels themselves don't compre-road, or fall into a ditch; therefore, let me persuade you to accept of a sorry supper and lodging at my house; I am sure my lord will not be offended with you, and to-morrow you'll have the whole day before you.

D. Well, father, since we have fallen, I don't know how, upon the chapter of miracles, I will take care to entertain you with one that happened but last winter in Northumberland, and comes confirmed from so many hands, both catholic and protestant, that he must be a rank infidel indeed, who dares dispute the credibility of it. But as I bave one of the most treacherous memories in the world, I won't pretend to relate it to you myself, but one of my servants shall do it-Here, (to one of his gentlemen coming into the room,) go bid Long John come to me immediately.

P. Your grace may save yourself that trouble, if you please, for I am as well satisfied as if I had heard it.

D. And what reply made the priest to this? J. After a little humming and hawing upon the matter, he considered it would be his wisest way to take up his quarters that night at the old woman's, so he followed her to her house; she led him into a pretty snug warm parlour, made him a fire nose high, then going into the yard, slew a barn-door fowl with her own hands, clapt it on the spit, and when it was ready, neatly dished up with egg-sauce, and who so cheerful as she and the priest over their supper?

D. 'Twas well done.

D. Nay, you are no priest for my money if J. Resolving to give so worthy a guest the best you refuse to hear a miracle, and what is more, a entertainment her house afforded, after supper catholic miracle. (Long John enters,) Come she presented him with a dish of nuts of her own John, you must oblige this worthy gentleman here, gathering, and then thwacked his guts with apples who is come upon no less errand than the salva-aud ale, and was very liberal of her nutmeg and tion of your master's soul, with the relation of sugar. Thus they passed away the hours merrily: that famous miracle that happened last winter in at last bed-time approached, our good old landNorthumberland. lady showed the father the chamber he was to lie John. Your grace has always a right to com- in, wished him a happy night and departed; but mand me. Why then, sir, you are to understand, being a curious woman, as most of the sex are That within two miles of my Lord Widrington's possessed with the spirit of curiosity, she peeped house, in the above-mentioned county, there was a through the key-hole, to see how the priest maall village which wholly belongs to his Lord-naged matters by himself.

ship; by the same token most of the inhabitants, P. Honest friend, you may drop your miracle to complaisance, I suppose, to their landlord, are here, if you please, I'll hear no more on't. Reman catholics.

D. Very well, proceed.

J. An ancient woman of this village was accidentally sitting at her door, about three in the afternoon, when my lord's priest happened to brush by her. She immediately ran after him,

D. Father, your zeal has got the heels of your discretion. Upon my word here's no trap laid for a jest, but what her majesty and maids of ho nour may hear.

J. To her infinite surprise and admiration, she 'saw him jump stark naked as ever he was born,

D. What think you now, father, of Long John's story?

not into the sheets, though they smelt most de-¡ began to do after he was gone, she might continue liciously of lavendar and roses, but into the a doing till sun-setting. Our landlady, little imablankets. Down stairs she hurries, full of grief gining that a miracle was entailed upon the and confusion, which would not let her wink all father's blessing, very innocently went to measure night; and Lord, cries she, what a wicked age is the small remainder of linen she had left, when, to this we live in, how cold, and uncharitable, when her great astonishment, and that of her family, she a person of such merit and learning, who has re-continued in this posture till the sun was set, and sided too so long in the family, has not a shirt to got such a prodigious quantity of linen by this put ou his back? I could never have thought my means, that next week she was able to buy out Lord so niggardly. These afflicting thoughts, her lease, and is now the topping dame of the wholly occasioned by her zeal for religion, and parish, the professors of it, made that impression upon her, that she did not enjoy a minute's repose that night. Early she gets up the next morning, and measured out six ells of the finest flaxen linen she had, which was of her own spinning. Presently down comes the father into her parlour; she enquires of him how he past the night, and was ravished with joy to hear he had slept so well. After this, comes in a thundring toast, with a full tankard of humming stale beer. The priest and she soon ended it between them, and now she had courage enough to tell him what she had observed the night before. Father, says she, I beg your pardon for being so impudent as to peep through of your story already. your key-hole last night; and truly was grieved J. At the lower end of this village (where the to the heart to see that a gentleman of your edu-above-mentioned miraculous scene happened) cation and great parts should be without a shirt. lived another old woman, a catholic by persuasion, Come, never blush for the matter, I know it is so; who, hoping to gain as much by her godliness a · but here are six ells of my best linen, which will her neighbour had done before her, looked out a make you two very good shirts, and I humbly de-sharply for the father as a Yorkshire attorney sire you to accept of them.

