THE LAUGHING PHILOSOpher. enjoyed the ineffable pleasure of being for ever | A point that's keenly mooted still, pestered by visitors, who cared nothing about But certain 'tis that Mrs. Gill them; of being squeezed, and smothered, and par-Told Mrs. Grab she reckoned ten:boiled at nightly balls, and evening tea-parties; Fat Mrs. Hobbs came second-then they were allowed the privilege of forgetting the Came Mesdames Jinkins, Dump, and Spriggins, very few old friends they once possessed; they Tapps, Jacks, Briggs, Hoggins, Crump, and tarted their noses up in the wind at every thing that was not genteel; and their superb manuers Wiggins. and sublime affectation at length left it no longer a matter of doubt that the Giblets were perfectly a ise style. THE BACKBITER. No, Varus hates a thing that's base,- But scorns to do't behind their back. HINT TO TRAVELLERS. Upon a black board, besprinkled with white tea, and hung up in a public-house, in England, is the following inscription:-" This monument is erected to the memory of Trust, who was some time ago cruelly put to death by Credit; a fellow who is prowling about the country plotting the ruin of all publicans." MRS. DOBBS AT HOME. The common chat of gossips when they meet." He who knows Hackney, needs must know Of Shoreditch Road, and when there blows And heads were popp'd from every casement, Some magnified them to eleven, Wade others swore there were but seven; Dizen'd in all her best array, As the souchong repast proceeded, To stuff as heartily as she did. Psha now, you're only making game, Stop Mrs. Jenkins, let me stir it, Lauk! Mrs. Dump, that toast seems dry, And a fine price 1 paid for it.— I give folks plenty when I ax e'm, A charming garden, Mrs. Dobbs, smalls is all that we hang outFell, that's a luxury no doubt. Mrs. Tapps, do only look, he more--you must-the pot has stood, re's Mrs. Spriggin's in the garden; on think her shawl, ma'am, 's really Injy? ard love you! no;-well, give anc clothes a's plain and good ma'am, not like those. ugh not so tawdry, Mrs. Jacks, 60 put clean things 'pon our backs. Housekeeping is dear,—perhaps deal, ma'am, still with William Tapps.-we know who's got to pay, a butchers drive their one-horse chay; I pay nine for rumps.—At most pay but eight for boil'd and roast, get our rumps from Leadenhall Seven, taking shins and all. seat is monstrous dear all round; drippings bring a groat a pound. on swift wing the moments flew, it was time to say adieu; es each prepared to waddle back 'd with a sip of Cogniac, was with Mrs Dobbs a law, e'er the night was cold or raw. brellas, pattens, lanterns, clogs, e sought-away the party jogs; And silent solitude again O'er Prospect-Row resumed its reign, Just as the watchman crawl'd in sight, To cry-- Past ten-a cloudy night." ROYAL TASTE. The person of one of the mistresses of the second George, Madam Kilmausegge (afterwards Countess of Darlington)-is thus described by Horace Walpole; "Lady Darlington, whom I saw at my mother's in my infancy, and whom I remember by being terrified at her enormous figure, was as corpulent and ample as the Duchess of Kendal|(another of the royal mistresses)-was long and emaciated. Two fierce black eyes, large and rolling, beneath two lofty arched eyebrows, two acres of cheeks spread with crimson, an ocean of neck that overfowed and was not distinguished from the lower part of her body, and no part restrained by stays,-no wonder that a child dreaded such an ogress, and that the mob of London were highly diverted at the importation of so uncommon a seraglio!-One of the German ladies being abused by the mob, was said to have put her head out of the coach, and cried in bad English, Good people, why you abuse us? We came for all your goods."-" Yes, damn ye!" answered a fellow in the crowd, "and for all our chattels too." THE END OF THE WORLD. One day, the rocks from top to toe shall quiver, And then the CHIEF CHIEF-JUSTICE, venging | crowd. I believe the church has as much capacity wrath (Which he already often threaten'd hath), Shall make a bon-fire of this mighty ball, As once he made it a vast ocean all. SWIFT UPON BURNET. In the Lansdown library, there is a copy of "Burnet's History of his Own Times," filled with remarks on the margin in the hand-writing of Swift. Burnet, it is well known, was no favourite with the Dean. We select a few specimens: Preface, p. 3. Burne!. “Indeed, the peevishness, the ill-nature, and the ambition of many clergymen, have sharpened my spirits perhaps too much against them; so I warn my readers to take all that I say on those heads with some grains of allowance."-Swift. "I will take his warning." P. 28. Burnet. "The Earl of Argyle was a more solemn sort of man, grave and sober, and free of all scandalous vices."-Swift. "As a man is free of a corporation, he means." as the minister." P. 163. Burnet. (Speaking of Paradise Lost.) "It was esteemed the beautifulest and perfectest poem that ever was writ, at least in our language." -Swift. "A mistake! for it is in English P. 169. Burnet. "Patrick was esteemed a great preacher, ** but a little too severe against those who differed from him. He became afterwards more moderate."-Swift. Yes, for ha turned a rank whig.” P. 263. Burnet. "And yet, after all, bel (King Charles II.) never treated her (Nell Gwyn) with the decencies of a mistress."-Swift." Pray what decencies are those?'' P. 327. Burnet. "It seems the French made no great account of their prisoners, for they released 25,000 Dutch for 50,000 crowns."-Swift. "What! ten shillings a-piece! By much too dear for a Dutchman. P. 483. Burnet. "I laid open the cruelties of the church of Rome in Queen Mary's time, P. 49. Burnet. "I will not enter farther which were not then known; and I aggravated, into the military part; for I remember an advice though very truly, the danger of falling under the of Marshal Schomberg, never to meddle in mili-power of that religion."-Swift. "A Bull." tary matters. His observation was, Some af- P. 525. Burnet. "Home was convicted on fected to relate those affairs in all the terms of the credit of one evidence. Applications, 'tis war, in which they committed great errors, that true, were made to the Duke of York for saving exposed them to the scorn of all commanders, his life; but he was not born under a pardoning who must despise relations that pretend to exact-planet."-Swift. "Silly fop." ness, when there were blunders in every part of P. 586. Burnet. "Baillie suffered several them.'"-Swift. "Very foolish advice, for sol- hardships and fines, for being supposed to be in diers cannot write." the Rye-house plot; yet during this he seemed se composed, and even so cheerful, that his behaviour looked like the revival of the spirit of the noblest Greeks and Romans."-Swift. "Take notice, he was our cousin." P. 5. Burnet. "Upon the King's death, the Scots proclaimed his son King, and sent over Sir George Wincan, that married my great aunt, to treat with him while he was in the Isle of Jersey." -Swift. "Was that the reason why he was sent?" P. 63. Burnet. (Speaking of the Scotch preachers in the time of the civil wars.) "The crowds were far beyond the capacity of their churches or the reach of their voices."-Swift. "And the preaching beyond the capacity of the Vol. II. p. 669. Burnet. (Speaking of the progress of his own life.) "The pleasures of sense I did soon nauseate.”—Swift.Not so soo with the wine of some elections." P. 727. Burnet. "I come now to the year 1688, which proved memorable, and produced a extraordinary and unheard of revolution.”—Swift. loves, "The unheard-of! Sure all Europe heard of it." | Tho' friendly to peace, yet French cannon he P. 799. Burnet. "When I heard of the acent of King James's flight, I was affected with this dismal reverse of fortune in a great Prince, more than I think fit to express."—Swift. "Or than I will believe." P. 816. Burnet. "It was proposed that the birth of the pretended Prince might be inquired into, and he was ordered to gather together all the presumptive proofs that were formerly mentioned; it is true these did not amount to a full and legal proof; yet they seemed to be such violent presumptions, that when they were all laid together, they were more convincing than plain and downright evidence, for that was liable to the suspicion of subornation, whereas the others seemed to carry on them very convincing characters of truth and conformity."-Swift. Well said, Bishop." PRINTING.-A SONG. When learning and science were both sunk in night, And genius and freedom were banish'd outright, The invention of Printing soon brought all to light: Then carol the praises of Printing, Tho' every composer a galley must have, Then carol, &c. Then carol, &c. Expert in his great and long primer he proves; Tho' no antiquary, he deals much in coins, Then carol, &c. are near, So in all printing chapels do devils appear. Then carol, &c. On the press, truth, religion, and learning depend, Whilst that remains free, slav'ry ne'er gains its end, friend, Then my bodkin in him who is not Printing's And carol the praises of Printing, THE JUDGE BURIED IN HIS OWN CELLAR. One of the judges in King Charles II.'s reign, being in the long vacation, at his country-house, in Holsworth, Suffolk, happened to fall into a deep fit of the