D. Why, father, here is the quintescence of true christianity for you.

J. This miracle in a moment run through the four northern counties; every village and hailet rung of it; pay, it crossed the Tweed, and filled the ears of the unbelieving Scots. The priest, wherever he came, was worshipped and respected like a little Divinity, and the woman was maguified by all as a true pattern of primitive zeal, piety, and charity, since heaven had been at tae pains to reward her in so extraordinary a manuer,

P. Honest friend, let me desire you to be as concise as you can, for in plain truth I am weaty

does for a purse-proud litigious client. At last, to her mighty satisfaction, she sees him go by het door; immediately she trots after him, tells him J. Well, daughter, replies he, I accept of of the depth of the ways, and the great danger he your present in good part (for priests and lawyers ran of being lost, desires him to consult his own are seldom guilty of refunding) not that I shall safety, and not expose himself to those casualties have any occasion of making use of it myself, for which he might so reasonably expect from the you must understand, I belong to an order which baduess of the ways and the darkness of the obliges us to wear woollen next our skin, but it nights. With these plausible insinuations be may serve to make towels for the altar, and the wheedles the priest into her house, and to secure like, and therefore I will take it with me. Then bin entirely to her interest, treats him with a ordering the good woman to kneel, he gave her shoulder of mutton, and a couple of capons fer his benediction, and prayed, that whatever she supper.

D. She took the right course to gain her point, I must needs own; forever while you live, father, tickle a priest by the belly, if you intend to make him yours..

D. And what fell out upon this?

P. You'll never have done I'm afraid. J. The priest, not being conjuror enough to dive into the bottom of her heart, to know whether she was guided by any mercenary bye-ends, or J. When the table-cloth was taken away, our whether her intentions were real, heartily thanked running hypocrite, who was resolved to out-do her for the noble present she had made him, and her neighbour's entertainment in her provisions, folded it up under his great-coat; bid her kneel accordingly brings in a double bottle of Metheg-down, and laying his sacerdotal fist upon her lin, fills a bumper, and begins prosperity 'o the head, he gave her a blessing, and prayed, that catholic religion. She tells the father, that a ju- whatever this good woman began to do after he dicious person lately told her, that a cardinal was was gone, she might continue a doing till suncoming from Rome, who was to make his public setting. appearance in Cheapside, in cloth of beaten silver dad gold, marry was he, and that he was to con- J. The father was no sooner got over the vert the whole nation, and then, father (says she) threshold, but our matron, who had laid all her we shall see happy times. The honest priest was tackle in readiness, was going to measure the retaken up with his pot and pipe, that he neither mainder of her linen; but then considering, upon pposed nor seemed to approve her discourse. In second thoughts, what a large morning's-draught manner they drank and prattled, until the she had taken with the priest, and being a wise liquor found such a way into their pericraniums prudent woman into the bargain, she thought it Ley could hardly see one another. The priest, would be convenient to make a little water beible to hold up his head any longer, desired to fore she fell to work. She did so, and continued conducted to the room where he was to lie that in mingent circumstances from the morning till sight; the old woman, with much ado, gets him night, evacuating so plentiful a stream that she in up stairs, leads him to his bed, wishes him a thou-a manner occasioned a second deluge. In short, and good nights, and so leaves him with a trusty J of ale by his bed-side, that if he waked in the 2ht he might have something to refresh his concence and thirst at once, D. Well said, John.

all the low lands in Northumberland suffered by it; twenty-four mills, upon strict examination, were found to be overwhelmed by this sudden inundation, besides cottages and hay-ricks numberless. This old woman, conscious of her own J. By that time the priest had rigged himself deceit and hypocrisy, has not dared to show her and was come down into the parlour, our ancient head among her neighbours since this fatal accimatron had tossed up a nice breakfast, out of the dent. All true catholics rejoice at the just disremainder of the capons, which, being highly sea-pensation of heaven's tavours, and so my story Ded, proved a very effectually shoeing-horn for concludes. the other bumper. And now, with tears in her eyes, she began the same story as her neighbour had done, lamenting the horrid ingratitude of the tines, that so learned and devout a man as he Could want a shirt; to prevent which, for the ture, as far as it lay within her small capacity, We made bold to make him a small present of a Guzen ells of her best linen cloth.

D. Come, John, there's something to make you amends for the pains you have taken. (John bows and quits the room.) Well, father, what's your opinion now of this miracle?

P. Out of respect to your grace, I was content to sit out the whole story; though I guessed at first whereabouts it would end. But since your grace is pleased to demand my opinion, all I can