hypochondria, insomuch that he fancied himself to be dead; and was so very obstinate under the influence of his whimsical distemper, that he would not be persuaded to stir hand or foot, or receive any sustenance, but by force, till he had brought his body into a very low condi tion. In this stubborn frenzy he lay upon his back, stretched out at his full length, like a corpse, and motionless; neither his physician nor his family knowing what to do with him. Ajside, and having wrapt their master in warm famous High German doctor coming into the town, blankets, laid him into the coffin, put on the lid, attended with fools and rope-dancers, to pick the and pretended to nail him up. They now ordered country people's pockets of a little money, hearing the great bell of the church to be tolled, that he of so eminent a person under this unaccountable might think they were bearing him to his grave; indisposition, took an occasion, the first time that instead of which, they carried him into his own he mounted his public theatre, to mention this wine-cellar, where they set a person to watch him matter to his country chubs, telling them their till a good supper was prepared; in the interia country physicians were all fools, and that the the doctor ordered his lady and her servants to judge was only troubled with the mulligrubs; and disguise themselves in winding-sheets, to represent that if his lady would send for him he would ghosts or spirits, the doctor making one of the undertake to bring him to his speech, set him upon party. When they were thus equipped, the doctor his legs, make him walk, talk, eat, drink, or do led the van of these hobgoblins, and went into any thing in four and twenty hours time, or else the cellar, where they altered their voices, and fel he would desire nothing for his trouble. This into a merry, extravagant chat, concerning the large promise of the mountebank was scon com-affairs of the upper world, rattling the bottles municated to the judge's lady, who sent immedi-and the glasses, extolling their happiness after ately for the Dutch tooth-drawer, to consult him death, and drinking to the remembrance of these about the matter; who told her positively he friends they had left behind. In a short time supcould soon cure him if she would promise a hun-per was laid, and they fell to with seeming jollity ( dred guineas reward, provided he had leave, with- as they were thus merrily eating and carousing, out interruption, to do as he should see fit. Both What's the matter, (says the doctor,) with that parties being agreed, the doctor sent his man for melancholy ghost, that he does not rise out of his a joiner and a coffin. When every thing was in coffin? He has been amongst us this fortnigh', order, the doctor and the lady entered the room and has not yet given us any of his company; where the body lay. No sooner had the doctor surely he is sadly tired of his journey out of the cast an eye upon his sullen patient, than he cried other world, for he has a long sleep after it? out to the lady, "Lord, madam, what makes you prithee wake him, and ask him to eat with us." send for a physician to a dead man; for shame, One of the inost frightful of the spectres, with a keep him not above ground any longer. Upon my taper in his hand, now opened the lid of the word, madam, he has been dead so long that if you collin, and bawled in his ears, Mag-Dagnum do not bury him quickly, the scent of his corpse Huggle-Duggle, deputy-governor of the lower will breed a plague.""I have had a coffin in regions, desires your company to supper with the house for some time, (replied the lady,) but him." Upon which he raised his head to the edge was loth to have him buried too soon."-" By all of the coffin, and beholding so many hideous means, (said the doctor,) let it be brought in, and figures feeding heartily," Pray, (said he,) do order him to be nailed up immediately."-" Pray, dead men cat?”—“ Aye, and drink too, (said the doctor, (said the lady,) do you stay a little in the doctor,) or how should they live?"—" Then, (said room, for fear the rats should disfigure the corpse, the judge,) if eating be the custom of this coun and I will step and order some of my servants to try, I will make my resurrection, and pick a bit bring in the coffin presently." The patient beard with you." They now conducted him to a seat all this, but was still too much amused to break at the table." Truly, (said he,) I am very glad silence, the lady came accordingly, and the ser- to find that dead men live so merrily."-" Well vants with the coffin, who set it down by the bed-may we live so merrily, (said the doctor,) for we |